Impossible Promise

by Sybil Bartel

  I couldn’t believe what was happening. I couldn’t swallow past the lump in my throat. I had no defense against the game he was playing. “What are you doing?”

  Talon watched me for a heartbeat and then I saw it happen. The mask slipped over his features and he snaked his arm around the girl’s waist. “Should I toss her aside for you?”

  Bile rose up.

  “Talon.” She mock slapped his arm. “Quit playing.”

  “I’m not playin’.” He still didn’t look at her, his eyes getting harder by the second. “I’m sittin’ next to a beautiful woman and I asked her a question.”

  The brunette looked at me and a smile spread across her face. “Maybe she’d like to join us?”

  “Not what I’m after,” Talon said immediately.

  The brunette pouted. “Maybe it’s what she’s after.”

  “Trust me, it isn’t. You’ve got the wrong equipment, darlin’. Maybe if you got Blaze out here, she might change her tune,” Talon taunted.

  I wanted to get up, I swear I did, but I was rooted in place, fate cursing my life. I wanted to slap Talon. I wanted to throw the brunette off him, hell, I wanted to hate him. My heart beating faster every second, I managed none of it.

  “So what’ll it be, Sugar?” Talon stroked the brunette’s back, her thigh. He pushed her hair off her shoulders and leaned toward her neck.

  I stood up.

  Talon gripped her ass and slid her up his lap, a sickening smile spreading across his face. “Maybe you wanna watch?” He put his lips on her throat.

  The brunette groaned and Talon fisted a handful of her hair and her head fell back. “Maybe you wanna see what you’re missin’.” His eyes on me, he jerked her head up and slammed his mouth over hers. Their tongues collided and Talon eyes fluttered shut.

  Scrambling off the lounger, I reached for the slider door.

  Buck stood on the other side of the glass.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I threw the door open, my mind working furiously. I had no idea how long Buck had been standing there but I could guess. I shoved past him, my mouth finally deciding to speak.

  “Lose your fucking date?” I snapped, hating myself for every word. This was his mother’s wake.

  Buck grabbed my arm. In one quick movement, he slammed the slider shut and threw me against it. His thigh went between my legs and his forearms braced against the glass on either side of my head.

  “Is this what you want?” His chest hovered an inch from mine.

  “Yeah, you pissed off is a real turn-on.” I held my chin up, refusing to back down. The smell of alcohol on his breath should’ve tipped me off but I ignored it.

  “Watch it,” he warned.

  “Or what? You gonna go fuck Barbie and teach me a lesson? Or maybe you’re gonna drink till you can’t feel shit except the vomit coming out of your mouth.” Enraged, I didn’t even try holding back.

  Buck’s mouth crashed down on mine and the back of my head hit the glass, hard.

  My vision blurring, I saw stars.

  The slider door shook with the furious impact of a fist. “Open the fucking door!” Talon yelled through the glass.

  Buck wrenched me by the arm, spun me to his side and threw open the door. “Back the FUCK off!” he roared.

  Six marines and Neil were suddenly there. Despite Buck having a few inches and thirty pounds of muscle on Talon, Neil moved in between them.

  “Step down,” Neil said menacingly to Talon.

  Buck turned with me still captive in his grip.

  “That means you too, Gunnery Sergeant,” Neil said to our backs.

  Buck’s hand dropped and he stepped forward at a wall of marine muscle. Both his hands went up, shoving two of the marines’ shoulders simultaneously. It was like the parting of the red sea as the men peeled back and Buck stormed through without a word.

  “What’s going on?” I heard the brunette’s cloying voice behind me.

  No one answered.

  I watched Buck walk all the way to his bedroom, knowing I’d made a huge mistake. He slammed his door shut and two seconds later, Blondie was there, quietly opening it and slipping inside. The last sound I registered was a loud ringing in my ears.

  * * *

  I opened my eyes. I was on the couch and Neil was sitting next to me. I pushed into a sitting position.

  “You fainted. Did you eat today?” Neil asked.

  “Yeah.” I rubbed at the back of my sore head. I was vaguely aware of people leaving.

  “When?”

  I didn’t see Talon and I knew where Buck was. The thought made me physically sick, followed by a pain in my chest so intense I couldn’t breathe. I made to stand.

  Neil put his hand on my knee. “I asked you a question,” he said in a tone of voice that reminded me of my father.

  I covered my mouth with my hand. I couldn’t go there. Remembering hurt too much, everything hurt too much.

  “Let’s go.” Neil stood up, taking me with him and ushering me to a stool at the kitchen counter. “Sit.”

  I sat, wondering if I could die from feeling like this. Is this what it felt like right before you lost your mind? Everything was fractured. Sharp edges of broken glass, nothing felt soft.

  A large glass of milk and a plate of cookies appeared in front of me.

  “Eat.”

  Eat? I may have been losing my mind, but I wasn’t so far gone that I didn’t realize Neil was crazy. Bat shit crazy.

  “Tequila and milk make the prefect recipe for disaster,” I heard myself say.

  “Couldn’t get much worse for you,” Neil stated.

  I dragged my eyes to his. They were remorseless. Insane, crazy person, remorseless. So I drank the milk, because vomiting would take my mind away from this.

  When I put the glass down, Neil pushed the plate of cookies at me. I shoved a whole one in my mouth, then another, gagging on the sickly sweet taste.

  “I bet you don’t eat cookies,” I said through a full mouth. How much did he work out? I’d bet the tampon box that the circumference of one of his thighs was larger than my waist.

  Neil didn’t respond.

  “Were you born like that?” He was probably that kid in school, the one a foot taller and a mountain stronger than all the rest. I’d have pissed myself if he approached me on the playground. When he still didn’t answer, I shoved the plate back. “Done.”

  Neil stood. “Where are you going to sleep?”

  Good fucking question. I glanced at Buck’s door. “Idaho?”

  “Take my room.” Neil didn’t miss a beat.

  “Aaand where would you sleep?”

  “Couch.”

  Ooh, yeah, not happening. I wasn’t going to be the person responsible for putting out Viking. You’d have to be suicidal to do a thing like that. “You run along to bed, I’m good.” I stumbled to the couch, wondering why I still had these fucking shoes on. And when did everyone leave?

  Neil stood there a moment watching me. “Come get me if you need me.” And he went to bed.

  I sat in the empty living room, the house an eerie quiet.

  The seconds ticked into hours.

  The sun crested the horizon.

  Talon walked into the family room in a pair of shorts. He looked at my dress, the shoes still on my feet and then glanced at Buck’s door before looking back at me.

  “What’s goin’ on, Sugar?” Voice steely quiet, there was no mistaking the anger in his tone.

  I tried to casually shrug, like I hadn’t been up all night crying between bouts of rage.

  “Motherfucker.”

  Like he hadn’t been doing the exact same thing as Buck. I wanted to hate him but I didn’t have the right.

  Talon’s expression turned mournful. “Why didn’t you come to me?”

  “For what? A threesome?”

  Talon stilled, green eyes watching me intently. For once, he said nothing.

  Fucking prick.

  Buck’s door opened.
<
br />   Blondie tiptoed out backward, quietly shutting the door behind her. Her shoes in one hand, she turned around to walk the walk of shame, but froze when she saw us.

  Talon’s voice went ice cold. “Get what you came for, Christie?”

  Christie? Christie-fucking-Kisses, Christie?

  “Fuck you, Talon,” she hissed, then turned a vicious smile toward me. “How was the couch?”

  “How were your scraps?” You fucking skank.

  “At least I had some,” she sneered.

  Buck opened his door, dressed only in boxers.

  Christie-fucking-Kisses whipped around, a huge smile plastered on her face. “Good morning baby, I didn’t want to wake you.” She flipped her hair and ran blood red nails down his arm.

  “Leave.”

  She froze for only a second then took a step closer to Buck. “I thought we could—”

  Buck cut her off. “Now.”

  To my surprise, she spun around and left without another word. Talon watched her go and Buck ran a hand over his head. He hadn’t looked at me. I wasn’t even sure he saw me.

  The front door closed and Talon turned on Buck. “Hope she was worth it.”

  “Fuck you,” Buck ground out.

  “I wasn’t the one fucking last night,” Talon said in a dead calm, no hint of a Southern accent.

  The air in the room went still.

  Fists clenched, jaw rigid, Buck took a step forward.

  “Go ahead,” Talon coaxed. “Better than you have tried.”

  Buck lunged. Talon was thrown up against the wall as Buck’s arm went across his throat and I screamed. In a blur of movement, Talon kneed Buck in the stomach, yanked his shoulders down then his fists crashed down on the back of Buck’s neck. He spun effortlessly, his foot landing a crushing blow to Buck’s back a split second before he grabbed his arms and yanked up and back. Buck dropped to his knees. Holding one arm in an unnatural twist, Talon grabbed the back of Buck’s head and slammed his face onto the coffee table. At the last second, Buck tucked his chin to his shoulder and took the blow to the side of his head.

  “Look at her!” Talon picked Buck up and viciously slammed his face down again.

  Buck’s cold, heartless eyes met mine. There wasn’t an ounce of recognition in his stare.

  I jerked off the couch, stumbled and caught myself on the counter. Talon’s keys sat next to his sunglasses and I didn’t hesitate. I grabbed them and ran.

  I pushed the Challenger, swerving in and out of early morning traffic. I drove with no sense of where I was going. I drove wanting the image of Buck’s hard stare gone from my mind. I drove surrounded by the scent of sun, sand, surf and coconuts that was now laced with the deadly fury Talon was capable of. I drove wishing anything in my life wasn’t what it was.

  I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex and walked to the entry door before realizing I didn’t have keys. I pushed a bunch of doorbells and someone stupidly buzzed me in. I made it as far as my front door then slid to the floor. Knees to my chest, I gave in to the crippling pain of Buck’s betrayal and cried.

  Chapter Thirty

  My head in my hands, my knees tight against my chest, I knew I couldn’t stay here. Keys scraped the entryway door and I promised myself I’d get up as soon as whoever it was passed. Except they didn’t pass. Black boots, scuffed, worn and polished to a high shine, stopped next to me.

  The slightest whisper of moving fabric and black cargo pants sat down next to me.

  I couldn’t do this.

  “I didn’t have sex with her,” Buck’s deep voice rumbled.

  I closed my eyes. It was a mistake. Every touch of our last night together flooded my mind. Buck hadn’t had sex with me either. Did he touch her the same way he’d touched me? Did he put his mouth and hands all over her body? Did he make her come? I turned away from him, the pain too much.

  “I didn’t touch her. I didn’t want her.” His hand tentatively fingered a strand of my hair.

  Relief surged but just as quickly an image of her in bed with him crushed my heart. “Don’t.” My protest was only a whisper as I shrugged away from him.

  “I wanted you to think I did.” This time his touch wasn’t hesitant. He brushed my hair back and his warm hand traveled down my arm. “I thought if I hurt you, I would feel better. I was wrong.”

  If what he was saying was true, then what I did with Talon was worse, far worse. But my heart was breaking and it didn’t care that I had no right to judge. “You slept with her, all night.” I was heartsick. I knew this was my fault but God, it hurt.

  “Look at me,” he said gently.

  I couldn’t.

  His hand cupped my neck and I flinched. “I’ve never lied to you.”

  He was right but I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t see those emotionless eyes again and have my heart survive. I shrunk in on myself, wanting this to all go away and at the same time wanting nothing more than for Buck to hold me in his arms again.

  His thumb stroked along my jaw. “I’m sorry.”

  I pulled away but his hand tightened.

  “I’m sorry about last night, I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you drowned and I’m sorry I pushed you. God, I’m so fucking sorry about that—but I’m not sorry for how I feel about you.” His large, rough hand turned my face to his and I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Look at me,” he commanded.

  The rough silk of his voice, the heat of his hand, his clean musky scent floating all around me—I never had a chance. My heart reached for him and I opened my eyes. There was no cold marine-trained stare. There was pain and longing and it was on the face of the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I whispered.

  “You have to choose, Layna.”

  There was no choice. The fact that I made him doubt me, it hurt more than seeing him with Christie. And suddenly, I didn’t care about where he’d slept last night. I wanted him. I wanted all the rest of his nights and I wasn’t going to be selfish enough to hold last night against him. I just wanted him. “It was always you.” I breathed the truth making me feel more vulnerable than anything Miami had ever done to me.

  His blue eyes stared into my soul. “I don’t share.”

  “I’d never ask you to.” For the first time since I told him about the kiss, I let myself feel hope.

  Buck dropped his hand. “I don’t know how to trust you.”

  My hope died. “I’m sorry.” I averted my eyes.

  We sat like that for a moment, both of us staring straight ahead. His breathing, my heartbeat and the distant sounds of life coming through the walls of an apartment building I felt no connection to. The only thing grounding me was Buck. But who was grounding him?

  “I’m sorry about your mother. I can’t imagine what you went through, watching her...” I couldn’t say die.

  “She died peacefully.”

  Emotion welled up and threatened to choke me. I knew the alternative and thank God Buck hadn’t had to live that. “I’m glad you were with her,” I whispered.

  Buck looked at me. “Did you go to your parents’ funeral?”

  I nodded.

  For a moment, he didn’t say anything.

  “Sixteen years old, burying the only family you had.” His voice burned with something too close to sympathy and I wanted no part of it.

  “Don’t.” I shook my head but it was too late. The desolation, the pain, the intense desperation of that day came flooding back. “I...” I paused, swallowing it all down. “I’m not going there.”

  “You survived. Sixteen and alone, you survived.” And the way he said it, it was like he understood something for the first time.

  “Stop.” I didn’t want him thinking I was something I wasn’t.

  Buck stroked my cheek with a rough hand. “You’re a fighter.”

  Every muscle in my body tensed. “No, I’m not.” Then the three years of running, the drowning, hurting Buck, Neil’s offer, all of it,
all the shit emotions swirling around my head swelled up and let loose. “I died in that ocean and you know what I thought? I was glad. I wanted to die. I’m a coward and I wanted to die. It was relief.” Sweet, agonizing relief.

  Buck reached for me but I pulled back. “No. You need to hear this. When Talon pulled me out and did CPR, I was mad. I was so fucking mad. For a few minutes, I hadn’t been in pain, I wasn’t trapped, or hunted or watched. I didn’t feel anything. Just relief. That ocean was beautiful and quiet and so peaceful I wanted to stay there. And then Talon made everything hurt, he brought it all back. He brought me back.” I thumped my fist on my chest, wanting Buck to understand.

  “That’s when I realized I’d drowned. That I’d wanted to die. Nothing scared me more. Never in my whole life had I felt that scared, not even when I watched my parents being put in the ground.” I had to finish but I couldn’t look at Buck when I said what I had to say next. I stared at my lap.

  “I lay in the sand on that beach, gasping for breath and I was terrified. Nothing felt right. Not one single thing. Panic rose like an impossible wall around me and I reached out. I kissed Talon, not thinking, not wishing, not wanting, just desperate. I was desperate to feel anything except what I was feeling and Talon was there.” I took a breath. “I do have feelings for him. He’s the first friend I’ve had in three years, probably the only real friend I’ve ever had. That means something to me. But no part of that is anything close to what I feel for you. I realized that the second I made the mistake of kissing him. After you left, Talon told me not to confuse gratitude with love.” I looked back up at Buck. “But it wasn’t either. I was just scared.”

  Buck stared at me.

  “I was scared,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

  His lips met mine and a groan ripped from his chest. His hands tangled in my hair and his tongue swept across mine. Every ounce of pain, the constant static of anxiety, the world around me, it was suddenly gone. My back was rising, my heart was racing and I was all at once on my feet, encircled in Buck’s hard strength. One hand cupped the back of my head and the other pushed at my lower back. His kiss, demanding and so, so tender, left me breathless.

  “Hate to break up the party but we’re sittin’ ducks and we got places to be.”