A Matter of Sin

by Jess Michaels

  Isabel stared. He was not alone in that strange reaction. The intrigue they were involved in only heightened her awareness of the man. It was entirely unacceptable and yet…she found it rather exciting.

  “We must get inside,” she insisted weakly.

  “Absolutely.” He seemed to be steeling himself as he faced forward. “Around this next bend is our most dangerous area—the gardens. I’m certain there will be servants about, and if an early riser is amongst our guests, a stroll in the garden could be on their agenda. We must be careful.”

  Isabel nodded, though she hated to admit to herself that her elevated heart rate was more from thrill than terror at the prospect. What was wrong with her?

  She didn’t have much time to consider that question because Seth launched forward again, keeping her close behind him as they entered the twisting paths of the family’s pretty gardens. The area was arranged rather like a maze, with high walls of shrubbery and rose bushes that separated one path from the next.

  Thankfully, Seth didn’t seem confused by the turns and took them with a certainty that Isabel had no choice but to trust. And perhaps rightfully so, because she soon saw a glimpse of a back door into the house, hidden along a low wall as they turned a quick corner. They were almost to safety.

  Or at least more safety than the exposed garden pathway. And yet she didn’t feel relieved at that, but rather disappointed that their madcap little journey would soon be at an end.

  “Blast!” Seth’s curse cut through her thoughts and Isabel froze.

  “What is it?” she whispered.

  “Two footmen, gathering flowers for the parlors,” he murmured. “They are directly in our path and will likely come this way.”

  Isabel peeked around him and found he was correct. Two young men in smart uniforms carried baskets laden with roses and other blooms.

  “What do we do?” she whispered.

  “There was a gardener behind us,” Seth said with a frown. “So we can’t backtrack.”

  “A gardener!” she burst out almost in full voice. She hadn’t even noticed him.

  Seth nodded as he looked around. His face was only concerned for a moment before he smiled and indicated to their right. “Ah, there’s the answer.”

  He didn’t explain further but just took her along a quick path toward a large oak tree that stood in the center of the garden. Took her toward the two servants!

  “What are you doing?” Isabel whispered, panic clawing at her as she watched the two men move closer and closer.

  “Shh,” Seth whispered. “Trust me.”

  He positioned her against the tree on the opposite side as the men. He leaned against her, keeping their profile low, but also pressing himself to her in a way that washed away her fears and made her think of far more pleasant things.

  She looked up at him. He was still staring around the tree, watching the servants. His jawline was terribly distracting when it was darkened by a faint hint of stubble.

  “They’ll be a few moments more and then we should be safe to continue,” he whispered.

  As he finished the sentence, he glanced down. When he caught her looking up at him, he swallowed.

  “Bollocks,” he murmured, and then he was kissing her again. Harder, with more determination. His hands wound behind her head, sheltering her from the scratchy tree bark and maneuvering her into better position for his mouth and tongue.

  Isabel was consumed by the flame of his passion, forgetting once more the precariousness of their position. She couldn’t help it. When he touched her, she was swept away. And she loved it. She loved forgetting her duty and just living! It was utterly divine.

  But it was over too soon. Seth parted from her, eyes bleary and filled with desire, but then he looked around the tree again.

  “Damn, as much as I was enjoying that, they’re past. We should keep moving.”

  She nodded, unsteady as he took her hand once more and pulled her toward the door. With a few more steps, they reached it.

  He sighed, as despondent at their arrival as she felt. “Go up, turn left and you’ll be in your hallway,” he explained softly.

  She nodded as she began to turn away. She didn’t want to say too much or linger too long now that they were safe. But he didn’t allow her escape. Instead, he caught her arm as she moved to go and turned her back into his chest. Then his mouth was on hers once more, hot and filled with promise. She clung to him, returning his kiss with heat and desperation she couldn’t mask. When they parted, he smiled.

  “Tonight, midnight,” he whispered as he opened the door for her. “And Isabel, it’s your turn to choose from the book.”

  Isabel gave him a quick glance before she hurried up the back stair a few steps ahead. She was shaking as she turned into the hallway where her room was, taken aback by how easily Seth could make her want, but more by how comfortable he made her feel.

  She couldn’t want that from him. From this. It was too dangerous to allow anything more than lust.

  Blindly, she made her way down the hall and had almost reached her door when she heard the sounds of voices from another room. She hurried, but before she could escape into the safety of her chamber, the door across from hers opened and the servant of Lady Saunders stepped into the hall with a tray balanced on her arm.

  Isabel froze, and so did the maid as she looked her up and down carefully.

  “Lady Avenbury, are you well?” the girl finally asked when it seemed an eternity had passed.

  Isabel just barely suppressed a curse. Everyone knew that Lady Saunders was a gossip of the first order. It had caused all kinds of strife in the past. And like all gossips, her servants were her main source of undercover news. If Isabel didn’t quickly think of a good excuse to be standing at dawn in the hallway in her ball gown, the girl would certainly make an issue of it and start rumors Isabel might never be able to squelch.

  “Oh, yes. I was just…” She trailed off, her mind a blank. Until she recalled her promise to Grace the night before. “I was just about to join the Duchess of Jameswood for breakfast. You know how she always takes her food at the crack of dawn.”

  “Oh.” The girl looked at her again, almost as if she was evaluating Isabel’s story for its merit.

  Isabel looked down at herself. “I’m so silly in my fancy dress, aren’t I? My maid wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t want to wake her. This was the only thing I could find to put on. I swear, we women are useless without our help.”

  The girl smirked in agreement. “It’s very kind of you not to want to wake your girl. If I can be of assistance, please don’t hesitate to ask me.”

  Isabel smiled. “Lady Saunders is so lucky to have such an accommodating person in her employ.”

  The servant blushed. “Thank you, my lady.”

  Since Isabel could think of nothing else to say to deter the young woman, she nodded and instead moved toward Grace’s door. She clenched her teeth as she knocked on the barrier and heard her friend’s voice call for her entry within.

  Shutting her eyes briefly at the thoughts of all Grace would say when she saw her in the same gown as she wore last night, Isabel pressed the door open and stepped into the protection of her friend’s chamber.

  As the door closed behind her, Isabel looked around. In the dressing room, Grace was seated on the settee beside her fire. A tray of breakfast foods was on the table beside her, loaded with enough for both women. Her friend glanced up with a smile, but when she saw Isabel, her smile very slowly faded away.

  The two women held glances for a long, charged moment and then Grace turned to her servant with a warm smile. “Maura, dear, you may go. Thank you.”

  “Yes, Your Grace,” the girl said with a quick curtsey for her mistress and another brief one for Isabel as she passed by on her way to the hall.

  Grace poured a cup of tea and flavored it just as Isabel liked it, but she did not speak until the servant had shut the door behind her and they were alone.

  Isabel held
her breath as she waited for the onslaught. Instead, Grace motioned to a chair beside her settee and said, “Won’t you join me?”

  Isabel managed a weak nod and took the place beside her friend. She took the duchess’s offering of tea with only slightly shaking hands, but she couldn’t bring herself to drink it as she awaited Grace’s real reaction.

  “Would you like some food?” her friend asked.

  Isabel bit her lip gently. “No.”

  “Are you certain? You look as though you may have earned a good breakfast.” Grace sipped her tea, though her gaze never left Isabel. “Since you are still in the same gown that I saw you in last night.”

  Isabel shook her head. There was the comment she had been waiting for. “I promise you, I did not intend to flaunt that fact when I joined you today.”

  Grace nodded. “But since I have seen it, you must realize I know you spent the night with Lyndham.”

  Isabel sighed. She set her cup aside as she covered her eyes with both hands. “Yes.”

  “How did you end up in my chamber?” Grace asked.

  She shook her head, her words muffled by her fingers. “I tried to go to my rooms, but Lady Saunders’ servant caught me. You know what a gossip her mistress is—I had no choice but to pretend I was on my way out of my chamber rather than in.”

  Grace stared at her and there was relief and surprise on her face in equal measure. “It was good thinking, Isabel. You know, you might be made for these clandestine assignations after all.”

  “Oh, I’m not, I’m really not,” Isabel sighed. “I nearly died when she looked at me. I’m sure she noticed what I mess I was. I had to make up some ridiculous story about not wanting to wake my servant.”

  Grace shrugged. “Clever. It is believable, at least.”

  “One can only hope so, for the sake of my reputation.” Isabel shivered. “And Serena’s.”

  There was a long silence before Grace cleared her throat. “So what does your spending the night together mean for you and our host?”

  Isabel blinked, refusing to look at her friend. “I don’t think it means anything.”

  “It does imply a deeper intimacy,” Grace said softly.

  But Isabel didn’t dare consider that idea. “It was merely a mistake. We both fell asleep. I won’t read more into it than that. I can’t.”

  “Do you love him?” Grace whispered.

  Isabel’s gaze snapped up to her friend. Grace was holding her stare so evenly, there would be no way to avoid the question she asked. But it was the one question Isabel didn’t want to consider. She knew the limitations of this affair, the boundaries that could not be crossed for any reason. The results would only be heartache and pain.

  “Do you love him?” her friend repeated slowly, almost as if she could hear the line of Isabel’s thoughts and wasn’t satisfied by it.

  Isabel shook her head.

  “No. I-I don’t love him,” she whispered.

  Grace tilted her head incredulously and Isabel let out her breath in a trembling sigh. There was no hiding anything from the duchess.

  “Oh, curse your blasted insight. I could, all right? I can see now how easily I could love him. Worse yet, I know I might love him by the time this affair is over, if it continues as it has.”

  “What do you mean?” her friend asked.

  Isabel thought about the question, thought about the time she had shared with Seth. “If it were only my body involved, I think I could be colder. But we talk, Grace. We laugh together. There is so much about us that is similar and complementary. I could be his friend, I could confide in him and know he would protect all my secrets. Add to that the fact that when he touches me I forget everything in the world but him…” She trailed off. “Oh, it seems I feel more for him every time we are near each other.”

  Grace smiled, her expression gentle. “You sound so sorry and resigned to that fact. But why couldn’t you love him? I think you deserve to feel that.”

  She shook her head. “There is nothing to this—please don’t confuse things further!”

  “Why do you say that?” Grace protested, getting to her feet with an exasperated expression. “Why do you continue to assume you are unfit for a man like Lord Lyndham? Especially when it is clear that your attraction is far from one-sided.”

  “Because I am!” Isabel snapped as she, too, got to her feet. “Great God, Gracie, you know exactly why. Please don’t pretend not to just to protect my feelings. I’m not stupid, you know. Seth and I talked at length last night about this very subject. It was more than clear to me how strongly he feels about marrying and producing heirs. For that, he needs an undamaged woman.”

  “He doesn’t know you couldn’t be the person to do just that for him!” Grace threw her hands up in frustration. “More to the point, you don’t know you couldn’t. You are young and healthy—perhaps Hartley could have been at fault for your lack of breeding.”

  Isabel shrugged as one of the most powerful moments of the previous night flashed through her mind. Powerful, passionate and oh, so very telling. When Seth had loosed his hot seed deep within her body, setting off an earthquake of release within her.

  “Well, Seth must assume I cannot have a child,” she said softly. “He wasn’t…careful.”

  Grace sucked in a breath of surprise. “You mean he—”

  “Yes!” Isabel interrupted with an embarrassed wave of her hand. “We needn’t talk about it at length. You know what I’m saying. But his lack of caution makes it clear that he does not consider me for a wife. And nor should he.” She sank back into her chair with a thunk. “I’m not the one for him. One of these young women with no past and no pain and every chance in the world for an heir to fulfill his brother’s legacy…that is who he deserves.”

  Grace looked at her with sadness. With pity. “I think you are right.”

  Isabel flinched, though she supposed she should be happy her friend saw her view of it. Perhaps Grace would now let this subject be.

  But her friend continued unexpectedly, “You will be in love with him if this is how you feel already.”

  Isabel covered her eyes again, but this time she let out a little sob. No, she couldn’t do that. The pain it would cause…she could already see how terrible it would be.

  “Oh, why couldn’t I just stick with my original plan to have an affair?” she asked with a shaky sigh. “Something fun and frivolous! Why can’t I keep my heart and my body separate?”

  Grace smiled gently. “Because, my dear, they are tied together.”

  Isabel stared at her. “They weren’t with Hartley. I loved him, but I didn’t feel compelled to touch him, nor did I desire to give myself to him at all hours of the day and night.”

  Grace blinked. “My. How delightful your first marriage seems to have been.”

  Isabel rolled her eyes. “Be serious.”

  “I am!” Grace grabbed her hand. “You married a man who was twice your age. I realize you loved him in your own fashion, mostly because he took care of you and your sisters, but it wasn’t a love match or a marriage based on desire. That is the difference. What you are experiencing now with Seth is natural. And it’s what you deserve. You shouldn’t have to work so hard to separate your mind and body.”

  Isabel straightened up. “Work to separate them,” she repeated as the idea sunk in.

  In truth, she had been so taken aback by her feelings, her desires, she hadn’t tried very hard to control herself. But Grace had struck upon something.

  “Isabel—” her friend began in a wary tone.

  “No, you may not have meant to, but you’ve helped me,” Isabel said as she pushed to her feet. “I am only involving my heart because I’m allowing that to happen. Which means I can stop it.”

  Grace shook her head. “I don’t think you can stop—”

  “I can,” Isabel insisted, clinging to that hope with every fiber of her being. The consequences of not doing so were too dire. “I will.”

  She could see Grace wa
nted to argue so she moved for the door.

  “I must go to my room. I need to change.” Without waiting for her friend’s response, Isabel went into the hallway.

  But as she walked back to her chamber and the tantalizing promise of a bath, she realized changing was the only thing she could do.

  And she could only hope it wasn’t too late.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “The best qualities in a lover are often found outside the bedroom. Watch how your intended interacts with others, how he dances, how he speaks.”—The Ladies Book of Pleasures

  “How long have I known you?”

  Seth glanced up from the paperwork he had read four times without actually seeing what was written on it and gave Jason a questioning look.

  “What are you going on about?”

  “How long have I known you?” Jason repeated, this time a bit slower, as though he thought Seth daft.

  Seth shook his head as he pondered the confusing question. “I don’t know. Years, decades.”

  “So you would say I know you well?” his friend pressed.

  Seth leaned back and stared at Jason. “Yes,” he said with continued hesitation. “I’m not sure I understand where this line of questioning is going…”

  More to the point, he wasn’t sure he was going to like it once he knew.

  Jason folded his arms. “I’m only trying to ascertain why you aren’t telling me exactly what it is that is wrong with you lately.”

  Seth frowned. Jason looked concerned enough, but it was possible the moment Seth gave a serious answer, his friend would return to teasing him as he always did.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Seth said with a wave of his hand.

  Even if Jason was in a rare serious moment, Seth wasn’t sure he wanted to tell him anything that was going on in his life. And he had promised Isabel to keep their affair private…

  “So you are going to try to tell me that you aren’t distracted beyond measure, brooding constantly and not sleeping?” Jason folded his arms. “Please.”

  Seth blinked. It seemed his friend was more observant than he had pegged him to be. A good thing to remember.