Pure

by Karen Krossing

“What is it?”

  “Well, Rylant has taken Elyle for questioning.” Doctor Frank raised his eyebrows. “It’s a long story. Could you please watch out for her, if you can? I’m hoping Rylant doesn’t hold her long.”

  I felt badly for not telling Doctor Frank about healing Mother; he’d been so desperate to see me heal again. But Rylant would be coming for me and I wasn’t sure that I completely trusted Doctor Frank, even now.

  “If she did nothing wrong, she’ll be released within hours. But I’ll watch for her. Good luck.” He opened the door, then slipped into the hall and was gone.

  Redge, still glowering, began to speak into his slate. “Dawg, we’ve got work to do. First, disengage my monitor. Then we’ll send the guards on a short mission.”

  Five minutes later, I was strolling down the hall with Redge in his Academy uniform and me still in my gown, music ringing in my ears, trying to look as if we were going nowhere special.

  Please let this work, I begged. My stomach clenched and fluttered.

  “The guards are taken care of,” Redge said. “Dawg has cut through computer security, and, of course, there is a rather timely emergency staff meeting. I’ll get a transmit to Rae — tell her to meet you in the back courtyard. I’ve used the route before,” he said with a satisfied smirk. “We’ll get you out of here. Don’t worry.”

  “Thanks.” I chewed my lip and peered both ways down the hall. No one in sight.

  We headed to the freight elevator that would take us down to the cafeteria. Redge checked in with Dawg through his slate, but my slate was still in my room. Not that I needed it, since I could heal without it, yet it felt wrong to leave it — and my sketches — behind.

  At least I had my waterstone, which I’d brought with me to Redge’s room. It was my only link to Elyle. It was hard to leave without seeing her. And to think of Mother back in Detention Block soon. I didn’t wish that on anyone. I’d miss Dad, too, and Redge. It was difficult to leave them all, but it was more difficult to ignore the truth — that I would be a prisoner forever if I stayed. Doctor Frank had given me an opportunity, and I knew I had to go, no matter what.

  We rounded the corner to the hallway with the freight elevator, my bare feet cold on the tiled floor. The hall was stark white; the ceiling lights shone a cool blue. How wonderful it would be to get outside, to feel my feet on the earth and smell the rain coming. Almost there. Down the elevator, out into the courtyard, then away.

  “Dawg, is the elevator in place?”

  Instead of Dawg’s voice, I heard a deep, gravelly voice. “Did you really think that trick would work again?”

  Rylant. I spun around. Rylant was walking steadily down the hall toward us.

  “How did she…?” Redge whispered.

  “I don’t know,” I said, my heart hammering. “But we’ve got to find a way past her.”

  collision

  Rylant came to a halt before us. A sickening wave of panic welled up from my stomach. Blood pounded in my throat, and roared in my ears. I have to get out, I kept thinking. But how? The elevator was too far away. Probably more guards were on the way. How to get free?

  “After your last prank,” Rylant looked down at Redge as if he were a cockroach to be crushed, “the computers were instructed to alert me when your monitor’s signal disconnected.” She was enjoying this victory, even gloating.

  “You have no right.” Redge spluttered. His hand was in his lap, shoving his slate down beside his legs out of sight, protecting Dawg.

  “We’ve played this game before.” Rylant smirked at Redge, her voice chilling. “You’re going back to your room before I decide to revoke your privileges. Lenni is coming with me.”

  No way! My hands began to sweat. I was frantic to get away, yet my feet were frozen in place. I had nowhere to run.

  “Leave her alone! You can’t take her. It’s not right.” Redge began to shift his chair back and forth, as if he could bust past her and make a break for it, pulling me after him.

  Then I realized — since Rylant was here, maybe Elyle had been freed. I found a way through my terror to speak. “Where’s Elyle?” I asked her.

  Rylant gave me a twisted smile, considering her answer. But before she could speak, a voice called from behind us. “What’s going on?”

  Redge and I turned to see Doctor Frank, hurrying down the hall. What was he doing here?

  “An escape attempt.” Rylant’s voice was grim, yet triumphant.

  “Oh!” Doctor Frank’s right eye twitched. “Can I help?”

  Rylant gave him a slow, appraising glance, as if she were evaluating his loyalties. “Not necessary, Doctor. I’ve got everything under control. I was just about to accompany Redge back to his room.”

  And take me to be sterilized! I had to get away. I glanced at Redge, who was clenching his jaw in frustration.

  Rylant began to marshal us down the hall in front of her. Doctor Frank kept pace beside Rylant. I suppose he was trying to help us, but there was nothing he could do unless he had another secret plan.

  At the first corner, we turned left, back toward our rooms. No, I can’t just obey, I thought as we tramped closer and closer. Soon, I’d be shipped off to Detention. I couldn’t let that happen. I had to take control. I spun around to face Rylant. Confused, Doctor Frank and Redge stopped, too. No one else was in the hall.

  “I know you’ve reclassified me,” I said bluntly. “But there’s something you don’t know.”

  “Keep walking.” Rylant jerked her chin at me.

  I ignored her, and Doctor Frank’s nervous stare. He probably thought I was going to tell Rylant that he’d warned me. “I healed my Mother today. I can heal again.”

  Redge gasped.

  “You… w-what?” Doctor Frank stammered.

  “It’s true.” I turned to Redge. “I tried to tell you before.”

  “Then why are you telling them?” Redge said, his voice filled with venom. “They’ll just use you, test you, until you wear out.”

  It was exactly what I was afraid of, but I had to risk it, to trust my abilities.

  “If this is true, then you can heal the squog,” Rylant said, her eyes narrowing. There was some eagerness in her face. She wanted this, although not as much as Doctor Frank did.

  “I can do better than that,” I said.

  Rylant’s lip trembled. “What do you mean?”

  I had to heal more than the squog. I had to change Rylant. It was the only way to stop her from doing more unspeakable things to innocent people. No matter if I was just like Doctor Frank when he’d created Redge, or Mother and Dad when they’d chosen me. Rylant was hurting too many, and I had to end it if I could.

  I shut my eyes, letting my strength gather within me.

  “What are you doing?” Rylant’s voice was rough, demanding.

  Harsh hands shook me. I kept my eyes closed and focused intensely on a tiny spot at the center of the vast space that was my mind, my existence, my soul. Rylant couldn’t reach me there.

  You can do this, I encouraged myself, just like Mur would have done.

  “Stop that right now!” Rylant yelled close to my face. Maybe she’d guessed what I was planning. Maybe she was afraid I’d contaminate her.

  The hands released me, and I felt a firm slap to my cheek, but I only concentrated harder, my eyes still closed.

  “No!” Redge shouted. I think he yanked me sideways, away from Rylant.

  I felt a sharp blow on the top of my head, and I fell to the floor, smacking my elbow and the back of my head. Rainbow pin wheels of pain flowered in my mind.

  How pretty, I thought, and let the pain wash through me.

  “Lenni, are you all right?” I heard Redge ask.

  I inhaled deeply, wishing I could inhale Mur’s scent — the dark undergrowth of the forest, rich with promise. But I told myself she was still with me, cheering me on.

  “Doctor Frank, I order you to stop her!” Rylant’s voice was high, almost hysterical.

  “But�
�� how?” Doctor Frank’s voice trembled.

  Then I heard nothing more, except for the sound of the rushing wind. Somehow, I had become a torrent of howling fury. I was spinning into a cyclone, speeding toward Rylant’s energy with more force than I thought possible.

  I could sense an immense presence ahead but could see only shadow. Swirling into a furious storm, I had an inkling of the vast energy of the universe. Then the presence loomed large — an enormous sphere made of iron or steel with millions of protruding spikes aimed at me. Could this be Rylant’s defenses?

  It was too large, too massive, to tackle. Still, I hurtled closer at the same breakneck speed. Then I realized that the sphere was traveling toward me on a collision course.

  I’m going to hit! I shrieked, as tiny metal darts began to shoot out from the spikes, right at me.

  The wind that contained me never slowed. I veered and wove through the buzz of darts, dodging sideways as they whooshed past, barely missing me.

  I couldn’t survive this for long. Couldn’t get through. Couldn’t win. It was impossible.

  Yet I plunged closer to the sphere, until I could see the rivets that pressed the giant metal plates together.

  I was going to crash into the side. How would that help? I tried to slow myself — to reverse course — then suddenly realized that I had to do this thing. I had to break through Rylant’s defenses. Even if it broke me.

  Only the wind shrieked now. I braced myself for impact. I was aimed at a seam between two metal plates, joints were weakest. Had to break through. For Redge. For me. For every skidge left hiding in Dawn. Rylant had to be stopped.

  Good-bye, I said, maybe to myself, maybe to everything I’d known.

  Then the impact came.

  Like a star exploding in my mind, the pain so intense, so deep, that all my atoms must have flashed apart into a billion scurrying dots of light, scrambling to reassemble themselves in the right order. So destructive that it became sweet. To taste nothing, to be nothing, was freedom itself— and the worst loneliness of all.

  I floated as a solitary mass of energy. If I had to give up everything to stop Rylant, it would be worth it. But I couldn’t hope to know what had happened to Rylant then. I could only hope to re-form myself. Slowly, I began accumulating atoms, rebuilding, refocusing.

  Bit by bit, I could sense again. Hear sobbing. See a tiny girl with light brown hair, her head down, her arms wrapped around her knees, shaking. Scared and alone. Rylant?

  I tried to take her hand. She leaped up, jerking away from me, tears washing clean streaks down her cheeks. You did this! She accused me with all the poison she had.

  Why do you fight? I reached again for her, trying to calm her.

  To protect myself from people like you. She glowered, not letting me touch her.

  I’ve done nothing to you.

  You call this nothing? She gestured at the shards of metal that lay scattered around us, the remains of her defenses.

  I stepped closer. I’m not the enemy. You invented the enemy to scare yourself.

  I’m not scared. She paced back and forth like a trapped animal looking for an escape route.

  Then prove it. I offered her my hand.

  Never. She drew back, raising an arm in protection. Get out of here.

  Please, I begged. I had to make her understand. We were not monsters — Redge and I. We were the same as her.

  I said get out! Her face white with fury, she picked up a spike from her broken barricade and charged at me.

  I jumped to the side, but her shoulder caught me in the chest, pushing me so hard that I flew backward.

  She screamed when we touched, as if she were being burned. I flailed helplessly in the dead air, trying to get back to her.

  Please, let me explain! I called, still falling endlessly backward, but her screams shattered my words before they could reach her.

  I tried to swim, to glide, to twist toward her, but nothing could stop my reverse flight. Falling, tumbling, I was expelled from Rylant’s world, her energy body. How could such a little girl be so strong?

  “Lenni! Lenni!” Someone was shouting my name. Calling me back from the wind, the darkness, the abyss. A woman’s voice, bringing me home.

  I opened my eyes. The harsh florescent lights in the hall of the medical unit were blinding. Heads made a circle around me. Doctor Frank, Redge, and Elyle. How did she get here? Rylant must have released her. I felt a smile widen my lips. Elyle was safe.

  I raised my head, looking for Rylant. Sat up, strong. “Where’s Rylant?”

  Elyle hugged me around the shoulders. “Oh, Lenni! I thought you were…”

  “I’m fine,” I said, glad to be hugging her back. I’d had no seizure, no dizziness. “But how’s Rylant?”

  Redge was grinning, his eyes wide in amazement. “She’s over there.”

  Then I saw Doctor Frank move to examine Rylant, who sat propped up against the wall. Her eyes were wandering, her half-smile vacant. I could see the little girl in her, in the innocence of her gaze as she struggled to focus on me.

  When she finally recognized me, her face changed, contorted in agony, a tormented grimace, her eyes dark with pain.

  “What have I done?” she moaned. Then she let out a strangled cry.

  the cabal

  Healing held a terrifying power — like holding the sun in your hands without getting burned. It was unwieldy. It begged to corrupt. But there were boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.

  “I think she’ll be all right,” Doctor Frank was saying, as Rylant began to sob into his chest. “You’d better get going, Lenni.”

  There’s a difference between healing people and bending them to your will. At least that was what I told myself. Rylant had been sick with prejudice, conditioned to fear and hate.

  “If only I’d known…” Rylant sniveled, her haunted eyes finding me over Doctor Frank’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have…”

  Guilt was consuming her. Guilt for what she’d done to others. It might be hard for her to face, but she’d made her own decisions.

  “Where are you going?” Elyle turned to me, apprehension in her eyes.

  I think she knew my answer before I said it. How could I stay in Dawn with everything that had happened? Still, it was hard to speak the words. As gently as I could, I explained about my reclassification, how Doctor Frank had found someone to help me relocate, and how Rylant had tried to stop me. I told her how glad I was that Rylant had released her and how I had healed Mother and found sketching again, without Mur’s help. And I thanked her for telling me the truth about my father. “I’m so glad to have you as family,” I said.

  Doctor Frank scratched at his rash. “You can’t stay here. More guards will be along soon.” He nodded at Rylant, who was still moaning softly. “She would have notified others.”

  More guards. My breath caught in my throat. Could Rylant call them off? No. Rylant was just one wheel in the massive machine that was Purity. New guards would always be ready to replace her. I had to get away.

  Elyle sighed heavily. “I’d hoped we could be together, have a chance to talk. There’s so much to say.”

  I scrunched my eyes closed for a moment. How could I make this right with Elyle? How could I explain this quickly?

  I tried again, my chest aching as I found Elyle’s wounded eyes. “For so long, I kept all the things I knew about Mur, about drawing, inside. It was hard to pretend to fit in, to ignore who I was. And lonely, too.” I held Elyle’s hands. “Then, when I healed you, everything got worse. People looked at me differently. Some were afraid. Others hated me. Now, I have a chance to find a place where I can belong. I have to go, Elyle.”

  Elyle’s injured look brought tears to my eyes.

  “You’re just so… young, so inexperienced.” She shook her head. “But I want you to be safe, to live well.”

  “Hurry up.” Doctor Frank’s voice was urgent. “We’ll be discovered soon.”

  “But your parents!” Elyle gripp
ed my arm. “You need to see them….”

  “There’s no more time!” Redge said.

  I glanced at Redge and Doctor Frank, silencing them both. I had to get away, but without regrets. “Elyle, please tell Mother and Dad… tell them that…” That I understood now why they’d engineered me? Offered the myth of perfection, who could resist? Yet it was just a myth, one that mislead, tormented, and destroyed. A mirage that vanished the closer you got to it. “Tell them that I’m all right.”

  Elyle nodded, her face pale and pinched. Then she embraced me, without saying a word. I could feel her chest rising and falling, her breath on my neck. Until I finally pulled away to see Doctor Frank glancing nervously down the hall.

  “I’m going now.” I swallowed hard.

  “I’m going, too.” Redge swung his wheelchair to face Doctor Frank, jutting his chin out defiantly.

  “What?” I said, surprised.

  “No, Redge,” Doctor Frank pleaded. “Stay with me. We need to finish those procedures.”

  “I don’t want the procedures, Doc.” Redge’s face was deadly serious. “I can’t be disappointed by you again. I’m leaving with Lenni.”

  “Redge, please.” Doctor Frank kneeled on the floor in front of Redge and gripped his hand. “If you left, well… it would be like losing a son.”

  I was stunned.

  “Maybe you consider me a son, but you’re no father to me. I’m going, Doc, and you can’t stop me.” Redge wheeled backward away from Doctor Frank, leaving him kneeling pathetically alone.

  “Redge!” Elyle scolded him.

  I didn’t know what to say. Doctor Frank was devastated, but it was Redge’s decision.

  “As… you… wish.” Doctor Frank could hardly speak. His face blanched white as he stood up, shaking. “Good luck, Lenni. Good-bye, Redge.”

  “Bye, Doc.” The hard edge was gone from Redge’s voice. He sounded almost jubilant as he looked toward the elevator.

  “Thank you, Doctor,” I said. “For everything.”

  “Go. And take good care.” Doctor Frank turned back to Rylant. I don’t think he could bear to watch Redge leave.

  “We will.”