phil jones2

by J. R. Karlsson

  'Fourth down the corridor on your left.' RJ replied in a patient voice.

  'I've forgotten where it is!' Samej wailed despairingly, 'Can you show me?'

  RJ closed his eyes and took a deep breath before finally holstering his pistol. 'This is the fifth and final time I'm showing you, Doctor. Next time you're going to have to find it on your own, okay?'

  Samej looked like a kicked puppy, mumbling a dejected 'okay' before resuming his urgent dance.

  'I'll see you in the cockpit Captain, just remember that however bad you think you are.' he stopped to look at Samej who had now pressed himself up against the far wall. 'We all have our own problems and battles to deal with. You are not alone.'

  'Thanks RJ.'

  The Texan tipped his hat at him. 'Any time.'

  Samej let out a high-pitched whine and proceeded to race down the corridor.

  'Alright, alright. Hang on to your breeches man I'm coming!' the frustrated sounds of RJ followed him out of the room, leaving Phil alone and with much to think about.

  Then again, if a man as curious as Samej could attain the rank of Doctor out here, perhaps he wasn't as hopeless as he thought.

  As if longing to find out if the momentary increase in confidence was accurate, the alarm signalled across the ship.

  Phil rose to his feet, adjusting his uniform slightly and taking a deep breath. With a new-found perspective on those surrounding him, he made his way out to the cockpit to face whatever trial was next.

  Chapter 37

  Well! See! Invective!

  Nobody had to contact Phil and ask him to come trundling up to the cockpit this time, he was well aware that the sound of an alarm meant he needed to be there post-haste.

  He stumbled through the corridors of the ship as they shook ominously, something out there was testing their shields, he only hoped that whoever it was didn't find them wanting.

  Once again it appeared as if everyone had made it to the cockpit before him. Slumping into his seat he stared about and prepared for the inevitable inundation that would follow.

  The viewscreen popped up in his face and showed a large vessel off their port side powering its laser cannons for another burst. It didn't look like a Voravian ship, that much was easy enough to tell.

  'We've been intercepted by a Star Command vessel, identity unknown. They're demanding that we power down our shields and prepare to be boarded.' Smith said.

  'Captain, I think I know that ship.' Trigger Hawkins moaned from the con. 'That's the Scavanger sir.'

  The Scavanger. Why was that name familiar?

  'Incoming hail Captain.' Annika chimed in.

  'Incoming hail.' the computer informed everyone on board. 'Have a nice day.'

  Annika glared at the speaker from whence the sound had came but said nothing.

  'On screen.'

  The viewscreen blinked once in recognition of the command and the image of the vessel resolved into a face the crew knew all too well.

  Smith groaned.

  'Well, well well! Well? Well!' Darwin's smug features enunciated with irritating repetition. 'If it isn't my temporary crew. I trust you are all sitting comfortably?'

  'Actually I've been sat here far too long sir, I'm supposed to go to sick bay for a checkup but there's something about that Doctor Samej that...'

  'Quiet!' Darwin roared at Trigger, causing the man to somehow sink further into his chair. 'I didn't give you permission to ruin my gloating.' the Captain cleared his throat and continued. 'Thought you had seen the last of me, eh?'

  'Terminate transmission.' Smith told the computer, and the viewscreen shut off entirely.

  The crew turned as one and stared at him in askance.

  'Irritating Captain Darwin is one of the few pleasures I have in life.'

  In hindsight, such an antagonistic decision seemed perfectly reasonable, and there were various murmurs of approval to that effect.

  'Incoming hail.' Annika informed them once again.

  'Incom...'

  'Computer, mute audio!' she shouted at the speaker.

  'Incoming transmission. Audio muted, have a nice day.' the computer informed her in a sickly sweet voice that almost sounded patronising.

  Annika ground her teeth, clearly the word muted meant something different to a Star Command computer.

  'On screen.' Phil said with a sense of deja vu.

  The screen resolved into the slightly more irritated features of Captain Darwin, much to the satisfaction of Agent Smith, who smirked at the sight. The negotiation section of this conversation went a little something like this:

  'You hung up on me!' Darwin accused.

  'You're attacking our ship!' Phil retorted.

  'You blew me out into space!'

  'No I didn't, that was my crew!'

  Darwin stalled, a slight twitch developing under his eyelid. 'Your crew blew me out into space!'

  'Not my problem!'

  Captain Darwin hammered the panel in front of him and the feed temporarily went screwy. 'Enough of this pointless bickering! You will surrender at once or suffer the consequences!'

  As you can imagine, the thought of custody under the insufferably pompous Captain Darwin was less than an ideal alternative to their present scenario. The answer didn't require any deliberation amongst the crew.

  'We refuse to surrender, what are you going to do, blow us to pieces?'

  'Security!' Darwin bellowed at someone off screen. 'Our secret strategies have been compromised! The enemy knows of our plans, I repeat, the enemy knows of our plans!'

  Phil watched with an amused expression as Darwin huffed and puffed about the bridge, attempting to come up with a new counter-strategy.

  'I would urge caution, Captain Jones.' Agent Smith said in the interim. 'If Darwin cannot come up with an alternative strategy then he is most likely to stick to his guns and blow us to pieces. Our own weaponry and shields are no match for a full Star Command vessel.'

  'Understood, Agent Smith.' Phil replied, wondering at the lack of fear he felt while dealing with this utter buffoon. 'Suggestions if it comes to that, people?'

  The crew looked among themselves, each of them clearly trying hard to be the first to come up with a solution to the precarious situation they found themselves in.

  'We could try and hack into their targeting systems and set their laser weapons to overload.' Annika suggested, looking up at the speaker to see if the supposedly muted computer had anything to say about that.

  'No.' Smith interjected. 'Unless you can bypass the new security measures on the laser systems in the next minute and a half it's unlikely we have time to do that. It was a good plan otherwise.'

  Phil blinked. Did Smith just pay Annika a compliment?

  'I suggest that we target their systems with our own weapons, if we punch hard enough we may be able to get through the shields and disable the threat.'

  'No good.' RJ replied. 'That critter has been refitted since last time, there's no chance our arsenal will dent their defences.' he rubbed his chin for a moment then held up his finger. 'What if we simply high-tail it out of here while he's humming and hawing over security? He probably won't even notice we're gone until it's too late.'

  'Sir?' a quiet voice squeaked into the silence of deliberation.

  'RJ. It's just RJ, Ensign Hawkins.'

  'Well... thing is...' Trigger started, then lapsed into silence when he realised the entire crew minus the missing Doctor Samej were staring at him.

  'Your point, Ensign Hawkins. Get to it.' Smith intoned.

  'Yes, well... We could try that, but well... it wouldn't work.'

  'Why not?' RJ asked.

  Trigger Hawkins looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Headlights that revealed and all-you-can-eat venison buffet. No doubt regretting having opened his mouth at all now that he had to justify his words. 'I just... it's just that... Their engines will have been improved in the refit, and they'll be able to scan the direction of our hyperwarp path. There's no getting away
from them, sir.'

  'Have you a better suggestion, Ensign?' Smith pressed.

  The nervous Hawkins rapidly shook his head and lapsed into silence.

  Darwin's face popped up on the viewscreen once again, apparently any irritation that the man had previous displayed had sunken back into the tide of smugness. 'You will surrender your vessel for boarding immediately or I shall be forced to execute my new and improved plan upon you!'

  'What plan is that then?' Phil asked.

  'Ah, well you see what I do is...' Darwin began before a nearby Lieutenant whispered in his ear. 'Aha!' he cried. 'A fiendishly clever ploy, getting me to reveal my own plans, but I saw through your ruse!'

  He settled himself back into the larger command chair and waited for the surrender to occur. That was when Phil saw it, and Darwin saw him seeing it.

  'Recognise this, Mr. Jones?' he crowed, holding his hand up so that the viewscreen would focus upon it.

  A single pink glove sparkled upon the man's hand, glinting in the light with a keen sharpness that sent a pang of despair into Phil's heart.

  'No... it can't be!' he cried.

  'That's right. I am the glove-wearer now!'

  If Darwin did any more crowing through the course of this conversation he was in danger of turning into a rookery.

  'You see Mr. Jones, destiny has changed. For you see, I am as you see, the man with the glove. See?'

  Phil saw.

  'So in conclusion, I am the superior Captain, I have a bigger chair than you do on a bigger ship than you do and I have the glove. Surrender now and prepare to be boarded!'

  Phil slumped in his chair, not bothering to look at the reactions of the crew. He couldn't believe it, the glove had chosen Darwin of all people? Why? What could that bumbling fool possibly offer unless...

  Unless it was only bumbling fools that the glove chose to work through.

  It was over, they were outgunned and outmatched and there was nothing he could think of that would save them now. All that was left was to surrender control of the ship and deal with whatever Star Command and the Human Genome Project had in store for him.

  'Captain?'

  No suggestions were forthcoming, no more ideas were left to be placed on the table. They were doomed, and his own inaction was what was going to doom them.

  'Captain?'

  He had inadvertently led the crew into chaos through his inspiring them into mutiny. They had believed in him and his abilities as a Captain when in truth if a man like Darwin could be chosen by the glove then it was all the glove's doing and nothing to do with him.

  'Captain, are you listening?'

  Phil looked up at the eager features of Trigger Hawkins, so bright and optimistic in the face of utter defeat. 'What is it, Ensign?'

  'There's an asteroid field nearby sir, I've plotted the hyperwarp coordinates!'

  'That's... nice, Ensign. Why?'

  'Permission to take control of the ship so that I can show you, sir!'

  Phil sighed. What harm could it do at this point? 'Permission granted.'

  'Aye sir, taking control.' Trigger said in a surprisingly confident voice. 'Jumping to hyperwarp on pre-planned coordinates. Computer, make sure everyone is strapped in.'

  Silence.

  'Unmute computer.' Annika muttered.

  'All occupants are accounted for.' the computer said in a smug little voice, and then 'have a nice day.' as an afterthought.

  The ship shot out into the purpleish blueish tinged vacuum that was hyperwarp, leaving Darwin and his vessel behind if only for a time. The journey lasted but a minute before they found themselves face to face with giant hurtling rocks of death, which were still marginally better than having to deal with Darwin's face on the viewscreen.

  'It looks like you've found your asteroid field, Ensign Hawkins. Now pray tell, what is your plan?'

  For once, Trigger didn't wilt under the glowering gaze of Smith, instead straightening up in his seat as he swivelled around in it to address him. 'Agent Smith, I need you to trust me. Captain Darwin will be here very soon and I won't have time to explain to you how this will work.'

  'I cannot permit you to continue this act as it may jeopardise the safety of this crew, which is of utmost importance to me. How do we not know that you are a spy sent to infiltrate us by Darwin?'

  RJ let out a laugh. 'Come on Smith, he's a kid. Besides, do you really think Darwin would be smart enough to think of such a plan?'

  If glares could turn people to stone, Agent Smith's gaze would have produced a statue in the pilot's chair. 'No.' he said after a time, with great reluctance. 'You are correct, he wouldn't.'

  As if on cue, Darwin's vessel sprung out of hyperwarp right behind them, with the computer helpfully informing them that there was an incoming transmission before Annika could open her mouth.

  RJ turned to Trigger, who was gazing at the ship behind as it powered its weapons. 'Whatever it is you have planned kid, now would be the time to do it.'

  For a third time, the viewscreen blinked on and the purpled features of Darwin's visage graced them.

  'You ran away!' he shouted, as if they had played an unfair tactic in some game. 'You cannot escape me, surrender now and I'll be gentle.'

  Captain Darwin struck the crew as many things, but gentle was not one of them. Phil didn't have to worry about formulating a reply though as it was Trigger who faced the viewscreen now.

  'Captain Darwin sir, I have something I'd very much like to tell you.'

  Darwin stared down at Trigger as if noticing him for the first time. 'Ah, Cadet! Enjoying slumming it with the rest of these mutinous filth are you? There's still a chance for you, don't you know. Simply convince the others to drop their shields and come peacefully and there's a place for you aboard the new and improved Scavanger. You never know, there may well be a promotion too where that came from.' he beamed down at him now, his fingers forming a steeple in an entirely transparent display of what he considered cunning. 'How does Ensign Trigger Hawkins sound to you, boy?'

  In an infinite universe, there are infinite possibilities, which means that someone, somewhere, had been given the task of composing a list of all the great misguided and delusional pieces of convincing that had occurred throughout all of human contact. Said individual would have been rubbing his appendages together in excitable glee at the prospect of Darwin's comments shooting to the top of the list. Actually, given Darwin's record it was most likely that he was displacing one of his previous statements.

  Trigger's reaction to such incredible ignorance would have made an entirely different list. He physically shook on the spot, a small vibrating storm of fury that quivered upon the deck plates on the verge of eruption.

  'I am not a Cadet!' he shrieked at the view screen. 'I will never obey you again, ever!'

  The rest of the words that Trigger used to describe Darwin's character, moral fortitude and performance in more intimate scenarios cannot be published. Sufficed to say that his invective was enough to make the most hardened trader blush.

  'Switch that damn view screen off!' Trigger howled with a vitriol that had Annika reflexively terminating the transmission with haste.

  They sat in silence for a time, staring at the tiny man in shock at what they had just heard and wondering collectively how long he had been holding such a tirade in.

  He straightened out his afro and took a steadying breath. 'With your permission Captain, I'd like to pilot us into the asteroid field.'

  'Make it so, Ensign Hawkins.' Phil replied without delay, and with that the ship lurched forth into the rocky debris, Trigger taking care not to collide with any of the rocks and only bringing them in a short distance before cutting power to the thrusters.

  'Pray tell Ensign, what is it exactly that you are planning to achieve?' Smith asked, placing emphasis on the man's rank. 'The Scavanger's long-range scanners won't be fooled by the debris surrounding us.'

  'Well sir, if my calculations are correct, Captain Darwin himself shall be
informing us.'

  As if pre-planned, the computer informed them of an incoming transmission, which did nothing to improve Annika's feeling of redundancy.

  'On screen.' Phil said, trying to regain some measure of control over this bizarre situation.

  Fourth time clearly wasn't the charm when it came to the view screen’s efforts at presenting Darwin's face in a manner that was pleasing. The man's skin had gone from purple to reddish in hue, clearly enraged at the dressing-down he had received from his former Ensign.

  'Jones!' he roared, blood vessels popping out of his temples in a worrying and ventricular fashion. 'How dare you let your subordinates speak to me in such a manner! I was going to offer you terms of surrender but clearly you will respond to nothing but force. Come out of that asteroid field this instant so that I may blast you into space dust!'

  Phil looked briefly in askance at Trigger, who shook his head most emphatically.

  'No. I don't think we shall be coming out any time soon.'

  This didn't seem to improve his opposite number's temper any. 'Lieutenant!' he yelled at the man beside him, startling him. 'Blow the entire asteroid field to pieces.'

  A pained expression crossed the Lieutenant's face, and he whispered into the Captain's ear again.

  'What do you mean we can't destroy the asteroid field? Surely it's just a bunch of rocks?'

  Further intense whispering, possibly some pleading too.

  'Fine, fine. Have it your way then, we'll deal with the bloody Voravians first.' Darwin waved away the man before flicking his eyes back up to the view screen, as if staring into the very souls of those in attendance. 'As for you, I want you to remember this. Nowhere in space is safe for you now that you are fugitives of Star Command and equally hated by the Voravian Empire. Once I am through dealing with them, I will find you and I will destroy you.'

  The chilling words pushed Phil back down into his seat, this man had the glove and a plausible reason for wanting to destroy every single one of them. Who could stop this dark harbinger from achieving his burning desires?

  'I think that was a really good speech, don't you? Stole that one from a movie, but the suckers will buy it, that's for sure.'