Pieces of Me

by Laura Farr

Reaching my fingers to my face, I brush my cheek, my skin still tingling from his touch. Taking a deep breath, I grab a cloth from the counter and quickly wipe the wet floor. Picking up the garlic bread that Cooper tossed as he caught me, I place it on the counter. I can’t stop myself from wondering what might have happened if Bella hadn’t caught us. The look of horror on Cooper’s face when he realized that Bella had seen us is etched into my memory. He couldn’t get away from me quickly enough, and that hurts more than I like to admit.

  Dinner is a little strained. As hard as I try, I can’t make eye contact with Cooper. Fortunately, thanks to Bella, there are no awkward silences. She chats non-stop about her preschool and how Cooper has promised her ice cream at the parlor in Oceanside tomorrow.

  After we’ve eaten, I clean up the kitchen, loading the dishwasher, while Cooper bathes Bella before getting her ready for bed. When they come downstairs, I say goodnight to Bella, who throws her arms around my neck and makes me promise that I’ll see her tomorrow. I nod, whispering goodbye to Cooper and heading outside before he has a chance to reply. I can only hope that things won’t be as awkward when I see him next.

  Cooper

  It’s been a week since I almost kissed Lexi in the kitchen, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about her. What makes it worse is that I’ve hardly seen her since then. On the days she doesn’t have Bella, she starts work after I leave for preschool, and she’s finished before we get home. I see her briefly on the other days, but as soon as I’m back from work, she heads to her apartment and stays there. I fucking hate it.

  It’s my fault. I get that. When Bella caught us in the kitchen, I panicked. She’s never seen me with a woman, apart from my mom and Mads. I had no idea how to deal with that. If she had walked in a few minutes later, I’m almost certain I’d have been kissing Lexi. As much as I want to kiss her, I’m not sure I should. Instead of talking to her, I pretty much ran off and ignored what happened. I could feel something building between us. I’ve felt it for a while. If what happened last week was anything to go by, I know I can’t ignore it forever. I hurt her, and I hate myself for that.

  It’s lunchtime, and to get out of the office, and out of my head, I offer to do the lunch run. I park outside the bakery and groan as I see people lined up out the door. Climbing out of the truck, I walk over and join the end of the line. This is the best place in town, so I should have known it would be busy. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I open up Facebook and scroll through my newsfeed as I wait. I pause as a picture of Bella and Lexi fills my screen. They’re at the park, lying on the round rope swing. Lexi has her arm around Bella and they are both grinning into the camera. My relationship might suck with Lexi at the moment, but Bella adores her, and from what I can see, Lexi feels the same.

  Needing to sort out the mess I’ve made, I fire off a message to Lexi, hoping a little white lie won’t hurt if it manages to fix everything.

  Me: Hi, Lexi. I’m going to struggle to collect Bella today. Would you be able to pick her up for me?

  I slip my phone back into my pocket as I finally reach the front of the line. Ordering what everyone wants, I pay and head back to the office. I’ve not heard back from Lexi, but there are a couple of hours before Bella needs to be picked up. I guess she’s busy at home.

  Half an hour later, my stomach is churning as I wait for Lexi to reply. I’ve hardly touched my sandwich, and I’ve checked my phone about twenty times. Alex has noticed. He keeps looking over and smirking every time I pick it up. I ignore him and attempt to get some work done, but I’m distracted. Suddenly, my phone vibrates on the desk and I snatch it up, grinning when I see a message from Lexi.

  Lexi: Sure. I’ll pick her up.

  Her reply is short and to the point, but it will get her where I need her to be.

  Me: Thanks. I’ll be home as soon as I can.

  She doesn’t reply, and I’m a little disappointed. This is probably the most we’ve spoken in a week.

  “She finally replied then?” Alex asks from his desk opposite mine.

  “What?” I feign ignorance and pretend I’m sending an email.

  “You’ve been watching that phone for the last thirty minutes, Coop. I take it you’ve finally got your head out of your ass?”

  “What the fuck?! What does that mean?”

  “Girls talk, dude. That’s all I’m saying.”

  Shit, Lexi must have told Maddie what happened last week, and Maddie must have told Alex.

  “Lexi’s spoken to Maddie?” He nods. “What did she say?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know the details. Just that something happened and you acted like a jerk.” He pauses. “What happened, Coop? You like her, don’t you?”

  I groan and drop my head onto the desk. “Lexi thinks I’m a jerk?”

  “Nah. I think that was Maddie’s turn of phrase.”

  “I am a jerk.” He doesn’t say anything, and when I lift my head, he’s watching me. “Yeah, I like her, but…” I trail off and shake my head. “How can I move on?” I say quietly.

  “You don’t have to forget Emme, Coop.” He pauses and gives me a sad smile. “But she’s gone, and you’re still here. You deserve to be happy again.”

  I nod, knowing he’s right. I want to be happy, I just don’t know if I can. To let Lexi in, I have to give up pieces of me, pieces that belong to Emerson. Can I do that for Lexi? I have no idea, but I think I want to try.

  “Talk to her, man. She likes you. That much I do know. She’s had a tough few months, though, Cooper. For her sake, be sure she’s what you want.” I nod, knowing he’s talking about her previous relationship. “Go home, sort it out.”

  “Thanks, Alex.” I throw him a grateful smile as I grab my phone and head for the door. “See you over the weekend?” We’ve arranged a beach day on Saturday with him and Maddie. I’m hoping I can sort things with Lexi so she’ll be coming, too.

  “See you both on Saturday.” He smiles. I love his optimism. I hope he’s right.

  The journey home seems to take forever, when in reality it’s less than a ten-minute drive. Pulling into the driveway, I take a deep breath before climbing out of the truck. I’ve no idea what I’m going to say to her, but before we try to take things further, I want our friendship back.

  Walking around the side of the house, Bailey greets me in the back yard. I fuss over him before heading into the kitchen through the open doors. Lexi’s nowhere to be seen, but I can hear music coming from the second floor. Jogging up the stairs, I call out her name as I go. When I get no reply, I follow the music, which is coming from the direction of my bedroom. My room is empty, but the bathroom door is open. I stop and smile as I watch her dance around the room, pink rubber gloves on her hands. Even though she is cleaning my bathroom, she’s never looked more beautiful. Her hair is piled on top of her head and she’s wearing shorts and a tank. As she spins around, she catches sight of me in the doorway. Her hand flies to her chest before her cheeks flush with heat.

  “Cooper! You made me jump. What are you doing here?” she shouts over the music. She pulls the rubber gloves off and reaches for her phone, silencing the song that’s currently playing.

  “I managed to get out of work sooner than I thought.”

  She nods, sliding her gloves back on.

  “You don’t need me to collect Bella then?” she asks, her eyes falling from mine. I can tell she’s uncomfortable and know it’s my fault.

  “Actually, I thought you could come with me.? Maybe we could all go for pizza after?”

  She looks up at me, her face full of surprise. “Oh, erm… I don’t know. Maybe you should just go with Bella.” She turns her back on me and kneels at the side of the tub, turning the faucet on. I walk behind her and reach down, turning it off.

  “Can I talk to you, Lexi?”

  She looks over her shoulder at me and nods. “Okay.” She stands up and removes her gloves again. While she washes her hands, I move out of the bathroom and sit on the edge
of my bed. She comes out a few minutes later and stands awkwardly in the middle of the room.

  “Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” She wrings her hands in front of her, and it occurs to me that she thinks I’m not happy with her work.

  “No, Lexi. Nothing’s wrong. Sit down.” I pat the bed next to me. She sits down, a noticeable distance between us. “I need to apologize,” I begin.

  “What for?” She turns slightly on the bed, her body facing mine.

  “For last week. For being an asshole.”

  Her face flushes as she plays with the edge of her tank. “You don’t need to apologize for anything, Cooper. Nothing happened.”

  “No, it didn’t. That doesn’t mean I didn’t want it to.” Nerves swirl in my stomach as I watch her eyes flick to mine, surprise evident on her face. I drag my hand through my hair. “I like you, Lex, but I panicked when Bella walked in on us. She’s never seen me with anyone. I didn’t know what to do, so I ignored what happened. I’ve been an idiot. I’m sorry.”

  She bites down on her lip. “I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t know what to say. I like you, too.” she whispers.

  Relief courses through me. I move closer to her, taking her hand in mine.

  “I’m not going to lie. I don’t know how to do this. There hasn’t been anyone since Emerson, and I’m not sure how to let go. Maybe we can take things slowly.”

  “Slow is good.” She smiles shyly at me and I smile back. “I would never want to replace Emerson, Cooper. She’s always going to have a piece of you, and she deserves that.”

  “You’re amazing. You know that?” She drops her eyes, her cheeks flushing. I can see she’s embarrassed, and I change the subject. “So, you’ll come for pizza then?” She nods. “I miss you, Lex. I didn’t realize how much I liked being around you until I wasn’t.”

  “I miss you, too.”

  “How about a movie tonight?”

  “That sounds good. Not a horror, though.”

  “Ahh, that’s a shame. I was hoping you would cuddle up to me again,” I say playfully.

  “How about I cuddle up to you regardless of what we watch?”

  “That would work…” I stroke the skin on the back of her hand with my thumb and watch as goose bumps erupt up her arm.

  “I better finish the bathroom,” she says quietly. “My boss is a tyrant, you know.” She chuckles and stands up, her hand reluctantly falling from mine.

  “Leave it. It’ll wait. Let’s have a drink in the back yard. We’ve got a bit of time before we have to pick up Bella.” She smiles at me and nods. Standing up, I reach for her hand again and lead her downstairs. I grab two cans of soda from the refrigerator before we head outside.

  Bailey greets us as we walk around the pool to the daybed, and Lexi bends down to fuss over him. Sitting down, I place the sodas on the small table and watch her as she plays with him. Smiling to myself, I can’t help thinking even the dog wants her attention. I can’t say I blame him. As she walks toward me, I hold out my hand. When she slips her hand into mine, I pull her down onto my lap. She squeals as she falls on top of me, her other hand pressing against my chest.

  “Can I take you out tomorrow night if Maddie will watch Bella?”

  She nods and her cheeks flush pink. My hand cups her face and I gently tilt her head until she is looking at me. Dropping my eyes to her lips, I’m desperate to kiss her. It feels like this moment has been building between us for weeks, and even if I wanted to stop it, I’m powerless to. My thumb caresses her cheek and I lean in. My eyes find hers a second before our lips touch. The kiss starts off soft, and she moves on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. Her legs straddle mine, and I feel her fingers tugging on the hair at the base of my neck as she deepens the kiss.

  Her tongue snakes into my mouth and I moan as I feel it stroke against mine. Tracing my hands up her back, my fingers go into her hair, releasing her hair tie. It’s like I’ve waited forever to kiss her, and now that I am, I don’t ever want to stop.

  After a few minutes, I pull my lips from hers. She whimpers as I kiss around her jaw and down her neck. My teeth nip at her neck and she moans, her head moving to the side to give me better access. She grinds her hips against mine and gasps as she feels my erection through her thin shorts. She rocks against me and I kiss my way back up her neck, my lips finding hers again in a passionate kiss. Pulling away, Lexi rests her forehead on mine. Her breathing is erratic, her cheeks flushed.

  “Cooper,” she whispers, and I nod, brushing my lips against hers.

  “I know, Lex. I know I said slow, but now that I’ve kissed you…” I capture her lips again, and it’s as if I can’t get enough of her. “God, I can’t stop.” We kiss again until we’re both panting, and this time, it’s me who pulls away. “We need to get, Bella.”

  She nods and climbs off my lap, straightening her top. Her lips are swollen from our kisses, and her hair is tousled from where my hands have been. She sees me watching her and brings her hand to cover her mouth.

  “Do I have something on my face?” she asks shyly. I smile and shake my head as I stand up off the daybed. Reaching for her hand, I gently pull it away from her face.

  “You look thoroughly kissed.” I move closer toward her and wrap her in my arms. “Beautiful,” I whisper, kissing her hair. “Come on. Let’s go.” I drop my arms and reach for her hand, linking her fingers with mine. After locking up, we climb into the truck and head for Bella’s preschool. As we drive, Lexi pulls the visor down to look into the mirror. Running her fingers through her hair, she removes the hair tie from around her wrist and piles her hair on top of her head in a messy bun.

  “What happens when we pick up Bella?” she asks quietly.

  I look across the cab at her and frown. “What do you mean?”

  She turns in her seat so that her body is facing me. “How should I be around you? Should we wait and see how things go before she sees us kissing or holding hands?”

  I drag my hand through my hair and sigh. I have no idea how I should be dealing with this. It makes sense that Lexi and I figure out what’s happening between us before Bella is aware, but I want Lexi to be okay with it, too.

  “Yeah, maybe. Is that okay?”

  “Of course.” She reaches across and takes my hand. “I’ll try to keep my hands off you.” She winks, and I can’t help but laugh as I pull into the parking lot of Bella’s preschool.

  Climbing out of the truck, we walk side by side to Bella’s classroom. When she comes through the door, she runs straight toward us, flinging her arms around my legs. I bend down and scoop her up.

  “Hey, princess. Did you have a good day?” She nods and smiles at Lexi. “Do you want to go for pizza?”

  “Are you coming, Lexi?” she asks.

  “I am, pudding. Is that okay?” She grins and nods. I feel guilty, knowing Bella has missed her this past week. She’s asked a couple of times why Lexi hasn’t eaten dinner with us or put her to bed.

  “Come on. Maybe we can visit the dessert shop afterward, as well,” I tell her as I put her down.

  “Yay!” Bella cries, grabbing Lexi’s hand. “I love it there.”

  “I didn’t know there was a dessert shop in Oceanside?” Lexi asks.

  “It’s fairly new. Bella’s favorite is the Oreo cake.”

  “Mmm… That sounds like it might be my favorite, too.”

  “You’ll love it, Lexi. It’s the best!” Bella tells her excitedly as she reaches for my hand, walking between both of us.

  “Swing me!” she cries as she lifts her legs.

  Picking her up, we swing her high in the air. She squeals with laughter, her feet lifting again as soon as she is back on the ground. I watch Lexi out of the corner of my eye. I hope whatever this is between us works out. If it doesn’t and she leaves, Bella will be crushed.

  Lexi

  I can’t help grinning like an idiot as Cooper drives from Bella’s preschool into Oceanside. It’s a stark contrast to how I felt
this past week. After Bella had walked in on Cooper and me in the kitchen, I pretty much avoided him as much as I could. It was clear that he felt uncomfortable and that was the last thing I wanted. I did think about speaking to him, and once or twice I almost plucked up the courage, but I didn’t want to make things worse. I was desperate for things to just go back to how they were. As the days passed, we seemed to drift further and further apart, making getting back to how we were less and less likely.

  When Cooper came home early today and wanted to talk, I was sure he was going to ask me to leave. I wouldn’t have blamed him. Things had become unbearable between us. Living in each other’s pockets like we were would never work if we couldn’t sort things out. The last thing I expected him to say was that he liked me and wanted to see if we could be together. Emerson is still a huge part of his life and moving on is going to be hard for him, but I am prepared to wait. He’s worth it.

  I glance across at him, my eyes dropping to his tanned forearms. I loved the feeling of being wrapped in those strong arms as he kissed me on the daybed. He said he wanted to take things slowly, but the way he kissed me said otherwise. I won’t push him. I am happy to let him control how fast things go. I can’t deny that I want to kiss him again, though. He has completely consumed me, making me realize that all kisses that came before his had been wholly inadequate. I’m still staring at his forearms when I hear him clear his throat. Meeting his eyes, I feel my cheeks flush as he catches me watching him.

  “You okay?” he asks quietly. I nod and smile. He winks and looks in his rear-view mirror. Bella asked to play on my phone while we drive into town, and seeing she is preoccupied with whatever game she is playing, he reaches across the cab and takes my hand. His thumb circles the skin on the back of it and he squeezes gently before dropping it and placing his hand back on the steering wheel.

  “Lexi, you’ve got a message.” Bella says from the back seat.