Bridge to Nowhere

by Yvonne Whittal

  Megan could not help him. She was having difficulty solving her own emotional problems, but, unlike Chad, she was acquainted with her feelings.

  'The answer to your problem lies within yourself,' she said when the dance ended. 'All you have to do is find it.'

  'How long does it take to find a needle in a haystack?' he laughed shortly, releasing her only to place a firm hand beneath her elbow as they returned to their table.

  Chad did not expect an answer from her, and neither did she give him one. He held the key to what was locked away in his heart and his mind, and only he could use it.

  They left the restaurant moments later, and Megan was in a mellow, relaxed mood when Chad followed her into her suite and closed the door. She had perhaps had too much wine with her dinner, she was not going to deny that, but she knew no sense of fear as she deposited her wrap and evening purse on a chair and turned to find him observing her with a curious expression in his steely eyes.

  'It's been a lovely evening.' She was smiling as she reached up spontaneously to kiss him briefly on the lips in much the same way she might have kissed her father. 'Thank you, Chad.'

  A look of surprise flashed across his handsomely chiselled features, but it was replaced swiftly by something dark and dangerously exciting.

  'Megan!' Her name was an animal-like growl deep in his throat as he pulled her roughly into his hard arms. 'Oh, Megan!'

  His mouth possessed hers, and his hands moved convulsively against her back, crushing her body to his as he kissed her with an oddly desperate passion. The velvet of his jacket was soft against her palms when her arms slid up about his neck, and she kissed him back with a fierce, unbridled passion of her own that left her feeling peculiarly drained when his arms finally slackened about her.

  'I'm sorry if I was rough with you, but I needed this,' he murmured thickly, his fiery mouth trailing an exciting path across her jaw and down along the sensitive cord of her throat.

  'So did I,' she heard herself confessing in a breathless, unrecognisably husky voice.

  She slid her hands inside his jacket where she could feel the heat of his body through the silk of his shirt, and touching him like that awakened her to an urgent need to be closer still to this man she loved so much. Her hands moved almost of their own volition to explore the muscled wall of his chest, her fingers encountering his hardened male nipples through the silk, and his body grew taut against her, alerting her to the danger of what she was doing.

  It thrilled her to know she had the power to arouse Chad, but it also scared her sufficiently to bring her to her senses. His mouth stilled against her throat as if he had sensed her mental rather than her physical withdrawal, and he lifted his dark head to kiss her on the tip of her small, straight nose before he released her to flick an admonishing finger against her flushed cheek.

  'I'll see you in the morning, Megan,' he smiled twistedly, and then he left.

  Megan went into the bedroom and started to undress, but Chad's presence seemed to linger with her, the remembered warmth and smell of him filling her with a longing which remained with her until she finally went to sleep from sheer exhaustion.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The following day dawned clear and sunny, but there was a slight nip in the air as a reminder that autumn would soon make way for winter. Chad had suggested at the breakfast table that they spend the day in the country, and Megan could not fault the idea when the hotel staff offered to pack them a picnic lunch. They visited several places of interest, but their final destination was the Hartebeespoort dam, which lay forty kilometres west of Pretoria.

  The road eventually passed through a tunnel before it became a single lane across the dam wall which closed a narrow nek in the Magaliesberg to impound the Crocodile River, and Megan glanced about her with interest. 'I've never been here before,' she confessed.

  Chad glanced at her briefly and smiled. 'This was one of my favourite hunting grounds.'

  Megan wondered what nature of hunting he was referring to, but she chose not to question him about it. She did not want anything to mar this day for her.

  Chad hired a powerboat for the day, and she enjoyed the thrill of speeding across the fifteen square kilometres of the reservoir with the fine spray of the water on her face and the wind whipping through her hair. She was in no particular hurry for Chad to end this exhilarating chase after nothing in particular, and she was content to sit and watch the play of muscles in his sun-browned arms where he stood with his hands resting firmly on the controls.

  The wind swept his dark hair away from his broad forehead, and flattened his blue shirt against his body to accentuate his muscled chest and taut, flat stomach above the leather belt hugging his grey denims to his hips. He was exuding an air of aggressive masculinity that stirred her senses, and that was only one of the many reasons why she loved him. Beneath that cold, cynical and often embittered exterior she had glimpsed a warm, gentle and caring man; a man with a need to give and receive love like anyone else, but that side of him had been forcibly suppressed since his youth.

  Trusting a woman will never come easy to a man as cynical as Chad McAdam. That was what Glenys Gibson had said, and Megan knew the reason why. She had not sat with him all those hours through his bout of malaria without learning something of his pain and his fears, but she was not sure that it was within her power to teach him to trust again.

  She shelved her thoughts hastily as Chad pointed to a secluded spot up ahead of them, and the silence was almost deafening when he finally moored the boat and cut the engine.

  'This is one of the few places in and around the city where one can get really close to nature,' he said some minutes later when he had deposited their picnic basket in a cool spot and was lowering himself on to the rug Megan had spread out beneath a shady tree along the embankment. 'My father was a member of the Yacht Club, and I used to come here often as a child. I would pretend that I was a hunter stalking animals in the bush with my rifle in search of a trophy to hang on my wall at home, but when I grew older I used to sit here to dream about the future when I'd be qualified to heal the animals I'd wanted to slay in my childhood.'

  This explained his curious statement about the dam being one of his favourite hunting grounds, and Megan almost laughed out loud at what she had imagined he had meant.

  'Do you see your post at Izilwane as the fulfilment of your dreams?' she asked, studying his strong profile as she sat down beside him, and allowing her glance to linger on the straight, high-bridged nose, the sensuous mouth and strong, jutting jaw.

  'Yes, I do, and I'm looking forward to the time when my trips to the city will be limited to the Aztec Corporation's quarterly board meetings.' He turned his head, capturing her glance, and an unexpected gleam of mockery entered his eyes. 'I've told you before, it's time I settled down with a woman… or two… or three.'

  'Three sounds like a nice number with which to start off your harem,' she agreed lightly, averting her gaze and staring out across the wide expanse of water rippling in the sunlight.

  'I shall have to collect them one at a time.' He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her face back to his, forcing her to look at him. 'At the moment I'm still concentrating on you.'

  His hand slid round to the nape of her neck, his fingers curling into the short, honey-gold hair, and he leaned towards her, capturing her mouth with his and silencing the caustic reply which had risen to her lips. He kissed her playfully, his mouth teasing and tantalising hers to arouse a deep-seated hunger for more, and then, suddenly, his kisses were no longer playful. They were urgent and demanding, and Megan found herself meeting that demand with a surprising urgency of her own as he bore her down on to the rug and held her there with the weight of his body.

  Her arms went up of their own volition to become locked about his strong neck, and she clung to him, her fingers curling into the cotton of his shirt in an attempt to steady herself in this dizzying world of escalating emotions. Warnings flashed through her mind, but t
hey faded swiftly when Chad trailed a delicious path of fiery kisses along her jaw to her throat, and then he was once again ravaging her eager, quivering mouth to drive her closer towards that ragged edge where sanity no longer prevailed.

  'Your lips taste like honey, and you always smell like a fresh mountain breeze,' he murmured thickly when he eased his mouth from hers to bury his face against her throat. 'I like it.'

  Megan had gone beyond the point of searching for a flippant response to ease the emotional tension between them. She could feel the heat of his hands on her body through her khaki slacks and amber-coloured blouse, and his touch excited her, but she came to her senses when she felt him undoing the buttons of her blouse.

  'No, don't…please!' she protested weakly, gripping his strong, sinewy wrists in an attempt to stay his action, but the last button gave way beneath his fingers, and the front of her blouse was parted to expose the lacy bra which was her only protection. 'Don't, Chad!' she pleaded huskily, looking up into pale eyes with black pinpoints of fire in their depths. 'Someone might see us! Please don't do this to me!'

  'There's no one anywhere near us, this place is deserted during the week, and I want to look at you and touch you.'

  His throaty reply heightened her fear, but he held her a prisoner beneath his aroused body, making her struggles ineffectual while he unhooked the front catch of her bra and peeled aside the lacy material to expose her small, pointed breasts. Megan's cheeks flamed, and she raised her hands to use them as a shield, but Chad wrenched them away to imprison them above her head. She could not lie there placidly for his inspection, and she writhed beneath his aroused body in a desperate attempt to escape, but there was something in the way he looked at her that suddenly stilled her actions.

  'You're so beautiful, Megan!'

  The raw emotion in his voice matched the look on his face when he bowed his dark head in something close to reverence over her breasts, circling one rosy peak with the tip of his moist tongue in an erotic caress before he took the hardened nipple into his hot mouth and sucked gently.

  He did the same to her other breast, and Megan was not aware that she was holding her breath, but it finally escaped past her lips in a shuddering moan of pleasure which she had been incapable of suppressing. Her body was being awakened to sensations which were incredibly sweet and dangerously intense, and she did not shy away from it. Something inside her was beginning to want more, and she pushed her fingers through Chad's hair in a convulsive action, almost guiding his mouth when he repeated the action.

  A wave of piercingly sweet desire swept through her, and it aroused an unfamiliar stab of aching, wanting warmth in her loins. It was a sobering experience, and she was forced to take a quick, sane look at herself. If Chad made love to her now she was afraid she might not have the will to stop him!

  Her fears had been unnecessary. Chad drew the fronts of her blouse together to cover her nakedness, and sat up abruptly with his elbows resting on his knees, to leave her staring at his broad back.

  She raised herself warily into a sitting position, temporarily at a loss to understand his behaviour, while she fastened the catch of her bra and buttoned up her blouse with hands that were shaking uncontrollably. Chad had had her exactly where he had always wanted her. He could have taken her if he had wanted to, but he had changed his mind. Why? She stared at his back which was turned so resolutely towards her, wanting to question him, but she was too bewildered and unsure of herself to speak.

  'I think I must be going crazy.' He combed his fingers angrily through his dark hair and turned, one thigh resting heavily against hers as he subjected her to his narrowed, speculative gaze. 'Nothing has stopped me before from having a woman when and where I've wanted her, but with you it's different,' he said, his voice low and urgent as he answered her unspoken query. 'I've always been a taker, Megan. I take what's given and give nothing in return, but with you, the wanting and the giving has to be a mutual thing between us. Do you understand?'

  'I understand perfectly.' She held his glance and felt herself driven by the need to explain. 'Chad, it—it isn't a lack of—of wanting.'

  'I know.' There was a suggestion of the old mockery in his narrowed gaze. 'It's the giving that the old-fashioned side of you still objects to.'

  'But I think… at the right time and place… anything is possible,' she finished off his remark on a daringly provocative note.

  'That sounds encouraging.'

  His glance had shifted to her lips, and she hastily changed the subject. 'Do you think we could eat? I'm starving!'

  'So am I.'

  The devilish gleam in his eyes told Megan that he was not talking about food, but she chose to ignore the implication of his remark, and Chad left the matter there to fetch the picnic basket.

  The hotel kitchen had packed an enormous lunch of chicken portions, salads, crispy rolls, and a bottle of wine with two glasses. Megan did not think they would finish it all, but they talked while they ate, and two hours later the picnic basket contained only the remnants of their meal.

  'This has been a memorable day,' she sighed as Chad poured the last of the wine into their glasses. 'I don't think I shall ever forget it.'

  'Neither will I,' he echoed her statement as he dropped the empty bottle into the picnic basket. 'I've shared something with you today that I've never shared with any other woman before.'

  Megan did not doubt his statement, but she was not going to allow herself to believe he thought she was special, and it was with that thought in mind that the flutter of hope in her breast was quelled.

  The doves were calling in the trees while they sat in silence, drinking their wine, but the sun was beginning to set, and that wintry nip was filtering slowly into the air.

  'It's time to go,' Chad announced when he saw Megan shiver, and a few minutes later they were bouncing across the water in the powerboat.

  Chad did not open up the engine to full throttle when he returned the boat to its original moorings. It appeared he was as reluctant as Megan to end this day they had spent together, and a deep sadness welled up inside her when they finally drove away from the dam and headed back to Johannesburg.

  At the dinner table that evening both Megan and Chad were aware that this was their last evening together in Johannesburg before they returned to Izilwane. Nothing had been resolved between them, but, in the aftermath of the pleasant day they had shared, they were both reluctant to touch on a subject which might arouse remembered friction.

  'I'm going to have a three-bedroomed prefabricated cottage erected on that plot of ground up at Izilwane,' Chad announced when they were lingering at their table in the wood-pillared alcove over a second cup of coffee. 'I'm sure I could live there quite comfortably until I've had a proper house built, but I'd need someone to help me with the decor. Would you be interested?'

  'There's a firm in Louisville who does this sort of thing professionally, but I'll help you if that's what you really want.'

  He leaned forward in his chair and rested his elbows on the table. 'You're a fine artist and an adventurous businesswoman, but there's also something restful and homely about you, and that's the atmosphere I'm sure you'll help me to create.'

  'I'll do my best,' she promised, sipping her coffee and studying him closely over the rim of her cup. 'What you really need is a wife.'

  Chad's eyes flickered dangerously in the light of the candle between them. 'Are you applying for the post?'

  'I wasn't aware that you were advertising.'

  'You're sharp, and I like that.' His strongly chiselled features creased in a faintly amused smile. 'Tell me, Megan, why would I want to advertise for something I don't want?'

  'Because you're not really the harsh, unfeeling man you want people to believe you are,' she explained quietly, holding his glance while she lowered her cup into the saucer. 'You've raised barriers to protect yourself from being hurt, but you're human enough to want someone there with you to ward off the loneliness.'

  'And you t
hink a wife could do that?' he demanded mockingly.

  'I think,' she began cautiously, 'you need to re-assess life in general, and yours in particular.'

  His shoulders moved beneath the black velvet dinner jacket as if she had touched a nerve. 'I've been doing a lot of re-assessing lately, but I haven't come up with the answers yet.'

  The atmosphere changed abruptly, and there was an emotional tension in the air between them which refused to be ignored. Megan's eyes met Chad's, and suddenly her stable, rational world crumbled away beneath her feet until nothing and no one existed in the restaurant except Chad and her physical awareness of him as a man.

  She could not recall how or when they left the crowded restaurant to take the lift up to the tenth floor, but she was aware of Chad's hands sliding over her body, stroking her into an awareness of her own need when they stood in the dimly lit corridor outside her suite.

  'Let me stay with you tonight, Megan?'

  His voice fell softly on her ears, and she wanted to say yes, but a part of her still held back. This was the crisis point she had feared. Her love for Chad had become a destructive weapon, and she was being torn apart inside.

  'If you change your mind,' he said, sensing her indecision, 'You'll know where to find me.'

  Megan did not want him to go. She wanted to call him back when he turned on his heel and walked away from her, but the words remained locked in her throat, and she fumbled the key into the lock to enter her suite.

  Her mind was not on what she was doing when she went through the usual ritual of undressing, creaming off her make-up and brushing her teeth. She was thinking about Chad, and her physical need of him was so intense that her hand went out several times to the telephone on the cupboard beside her bed, but every time she snatched it back before her fingers could touch the receiver.

  She had to think! She had to be sure! Was her need strong enough to silence the voice of her conscience?

  This was the final chapter, Megan's heart warned her. This was a moment which she would have to grasp with both hands if she did not want to lose it forever.