by Hilary Wynne
I’m already drifting off when I hear his whispered words, “Sí, mi amor. In sickness and in health.”
Chapter 13
The night is kind to me, and to the best of my knowledge, I don’t wake up at all. When the alarm goes off at eight, I wake to find the bed empty. I’m still a little weak, but feel pretty much back to normal, which is great seeing as I have to go to work. I wish I had another day to rest, but I don’t like missing work so I don’t call in sick.
I find a well-rested looking Julian in the kitchen. I can’t stomach coffee yet so I make some toast and join him at the island. He’s working and on the phone. Life is back to its normal routine. He kisses me on the forehead, pulls the phone away for a minute, and asks if I feel better. I nod and give him the thumbs up. He seems very focused on what he’s doing so I finish my toast and go get ready for work. When I come back out forty minutes later, he’s still on the phone. He puts it on mute for a minute.
“I’m on a conference call with Bywater business and I don’t know how long I’m going to be. Are you okay going in by yourself?”
I kiss him on the cheek and smile at him. “Yes. I’m a big girl.”
“You’re coming back here tonight, right?”
“If you want me to.”
Julian shakes his head and rolls his eyes in response to my comment. He doesn’t even dignify it with words. I know he wants me here. I’m not sure why I even said that. I let Julian know I need to go home and get some clothes, and leave him to his work. I’m getting my things together when Julian joins me in the bedroom. He sees I’m packing all of my stuff up and shakes his head. “Why don’t you just leave that all here? You can send it down to get dry-cleaned with my stuff.”
I have those same feelings I always have when Julian suggests I leave my stuff here. My anxiety over making things seem more permanent isn’t stemming from the same place though. Before, I used to worry it was too soon and that things would end. Now I worry when Julian hears about Luke, he’s going to throw my stuff out the door. I push those thoughts aside because the last thing I want to do is get into a discussion with him about it.
“Okay. I’ll leave it all here. And then I’ll bring more and you’ll eventually need to figure out how the both of us can co-exist in your closet. It is big, but you see how much stuff I have, right?”
Julian just chuckles and kisses me on the forehead. “Yes, Corazón. I know what I’m dealing with. I have no doubt we could co-exist here just fine. I’ve been telling you that for months.”
He takes my hand and leads me out of the room. “You need to get going. It’s late and I’m feeling better.” He winks at me and I instantly see where this is going.
“No time for that, Bauer.”
My day is uneventful and I’m thankful for it. It’s pretty slow and I’m fine sitting behind my desk most of the day. Although my appetite isn’t fully back, I grab some lunch with Lauren and fill her in on how my weekend went.
“You puked on him? Oh my God, Lexie? He must really love you.”
I choke on my ice-tea. “I didn’t puke on him, Lauren. I mean, I don’t think I did. I may have puked on his mom, though.” We both laugh, but I don’t share the whole ‘talking through my delirium’ scene. I just can’t analyze another thing. I change the subject and ask her how Friday night went.
“It was so much fun. We had a great time. What did you think of Sean?”
“I thought he was great. He’s very cute too, not your normal type, but cute. And he’s totally into you, which was so obvious.”
“I know, right? He isn’t my normal type. My normal type wants to party with me and have sex with me. Then they want to leave. Sean is different, Lex. He looks a little rough with all of those tats, but he’s seriously the sweetest guy I’ve ever dated. I know it’s early, but he treats me like I matter.”
“So, he doesn’t want to have sex with you?” I’m teasing her. I saw how they were all over each other at Stellar.
Lauren blushes and giggles a little. “Oh, he wants to have sex with me alright; non-stop since Friday. I’m exhausted.”
“Okay, so while I was puking all over my boyfriend’s condo all weekend long, you were getting it on with your new man. I’m jealous.”
That makes her laugh. “Like you have anything to be jealous of. Julian looks at you like he wants to devour you. Always. And I’m sure he does. But seriously, this is the best sex of my life, and I’ve had good sex before.”
Her comment makes me smile and it also makes me think about Luke. She had sex with him. Ugh. So did I. And it was good, and so, so bad. I force the thought out of my brain and refocus on Lauren. She’s so happy and I’m so happy for her.
“Did Danny try to talk to you any more?”
“No. I avoided him and I think he got the message. I caught him staring a few times, but he kept his distance. I saw him and Rafi with some other girls, so I’m sure they didn’t leave alone.”
We chat about the night a little more, and then about work as we head back to The Promenade. We’re getting a break in the heat today so it feels nice to be outside, even at midday. Lauren has an afternoon appointment so she goes back into the building. I have nothing going on so I head out to the oceanside courtyard, find an open seat that looks out to the water, and sit down. I have walked around this property a million times, but rarely sit down and appreciate the view. It’s so pretty. I think about the conversation Julian and I had about feeling at peace when we are by the water. I can’t believe that conversation just happened a few days ago. It seems so far away now. The last week has been so intense. I guess it’s because we’re trying to make up for lost time, and trying to erase the past month and a half. We’ve had a ton of sex and just as many emotional highs and lows. Throw the stomach flu in there and it’s no wonder I’m wiped out.
I’m brought out of my thoughts by the buzzing of my phone coming from my purse. I smile when I see Julian’s beautiful face pop up on my screen.
“Hola, Julian. I was just thinking about you.”
“Hola, sexy girl. Is that so? What were you thinking about?” His voice is playful. He probably thinks I was thinking about sex.
“I was just thinking about how intense last week was. I started it without you and I feel like so much has happened since you came over that night. I’m trying to catch my breath.”
He must hear something in my voice that concerns him. “Catch your breath? Is there something wrong? Aren’t you okay with where we are right now, Lexie?” His tone is no longer playful.
Geez. Why did he just go there so quickly? “Aside from the fact you’re not sitting right next to me at the moment, I’m very happy with where we are. I’m more concerned about you feeling okay with everything. You’ve been a little conflicted this week.”
I had no intention of our conversation going in this direction at all, but here it is. I hold my breath as I wait for his reply. “I don’t have time to get into this conversation right now. I have a staff meeting in five minutes. I was just calling to see what time you thought you’d be back and what you wanted to do for dinner.” Julian’s tone is clipped and I know I have upset him. He doesn’t like it when I question his feelings.
“I’m just going to run home and grab some stuff and come right back. As for dinner, I’m not feeling very hungry still, so I’m okay just having some more of your mom’s soup. It was so good.”
“Bueno. I’ll see you around seven then.”
“Why are you upset, Julian?” I already know the answer.
I hear the sigh on the other end. “I just wish we could have a conversation that isn’t about analyzing everything. It’s all we do. I just want to be happy and at some point, you need to believe in this.”
Yep. I understand his frustration and desire to have things be less complicated, but everything I said is true. He has been all over the place emotionally and there is still something huge hanging over our heads.
“I’ll see you later, Julian. I love you.”
/> “Hasta luego.” The line goes dead and my declaration of love goes unmatched. He isn’t happy with me.
I think about all of this as I walk back into the building and into my office. Evelyn catches me as I’m about to sit down and lets me know there are some customers in the lobby who need assistance. I’m thankful for the distraction and spend a very productive few hours with them. I think I may get a sale out of this appointment.
By the time I get back to my desk, it’s close to five and I see no reason to stay here any longer. I check in with Diego, who gives me the go ahead to leave. Luckily, there isn’t much traffic tonight and I’m able to get home by five-thirty. When I walk in the door, I’m greeted by teary-eyed Marissa. I’m instantly freaked-out. Something bad has happened.
“What’s wrong?” As emotional as Marissa can be, she still never cries. I feel panicked.
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Then why are you about to cry?”
“Because I’m fucking happy! I just got off the phone with Kevin. He’s coming home, Lex. They are letting him come home early and he’ll be here in two weeks.”
I throw my arms around her and feel tears spring to my own eyes. Wow, what great news. “That’s awesome, Mari. I’m so happy for you guys. I know being apart has sucked.”
We sit down on the couch and she tells me about the phone call. The Army has just revised his orders by a few months. Shannon walks in while we’re talking about it and shares in our excitement. We decide a celebration is in order and break out a bottle of wine. There’s no way I can really drink on my not quite recovered stomach, but I raise a glass in support. I lose track of time and the sound of “I’m sexy and I know it” jolts me back to reality.
“Shit.” I reach down and grab my phone as Marissa and Shannon look on.
“Hey Julian.” I see it’s seven-thirty when I slide my phone open.
“Hola. Just got home and was wondering where you were.” His voice sounds a little cold. Shit! I did that with my stupid comments today.
“I’m still at home. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m here with Marissa and Shannon. Marissa just found out Kevin is coming home in a few weeks and we’re celebrating. I lost track of time.”
“No worries. You had just said you’d be here by seven. Take your time and tell Marissa I’m happy for her.”
“Do you still want me to come over?” As the words come out of my mouth, I mentally kick myself. Why did I just ask that? He didn’t say he didn’t want me to come over. He actually told me to take my time. My guilt and insecurities are rearing their ugly head.
“Did I say I didn’t, Alexa?”
“Nope, you didn’t say that. I’ll see you soon.” I hang up before I say anything else. I turn and look at my friends who are both staring at me.
“What was that about? Is he mad you’re here?” Shannon sounds annoyed.
“God, no. It’s me. I’m projecting. But I don’t want to talk about my drama. This is happy stuff we’re dealing with here.”
Marissa isn’t letting this go. “What are you projecting about? Get it out and tell us so you can move past it. You know what happens when you hold everything in. You spiral and it ends badly. Talk to us, Lex.”
I know she’s right. I get inside my head and go to dark places. It doesn’t ever end well. I spend the next thirty minutes telling them all about my week, my ups and downs with Julian, both physically and emotionally. I tell them about Kelsey and the picture and about getting so sick I was delirious. I tell them about Luke calling Lauren and about how that made me feel. I tell them everything in hopes they can shed some great wisdom on my situation.
They listen and hold back any comments until I’m finished. When I’m done, Marissa says, “You have to tell him about Luke. You can’t wait anymore. It’s tearing you up and making things worse. He loves you. He wants to be with you.”
Shannon nods her head. “I agree with Mari. I don’t know how it’ll all work out, Lex. I hope it’s okay and I know he really loves you. But it’s tearing you apart. You’ve come so far in the last few weeks trying to get back to normal, and this can’t be making that easy. You need to move forward and this is the only thing holding you back.”
After a few more words of encouragement and some tight hugs, I grab my things and head down to the beach. I question my decision to bring anything with me at all considering I might be turning right back around and coming home after I divulge my secret, but I’m trying to be optimistic and I bring enough clothes to last me the week.
I let Marissa and Shannon’s words sink in on my ride back to Julian’s. Even though I know what I have to tell him will hurt him, I can’t avoid it any longer. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a liar, and I feel like me not letting him know this is as bad as me lying about it. I recite the words I plan to say to him tonight. I mouth the words to get some practice. “I slept with Luke.” I feel sick to my stomach as I enter the apartment.
I find Julian sitting outside on his terrace. He’s in a pair of black shorts and nothing else. He turns when I walk out and I can see the droplets of sweat glistening on his taut body. I feel a burst of heat shoot through my core. I take a few steps closer.
“Sorry I’m so late.”
“No worries, I wanted to work out anyway. My body argued with me the whole time, but I needed it. All the stress from work and being sick was weighing on me.”
He doesn’t include me in the things he’s stressed about, which is good. “I still don’t have much energy. I’m impressed.”
Julian walks toward me. Or should I say, he stalks toward me. The way he’s looking at me leaves no question sex is on his mind. “I hope you have some energy because I want you. Now.”
There’s no room for discussion as Julian goes caveman on me, picks me up, and starts walking to his bedroom. I feel the wetness from his body seeping into my dress and moistening my skin. When I bury my face in his neck to inhale his intoxicatingly male scent, my lips slide across his damp skin. Julian moans out loud when my tongue makes contact.
I want to tell him to stop, that we need to talk, but I can’t. I can’t stop. I want this as much as he does. He sets me down in front of his bed so I’m facing the wall and slowly slides the zipper of my dress down. He’s kissing my back with light, soft kisses as he goes, and each one sends a shudder down my spine. When he slides my dress down over my shoulders, his hands skim across my erect nipples and I moan involuntarily. I thought by his demeanor earlier that he would be quicker to get going, but he’s taking his time and making every single move deliberate and sensual. I’m like putty in his strong, soft hands. My bra and panties follow my dress to the floor as Julian slowly undresses me. I try and turn around, but he stops me and whispers, “Your constant questioning of my feelings for you frustrates me. It’s time for you to believe me when I say I want you and that I love you. My words don’t seem to be reaching you, so tonight my actions are going to. I want you to really let go and feel me. I want you to feel me love you. I want you to feel how much I want you. I promise you that I’m exactly where I want to be.”
A shudder wracks my body, and I have to stifle the sob that’s threatening to come out. How am I the lucky one who gets words like that whispered in her ear? How could I possibly have ever walked away from him? I don’t want to think about all this. I just want to feel all the things Julian wants me to feel. I need him to feel them too. I need him to know, with every fiber in his being, that I love him and need him to be my forever. I put my hands on top of his and thread my fingers through his. I lean back into him and exhale.
“Show me.”
Julian turns me around so I’m facing him and places the softest kiss on my lips. Then he kisses my cheeks, my nose, and my chin. He guides me backward and lies me down on his bed and positions himself above me. His lips feel moist and silky as they travel across my body. His hands follow suit. He kisses and touches me everywhere except between my legs. My whole body is filled with wanting and I know Julian can tel
l because I can’t stay quiet. My moans are getting louder and more frequent. His touch is so sensual and teasing. The room is filled with the sounds of my heavy breathing, soft moans, and Julian whispering how much he adores my body. He’s speaking to me completely in Spanish and the words he utters are as much of a turn on as his hands and mouth.
“I want you so much.” My voice comes out in something resembling a whine. I feel desperate for him to be inside of me. I need to feel his body on top of mine, pressing into me, and connecting us together.
“Y te queiro tambien, Corazón. I want you too. I know you can feel it. Tienes que creer.”
As he finishes his sentence, I feel his tongue tracing the inside of my right thigh.
I turn my hips in hopes I can move his mouth to where I crave it most. “I’m a believer. Please, Julian.” I have no shame as I beg him to put his mouth on me.
“Please what, baby? What do you need from me?”
“I want to feel you everywhere. In me, on me.” I’m basically panting right now and feel like I might explode. “Touch me, please.”
“I am touching you. I’ve been touching you. Do you need to cum, sexy girl?”
“Yes, please. Yes. I need to cum. Please.”
I’m out of my head with my desire and need for him to really touch me instead of tease me.
“I’ll give you what you want if you promise me—”
“Promise you what?” I swear I’ll promise I’ll never buy another pair of shoes as long as I live if he would stop talking and start touching me again.
Julian chuckles a little at my impatience, but he isn’t playing games. I look down at him, his head resting on my thigh, inches away from my sex. His expression is serious. “Prométeme. Promise me you believe in us. That you know what you mean to me. That you know you are my fairytale too. No more questions, Lexie. No more doubts.”
His voice is etched with love and sincerity and so much conviction. My God, I love this man. And my God, I want and need this man. “I promise. I know you love me. I feel it.”