by Hilary Wynne
“Thank you.”
Other people are walking up to say their goodbyes so I turn to go back to Julian. Yvette calls out my name as I’m walking away. “Lexie, the next one of these needs to be yours.” Her hands are out, gesturing to the venue and the wedding guests.
I smile sincerely back at her. “I’d toast to that for sure.”
As I make my way back to Julian, I can’t help but feel a little better. It seems like we have a few people rooting for us and that can only help. We need all the good wishes we can get. “What was that about?” I know Julian doesn’t trust Yvette around me because of her connection with Alejandra.
“I just wanted to congratulate her. She was very sweet. Might be the whole ‘I just got married and everyone should be so in love’ fog, but it was nice.”
Julian laughs at my analysis and shows me a real smile. It’s so nice to see. Our plan to leave quietly is thwarted when his parents walk up behind us. Julian tells them we’re leaving and after I promise not to be a stranger and to keep her updated on my dad, Marisol lets me out of her embrace. Antonio shakes my hand again and gives his son a hug. I see him whisper in Julian’s ear, but I can’t hear what he said. I’m hoping it’s another reminder not to be an asshole to me.
As we walk toward the exit it occurs to Julian that I have my own car here. “Did you valet?”
“Yes.” I hand him the ticket and he gives it to the attendant. I have no idea at this point if I’m going home or going to the condo. I’m sort of holding my breath.
As we wait for my car, he brings some reality back into the picture. “Do you have to work tomorrow?”
Crap. I had forgotten about it. “Yes. I want to take Monday and Tuesday off to be with my dad, so I need to go in tomorrow.”
“Do you have something to wear at the condo?” He clearly noticed I had taken some things home with me. I think quickly about what I’ve left there and what I picked up from the dry-cleaner the other day. “I’m good.”
The valet pulls up and Julian walks me around to the driver’s side and tips the attendant. “Then I’ll see you in a few.” He smiles sweetly and shuts my door. I buckle up and head off to the condo feeling happy that this night has taken a good turn.
Chapter 19
I park in one of Julian’s spots and wait until he gets there a few minutes after me. He doesn’t touch me all the way up to the condo, and isn’t really looking at me either. My heart feels heavy and I start to question my decision to come over. It appears he’s retreated again during the short drive home, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I won’t beg him to touch me. I contemplate going home, but know that will set us back even farther. On a selfish note, it’s easier for me to get into work from here. I can sleep a little more. With all that in mind, I just do what I’ve been doing all week and go through the motions. I walk into the closet and take my dress off so I can hang it up. I don’t want to be naked in front of Julian because his perceived lack of desire for me hurts. I put on an over-sized t-shirt of Julian’s that covers me to my mid-thigh, and am heading out of the closet as Julian comes in. We brush up against each other and my nipples immediately harden from the contact. I look at him and see he’s reacting to the touch as well. His eyes are full of lust, yet he doesn’t touch me anymore. I take my hard nipples and my disappointment into the bathroom and take off my makeup and brush my teeth. Then I pull out the up-do Marissa made for me and brush my hair. Julian walks into the bathroom and I fully expect him to walk past me to his own sink. He doesn’t. He stops behind me and places his hands on my waist. We’re looking in the mirror and the sight and feel of his hands on me sends a burst of warmth throughout my body.
“You’re so beautiful and so fucking sexy, and I can’t wait another minute to touch you.” Julian’s whispered words send a delicious shiver down my spine. Finally.
“Then don’t wait. I want you to touch me. I need you to touch me.” I reach across my waist, grab his hand, and move it higher so it’s on my breast. I lean back into him and feel him harden immediately.
We look at each other as Julian slowly caresses one breast first, then the other. His touch is firm and possessive and I can’t help but moan a little. I rest my head back on his chest and close my eyes.
“No. Abre tus ojos y mírame.” I obey his command and open my eyes. What I see staring back at me in the mirror is a man who wants me. I try and turn around to kiss him, but he holds me still. “No.”
“I want to kiss you. I want your mouth on mine.”
Julian chuckles softly. He’s always amused when I get desperate for his touch. He’s a bit of a tease and he knows I fall prey to it so easily. He stays quiet and continues to torture me by sliding his hand into the black silk panties I have on and by running his fingers through my hot, moist flesh. Holy hell, it feels so good. I move my hand down and try to guide his hand to where I need to be touched. He laughs sexily again. “I don’t need your help. I know my way around and I’ll get you off. You know that.”
As much as I want that, to get off, I want so much more from him right now. I want Julian to make love to me. I want to connect with him on every level, to feel things are going to be alright. But one look at him in the mirror and I can see where his mind is. He’s all about sex right now and because I’m desperate to be close to him, I just let go and let him take control. Julian places his knee between my legs and spreads them so they’re wider apart, giving him easier access. One of his hands is still fondling my breast firmly, but gently, and the other hand is between my legs, teasing me and torturing me with promises of pleasure. I don’t intentionally close my eyes, but I can’t help myself as I get lost in his touch. Each time I do, Julian orders me to open them. He wants me to watch him make me cum. He wants me to see he’s in control. I can feel his hard shaft pulsating against my back and when I push my ass back into him, it makes him moan into my ear. I feel the familiar stirrings of an orgasm building in my core and as Julian slides his fingers in and out of me and over my swollen clit, I grind myself into him shamelessly.
“Dime lo que quieres. What do you want, Alexa?”
I lock eyes with him in the mirror and tell him what I’ve always wanted. “I want you, Julian.”
A sexy smile flashes across his lips as he lowers his mouth to my ear. I can feel his hot, sweet breath on my neck. “Sí, Corazón, but do you want to cum?”
I turn my head so my mouth is near his and whisper my answer. “Please.”
Julian presses his fingers firmly down on my clit and increases the pressure. I’m so wet and so ready to cum. My legs start to quiver and I grab the vanity as my orgasm starts pumping through my body. I’m watching myself come apart in front of him through the mirror, and the whole scenario is so hot. Julian’s eyes never leave mine and the intensity in his stare only amplifies my pleasure. My body feels weak, so I lean back into him for support while I catch my breath. My God, that was intense. Julian slowly slides his hand out of my panties and rests it on my hip. He’s still staring at me in the mirror and I can’t get a read on where his mind is. I know where mine is so I turn around to face him. Our eyes are still locked as I slide my hand underneath the elastic waistband of the shorts he’s now wearing. I don’t get very far before Julian grabs my hand and pulls it out. He doesn’t say anything to justify his actions and I guess there’s no need to. It’s pretty obvious. He doesn’t want me to touch him. Not to be deterred, I try again, and this time Julian takes a step back to avoid my touch.
“It’s late and I’m tired.”
I take a step toward him. “It’s not that late and I’m not tired. I’m very turned on and I want you.” I almost can’t believe the words I’m saying. Two weeks ago I would’ve cried myself to sleep with worry that he didn’t want me. Right now, it’s making me angry. He’s playing games with me on purpose, and the back and forth is getting to be too much.
“It’s not happening tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not in the mood.”<
br />
I look down at his very obvious erection. “Really?”
Julian nods his head and I can tell he’s digging his heels in. The more I want it the more he’s going to resist. This is all about his need to regain whatever control he thinks he’s lost in this relationship.
“Okay. Fine. You win.”
“I win? This isn’t a game.”
I turn, start walking toward the door, and look back over my shoulder. “Like hell it isn’t.”
I crawl into bed and make sure I’m all the way across the bed from him, looking out the windows. Every single fiber of my being wants to get dressed and get the hell out of here. I feel rejected and vulnerable, a dangerous combination for me. Instead I bundle myself in the sheets and stay. After about five minutes, Julian gets into bed. He doesn’t try and pull me close to him like he used to, and he doesn’t try to kiss me goodnight. I haven’t felt his lips on mine for over a week and I truly ache for him. But I won’t beg. I flip over on my side and try to keep my composure as I stare at the man who is so completely in control of my soul that it’s laughable he doesn’t realize it.
“Goodnight, Julian.”
He just stares at me for a few moments and takes me in. “Goodnight, Lexie.”
There’s not a chance I’m going to be able to fall asleep, and as I lie in the dark, I wait for his telltale deep breathing so I know he’s asleep. Lying here on my own, without his touch is torture, and I want to escape to the other room. I know if I get out of bed, it may lead to a discussion I don’t want to have tonight. Or it could end with him not caring, which is worse. I play the night over and over in my head. There were moments where I would’ve bet my life he was my Julian and that things were going to be okay. When he held me as we danced to Adele, I felt his love and he said he felt mine. He wouldn’t let me leave the wedding, and I mistakenly took that as proof he wanted to be with me tonight. How did I get it so wrong? Julian has never turned away an opportunity for me to touch him. Now I’m convinced that whatever progress I thought we made was all in my head.
Julian’s breathing never gets deeper and I fall asleep while waiting. I wake back up a few hours later because I’m incredibly hot and sweaty, and for a moment, I panic that I have a fever and am getting sick again. I’m a little disoriented, but I quickly realize the heat I’m feeling is coming from Julian, who is wrapped around me. Sometime in the night he came to me, on my side of the bed, and pulled me to him. I’m in the exact same spot I started in. I don’t want to move and I also don’t want to wake him, so I lie still and will myself back to sleep.
When I wake up, I can tell by the light coming in the windows that it’s later than I want it to be. I was hoping to sneak out before Julian woke up, but he’s still wrapped around me and I don’t want to wake him. It feels good to have him touching me, but I know it’s only because he’s asleep and not aware of his actions. When he’s awake, he’s different and I don’t feel like being rejected again this morning. I have a feeling my leaving will lead to an argument and I just want to go, get it over and done with. Actually my flight instinct is kicking in hard right now and I start to feel anxious. I thought we’d talk last night and now all I know is that Julian doesn’t want to make things better. He’s not trying to no matter what he tells me or himself.
I stretch my arm out slowly and reach for my phone to see what time it is. It’s only seven-thirty. Good. I don’t have to been in until nine so I have time to sneak out, get home, shower, and get back down here. The movements I’m making cause Julian to stir, and I fully expect him to pull away the minute he realizes I’m in his arms. I hold my breath.
Julian doesn’t pull away; he does the opposite and pulls me to him. I can feel him harden against me and it makes me tingle with desire. My body and my mind start to bicker as Julian slowly rolls his hips into me. My mind says to move, run, go! My body is betraying me though, and wins out as I lie there and enjoy the feel of him against me for as long as I can stand. I want to feel him and I become determined we’ll make love this morning. I flip over quickly so he can’t stop me and find a sleepy, sexy, and very hard Julian staring at me with eyes that can’t mask his state of arousal. I reach down and am thrilled when he lets me touch him for a moment through his shorts. My joy is short lived when it occurs to me this is one of very few times Julian hasn’t slept naked. I stroke him through the cloth a few times before I move my hand up and begin to slide it underneath. My hand is just at his hipbone when Julian takes my wrist and pulls my hand out again. Oh my God. Are you kidding me?
Julian scoots back so there’s distance between us, but doesn’t turn away. Like last night, his eyes stay fixed on me. He reaches into his shorts and slowly pulls his rock hard erection out. He starts to stroke it from base to tip with long, firm strokes. He never looks away. I move closer to him and make a second attempt to touch him. He shakes his head at me in a clear no. I see. He’s going to get himself off like he got me off last night. He’s going to be in complete control of all things physical and sexual. At least that’s what he thinks.
“You’d rather do that yourself than have me do it?”
Julian nods.
“Why?” I want him to say it.
He doesn’t say anything. He just keeps stroking himself and staring at me challengingly. If I wasn’t emotional about why he’s doing this I’d be so incredibly turned on. He’s a gorgeous man, so sexy and virile. I could watch him all day and not get bored if we weren’t where we are right now, in relationship limbo.
I meet his stare with a fiery one of my own. “You don’t need to say a word. I get it and whether you like it or not, I know you too. I know what drives you and what tips you off balance. So go ahead and act like you don’t want me, but we both know you want me as much as I want you. When you’re ready to let go of the control a little, let me know. I’ll be right here to pleasure you in any way you want.”
“Hmm. Is that so? You think you have all the answers do you?”
I chuckle softly. “Hell, no! I don’t know shit most of the time, Julian. But I do know you and I know your need to be in control makes you stubborn and distant. I’m also sure my hand, or my mouth, would feel better than yours right now.” My attempt to break through his wall seems to work a little because I catch a glimpse of Julian’s sexy smile.
“You think you could do a better job?”
“Sí. Dime lo que quieres. I’ll prove it.”
Me asking him what he wants in Spanish must turn him on more because he reaches across the bed, takes my hand, and places it on his hard shaft. He’s throbbing and warm and within seconds, so am I. I scoot closer to him, now that I have permission to touch him, and pick up where he left off. I know how he likes to be touched and I make sure to keep my grasp of him firm and stroke the whole length. When his breathing gets heavier and he rolls his hips toward me, I know I’m giving him what he wants. When he closes his eyes I ask him to look at me. The sexual tension in the room is thicker than ever and, right now, I feel completely connected. It probably isn’t a great idea to use sex as a means to make things better, but it works for us. When one of us shuts down and is emotionally withholding, this is the way we speak. So when he asks me to take him in my mouth, I don’t hesitate.
I start slowly, taking him in a little at a time, teasing him with my tongue. When I run my tongue around the soft head of his otherwise rock-hard dick, a growl escapes him, and he grabs the back of my head and pushes me down onto him.
“Sí, justo como esto. Tome todo esto.”
He urges me not to stop, but Julian’s thrusts are becoming more forceful and his intensity and size both challenge me and turn me on. I’ve moved so I’m on my knees between his legs which are trembling against me. I know he’s close. When he threads his fingers through my hair and clenches it into a ball, I prepare myself for what I’m sure is going to be a powerful orgasm.
“I’m going to cum, Lexie!”
I don’t stop. I keep going until Julian pushes me off of him as he org
asms and tells me to stop. I sit back on my heels, shocked by what just happened. He literally just pushed me away instead of letting me finish as usual. I don’t even know what to say, but I know whatever words are next to come out of my mouth are going to make this situation worse. Julian is just lying there staring at me with a blank expression I can’t read, and in this moment, I know things are never going to be the same as they were before I told him about Luke. I get that he’s struggling with all of this, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him make me feel cheap and used. I get up without saying a word and grab my clothes out of the closet before I head into the shower. He softly calls my name but I shut the door and lock it.
As the warm water cascades over my exhausted body, I try very hard not to cry. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know it’s still a recent wound and he obviously needs to process this, but I can’t stand here and watch the man I fell in love with turn into someone I don’t even recognize, or like. My instincts are telling me to run, but I spent the whole first part of our relationship running away, and I vowed I wouldn’t do it anymore. But right now, I don’t think I can truly uphold that promise. I’m not going to run, but I am going to walk away from him until he decides what it is he wants.
I want to get out of here as quickly as I can so I didn’t wash my hair. I pull it into a ponytail, put a little makeup on, and slip into a simple navy, sleeveless drawstring shirtdress and a pair of navy and tan Splendid cork-wedged sandals. I pack up whatever I still see lying around in the bathroom and throw it into a bag to take home. When I come out of the bathroom, Julian is nowhere to be seen. I hear the blender go on in the kitchen and I head that way to say goodbye. Julian has his back to me when I walk in, but turns around slowly when he hears me. He looks me up and down, sees my arms are loaded down with my stuff, and looks confused.
“Aren’t you coming back here tonight?”
I swallow the words, “Why the hell would I?” and replace them with a more logical and mature answer. “No, I’m going to sleep at home. My dad goes into surgery at eight and I want to be there with my mom. He’s having the procedure done at UM Hospital, so it doesn’t make sense for me to stay down here when the hospital is only a few miles from me.”