by Haywood, RR
‘Stay together, huddle up close,’ Lilly tells them, pushing Billy and Milly into the middle with Pea, Sam and the others all working like sheepdogs to herd them together. ‘Cuddle up, stay warm.’
‘Hungry.’
‘Starving.’
‘Will we eat now?’
Pitiful voices that pull at heartstrings. They’ve been through so much. Seen too many things and now to sit hungry in the rain is too much. Children rescued from the stately home where Billy was taken. Orphans already. Murmurs ripples through the people. Muttered comments. Angry glances. Fists that clench and mouths that purse but the fear is too great to do anything.
The broken jaw of an old woman hit by the butt of a rifle swung by Sierra is testament to that. The fractured arm of a boy too slow to move when shouted at by one of girls. Black eyes. Hand prints across cheeks. People kicked to the ground who then had the barrels of assault rifles pointed at them and those girls with the scraped back hair came back. They strode through with scowling faces and mouths chewing gum. They glared at everyone and made sure the crews were doing their jobs.
‘Work or you’s don’t eat.’
Those words are said time and again. So they work but they do not eat.
Cold hands grab at broken poles of tents to drag them out from the mess. Canvas made heavy by the water gathering in every crease and dip. Bodies made slick that are dropped with muttered curses.
Lilly stands holding the wrist of a dead boy and waits for Sam to grab his legs while Pea takes the other wrist. They share a glance but no words are spoken. Sam nods and they lift, heaving the literal dead weight up from the sucking water and on they go, trudging, wading and splashing through deep puddles.
They breathe heavy. Grunting from the effort. Hair plastered down over scalps. Clothes clinging to their frames. Lilly’s head hurts from being hit by Skyla. Her ribs hurt from being kicked. Her stomach hurts too. Everything hurts but inside is calm. Deadly calm. Blue eyes that flicker back and forth. Watching. Scanning. Always watching, always scanning. Waiting for an opportunity and the next time she will not hesitate. No matter what it means she has to do. A coldness settles inside. An act of preparation to do a thing that must be done.
Pea and Sam watch her closely. Both sensing and seeing the change as the girl got up after the beating given by Sierra. A coldness now projected that is only masked when she stops to check on Billy and Milly.
Zayden stays close. His eyes hardly ever leaving Lilly’s body. Watching her backside and the way she moves. The swing of her hips and the outline of her breasts straining against the sodden material of her top. Her bare arms so golden and slender. Her hair wet and slicked back.
Sam nudges Pea, nodding at the slack jawed idiot. Pea nods back but there is nothing they can do. He speaks softly to Lilly but everyone else is treated like shit. The fool doesn’t even have the intelligence to think to be nice to her little brother or the other children shivering in the rain.
They go through the gate into the middle section and dump the body with the others that were meant to be taken out and buried at sea but Sierra banned anyone from using the boats and put another small team in there to make sure no one went near the outer gate.
The sun starts to wane. Evening approaches. The hours of darkness lie ahead and in the space of one day everything has changed. The outside world doesn’t exist now. Just here in this place. Just the misery of being soaked with fingers that become wrinkly and puckered from the water.
Sierra sits in the police office. Back in the chair at the head of the table with her assault rifle across her legs. Her crew remain close. Talking, boasting, eating and drinking. They smoke non-stop until the air is thick and disgusting with the stench of cigarettes. The table top and floor is strewn with empty cans, bottles and the wrappers from the junk food that has been gorged until they felt sick.
The same office where Sergeant Debbie Hopewell drew lists of survivors and their skills ready to be used. The same office where Ted gave comfort with his experience and calmness. The same office that saw Sarah rushing about with Terri as they struggled to bring order and peace to the lives of the few that made it to the safety of the high walls. Now the chairs are occupied by girls who sense something is very, very wrong with Sierra but are too inept to deal with it.
She stares vacant for hours at a time. Her mind stuck in a loop of Darius’s brains being blown out and the aftermath of his death. The hatred she feels for Lani twists and grows to become a thing that mutates everything else. She pays no heed or thought to Maddox or Lenski but by the minute she is increasingly consumed with a need for a revenge that cannot be taken. Lani killed herself, and there the loop stops to replay from the beginning. Over and over.
In life there would be grief counsellors and adults ready to draw that pain out. With words of comfort, hugs and gentle touches they would encourage the emotional reactions to unwind and follow their natural course. She would be able to cry, weep, shout, rage, bellow and collapse until exhaustion took over. Then she would be allowed to sleep and rest and let the slow healing to begin.
People are mortal. Death is certain. Everyone dies. Everyone grieves. Everyone feels pain but the mark of a civilised society is how that grief is handled, but this grief is left to fester in the mind of an already warped teenager armed with an assault rifle and a gang of sycophantic followers who wouldn’t dare challenge her. Monsters are rarely born but are shaped and made by their environment.
Her breathing comes faster as the replaying loop builds the pain to a point that she cannot simply remain still and inert. So she explodes up. Sudden and full of purpose as she snaps back to the now and with a flinch she realises the sky outside has grown dark. How long has she sat there?
‘They’s working?’
‘Yeah,’ Skyla stands with her, nodding in reply, ‘they’s clearing the shit from the middle.’
‘What about the hole?’ Sierra demands.
Skyla pauses, casting a glance to the other girls, ‘we ain’t done it yet. Like…you never said nuffin bout the hole.’
Lani blew that wall out. Lani killed herself after killing Darius. Lani went in with Howie and Howie ran out with his pants round his ankles. Lani probably fucked him then blew the wall out.
‘Sierra?’ Skyla asks, watching the new number one standing by the table staring into space again.
‘What?’ Sierra snaps.
‘You’s okay yeah?’
‘Yeah,’ Sierra scoffs and grins with a distinct lack of humour in her eyes but the simple action of twitching her lips makes the other girls grin back. Picking her rifle up she walks purposefully from the office into the pouring rain with an involuntary shiver rippling through her body at the cold water hitting her exposed skin. For a second she stands still with her face turned up. It feels nice. Cleansing somehow. She feels tired. Drained even. The long hours of introspective fretting have worn her mind down to the point she now feels numb. She was raging a few seconds ago but that’s gone now. Now she is numb.
Lilly watches her. Hidden further away towards the edge of the wall and she watches Sierra bathed in light from the offices behind her and how that light spills out metres into the fort. Sierra steps out, further away from the doorway and Lilly counts the girls that come behind her. Four girls plus Sierra. Five of them. Zayden still close with his two. Liam further up by the old armoury with his four. Three behind her by the gate. Too many. Wait.
‘Zayden,’ she turns to the youth, ‘I’ve got a headache, can I get some pills from the doctors please?’
Pea flinches, watching the girl closely and the sudden way she turns to Zayden with the softness of her tone.
‘We’ve worked all day,’ Lilly says, stepping closer to Zayden. ‘I am very tired,’ she says, staring up into his eyes with her own eyelids fluttering heavily. Sierra has four. Zayden has two. Liam has four. Three by the gate. More outside the gate. Thirty. Nick isn’t coming back. Howie isn’t coming back.
‘Yeah,’ Zayden nods eage
rly, ‘you’s get some pills yeah.’
‘Thank you,’ she whispers. ‘I am so cold and wet…will we get food tonight? What about the children, Zayden? They need to go inside somewhere and get dry. They need food too.’
Sam stares hard, her heart beating harder as Pea shuffles a step closer to Lilly talking in a weird tone to Zayden. Like flirting but with an edge to her voice.
‘Zayden?’ Lilly says again when he doesn’t respond, ‘the children need food and somewhere dry. We all need food and somewhere dry.’
‘Lilly,’ Pea says in a low warning voice, ‘we should get back.’
‘Zayden?’ Lilly says, her voice firmer, ‘I asked you a question.’
Sam swallows. Her hand inching round her hip towards the gun wedged down her waistband under the sodden and filthy shirt. She blinks the rain from her eyes.
Zayden shrugs and offers a hard glare to Sam and Pea before trying to smile at Lilly, ‘you’s can come to my room tonight yeah? You’ll dry up and have food.’
‘What about the others?’
‘Lilly, we should go,’ Pea says again, flicking her eyes over to Sierra standing outside the offices with her crew.
‘I will ask Sierra myself then,’ Lilly says, walking off with Zayden running to catch her up.
‘Lilly,’ Sam hisses, moving after the girl. ‘Lilly, come back right now.’
‘Sierra,’ Lilly calls out, snapping the girl’s head over to her. Skyla moves out to intercept her with her rifle already moving ready to lash out. ‘We have worked all day. We are wet and tired. The children are…’
‘Shut the fuck up, posh bitch,’ Skyla stalks at her with a snarl.
‘The children are freezing, Sierra. They will die if they don’t get dry and have food.’
Lilly stops a few metres away, pulling her arm free from Zayden trying to pull her back. Skyla stops in front of her. Scowling and ready to slam the butt into her gut again. The other girls move round Sierra, all of them glaring balefully at Lilly.
‘We have worked,’ Lilly says in a voice loud and clear enough to carry through the fort. ‘You said work or we don’t eat. We have worked.’
‘Lilly, come back here,’ Pea hisses, trying to get round Zayden who pushes her back.
‘The children will die. The old people will die. There are weak people who have worked all day in this rain and they will die if they do not get shelter and food.’
‘Hole,’ Sierra says, staring expressionless at Lilly.
Lilly breathes out slow and steady. ‘I was trying to fix the hole when you beat me into the ground…’
‘Lilly, shut the fuck up,’ Sam whispers frantically.
‘You told us to work. We cleared the bodies. We cleared the mess. We cannot do anymore tonight. There are no torches. No lights. It is pitch dark and raining.’
‘Hole,’ Sierra says again, her eyes locked on Lilly.
‘I am sorry, Sierra. We cannot fix the hole tonight. Will you give the children food and shelter? If not us then you must feed and protect the children.’
‘Fix the hole and you eat.’
‘We cannot fix the hole tonight. Will you give the children food and shelter? They will…’
‘Who you talkin’ to bitch?’ Sierra snaps, animating back to life with her head cocked to one side, ‘you talking to me?’
Lilly nods, her eyes clear and unblinking and the rain pouring down her face, ‘yes I am talking to you, Sierra.’
Sierra pulls her head back and looks round at the other girls, ‘she talking to me?’
‘She is,’ Skyla says, pulling her own head back disdainfully.
‘Will you feed the children and give them shelter?’
‘Someone tell this bitch to fuck off before I hurt her.’
‘You’s can go now,’ Skyla says, gripping her rifle harder.
‘Lilly, for God’s sake,’ Pea calls out, ‘enough…we’ll fix the wall.’
‘We cannot fix the wall tonight,’ Lilly calls out, ‘some of those people will die if you leave them out in this without food.’
Sierra explodes out. Striding past Skyla with her rifle swinging back. Lilly sees it coming and lets it happen. It has to happen. It must happen. It will hurt but pain is just pain.
‘Cunt,’ Sierra slams the rifle into Lilly’s chest, forcing her back into Zayden. Lilly hisses with the pain but keeps to her feet. She gasps and blinks fast before standing upright.
‘Will you feed and give shelter tonight?’ She asks, looking back at Sierra.
‘Oh you’s a dumb cunt,’ Sierra shakes her head and smiles at Lilly as she takes a step back, ‘Skyla…’
‘Fuck yeah,’ Skyla rushes in, slamming her rifle into Lilly. Battering her down into the ground.
‘Sam no!’ Lilly whispers at the two women. Pea’s hand grips Sam’s wrist as it moves towards the gun. The rifle hits down. The hard butt slamming into Lilly’s shoulders, chest and head until she goes down into the deep puddles. Feet come next. Hard feet that kick into her ribs, arms and legs.
It’s just pain. Lilly curls into a ball. Taking the beating. ‘Sam no,’ she whispers again, hoping and praying Sam can hear her.
‘Dumb cunt,’ Skyla kicks again, aiming the shots into Lilly’s thighs knowing it’ll hurt like hell.
‘Enough,’ Sierra says, feeling powerful and strangely serene at seeing Lilly get beaten to the ground on her orders.
Skyla gives one last kick and steps back breathing hard with a nasty grin showing her crooked teeth.
‘Fix the hole and you eat,’ Sierra says, staring down at Lilly.
‘We…’ Lilly coughs and wheezes through the pain radiating in every limb, ‘…we cannot fix it tonight…’
Sierra’s nostrils flare. Her already frayed temper snapping as all reason flees her mind. She runs at Lilly who tries to scurry backwards on all fours but the hand that grips her hair is strong and heaves her up onto her feet.
‘Get her in there,’ Sierra screams, kicking hard at Lilly’s legs and sending the girl flying forward at Skyla, ‘In the fucking pig rooms…get her in…’
Nine
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Lilly stands in the corner of the room staring down at her feet with her hands clasped in front.
‘Posh Bitch,’ Skyla calls out almost politely, ‘May I have another can of finest Coke please may I, Posh Bitch?’
Cackles break out, rippling with delight through the older youths gathered in the room. All of them ceasing conversation to turn and stare at Lilly who steps away from the corner towards the table at the side loaded with food and drink.
‘Whoa!’ Skyla shouts, ‘what the fuck?’
‘What?’ Another girl asks, laughing hard at Skyla’s shocked expression.
‘You’s gotta say it,’ Skyla shouts. ‘Posh Bitch…say it…’
Lilly stops midway across the floor, holding position with her eyes averted downward, ‘Of course,’ she mutters and takes a breath. ‘It would be my delight to serve you,’ she adds, forcing the words to come out neutral and flat.
‘Fuck yeah,’ Skyla laughs and looks round at the others, ‘she’s my bitch now.’
Lilly gets the can of Coke from the table and moves silently across the room to Skyla seated next to Sierra at the head of the table. The room falls silent with loaded humour as everyone watches Lilly and Skyla.
‘Thank you,’ Skyla says, adopting her posh voice, ‘put it on the table.’ Lilly places the can down and steps back, ready to turn back to her corner. ‘Ahem,’ Skyla says, prompting a fresh wave of laughs, ‘open it then you dumb fucking bitch,’ she slides back into her own rasping voice with a theatrical roll of her eyes.
Lilly shows no reaction but steps back to the table and reaches out to pop the lid from the can and the room fills with the hiss of bubbles rushing to the top of the aluminium casing.
Her upper lip is swollen. Her cheeks bruised. The soft flesh round her left eye starting to show purple. Her arms marked with welts
from the beating that continued when she was dragged into the police offices.
‘You scared?’ Skyla asks, staring up at her with malicious intent clear in her eyes.
Lilly looks away, dropping her gaze. ‘No.’
‘No what?’
‘No, Miss Skyla,’ Lilly says, her tone perfectly polite.
‘Should be,’ Sierra mutters. The room falls silent in deference of the new number one speaking out. Sierra stares ahead at the same spot on the wall she has been staring at since night fell. Glued to her chair with the constant replay going over and over. Everyone waits, expecting more but Sierra stays silent and sullen.
‘You may go,’ Skyla says, waving her hand in a way she thinks posh people wave when they dismiss their servants.
Lilly walks back to her corner and steals a glance to the open door and the night sky outside. The rain is heaving down harder than it was before. She assumes her position, back to the corner and her hands clasped in front.
She knew from the conversations inside the room the people outside were not being fed or given shelter.
‘Is the wall fixed?’ Sierra had asked her on being brought into the room.
‘No, we were told to…’
‘Shut up,’ Sierra whispered at Lilly, her voice dangerously quiet, ‘I aksed you a question…is the wall fixed?’
Lilly simply shook her head and kept her voice as polite and passive as possible, ‘no.’
‘They’s don’t eat then,’ Sierra said, glaring with undisguised hatred.
‘Will they be given shelter?’ Lilly asked again and took another beating as Sierra launched up with fists hammering into Lilly’s face.
‘DON’TS FUCKIN’ SPEAK TO ME…’ She screamed, beating Lilly to the floor and yanking her head back with a fistful of hair, ‘you’s hear me, Posh Bitch?’
‘Sierra please’ Lilly begged, ‘some of them will die if they don’t food or shelter…’
Sierra spat in her face at that point. A full drawing of phlegm from her throat that was gathered in her mouth and propelled out with force to land on Lilly’s cheek where it slid down thick and globular. She was wrenched to her feet, kicked and punched back down then heaved round the room by her hair before finally being shoved into the corner and made to stand with her hands to the front. Sierra glared for several long seconds before stalking back to her chair where she slumped down and once again lapsed into staring at the wall.