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A Matter of Sin

Page 7

by Jess Michaels


  She shook her head. “Of course, but not to the exclusion of your happiness.”

  Seth turned toward her with a wry smile. “I never thought I would say this, but you sound exactly like Jason.”

  His mother laughed, and the sound eased the unusual tension between them. “Good Lord, of all people to be compared to! If I begin to sound like him in any other fashion, do tell me so that I may correct myself immediately.”

  Seth nodded. “Absolutely.”

  “Though, in this case, if we are on the same side, it is likely the side of right. We both care for you.” His mother got to her feet and touched his arm gently. “Please do think about what I’ve said. I know you feel compelled to marry this Season and start producing your heirs so that you may carry on what was cut short when your brother—”

  She broke off and Seth was certain he saw the sparkle of tears in her eyes before she blinked them away.

  “I admire you for your dedication to a duty I realize you never aspired to fulfill,” she said instead of finishing the sentence she had begun earlier. “But I do not want you to regret your choices, whatever they may be.”

  “Nor do I,” he reassured her as he covered her hand with his own.

  “If it takes you another Season to find a lady, then so be it.” She smiled. “You have a little time before supper and the ball,” she said with a wave to the beautiful sunny day outside. “Why don’t you take one of your walks about the property? It might help clear your head.”

  Seth looked past her toward the estate grounds. She was right that he had always found solace in a turn about the grassy hills.

  “I think that is a capital idea,” he said as he bent to kiss his mother’s forehead. “But I must demand one boon before I go.”

  “What is that?” she asked as she looked up at him with pure love.

  “Stop worrying about me,” he demanded with a smile.

  She shook her head as she ushered him to the door. “That is one thing I may never grant you. Until the day I take my last breath, it will be my prerogative to fuss and worry and hope for nothing but the best for you, just as I do for all my children.”

  Seth laughed as she waved him away, but as he moved down the hallway, his laughter faded. Although his mother preached about his happiness, she had serious concerns about the future of their line. She did not want the title to slip from her husband’s line and go to a cousin or other relation. In some way, she seemed to count that as a personal failure.

  Even when she reassured him there was no pressure, she offered him, what, one additional Season to marry? Clearly the idea that he do so was heavy on her mind. When he did wed, it would take much of that burden from her.

  He exited the home and turned toward the winding path that made its way into the hilly area beyond the main estate grounds. He would walk for an hour, work out some of his frustrations and be ready to resume his role as marquis when he came back. He hadn’t been taking it seriously enough since the party began and he owed it to himself, and to his family, to do so.

  But no sooner had that thought entered his mind than it fled, replaced by something far more pleasant. Something far less appropriate. Because as he rounded a bend and stepped from the path to the grass, he saw a woman up ahead of him. And not just any woman.

  He saw Isabel.

  Isabel breathed the sweet air and smiled. She had hesitated when Grace encouraged her to take a walk to release some of her nervous energy, but her friend had been right, as always. The warm sun, the light breeze—these were exactly what she needed to clear her mind of distracting clutter and inappropriate desires.

  Reaching up, she loosened her bonnet and removed it to allow the warmth to touch her head and her face, at least briefly. Just as she lowered the hat, she heard a sound behind her.

  “Lady Avenbury?”

  Isabel froze in her spot. She knew that voice, so she didn’t have to turn around to see that the person who called out to her was Seth.

  But she did.

  He was standing about ten feet from her, his face as filled with surprise to see her as she was sure hers was to see him. Her heart leapt, for they were alone…actually more than they had been when they met in the library. There a servant or a guest could have intruded.

  But here…outside…they were almost in their own world.

  “I thought that was you,” Seth continued, his voice suddenly falsely bright.

  Isabel swallowed. “M-my lord,” she stammered. “Are you following me?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  Although Isabel should have been pleased by that, instead her heart sank with disappointment. “Oh.”

  “Actually, I was just about to take a short walk,” he continued, and now he moved toward her. “I had no idea I would find you here.”

  She shrugged. “It seems we think alike, for that was my intention as well. I thought the air might clear my—”

  She cut herself off. Oh, why had she started that sentence? She didn’t want him to know her mind had been clouded. He would surely guess why!

  He smiled, and there was no judgment in the expression.

  “I understand,” he said, filling in the gap where she had stopped talking. “Since we are on a similar mission, perhaps we should walk together.”

  Isabel opened and closed her mouth. Although she had to admit that strolling in these beautiful surroundings with Seth was quite appealing, it couldn’t be a prudent idea.

  But to deny the marquis his request would be rude beyond belief. Really, she had no choice.

  “Very well,” she finally said softly.

  “Good.”

  He stepped up beside her and motioned her to continue in the direction she had been heading. He never took her arm, for which she was grateful. If he touched her, she might not be able to hide her unwanted reactions to him.

  They walked for a while in silence, their only accompaniment the occasional twittering bird or stirring of the leaves in the breeze. In actuality, it was pleasant, for most of the men in Isabel’s acquaintance would have felt compelled to fill the silence with idle chatter.

  Only the longer they walked, the more Isabel thought of that kiss in the library. She couldn’t help but steal glances at Seth with each step, looking at his mouth, recalling what it had felt like when it pressed to hers with such strength and desire and will.

  This would not do! She was meant to be in this man’s house for several more days. She couldn’t spend them staring at his lips and panting over him like an animal in heat. It had to stop.

  So Isabel did the only thing she could think of. She came to a halt midstride and turned toward Seth. Her whole body shook as she prepared to speak, but she couldn’t go back.

  “You are being more than gentlemanly by not bringing up the obvious problem between us, but I fear I must do so,” she burst out, her words smooshing together with the speed with which she spoke them.

  Seth stared at her, as if he was trying to decipher what she had just said. But then he nodded. “I assume the problem you refer to is our little…encounter in the library last night?”

  Isabel swallowed. The word “encounter” implied that things had gone much further between them than a mere kiss. And that forced her to think of powerful, erotic images like the ones that had been haunting her dreams. She pushed them away with effort.

  “Yes,” she said, her breath short. “You know that is what I mean.”

  “Lady—” he began.

  She shook her head. She could see he wished to placate her, but that wasn’t what she wanted. “Oh no, please. Let me say this or I fear I won’t and I’ll regret it.”

  Seth nodded slowly. “Of course. I would not want to cause you regret. Say what is on your mind.”

  She drew in a long breath. “I really don’t know what happened,” she began. “I have not been myself lately, you see.”

  “Why?”

  Isabel blinked. She had been wondering that herself, but she heard herself say, “My othe
r sister, she married last year and ever since I’ve been…distracted. Not that I begrudge her the happiness she now experiences.” She shook her head. “No one deserves it more.”

  Seth was staring at her now, but the words she’d never meant to say out loud wouldn’t stop flowing.

  “And then that book…that stupid book!” she continued. “Oh, it only exacerbated my feelings and desires. Still, I hope you know that I did not come to the library with any intentions of…of kissing you.”

  She broke off finally, pressing her lips shut. Heat flooded her cheeks and she wished she could pretend it was because the sun was on her skin, but that was a lie. What in the world had she just said to this man…this stranger who didn’t care one lick about her and her entirely unladylike urges? What he must think of her as he stared, his lips slightly parted.

  Finally, he cleared his throat.

  “Actually,” he said softly, his voice rougher than it had been before. “If I recall, I kissed you.”

  Isabel blinked. She hadn’t been prepared for that response, though he was quite correct. It had been his mouth that had dropped so unexpectedly to hers. His tongue that had traced her lips until she felt like she could float away.

  She dipped her gaze as she fiddled with her bonnet. “Yes. Well, I didn’t stop you, did I? And I kissed you back readily enough.”

  He inclined his head as if conceding that point, but said nothing else.

  Isabel shook her head. “Really, it doesn’t matter who kissed who or why or when. I’m only trying to offer some kind of explanation, insufficient as it may be, for my actions since my arrival at your home.”

  He was quiet for a moment, merely staring at her with an inscrutable expression. “Are you quite finished?” he finally asked.

  Isabel blinked. “Why…yes.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut, once again berating herself for her utter lack of discretion. It was ridiculous! She was no missish girl. She knew better.

  “Oh dear,” she whispered, “I shouldn’t have—”

  Before she could finish, Seth moved forward and caught both her hands in his. The action shocked her to silence as she looked up at him, lips parted, heart throbbing because he was touching her.

  “Isabel, I cannot bear another apology, which I can see from your expression you are about to launch into,” he said with a low chuckle that seemed to stroke her spine lightly.

  Confused, aroused and more than a little embarrassed, she tried to turn away, but Seth held her fast.

  “Oh, please, don’t do that either,” he whispered.

  “What?” she breathed.

  “Run like you did last night.” He smiled. “I am not such an ogre as you apparently believe. Perhaps we could have talked this out before if you hadn’t darted away.”

  Isabel stared. She doubted very much that talking would have been on the agenda had she remained in the library. It certainly hadn’t been the activity on her mind.

  But she forced her gaze to stay on him regardless. “Well, we are talking now.”

  He smiled. “Indeed we are, and I am glad of it. What I would have said to you last night is that both of us share equal blame and equal pleasure from our actions.”

  Isabel nodded, but when he brushed a thumb over her hand, she tugged it back gently. Even through her gloves, the touch was almost unbearable, for it inspired even more of those inappropriate feelings.

  He released her, but did not move away from her. Instead, he brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “At least I hope that is true.”

  Isabel was mesmerized, too caught up in being so close to this man, in breathing in his scent, in having him touch her so gently, so sweetly, that she couldn’t force a disingenuous reaction to his statement.

  She nodded. “Yes. The kiss was quite…something.”

  When Seth tilted his head back and laughed, Isabel lost her breath. Great God, he was a handsome man. Of course, one couldn’t help but see that at all times, but there were moments when his beauty was almost shocking, it was so powerful. And it inspired wicked, wicked thoughts in her head.

  Isabel looked off into the distance at the green freshness of the rolling hills and for the first time since they began their walk, she was moved by the property’s beauty. Whoever married this man would be lucky in so many ways. But that couldn’t be her, so there was no point in torturing herself.

  She turned back with a determined set to her jaw. “Lord Lyndham, are you a practical man?”

  He was slow to answer, as if he were trying to read the intention of her question. “I like to think that I am, yes. I’ve never been entirely wild, if that is what you’re asking.”

  “Well, I am practical too. And I tend to be straightforward as well.”

  He gave a crooked smile. “I think I’ve guessed that already.”

  She returned the smile briefly. “The kiss we shared was an imprudent act, driven by odd circumstances. It was pleasurable for us both, but we each have our own reasons for why it cannot be repeated.”

  He looked at her, but she couldn’t tell by his expression if he was experiencing disappointment or indifference to what she said.

  “Do you not agree, my lord?”

  He nodded, but it was still a wary reaction. “I suppose there is no denying what you say. Any other Season, a few stolen kisses would have been nothing but pleasure. Unfortunately, this year I am seeking a bride, which does change the consequences of everything I do.”

  Now she was the one who hesitated in her next words. “And the role of bride, at least for a man like you, is something I am utterly unsuitable for.”

  His expression tightened ever so slightly. . “Is that so, Isabel? What hidden horrors would keep you from marriage?”

  She smiled. “You are kind to pretend not to know my failings, but we both know I’m too old for you.”

  “You speak as though you were ancient,” he said with a frown.

  She shrugged. “I own my age, my lord. I have earned it. But by Society’s terms, I suppose I am ancient. After all, you and I are almost of an age. And you need a young bride, one who has the best chance of providing…” She hesitated, for this subject was not only inappropriate but infinitely painful. When she spoke again, her voice was a mere whisper, “…heirs.”

  Seth’s frown deepened with the word. “I wish I could deny it, but yes.”

  She continued, “It is obvious to anyone who has eyes and a brain that I could not provide children for my late husband. So even if you wished to, which I’m certain you do not, you couldn’t bank your future and the future of your line on a woman with such a poor history creating children.”

  She blushed, but forced herself not to look away. All the humor had gone out of Seth’s face and now he looked serious.

  “You are correct in that,” he said softly. “With the death of my brother, I am the last of my line within my family who can carry on the name and the title. I must have sons to ensure that the legacy of my late father and brother is continued as it was meant to be.”

  “That duty must weigh heavily on you,” Isabel said. “And I understand it.”

  He looked at her with a brief moment of surprise before he spoke. “I suppose you do. You were forced to become mother to your two sisters.”

  Isabel smiled. “‘Forced’ makes it sound far more unpleasant than it was, but yes. Please know that I appreciate how heavy that duty can be, to continue the charge of another person. To try to live up to whatever you think they would want you to do in their stead.”

  “No one has ever put it quite like that,” Seth said after a moment. “But it is exactly what I feel I must do.”

  Isabel nodded as she looked down at her clenched fingers. “My duties also influence my own reasons why we should not kiss again.”

  “Your sister,” Seth responded.

  She nodded. “Serena deserves a chaperone who will elevate her position, not denigrate her by becoming the topic of gossip. Stolen kisses, nice as they may be, are a very
dangerous thing. I would never forgive myself if my actions damaged my sister’s chances at making a good match.” She shook her head. “I cannot even think of taking a lover until she is settled.”

  Seth blinked, and then his eyes grew wide as he took a long step toward her. “Did you say take a lover?”

  Isabel sucked in a breath and covered her mouth with one trembling hand as she stared at him. “Oh, damn. What is it about you that brings out these inappropriate statements?”

  “My charming disposition?” Seth offered.

  Isabel lowered her hand with a laugh. She should have been utterly humiliated, but with one statement Seth wiped all that away. She was comfortable with him in a way she hadn’t been with a man for many years.

  Perhaps because they were so similar in their pasts and their duties.

  When their shared laughter faded, Isabel drew in a long breath. “Perhaps we are not meant to—to kiss again,” she began with a blush. “But that doesn’t mean that we couldn’t be friends.”

  Seth looked at her for a long time before he said, “Friends. I would like that, Lady Avenbury. Isabel.”

  He extended a hand toward her and Isabel smiled as she met it with her own. She expected him to shake on their new bargain, but instead he drew her a little closer with a gentle tug and lifted her fingers to his lips. As he pressed his mouth to the top of her hand, Isabel shivered.

  The act itself wasn’t wrong, per se, but there was something in his eyes as he looked at her over her hand. There was nothing friendly in this kiss—there was only desire and need and all the things they had just agreed they could not pursue.

  “I—” she began, her mind having trouble finding something to say.

  “We should return to the house,” Seth said for her. He seemed as dizzied as she by the heat of their connection. “To prepare for supper and then the ball tonight.”

  “Yes,” she said with relief that he had presented her with a reason to flee from his side.

  They made their way back to the house in awkward silence and in the foyer he paused. “Thank you for being so forthright.”

  She nodded, though she kept her gaze from his, too fearful of what she would see in his eyes if she allowed herself to look at him too closely. His touch had made her weak, and if she saw he still wanted her, she feared she might launch herself at him and ruin the perfectly reasonable conversation they had exchanged outside.

 

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