An Alpaca Witness

by B L Crumley

  “I imagine Ashley still feels possessive where you’re concerned. After all, Kenny loved you. He just married her because he’d gotten her pregnant.”

  Grabbing a plate off the shelf, I slid the crepe onto it. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”

  “I know,” Fern sighed. “Honestly, right now I don’t think there’s anything that’s going to make it better.”

  I nodded, and handed my aunt the plate with the first crepe.

  “Yum,” Fern said, dipping her head to inhale the steaming pancake. “You need to come visit me more often. I love these.”

  I smiled for the first time that morning, and went back to frying crepes.

  “Actually,” Fern mumbled between bites. “I thought of something that will help you feel better. Well, two things actually.”

  “What?”

  “A date with the sheriff and snuggling with Mozzarella and Cheddar.”

  I turned around abruptly to face Fern where she sat at the breakfast bar. “We’ll get back to the sheriff, but why would I want to snuggle with cheese?”

  “They’re my alpacas!” Fern beamed. “I’ve got four. Havarti, Gouda, Mozzarella, and Cheddar.”

  “You have alpacas? How did I not know this?” I asked, thoroughly confused. Returning to the stove, I scooped another crepe and set it on Fern’s plate.

  “Well, I’ve only had them a few weeks and it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing. See, this couple that lived outside of town had a hobby farm, and they were selling and moving to Eugene to be closer to their kids. I’ve always wanted alpacas, and since my goats didn’t work out, I thought why not?”

  “Wait, you got rid of the goats? And here I was excited to do some goat yoga,” I lamented.

  “Yes, it was really terrible. I’m still upset over it,” Fern huffed. “A few months ago, during one of the yoga sessions, a few of the goats escaped and went next door to Earl’s. He was livid and called the cops.”

  “Seriously? It was an accident.”

  “Yes, well,” Fern looked a little sheepish. “It had happened several other times. And the last time, I wasn’t home, and the yoga instructor was unable to get them back. They wiped out half of Earl’s vegetable garden.”

  “Oh, I see.” I turned off the stove, picked up the remaining crepes, and went to sit by Fern at the counter. “But did you really have to get rid of them?”

  “Well, I didn’t want to, but Earl threatened to press charges, and your brother Noah said it would be best if I got rid of them, since I couldn’t guarantee they wouldn’t get loose again.”

  I could see my attorney brother saying something like that. He was always about minimizing risk, which usually meant minimizing fun as well.

  “All right, so now you have alpacas.” I took a sip of coffee.

  “Yes, and I’m enjoying them much more than the goats. And so far, no escapees.” Fern lifted her hand and crossed her fingers for luck.

  “I can’t wait to meet them.” I picked up my fork and cut into the crepe.

  “So, about Sheriff Walker,” my aunt began.

  I shook my head.

  “He’s drop-dead gorgeous, and he’s 6’ 5”. Charlee!” my aunt gasped. “You could wear heels and still have to look up! He’s the perfect man.”

  I dropped my fork with a clank and stared at her. “And he’s with Ashley.”

  Fern’s face twisted in shock. “No.”

  “I saw them walk in to the party together last night.”

  Fern waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, that’s nothing. They probably just arrived around the same time. I’m pretty sure he’s single.” She polished off her last bite of crepe. “But he won’t be for long.”

  “Okay, I’m sure he’s a nice guy. But I don’t live here.” I know Fern had good intentions, wanting me to settle down with a good man, preferably in Rockfish Bay, but it wasn’t that simple.

  “You could move back,” Fern suggested.

  “And do what?”

  “Start that catering business you’ve been planning since you were fourteen,” she said simply, like there weren’t a million things preventing that from happening.

  “Fern, that was a long time ago. Things change.” My shoulders slumped, feeling like I was admitting defeat before I let myself venture down that road again.

  It had been my plan. My plan with Kenny. His family owned the cannery and ran a fishing charter business. I was going to finish college and culinary school, then come back and start my own business. Kenny and I were going to get married, and he was going to supply the fish and seafood, and we were going to live happily ever after. What a naive, childish dream.

  “Charlee, if you want to start your own business, I’ll help you. I’ve got the funds, and I’d love to have you here.”

  It was very tempting, hearing her voice the plans that I’d long ago abandoned and shoved from my mind. “Fern, your support means a lot to me, but I don’t think now’s a good time. But you never know, maybe someday.”

  I knew if I wanted something to change, it was up to me to make it happen, but the truth was I was afraid. I just wasn’t ready to admit that out loud. But I didn’t need to; Fern already knew.

  “Okay, I understand.” She slid off her stool. “Let’s go feed the alpacas!”

  I glanced at her colorful robe and slippers. “Are you going to change first?”

  “Oh,” Fern looked down at her feet. “Yes, I need to get my rubber boots.”

  “Charlee, how was dinner?” Fern called out from the living room as I walked through the front door later that evening.

  I scowled, then tugged off my leather boots in the entry, before making my way to an overstuffed chair by my aunt.

  “That bad?” She muted whatever reality TV show she was watching as she scratched the top of Moose’s head, eliciting a loud purr from the cat.

  “Oh,” I exhaled, and propped my feet up on an ottoman. “You know, the usual. Dad bragging about how well things are going with the town since he’s been mayor. Caleb prattling on about how great the real estate market is, and how he has the perfect house for me to buy, so I should hurry up and move on back. And then Mom gushing over the grandkids.”

  “Yeah, that sounds about par for the course.” Fern picked up her mug and took a sip of what I assumed was her “special” tea. “So, no one asked about you then, I take it?”

  “Not much. It’s like they didn’t notice I wasn’t there for most of the party last night. Or maybe they just don’t care. Wait,” I held up a finger. “I take that back. My mom cares enough to tell me I look puffy.”

  Fern inhaled sharply, and I appreciated that she took offense on my behalf. It was nice that someone in my family was on my side. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

  “Don’t worry, my mother quickly followed that blunder with an explanation that she wasn’t implying I was fat,” I explained.

  Fern called my mother an impolite name under her breath.

  “But she said I seemed tired and stressed, and she worries I’m working too hard and not taking care of myself. I took that to mean that despite the fact that I work sixty-plus hours a week, I should be eating salads and going to the gym, instead of my diet of coffee and Mexican food.” I struggled to keep the sarcasm from my tone.

  “Charlee, I think you need some tea.” Fern lowered the footrest on her recliner.

  “Oh, no.” I waved my hands frantically. “I’m good.” The last time I had Fern’s tea was after things blew up with Kenny. I may have overindulged on the “special” part, and I swear I had a headache that lasted a week.

  “You sure?” she didn’t look convinced. “Some hot chocolate then? I’ve got homemade whipped cream!”

  “No thanks,” I sighed, defeated. “I’m puffy, remember?”

  A controlled fury took over my aunt’s features, as sh
e coaxed Moose from her lap and got up to walk to the kitchen. “Double whip it is!”

  I scooted out of the chair and followed Fern into the kitchen, settling in at the small dining table as she made my hot cocoa. “I wanted to let you know that I plan on leaving in the morning,” I said reluctantly, knowing my aunt would be disappointed.

  Fern stirred her homemade cocoa mix in a mug, and gave me a sad smile. “I figured that was coming.”

  “I’ve been thinking about our conversation from this morning for most of the day, but at dinner tonight, I realized that I’m just not ready to be back here.”

  Fern placed the hot chocolate before me, along with a dish of whipped cream. She knew me so well. I could eat the stuff like ice cream. “And it’s not just my family. It’s Kenny and Ashley, and—”

  “What about Cole?” Fern waggled her eyebrows.

  I laughed. “The sheriff?”

  “Yes, he’s perfect for you,” she insisted. “And your family loves him, which I know you may not care about now, but that’s important for a long-term relationship to be successful.”

  I knew she was speaking from experience. Her husband’s family had never been crazy about Fern and that had caused tension in their marriage. My Uncle Joe had been gone for about seven years now. He’d adored Fern, but that didn’t mean their relationship had been easy.

  “Fine. What do you know about the sheriff?” I asked, giving in to my curiosity, however futile it was.

  “Well…” Fern leaned forward in her chair. “He’s from California.”

  “An outsider!” I gasped in mock horror. “And my family likes him?”

  Fern giggled. “I know, but he saved the town.”

  “Is this about that big drug bust my dad mentioned a while back?”

  “Yes.”

  A piercing howl filled the air, coming from somewhere outside. Fern and I looked out the window to the backyard. Unfortunately, with the lights on in the kitchen and it being dark outside, we couldn’t see a thing.

  “The alpacas!” Fern shrieked. Scrambling out of our seats, we rushed for the door. Fern flipped on the porch lights and shoved a pair of rubber boots toward me.

  Boots on, I raced into the yard, trying to adjust to the dimly-lit darkness. Then, back by the alpacas’ fenced enclosure, I saw a figure running, waving something in his arms.

  “Go on, git!” a man hollered. “You mangy beast.”

  “Hey!” I rushed toward the man, who I could now see was chasing one of the alpacas. “You, stop!” As I got closer, I could tell the man was older, overweight, and carrying what appeared to be a clam shovel.

  He continued chasing the alpaca. “Hey! I said stop!” I yelled louder.

  “Earl!” My aunt panted behind me. “What are you doing with that thing?”

  The man stopped. “Fern!” He lowered the shovel to his side, leaning on it, breathing heavily and pointed an accusatory finger at my aunt. “Your stupid llamas got loose again and were destroying our flowers!”

  “They’re alpacas,” Fern corrected. “And it’s November. I doubt there are many flowers left, other than mums, and I’ll replace—”

  “Crazy woman!” Earl picked up the shovel and charged toward my aunt. “You have no regard for anything but yourself. And I’m sick and tired of your—”

  Fern held up her hand. “Now, wait just a minute! There’s no need to get your panties in a bunch.”

  A loud growl erupted from my aunt’s fuming neighbor. “No, you listen here! If those filthy, disgusting beasts get on my property again, I’m going to shoot them!”

  Fern marched forward, until she stood toe to toe with Earl, then jabbed a finger into his chest. “If you so much as harm one bit of fleece on them, I’ll make you regret it.”

  “Don’t you threaten me, Fern Bailey!” Earl fumed, swatting her hand away. “I’m through with you, do you hear me! You think you can do whatever you want in this town because you’re a King. Well, you can’t. So, I’m warning you, don’t mess with me.”

  “Get off my property!” Fern’s arm swung in the direction of her neighbor’s house. “And if I catch you trespassing again, you’ll be sorry.”

  Earl grumbled a string of curses and marched across the yard toward his property.

  I turned back to my aunt, who was glaring at Earl, visibly shaken.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Oh, yes.” She looked at me after Earl disappeared around the side of his house. “He’s been a pain in my butt for years. Worse since I got the goats, and now the alpacas.”

  “Have they gotten out before?” While I’d always support my aunt, I could empathize with Earl’s frustration if her animals were tearing apart his yard.

  “The goats got out a few times, but this is the first that I’m aware of one of the alpacas escaping.” Fern headed toward the alpaca enclosure to make sure her fluffy pets were all settled in for the night.

  “It looks like Cheddar is no worse for the wear. If Earl hit him, I would have…” she clenched her fists, not finishing her sentence. Probably a good thing. I’d never known Fern to be a violent person, but if her feathers were ruffled, she did have a bit of a temper.

  I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Come on, it’s kinda chilly out here. Let’s go back to the house and get you some more tea.”

  Her arm hooked around my waist as she sighed. “Are you sure you have to leave tomorrow? Things are just starting to get interesting around here.”

  I laughed as we walked back to the house. Only Fern would call a near physical confrontation with her neighbor interesting. Honestly, I’d had enough drama for one visit home. I’d only been here two days and I was ready to get back to my hectic life of slaving away in the kitchen. At least there I didn’t have to navigate family drama or avoid awkward run-ins with the man who cheated on me.

  Chapter Three

  As I made my way down the stairs the next morning, I could hear Fern humming to herself in the kitchen, followed by a gurgled yowl from Moose. Either he was trying to sing along, or he was offended by my aunt’s bad pitch.

  “Good morning, Charlee,” Fern greeted me, nice and chipper.

  Much too wide awake for this time of the morning, although technically, it was after eight-thirty. I needed coffee. Bad. It also didn’t help that I was nearly blinded by Fern’s bright orange and purple patterned tunic. It was a sight.

  “Morning,” I mumbled, and went to grab the coffee pot.

  “How’d you sleep?”

  “Fine,” I yawned. “Just tired. Took me a while to settle my mind down after I went to bed. Being here stirs up a lot of stuff for me, you know.”

  “I know,” Fern sighed. “I was kept awake over my jerk of a neighbor. I heard a rumor that Earl and his wife are going to move. And I hope they do. My life would certainly be better without him around,” she groused.

  “Well, he does seem to hate your animals. Maybe you should have your fence reinforced so the alpacas can’t get out?” I suggested.

  “My fence is fine. I had it repaired after the goats were gone. And alpacas aren’t known for jumping fences, so I’m not really sure how they escaped.”

  “That’s good, I guess. Hopefully it won’t happen again.” I leaned over the counter, watching the coffee as it dripped into the pot.

  “What time are you leaving today? I’ve got to pick up pastries for Sunday school, but wanted to say goodbye.” Fern reached for her purse on the breakfast bar.

  “Probably in an hour or two. I wanted to feed the alpacas, and then I might go for a quick run.”

  A smile lit my aunt’s face. “Well, since you’re not in a hurry, you could come to church at ten.”

  I shook my head quickly. “Thanks, but no. That’s why I’m leaving this morning. If I stay then I’m guaranteed more awkward conversation with people I don’t want to see, a
nd then I’ll be forced into suffering through another family lunch. And with the half-gallon of hot chocolate I consumed last night, I’m sure my mom will tell me that I’m extra-puffy today.”

  Fern chuckled. “I don’t blame you. Although, if you change your mind, it might give you an opportunity to see the sheriff.”

  I looked up from watching the coffee pot. “The sheriff goes to church?”

  Fern continued to smile as she nodded. “Yep.”

  “No wonder my parents love him. He sounds about perfect,” I muttered.

  “He pretty much is,” Fern agreed. “Which is why he’d be an excellent match for you.”

  “Oh no. I’m far from perfect.” I grabbed a mug off the shelf and filled it about two-thirds full. I needed to leave room for sugary creamer. Or whipped cream. I hadn’t decided what I was in the mood for yet.

  “No one is perfect, Charlee, but you deserve somebody special. And tall,” she added with a wink. “And Cole Walker checks all the boxes.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know.” I opened the refrigerator and retrieved both the creamer and the whipped cream. I might try both. “Except I don’t live here, and you’re making a pretty big assumption that we would actually like each other.”

  “You’re both very likable people, so I don’t think that should be a problem. Well, I’ve got to go, so give me a hug in case you leave before I get back.” I walked over to Fern and she gave me a big squeeze. “Love you, hon.”

  “Love you too. Bye, Fern.”

  After my aunt left, I picked up my phone and coffee, and headed for the back door. I slipped on a pair of rubber boots and pulled the hood of the sweatshirt over my head to ward off the morning chill.

  Outside, I was met with crisp fall air as I traipsed to the back of my aunt’s two-acre lot. Her property was situated on the top of a hill surrounded by several other homes. It was rare to find such a large lot in town, especially now when a postage stamp of bare land sold for over six figures. The home was built in the 1940s, when Rockfish Bay was just a fraction of its current size.