Confessions Of A Vampire

by Donna Haley

  Confessions

  of a

  Vampire

  Donna Haley

  Many thank yous to my editor, the fabulous Cheryl Bories for all the time and hard work that went into making this book ready for readers.

  This work of love is dedicated to my children, Trey and Siena. Without them I’d never have had the courage to follow my dreams.

  To S, the man that inspired the love affair between Sun and Severus, I owe you, babe. You’ve given me the most amazing two years of creativity and challenges. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

  To Amber and Jenn, for always believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself!

  To Mark Pitts, for being a friend and encouraging me to follow a dream.

  To Amanda, my best friend and my greatest supporter. This one’s for you!

  And to Black Veil Brides, for giving me music that inspired me to never give up, even when I didn’t think I could do this!

  Chapter One

  I leaned down and stroked the cheek of a beautiful dark haired little girl, her smile replacing tears that had just been flowing, before turning back to the man that sat across from me. He seemed so out of place here in this lavish sitting room and yet I felt compelled to tell him everything he wanted to know.

  Sending my daughter, the youngest of three, on her way with a kiss and a cookie that I materialized out of thin air, I took my spot on the chair directly across from him and watched him for a moment before speaking.

  “So, you wish to know about my life?”

  Nervously he nodded, not daring to look me in the eye. Most mortals seem intimidated by me, though for the life of me I can't quite figure out why. I'm your typical girl in many ways. Well with the exception of being dead or used to be dead. But I'll explain all of that and how it came to be here in a moment.

  “I suppose I should start at the beginning then. I was born.” My laughter caressed the air around us and he seemed to relax a little as I continued. “Or would ‘Once Upon a Time’ be a better start?”

  His nervous laughter brought a smile to my face but now wasn’t the time for jokes. Shaking my head to push wayward thoughts out, I focused on the task at hand.

  “My name is Sunshine. Sunshine Marie Spencer Severus, to be exact. I was born in London on a cold January night in 1133.”

  I waited for his reaction and smiled when his eyes widened but he didn't show any other signs of surprise.

  “My life was typical and boring the first few years. Not much to talk about. I was the fourth of six children for my mother and father and by far the most rebellious. But that's not what you came to hear, is it?”

  I caught the scent of citrus shampoo as he shook his head. With a quick nod I rested back in my chair and crossed my long pale legs. I could see that he was trying to piece together how someone who looked like me could be what he'd always considered terrifying.

  I knew he was wondering about the tattoos and the pink hair, and at some point I'd cure his curiosity and fill him in, but now was not the time. Now was the time to tell him how I'd come to be what I am.

  Chapter Two

  My voice was devoid of emotion as I began to relive all that had brought me to this point in my life. How I'd come to be was a story worth sharing to some. For me it was nothing more than just another tale to be told.

  The memories came flooding back as I spoke and I could see it all so clearly now. It was as if it had been just last week instead of eight centuries.

  It was the last week of January and my birthday was nearing. I'd be twenty-five that year and that made me an old maid. My mother was constantly on my case about how I was perceived in the small town just outside of London that we lived in. She was always worried about our “good name”. Frankly I didn't give a rat's ass about the Spencer name or what those old biddies at the church thought of me. I was happy with my life the way it was and I wasn’t about to change to fit some mold men had decided we belonged in.

  Instead of learning to sew and sing, I ran the streets with the boys and drank more than my fair share at the local pub. Of course this brought my long suffering mother heartache and disappointment, but like I said, I wasn’t really that interested in what she or anyone else thought of me. It’s a trait I carry to this day. I wasn't your average girl next door type and that probably is what led Kieran to me that night.

  The wealthiest family in town was holding their annual gala and since my father was best friends with the Count, our family was invited. Though I can imagine he advised my father to either leave me at home or instruct me on what was expected behavior at such an event. Not that either would be happening mind you. If I wanted to go, I would go. No one would stop me, especially not my father.

  He'd long given up on me and spent all of his time with my baby sister, Star. I guess I could have resented her for that, but she was my only sister and my best friend. She often helped sneak me home when I was too drunk to walk and she even helped me hide that unfortunate situation I'd gotten myself in a few years back. She was the polar opposite of me, dark where I was pale, voluptuous where I was rail thin. Her beauty was undeniable. Her sun kissed skin set off the curious green eyes that seemed to see into your soul. She was the spitting image of our mother and I suppose that’s why our father favored her. I wanted to hate her, I really did at times.

  But Star knew how to keep her mouth shut and in my book that made her alright with me.

  The night of the gala arrived and it found me attired in my finest dress. As I descended the stairs my mother's gasp of horror echoed through the house. She instantly ordered me back up the stairs with a stern warning.

  “Spencer women do not show that much cleavage, Sunshine; go find something appropriate.”

  I rolled my eyes and stood my ground. There was no way in Hell I was going back up those stairs and I sure wasn't changing out of this gown. I'd spent every dime of my win at last week’s poker game on it and I was wearing it come Hell or high water as the old saying goes.

  Several long minutes passed in silence as my mother and I stood across from each other, neither of us backing down.

  “Let her wear the damn thing, Marie,” my father's voice bellowed from across the foyer. “Everyone knows she's a whore anyway.”

  His words cut through me like a sword. I knew he hated what I’d become but I still sought his approval. Not that I’d ever let him know that. So I shot him a smirk and brushed past my mother, quickly ascending into the carriage and took my place next to Star. She was, of course, dressed modestly and would make our family proud. Rumor had it that the count's son intended to ask for her hand in marriage at any moment and I was honestly happy for her. She was a good girl and deserved to be happy.

  Besides, a wedding would keep them all busy while I did my own thing. It would work out quite well for me.

  We rode the several miles in silence but I knew that my mother was fuming inside. As we arrived, I stared out the window of the carriage taking in the beauty of l the mansion aglow with candles and lanterns as the snow fell softly around it. It was like something out of a book and I was awestruck.

  Taking the offered hand I exited the carriage and rushed past the rest of my family, anxious to see the inside. I was taken aback at how lavish this affair was. The buffet was filled to brimming with food. Venison and beef stood ready to carve, while vegetables steamed in their own dishes. I'd never seen so much food in my entire life and my father hurried to remind me to mind my manners.

  Closing my mouth, I followed quietly behind him as we entered the ballroom. The candles made everything shimmer and everyone seemed to be dressed in their finest attire. I heard the whispers and gasps as I passed, each guest shocked at how I was dressed. I took delight
in their reactions; it was exactly what I’d been hoping for when I had the dress made.

  I'd piled my long blonde hair up and curled tendrils fell to frame my face. I knew I looked better than anyone else there. That's the thing about Spencer women, we were beautiful and we knew it.

  I crossed the cavernous room and found myself at the makeshift bar. Taking a glass of champagne, I stood watching the room. Several boring hours of dancing and conversation later and I was anxious for a little excitement or just an escape and I wandered off to the gardens.

  Forgoing my shawl, I ventured out into the snow, not feeling the cold. Taking the first path I came to, I hurried through the darkness and bumped smack into a tall, muscular man.

  His hands caught my upper arms to keep me from knocking us both over and I smiled up at him with a muttered thank you. As I pulled away, I began to feel that something just wasn't right about him. His grip tightened and I struggled to get away, suddenly afraid. I made myself look up into his face.

  His dark eyes were mesmerizing and I couldn't tear my gaze away. I immediately stopped struggling as he spoke in hushed tones. “Don't be afraid, Little One. I'm going to give you the gift of immortality.”

  His words made no sense to me but I nodded my head as if to agree with him. His head lowered and I felt the bite. That's when I began to fight. I fought with all I had. I wanted to be free of this monster. But my actions were useless; Kieran would have what he wanted.

  As he drained the blood from me, I weakened and grew limp. I knew that I was dying and for some strange reason, I was okay with it. I heard my own heartbeat slowing and everything became fuzzy around the edges. It wasn't long before the darkness took over and I felt nothing.

  Three days later I awoke to smothering darkness. I could feel the dank earth around me and I started to panic. Clawing my way out, I wondered if I were dead or if this was just some horrible nightmare from which I couldn’t awaken. As I reached the night air, I saw my maker, his amber eyes filled with boredom and I knew that this was indeed a nightmare, but not the kind I’d ever wake from. He was leaning against a tree with that smirk I would come to hate plastered to his face.

  My tears ran freely down my face and he reached out an icy hand and wiped them. I screamed when I saw the blood on his fingertips. I knew at once it was my blood and I screamed again.

  With a finger to my lips he silenced me and began to tell me of the gift he'd given me. He told me of how I was now immortal and that I would find my strength soon. Kieran was quick to inform me that, as my maker, he owned me. If he wished for something, I would freely give it. He talked of how we would hunt the humans around us in order to survive and I could do nothing but nod. The hunger overwhelmed me and I wanted nothing more than to satiate it. As he rambled on about how I would be the lure to get them to our camp so that we could feed, I could only think of one thing.

  My voice shook with a fear I'd never known when I asked him the only thing I needed to know.

  “What am I?”

  His laughter filled the night and he shook his head.

  “You're a vampire, Sunshine. A cold blooded killer.”

  Chapter Three

  I'd been so lost in the memory that I'd almost forgotten the young man was here until he cleared his throat. Raising a brow I tilted my head and waited for him to speak.

  “So he just killed you? What about your family?”

  I could tell he was genuinely curious and I smiled reassuringly at him before speaking again.

  “Well, yes, he just killed me, sort of. My family thought I'd run off with some drunk. It wasn't a far stretch to come to that conclusion. I don't blame them for not looking harder or questioning things. It was most likely easier on them with me gone.”

  My sigh was deep and I looked away to hide the tears that threatened to fall. Even now it still stung that they were better off without me in their lives. I'd loved them, despite everything that I'd done. They were my family after all.

  “Did you ever get to see them again?” he asked with curiosity.

  I nodded. “Yes, but not for some time after that; it was too dangerous for them at that time. I was a killer and it was very difficult for me to control my blood lust when I was hungry. Every new vampire goes through a period where they’re uncontrollable and it’s often better if their human families think them dead or a runaway. It wasn’t as if I could just return to life as normal. I wasn’t normal any more. ”

  “So, Kieran, your maker, helped you learn to become a killer?”

  I inhaled and held the breath as it all came rushing back. My voice shook with the emotion of what had happened to me back then as I told this human about those nights spent with Kieran.

  Those first few nights were literally Hell for me. The hunger I felt was overwhelming and I couldn't control it. I needed blood and Kieran was only too happy to teach me the art of hunting. He'd explained that we had to be careful in how we found our meals. Back then it wasn't easy to sleep all day and only be seen at night. We couldn't stay in one place very long, so we moved around a lot. We were always the strangers just passing through and we always had an elaborate ruse in place to keep suspicion off of us as much as possible. I was adept at lying, so this wasn’t a stretch for me.

  We soon had a routine in place. Kieran liked to hunt first and then we could play, as he called it. Every evening started the same. We'd rise, often from the Earth if we couldn’t find suitable accommodations, and set out in search of our meal. We often dined on campers we'd find in the woods or weak men who'd happened to cross our path. It was easy to kill those that no one would really miss. We tried to draw as little attention to ourselves as possible.

  Feeding was all I could think of those first few weeks. Kieran on the other hand had other ideas. Sex was always on his mind. I wasn't a virgin or a prude by any means and Kieran was easy on the eyes. Falling into his bed was almost as natural as breathing used to be. As my maker, he could have commanded me to sleep with him, but there was no need for that. He was exactly my type. His dark hair hung to his shoulders and he tied it back with a leather thong. His amber eyes held intelligence and authority in them. Standing six foot three, Kieran Blood towered over most men and certainly over little women like me. He could be intimidating and I found that sexy as hell.

  Several nights passed and we'd fallen into a routine of kill, fuck, kill some more and repeat until the sun arose or until we lay exhausted. I was learning that this life wasn't so bad, if you could call our existence living.

  Kieran was attentive and helpful. At first, that is. Then as I started to gain strength and knowledge, he became more and more possessive. My job had always been to get our meals back to our room or camp and he'd never had a problem with me seducing the prey before. But one night, as I was making my rounds at all the local bars, something snapped inside of my maker and from that moment forth he became someone I longed to get away from. I dreaded the hunt with him and I think he actually took pleasure in knowing that he scared me. As he spiraled into madness, I learned that my only hope was getting away from him.

  It wasn't long after that the beatings started and I began to plot my escape. Leaving one's maker isn't as easy as one would think and I learned the hard way that I couldn’t just up and leave without repercussions. He could call me back to him at any time and I couldn't resist his commands. But I tried more than once.

  The first time I tried to escape him didn't go quite as I'd planned. I'd been with him a little over a year and I'd had enough. The nightly abuse and his unreasonable and irrational demands had taken a toll on my sanity and I just wanted out. The plan was amazing, or so I thought. I'd waited until he was in downtime for the day and arranged for a young virgin to be brought to him from the local orphanage. Virgin blood was a rare treat, even in those days, and I knew he wouldn't be able to resist.

  While he was otherwise engaged, I gathered the bag I'd thrown together and ran. I don't know why I thought I could get away or even what had possessed me to
just run but I didn't make it far. Two days passed and I felt the pull. One I was unable to resist. My body betrayed me and made its way back to Kieran.

  I paid a high price for that first attempt. Kieran beat me and threatened to destroy me. He seemed quite intent on it until I begged him to just do it. I no longer wanted this existence if I had to spend it with him.

  As soon as the words passed my lips I knew that they were a mistake. His eyes lit up and I knew that he'd never bring true death to me. I was once more at the mercy of my maker.

  The words died on my tongue and I didn't realize I was crying until I felt his worry. Looking up I saw the concern etched clearly on my husband’s face and smiled trying to alleviate some of it. Without a single thought to the young man that sat watching us, I stood and crossed the room.

  Severus wrapped his arms around me pressing a tender kiss to my forehead and I felt safe again. My words were a whisper as I tried to reassure him that I was okay.