by Haywood, RR
Nobody spoke to Lilly at first. None of them daring to cross Sierra or be seen to step out of line. It was during that period of being ignored that Lilly heard the conversations that guards were to be kept on the people all night who would not be fed until the wall was fixed and the work done.
Lilly thought some of the others might question Sierra or at least Skyla and ask for the people outside to be given food, but none of them did. Instead they mocked the stupid, the weak, the idiots and the pathetic scum that were too dumb to do anything. It was a whole transference from a cooperative group working together to one of supplicated men, women and children cowering from armed oppressors.
‘Posh Bitch?’ A girl sings Lilly’s new name, holding an empty packet of crisps in the air, ‘I require more crisps,’ she lets the packet go, watching as it wafts to the ground a few feet from the table, ‘oh dear, I have done littering innit,’ the girl says, trying to do a posh voice. Sniggers in the room but not as much as when Skyla makes a joke. Mouths grinning with teeth coated in bits of crisps and smeared with chocolate. Legs bouncing on the spot with hands fidgeting from the amount of sugar ingested. Voices too loud, laughing too much.
Lilly goes to the table and picks the same packet as the one the girl dropped.
‘No,’ the girl says. ‘Salt and Vinegar.’
Lilly puts the first back and with a stomach rumbling she selects the chosen flavour and moves wordlessly to deliver the item.
‘Open them,’ Aaliyah says, copying Skyla’s display of power and watching as Lilly cinches the packet together and pulls the glued seam apart. A twinkling in Aaliyah’s eyes and she looks round the room to make sure everyone is watching, ‘feed me,’ she says and opens her mouth while trying not to laugh.
Lilly hesitates. Not quite believing this is happening and that hesitancy brings Skyla to her feet and a hand once again gripping Lilly’s hair as a foot is kicked into the back of her knees. She does down, landing hard and jarring her knee caps on the concrete ground.
‘Feed her, Posh Bitch,’ Skyla seethes with instant snarling anger, hissing the words into Lilly’s ear.
Aaliyah’s smile freezes in place. The humour draining from her eyes. She only meant to get Lilly to feed her one and was going to tell her to fuck off and the sudden explosion of violence startles even her. That uncertainty spreads through the room as smiles are held in place and glances are cast to others to see how they’re reacting.
Lilly has no choice. The pain in her knees is immense but the pain coming from her hair being pulled so hard is worse. She pushes her hand into the packet and with trembling hands she draws a single crisp out.
‘Hold it out then,’ Skyla yanks on her hair like someone yanking on a dog lead. Lilly clenches her jaw shut. Her eyes filling with tears from the pain but her arm extends towards Aaliyah who grins and leans forward.
‘Cheers then,’ Aaliyah snaps the crisp away, munching noisily.
‘Fucking bitch,’ Skyla pushes Lilly roughly, jerking her head forward before slinking back to her chair.
‘Give it here,’ Aaliyah says, holding her hand out for the packet.
‘Oi no,’ Skyla cuts in, ‘make the bitch feed you.’
‘Nah,’ Aaliyah sneers, taking the crisps from Lilly. ‘I don’t wants her hands touching my food…she probably touched Zay’s prick innit…’ Aaliyah looks round, clearly pleased with herself for making everyone laugh, ‘wanked him off yeah?’ She adds, trying to keep the joke going. She puts a crisp in her mouth and pulls a grim face, ‘they’s salty alright.’
Lilly stares down at the floor listening to the cackling and booming laughter from girls and boys alike. Her cheeks burn with shame. In her mind she holds two images. Billy and Nick. The image of Billy keeps her quiet and passive. You do what it takes to protect your own. Billy is outside in the pouring rain with an empty belly but he’s alive. Keep him alive and wait for an opportunity. Nick’s image is for herself to keep that knowledge that there are decent good people still left in this world.
‘Where’s Zay?’ A boy asks, twisting in his seat to look round.
‘Guardin’ those dumb fuckers,’ Skyla replies, ‘he can’t come in here…he’d be humping Lilly in the corner.’
Fresh laughing, faces going red as they spray drink and food out and cough cigarette smoke into the air.
‘We’s should get him in here then,’ Aaliyah says, ‘be funny as fuck watching his zits pop all over her.’
‘Urgh that’s fucking so gross,’ a boy grimaces.
‘Zay’s ugly as fuck,’ another girl says, showing disgust on her face.
‘You fancy Zay?’ Aaliyah asks Lilly, reaching out with her leg to tap Lilly’s thigh, ‘Oi, Posh Bitch, you fancy Zay?’
Lilly thinks fast. To say yes could prompt something dangerous to happen. To say no will prompt a response of an assumption that she thinks she is too good for him. ‘I’m too tired to fancy anyone,’ she says, still with her eyes averted. She wants to get up and retreat to her corner but the tendrils of power play keep her static on her knees.
‘You’s fancy Nick though,’ Skyla says, ‘yeah? You fancy Nick?’
‘I’d fuck him,’ Aaliyah announces.
‘You’d fuck anything,’ someone retorts and the conversation moves on. Lilly waits a few minutes then quietly slips back to her corner with dread in her stomach that knots and gurgles with anxiety and tension growing by the second.
Her mind works constantly. Ten people in this room which leaves about twenty others. She knows two are in the hospital stopping anyone entering or leaving. She knows two more are at the old armoury. Another two at the new armoury. Some are asleep and the rest are watching the survivors.
Minutes go by. The jokes and laughter fill the room and thinking she is unseen she lifts her head by fractions until she can see the layout and the weapons resting near to chairs. Her eyes flick left to right taking in the assault rifles and knowing both Sierra and Skyla have got pistols hanging from holsters on their hips. There must be an opportunity. There must be something she can do. Her heart jolts and misses a beat when she looks up to see Sierra staring right at her. The girl’s dark eyes fixed and staring and it’s only after several seconds that she realises the gaze is unfocussed and again she drops her head in supplication.
‘Alright, Zay!’
Lilly looks up as a soaking wet Zayden walks into the room with a broad grin etched on his face. He looks round at everyone then straight to Lilly as the room erupts with jeers and shouts.
‘You’s come for Posh Bitch then?’ Aaliyah asks.
‘Yeah,’ Zayden grins stupidly but with eyes lingering as water slides from his greasy hair. A fresh knot of fear tightens in Lilly’s stomach. Being humiliated and beaten is something she can take but Zayden is a whole new dangerous threat. ‘So’s like…’ Zayden says, flicking his gaze at Sierra, ‘she come to my room then?’
The room rings with the sound of laughter. Hoarse braying as Zayden fails to notice they are laughing at him. His mind on the prize he has been coveting all day.
‘You dumb fucker,’ Skyla bursts out laughing, ‘you dirty boy…Zay wants to fuck the posh bitch.’
‘Can she?’ Zayden asks again, happy to take the abuse if it means he can take Lilly to his room.
‘No,’ Sierra cuts through the laughing and watches as Zaydens face falls in disappointment. ‘You’s can fuck her but she sleeps outside with everyone else.’
Lilly listens. Dreading what is to come.
‘So like,’ Zayden says, having to think, ‘so’s she can come to my room then yeah?’
‘Fuckin’ hell, Zay,’ Skyla groans, ‘you’s can fuck her in your room but then she goes back outside.’
‘Oh right, yeah sweet,’ Zayden says.
‘Fuck me you’s a dumb ugly fucker, Zay.’
‘Fuck you, Skyla.’
‘He’s a virgin anyway. You’s a virgin, Zay?’ One of the girls asks, sneering in malice.
‘Fuck off,’ Zayden sputters, blush
ing deep.
‘Who’d fuck that ugly…’
‘I will,’ Lilly says, lifting her head up to look round the room.
‘Oh my God!’ Skyla stares in shock, ‘posh bitch wants to fuck Zay!’
‘She sleeps outside, Zay,’ Sierra glares hard at him, ‘you’s hear that?’
‘Yeah, yeah sure,’ Zayden nods eagerly. His grin stretching from ear to ear. Lilly fancies him. He knew it from the way she’s been looking at him all day.
Ten
Lilly clutches her side and stops walking to bend double as the rain once again drenches her clothes and hair. ‘Wow that really hurts.’
‘Huh?’ Zayden asks, alarmed at the prospect of losing the thing he has been thinking non-stop about all day.
‘My ribs,’ Lilly winces, ‘I think Sierra broke one when she kicked me,’ she looks up, watching his face for reaction but seeing only a hint of disappointment. ‘I think my face is swollen too,’ she adds.
‘Oh,’ he says dumbly, ‘you’s be alright yeah.’
‘Zayden,’ she changes to a look of intense worry, ‘I’m really concerned…some of those people won’t live through this night,’ she sees the hardening in his eyes.
‘You’s coming to my room,’ he says, halfway between a question and a statement.
‘Yeah of course,’ she smiles quickly, ‘but I am so worried.’
He shrugs, unbothered and unable to think about anything else.
‘Never mind,’ she smiles again and stands upright to loop her arm through his, feeling his body tense and his tongue poke out to lick his already overly wet lips. His eyes staring straight at her top that is gathering the rain with the hope of it going see through again.
She walks on, breathing hard and holding her side. Making her breathing laboured and limping for a few steps, ‘It’s no good,’ she groans and blows air out through her cheeks, coming to another stop, ‘I need some painkillers…what room are you in?’
‘Like…up there,’ he nods past the hospital.
‘Oh great, you go on. I’ll get some painkillers and come straight…’
‘Nah, you’s got to come to my room…’
‘I am in so much pain, Zayden. I can hardly move.’
‘Yeah but…I’s got to stay with you.’
‘Zayden, I don’t think you understand how much pain I am in,’ she stands straight, wincing while adopting a soft expression. ‘I really want to enjoy tonight…’ Good Lord he is so slow witted. Just staring slack with his eyes constantly darting down to her chest. ‘Zayden, I am not running away…’ she laughs lightly, ‘where would I go? Please, I know you are a decent man. I’ll get some painkillers and join you…I’ll be a few minutes at the most…you go and get ready. Which rooms was it? That one up there? Is that right?’ She stands close to him, nestling her shoulder into his side.
‘Yeah…’ he swallows and licks his lips again, his mouth dry with excitement, ‘yeah that’s it.’
‘Five minutes,’ she says, staring with her blue unblinking eyes, ‘Is that okay?’
He nods. Full of lust. Full of promise.
‘Five minutes,’ she says again, veering off towards the hospital. ‘I’ll be right out…get ready for me.’
‘Christ,’ Doctor Anne Carlton stops mid-stride on seeing the soaking wet bruised girl walking into the room, ‘Lilly! What happened?’ She rushes forward past the ends of the beds full of patients re-drugged to keep them quiet and sleeping.
‘I’m fine,’ Lilly says primly, forcing herself to nod firmly, ‘I need some painkillers if I may?’ She asks politely, having noticed the armed youths on the inside of the door.
‘My god, you’re freezing,’ Anne says, gripping Lilly’s wrist and staring at the bruises already showing on her cheeks and forehead, ‘shit,’ she looks down and curses at the livid welt on Lilly’s upper arms.
‘Fell over,’ Lilly says, rolling her eyes, ‘can we talk?’ She adds in a whisper.
‘Come with me,’ Anne says brusquely and keeping hold of Lilly’s wrist she walks her down the aisle to the back offices.
‘Lilly!’ Lisa Franklin rises from her chair in shock at the sight of the girl, ‘What’s happened?’
‘Bloody hell,’ Andrew Stone adds to the concerned trio rushing to her side, ‘you’re hurt, come on sit down…’
‘Is Maddox awake?’ Lilly steels herself against the rush of kindness pouring from the doctors.
‘Don’t worry about Maddox, come on…sit down…’ Anne says, guiding her to Lisa’s now vacant chair.
‘No,’ Lilly comes to a stop, ‘I must know. Is Maddox awake?’
‘No, no he isn’t,’ Andrew says.
‘Any change? Will he wake up?’
‘No change. Lilly? What’s going on?’ He asks.
She stops to think. She has to know. She has to make this right in her own mind, ‘Is there anything you can do to wake him up?’
Andrew just stares at her with his face full of worry, ‘What’s happening out there? We’re not allowed out. We heard everyone is being made to work.’
‘Is Lenski with him?’
‘She’s been with him all day,’ Anne says adopting her doctor tone of voice, ‘now calm down and tell us what’s going on.’
‘I’m calm,’ Lilly says, fixing her a very steady look that sends a shiver running down Anne’s spine. ‘And yes,’ she adds, looking back to Andrew, ‘Sierra has made everyone work and won’t give food or shelter until everything is done.’
‘Is the wall fixed?’ Lisa asks.
‘No, she’s making everyone sleep outside in the rain without food. Doctors, I need to ask,’ she takes a breath, ‘are the weaker people and children at risk from being outside all night without shelter and food?’
‘Yes,’ Anne says brusquely, ‘Exposure. It’s warm but once the core body temperature goes down…’
‘Without food or motion you can’t stay warm,’ Andrew cuts in, ‘hypothermia can set in even in weather like this.’
‘I see,’ Lilly says. The sadness of it all strikes her heart but her path is set. There is no going back now. You do what it takes.
Eleven
She walks back down the main aisle of the hospital looking ahead to the two armed boys on the door grinning knowingly at her. News of her acceptance to fuck Zayden has spread like wildfire. Zayden is a spotty faced twat and Lilly is fit.
‘Alright, Lilly,’ one of them smirks.
She nods and twitches her lips but makes no reply as she walks past, through the door and out into the rain. She moves on. One step after the other.
You protect your own. You do what it takes. You do the right thing for the right reasons and sometimes that right thing is awful. Really truly awful but the threat is real and therefore you have to take the pain.
She saw her father killed. She saw her friend raped and killed. She saw others being killed. This new world renders life cheap and worthless but not all life is like that. The life of a child is pure and sacred. They are the future and they carry no sin from the life that was before. Billy. Milly. All the children gathered here. The boys Nick saved from the house. The others brought in to keep safe.
You do what must be done. Pain is just pain. You can take it.
Her eyes fix on the soft orange glow coming from the open doorway of the room set back further up from the hospital. Every youth she passes grins and smirks at her. She is giving herself to Zayden. They all know it. She might be doing it for food or favours but either way, she’s doing it.
She gets to the doorway and expected her heart to be hammering in fear. She expected her legs to be trembling and her voice to quaver. But she feels calm. Resolute. She stops and closes her eyes taking one last chance to think of her beautiful Nick. The way he spoke to her, the way a man should speak to a woman. The way he smiled. The touch of his hands on hers. The slender fingers. His strong arms. He’s out there now fighting to keep everyone alive. Through choice he has placed himself in harm’s way and so others may have freedom
and life. You do the right thing and that ethos, that essence touched her. She holds his image close. Seeing into his soft brown eyes. The eyes of a killer.
For freedom. For life.
She opens her scared blue eyes and gently knocks on the door, ‘Zayden?’
‘Yeah,’ he rushes over, grinning and already flushed with lust. His top off showing his sallow upper body pock-marked with spots and the first few black hairs pushing out round his puffy nipples. She spots the swell in his trousers and hides the pain from her face.
‘Well,’ she smiles, ‘this is your room then?’
‘Got candles,’ he blurts, nodding eagerly.
‘Okay,’ she looks at him expectantly, ‘are you going to invite me in?’
‘Fuck yeah,’ he grunts, moving back from the door. She steps through. Noticing the filthy scavenged bare mattress on the ground and the two candles flickering to show the squalor of his romantic room. Cobwebs hang in the corners. Walls stained with grease and the stench of oil hanging heavy that mixes with the stale body odour coming from his unwashed armpits.
You do what must be done. You protect your own.
He rushes forward. Clumsy and eager. His hands grabbing at her breasts that squeeze painfully as he pushes his groin into her. She takes it for a second, pausing, letting him grope and thrust. A sickening feeling inside that builds with self-disgust. His head bangs into the painful bruises on her face. Every inch of her hurts. A wave of revulsion sweeps through and she pulls away.
‘Zayden,’ she whispers but he moves with her. Panting in her ear as his hands knead bread from her body, ‘Zayden,’ she pulls back, forcing herself to hide the disgust in her voice.
‘What?’ He grunts, his eyes as hard as his prick.