Complete Works of F Marion Crawford

by F. Marion Crawford

  “It is your custom,” she said, just touching his eagerly outstretched fingers. “But you must not look at it,” she added, drawing it back quickly and hiding it in her sleeve with another low laugh. And she began to shut the door almost before he had quite gone through.

  Dalrymple walked more slowly on that day, as he descended through the steep and narrow streets, and though he was surefooted by nature and habit, he almost stumbled once or twice on his way down, because, somehow, though his eyes looked towards his feet, he did not see exactly where he was going.

  There is no necessity for analyzing his sensations. It is enough to say at once that he was beginning to be really in love with Maria Addolorata, and that he denied the fact to himself stoutly, though it forced itself upon him with every step which took him further from the convent. He felt on that day a strong premonitory symptom in the shape of a logical objection, as it were, to his returning again to see the nun. The objection was the evident and total futility of the almost intimate intercourse into which the two were gliding. The day must soon come when the abbess would no longer need his assistance. In all probability she would recover, for the more alarming symptoms had disappeared, and she showed signs of regaining her strength by slow degrees. It was quite clear to Dalrymple that, after her ultimate recovery, his chance of seeing and talking with Maria Addolorata would be gone forever. Sor Tommaso, indeed, recovered but slowly. Of the two his case was the worse, for fever had set in on the third day and had not left him yet, so that he assured Dalrymple almost hourly that his last moment was at hand. But he also was sure to get well, in the Scotchman’s opinion, and the latter knew well enough that his own temporary privileges as physician to the convent would be withdrawn from him as soon as the Subiaco doctor should be able to climb the hill.

  It was all, therefore, but a brief incident in his life, which could not possibly have any continuation hereafter. He tried in vain to form plans and create reasons for seeing Maria Addolorata even once a month for some time to come, but his ingenuity failed him altogether, and he grew angry with himself for desiring what was manifestly impossible.

  With true masculine inconsequence, so soon as he was displeased with himself he visited his displeasure upon the object that attracted him, and on the earliest possible occasion, on their very next meeting. He assumed an air of coldness and reserve such as he had certainly not thought necessary to put on at his first visit. Almost without any preliminary words of courtesy, and without any attempt to prolong the short conversation which always took place before he was made to stand with his back to the abbess’s open door, he coldly inquired about the good lady’s condition during the past night, and made one or two observations thereon with a brevity almost amounting to curtness.

  Maria Addolorata was surprised; but as her face was covered, and her hands were quietly folded before her, Dalrymple could not see that his behaviour had any effect upon her. She did not answer his last remark at all, but quietly bowed her head.

  Then followed the usual serio-comic scene, during which Dalrymple stood turned away from the open door, asking questions of the sick woman, and listening attentively for her low-spoken answers. To tell the truth, he judged of her condition more from the sound of her voice than from anything else. He had also taught Maria Addolorata how to feel the pulse; and she counted the beats while he looked at his watch. His chief anxiety was now for the action of the heart, which had been weakened by a lifetime of unhealthy living, by food inadequate in quality, even when sufficient in quantity, by confinement within doors, and lack of life-giving sunshine, and by all those many causes which tend to reduce the vitality of a cloistered nun.

  When the comedy was over, Maria Addolorata shut the door as usual; and she and Dalrymple were alone together in the abbess’s parlour, as they were every day. The abbess herself could hear that they were talking, but she naturally supposed that they were discussing the details of her condition; and as she felt that she was really recovering, so far as she could judge, and as almost every day, after Dalrymple had gone, Maria Addolorata had some new direction of his to carry out, the elder lady’s suspicions were not aroused. On the contrary, her confidence in the Scotch doctor grew from day to day; and in the long hours during which she lay thinking over her state and its circumstances, she made plans for his conversion, in which her brother, the cardinal, bore a principal part. She was grateful to Dalrymple, and it seemed to her that the most proper way of showing her gratitude would be to save his soul, a point of view unusual in the ordinary relations of life.

  On this particular day, Maria Addolorata shut the door, and came forward into the parlour as usual. As usual, too, she sat down in the abbess’s own big easy-chair, expecting that Dalrymple would seat himself opposite to her. But he remained standing, with the evident intention of going away in a few moments. He said a few words about the patient, gave one or two directions, and then stood still in silence for a moment.

  Maria Addolorata lifted her head a little, but not enough to show him more than an inch of her face.

  “Have I displeased you, Signor Doctor?” she asked, in her deep, warm voice. “Have I not carried out your orders?”

  “On the contrary,” answered Dalrymple, with a stiffness which he resented in himself. “It is impossible to be more conscientious than you always are.”

  Seeing that he still remained standing, the nun rose to her feet, and waited for him to go. She believed that she was far too proud to detain him, if he wished to shorten the meeting. But something hurt her, which she could not understand.

  Dalrymple hesitated a moment, and his lips parted as though he were about to speak. The silence was prolonged only for a moment or two.

  “Good morning, Sister Maria Addolorata,” he said suddenly, and bowed.

  “Good morning, Signor Doctor,” answered the nun.

  She bent her head very slightly, but a keener observer than Dalrymple was, just then, would have noticed that as she did so, her shoulders moved forward a little, as though her breast were contracted by some sudden little pain. Dalrymple did not see it. He bowed again, let himself out, and closed the door softly behind him.

  When he was gone, Maria Addolorata sat down in the big easy-chair again, and uncovered her face, doubling her veil back upon her head, and withdrawing the thick folds from her chin and mouth. Her features were very pale, as she sat staring at the sky through the window, and her eyes fixed themselves in that look which was peculiar to her. Her full white hands strained upon each other a little, bringing the colour to the tips of her fingers. During some minutes she did not move. Then she heard her aunt’s voice calling to her hoarsely. She rose at once, and went into the bedroom. The abbess’s pale face was very thin and yellow now, as it lay upon the white pillow; the coverlet was drawn up to her chin, and a grimly carved black crucifix hung directly above her head.

  “The doctor did not stay long to-day,” she said, in a hollow tone.

  “No, mother,” answered the young nun. “He thinks you are doing very well. He wishes you to eat a wing of roast chicken.”

  “If I could have a little salad,” said the abbess. “Maria,” she added suddenly, “you are careful to keep your face covered when you are in the next room, are you not?”

  “Always.”

  “You generally do not raise your veil until you come into this room, after the doctor is gone,” said the elder lady.

  “He went so soon, to-day,” answered Maria Addolorata, with perfectly innocent truth. “I stayed a moment in the parlour, thinking over his directions, and I lifted my veil when I was alone. It is close to-day.”

  “Go into the garden, and walk a little,” said the abbess. “It will do you good. You are pale.”

  If she had felt even a faint uneasiness about her niece’s conduct, it was removed by the latter’s manner.

  CHAPTER VIII.

  ONCE MORE DALRYMPLE was sitting over his supper at the table in the vaulted room on the ground floor which Stefanone used as a wine s
hop. To tell the truth, it was very superior to the ordinary wine shops of Subiaco and had an exceptional reputation. The common people never came there, because Stefanone did not sell his cheap wine at retail, but sent it all to Rome, or took it thither himself for the sake of getting a higher price for it. He always said that he did not keep an inn, and perhaps as much on account of his relations with Gigetto’s family, he assumed as far as possible the position of a wine-dealer rather than that of a wine-seller. The distinction, in Italian mountain towns, is very marked.

  “They can have a measure of the best, if they care to pay for it,” he said. “If they wish a mouthful of food, there is what there is. But I am not the village host, and Nanna is not a wine-shop cook, to fry tripe and peel onions for Titius and Caius.”

  The old Roman expression, denoting generally the average public, survives still in polite society, and Stefanone had caught it from Sor Tommaso.

  Dalrymple was sitting as usual over his supper, by the light of the triple-beaked brass lamp, his measure of wine beside him, and a beefsteak, which on this occasion was really of beef, before him. Stefanone was absent in Rome, with a load of wine. Sora Nanna sat on Dalrymple’s right, industriously knitting in Italian fashion, one of the needles stuck into and supported by a wooden sheath thrust into her waist-band, while she worked off the stitches with the others. Annetta sat opposite the Scotchman, but a little on one side of the lamp, so that she could see his face.

  “Mother,” she said suddenly, without lifting her chin from the hand in which it rested, “you do not know anything! This Signor Englishman is making love with a nun in the convent! Eh — what do you think of it? Only this was wanting. A little more and the lightning will fall upon the convent! These Protestants! Oh, these blessed Protestants! They respect nothing, not even the saints!”

  “My daughter! what are you saying?”

  Sora Nanna’s fingers did not pause in their work, nor did her eyes look up, but the deep furrow showed itself in her thick peasant’s forehead, and her coarse, hard lips twitched clumsily with the beginning of a smile.

  “What am I saying? The truth. Ask rather of the Signore whether it is not true.”

  “It is silly,” said Dalrymple, growing unnaturally red, and looking up sharply at Annetta, before he took his next mouthful.

  “Look at him, mother!” laughed the girl. “He is red, red — he seems to me a boiled shrimp. Eh, this time I have guessed it! And as for Sister Maria Addolorata, she no longer sees with her eyes! To-day, when you were carrying in the baskets, you and the other women who went with us, I asked her whether the abbess was satisfied with the new doctor, and she answered that he was a very wise man, much wiser than Sor Tommaso. So I told her that it was a pity, because Sor Tommaso was getting well and would not allow the English doctor to come instead of him much longer. Then she looked at me. By Bacchus, I was afraid. Certain eyes! Not even a cat when you take away her kittens! A little more and she would have eaten me. And then her face made itself of marble — like that face of a woman that is built into the fountain in the piazza. Arch-priest! What a face!”

  The girl stared hard at Dalrymple, and her mouth laughed wickedly at his evident embarrassment, while there was something very different from laughter in her eyes. During the long speech, Sora Nanna had stopped knitting, and she looked from her daughter to the Scotchman with a sort of half-stupid, half-cunning curiosity.

  “But these are sins!” she exclaimed at last.

  “And what does it matter?” asked the girl. “Does he go to confession? So what does it matter? He keeps the account himself, of his sins. I should not like to have them on my shoulders. But as for Sister Maria Addolorata — oh, she! I told you that she sinned in her throat. Well, the sin is ready, now. What is she waiting for? For the abbess to die? Or for Sor Tommaso to get well? Then she will not see the Signor Englishman any more. It would be better for her. When she does not see him any more, she will knead her pillow with tears, and make her bread of it, to bite and eat. Good appetite, Sister Maria!”

  “You talk, you talk, and you conclude nothing,” observed Sora Nanna. “You have certain thoughts in your head! And you do not let the Signore say even a word.”

  “What can he say? He will say that it is not true. But then, who will believe him? I should like to see them a little together. I am sure that she shows him her face, and that it is ‘Signor Doctor’ here, and ‘Dear Signor Doctor’ there, and a thousand gentlenesses. Tell the truth, Signore. She shows you her face.”

  “No,” said Dalrymple, who had regained his self-possession. “She never shows me her face.”

  “What a shame for a Carmelite nun to show her face to a man!” cried the girl.

  “But I tell you she is always veiled to her chin,” insisted Dalrymple, with perfect truth.

  “Eh! It is you who say so!” retorted Annetta. “But then, what can it matter to me? Make love with a nun, if it goes, Signore. Youth is a flower — when it is withered, it is hay, and the beasts eat it.”

  “This is true,” said Sora Nanna, returning to her knitting. “But do not pay attention to her, Signore. She is stupid. She does not know what she says. Eat, drink, and manage your own affairs. It is better. What can a child understand? It is like a little dog that sees and barks, without understanding. But you are a much instructed man and have been round the whole world. Therefore you know many things. It seems natural.”

  Though Dalrymple was not diffident, as has been said, he was far from vain, on the whole, and in particular he had none of that contemptible vanity which makes a man readily believe that every woman he meets is in love with him. He had not the slightest idea at that time that Annetta, the peasant girl, looked upon him with anything more than the curiosity and vague interest usually bestowed on a foreigner in Italy.

  He was annoyed, however, by what she said this evening, though he was also secretly surprised and delighted. The contradiction is a common one. The miser is half mad with joy on discovering that he has much more than he supposed, and bitterly resents, at the same time, any notice which may be taken of the fact by others.

  Annetta did not enjoy his discomfiture and evident embarrassment, for she was far more deeply hurt herself than she realized, and every word she had spoken about Maria Addolorata had hurt her, though she had taken a sort of vague delight in teasing Dalrymple. She relapsed into silence now, alternately wishing that he loved her, and then, that she might kill him. If she could not have his heart, she would be satisfied with his blood. There was a passionate animal longing in the instinct to have him for herself, even dead, rather than that any other woman should get his love.

  Dalrymple was aware only that the girl’s words had annoyed him, while inwardly conscious that if what she said were true, the truth would make a difference in his life. He showed no inclination to talk any more, and finished his supper in a rather morose silence, turning to his book as soon as he had done. Then Gigetto came in with his guitar and sang and talked with the two women.

  But he was restless that night, and did not fall asleep until the moon had set and his window grew dark. And even in his dreams he was restless still, so that when he awoke in the morning he said to himself that he had been foolish in his behaviour towards Maria Addolorata on the previous day. He felt tired, too, and his colour was less brilliant than usual. It was Sunday, and he remembered that if he chose he could go in the afternoon to the Benediction in the convent church and hear Maria’s voice perhaps. But at the usual hour, just before noon, he went to make his visit to the abbess.

  It was his intention to forget his stiff manner, and to behave as he had always behaved until yesterday. Strange to say, however, he felt a constraint coming upon him as soon as he was in the nun’s presence. She received him as usual, there was the usual comic scene at the abbess’s door, and, as every day, the two were alone together after her door was shut.

  “Are you ill?” asked Maria Addolorata, after a moment’s silence which, short as it was, both felt to be
awkward.

  Dalrymple was taken by surprise. The tone in which she had spoken was cold and distant rather than expressive of any concern for his welfare, but he did not think of that. He only realized that his manner must seem to her very unusual, since she asked such a question. An Italian would have observed that his own face was pale, and would have told her that he was dying of love.

  “No, I am not ill,” answered the Scotchman, simply, and in his most natural tone of voice.

  “Then what is the matter with you since yesterday?” asked Maria Addolorata, less coldly, and as though she were secretly amused.

  “There is nothing the matter — at least, nothing that I could explain to you.”

  She sat down in the big easy-chair and, as formerly, he took his seat opposite to her.

  “There is something,” she insisted, speaking thoughtfully. “You cannot deceive a woman, Signor Doctor.”

  Dalrymple smiled and looked at her veiled head.

  “You said the other day that I was not a man, but a doctor,” he answered. “I suppose I might answer that you are not a woman, but a nun.”

  “And is not a nun a woman?” asked Maria Addolorata, and he knew that she was smiling, too.

  “You would not forgive me if I answered you,” he said.

  “Who knows? I might be obliged to, since I am obliged to meet you every day. It may be a sin, but I am curious.”

  “Shall I tell you?”

  As though instinctively, Maria was silent for a moment, and turned her veiled face towards the abbess’s door. But Dalrymple needed no such warning to lower his voice.

  “Tell me,” she said, and under her veil she could feel that her eyes were growing deep and the pupils wide and dark, and she knew that she had done wrong.