Let It Snow

by Sherry Lewis

  She whirled to face him. A hesitant smile flickered across her lips before it disappeared and a slight frown took its place. “Do you think so?”

  “Absolutely.” Apprehension blocked Rick’s next breath, but he refused to let it stop him. “Marti,” he said softly, and took a step closer. “I’m sorry about what happened back there. I shouldn’t have said anything about Cameron.”

  It seemed like an eternity before she lifted her gaze to meet his again. “I shouldn’t have gotten so angry.” She spoke so quietly, he had trouble hearing her over the din.

  He had so much else he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to say it here where he’d have to shout to make himself heard. He glanced over his shoulder toward the door. “Can we talk for a minute outside?”

  She put the sweater back on the rack and nodded slowly. “All right.”

  He took her arm and held her close to his side as they pushed through the crowd to the front of the store. Once on the street, he guided her a few feet away from the busy entrance to a bench on the curb. She sat so close, her thigh brushed his and the breeze carried her scent across the space between them.

  But now that he had her alone again, he had difficulty getting the words out. He watched a couple of cars pass while he searched for the best way to explain.

  She waited in silence, giving him the time and space he needed.

  “When I was a kid,” he managed to say at last, “I was just like Cameron. I was always in trouble, and I didn’t do well at all in school. For most of my teenage years, I was the bane of my parents’ existence.”

  Her lips curved in a soft smile, and he could tell she didn’t believe him.

  But he had to make her understand what her expectations might do to Cameron. “I almost flunked out of high school. None of the subjects they taught there came easy to me. In fact, school was so hard, I eventually gave up.”

  Her eyes narrowed slightly. “But you’re incredibly intelligent.”

  “That’s my point, Marti. One thing has nothing to do with the other. I met a teacher a few years ago one night at a bar. I was miserable and half-drunk, and this guy came in and sat down beside me. We started talking, and he said something to me that night that changed my life.” He held her gaze with his own, willing her to accept the truth of what he was about to tell her. “He said that the school system caters to about eight different abilities. Only eight. And children who may be gifted in ways other than those eight often leave school feeling like failures.”

  Her eyes never left his, and the flicker of understanding he saw in their clear blue depths gave him the courage to go on. “Since our society stresses that those talents are the only way to measure success, ability and intelligence, those kids go through their whole lives feeling like failures.” He put a hand over hers and prayed she wouldn’t pull it away.

  She didn’t. Instead, she turned her hand over and laced her fingers through his.

  His pulse stuttered, then picked up speed, and a comfortable warmth spread through him. “I see myself in Cameron. I’ve spent most of my life working in jobs that other people think are acceptable, but I’ve been miserable. Every day I go to work at my high-paying job and I hate it, but for a long time I’ve bought into the belief that there’s something wrong with me.”

  She tightened her grip on his hand. “Oh, Rick. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

  “I know that now. And there’s nothing wrong with Cameron. Just because the traditional subjects in school aren’t easy for him doesn’t mean he’s not a bright kid. He’s loaded with brains. He’s better than I am at deciding how to fix something. And I really think half of his frustration right now comes from believing that what comes naturally to him isn’t good enough.”

  She nodded quickly and looked away but not before he saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

  “Anyway,” he said, trying to lighten the tone a little. “After talking to that teacher, I decided not to pretend to be something I wasn’t any longer. I went home and told Jocelyn I wanted to leave my job at the court. A few weeks later, we bought the property from your dad and started building the cabins.”

  There. He’d said it, and she hadn’t pulled away or argued or tried to justify her position the way Jocelyn always had. Marti was a remarkable woman.

  But when she turned to face him, he saw a different kind of pain in her eyes. “You were so lucky to have Jocelyn. I love this place, but it’s not for everyone. Not many women would have given up everything to follow you.”

  Her words sent a spiral of the all-too-familiar guilt through him. How could he respond to that? The truth would mean admitting aloud that he’d been guilty of selfishness in insisting on a lifestyle Jocelyn had hated. The irony was, she probably wouldn’t have married him if she’d known who he really was.

  He spoke softly, admitting the truth aloud for the first time. “She didn’t want to give up everything, and she desperately wanted me to go back to Denver. It wasn’t her fault. She fell in love with someone who didn’t exist. She only saw the ambitious legal-eagle who’d worked up the ladder within the court system. She didn’t even know this side of me existed.” He rubbed his forehead slowly. “I changed the rules on her partway through our marriage, and I was so anxious to finally become the real me that I didn’t stop to think about what those changes would do to her-or to us. I think she honestly tried to like it here, but she couldn’t.”

  Marti let her hand linger in his for another few seconds, then drew it away gently. “Thank you.”

  His hand felt strangely empty. He balled it into a fist. “For what?”

  “For telling me the truth. For sharing that with me, even though it was obviously painful. I guess I have some work ahead of me with Cameron, don’t I? Now all I have to do is figure out how to reach him.”

  “I promised Ashley and Kendra that I’d cut a Christmas tree tomorrow. Cameron’s going with me. Would you like to join us?”

  For a second he thought she’d refuse, but she smiled and some of the light crept back into her eyes. “You’re serious?”

  “Absolutely. It would give you a chance to talk to him alone—away from Gil and your dad. And you could do something fun with him. Something he enjoys.”

  Her eyes lightened a bit more. “Yes. Thank you. I think I’d like that.” She leaned closer to brush a kiss across his cheek. Her lips felt warm against his skin, and it took all his self-control not to pull her into his arms and kiss her thoroughly right there on Main Street in front of half the town.

  “Come on,” he said, not at all surprised at the sudden gruffness in his voice. “You need to finish your Christmas shopping.”

  “You’re right,” she said. “I do.”

  He stood and offered his hand to help her up. She took it and let her hand linger in his again, and when their eyes met, he saw reflected at him desire and regret to match his own.

  “Can I ask you one more favor?” she asked when they’d started back toward Morrison’s.

  “Anything.”

  “Come with me to the hardware store and help me pick out Cameron’s Christmas present.”

  He grinned so broadly, his cheeks hurt. Wrapping one arm around her waist, he gave in to temptation and drew her close. He covered her mouth with his own and probed her lips gently with his tongue.

  She parted her lips slightly, inviting him inside, but he forced himself to hold back. He let his tongue brush across the silk of her mouth for only an instant, then forced himself to end the kiss.

  All at once, he felt sixteen again—full of hormones and horny as hell. Back then, he probably would have tried to find some private place where they could be together. Now he would wait—difficult though that might be. And he knew that if the day came when he could make Marti his, the wait would only make the moment sweeter.

  MARTI REACHED the bottom of the stairs, pulled her coat from the closet and crossed to the window. Her heart danced with anticipation and her hands grew clammy. She took several deep breaths t
o calm herself, but when she saw Rick’s truck turn off the road onto the Lazy M, all her efforts failed her.

  She pulled back from the window and slipped on her coat, then stepped onto the front porch to wait. Praying Cameron hadn’t refused to come along, she held her breath until the truck grew close enough for her to see more than one body inside.

  Releasing the breath she held, she worked up a smile and stepped off the porch to meet them. Cameron sat on one side of the cab, looking miserable. In spite of her resolve, his obvious unhappiness sent a spiral of apprehension through her. But she forced it away. He might not be happy, but he’d hadn’t refused to come along.

  Kendra sat in the truck between Rick and Cameron. Marti’s smile grew slowly. If they were all going, the ride into the hills would certainly be cozy.

  Rick smiled when he saw her standing there, and the expression made Marti’s heart jump. As she crossed the parking area toward them, Cameron threw open the truck’s door, and scooted closer to Kendra to make room. He didn’t look at Marti.

  “Where’s Ashley?” she asked.

  “She didn’t want to come,” Kendra said. “She thinks it’s too cold.”

  Marti climbed into the truck, settled herself in the narrow space on the seat and shut the door. “It’s a perfect day for cutting trees. I’m so glad you had the idea, Rick.”

  Rick put the truck into reverse and backed it around the parking area. “Actually, it was Cameron’s idea.”

  “Really?” She arranged her gloves and scarf on her lap and braved a smile at her son. “Well, it’s a great idea. It’s been years since I’ve cut my own Christmas tree.”

  Cameron merely raised his eyebrows and looked back at her. “When did you ever do it? I never have.”

  “Years ago,” she said again, “when I was a girl. My mother always sent Dad out to cut the tree on the day after Thanksgiving, and we would decorate the whole house that weekend.”

  Kendra leaned slightly forward to see around Cameron. “I love decorating Christmas trees.”

  “So do I,” Marti admitted, and added, “We stopped cutting our own trees when the government tightened the regulations for getting permits to cut trees from the national forests.”

  Rick grunted, but Marti thought she detected a hint of a smile.

  She laughed softly. “I hope one of you remembered to get permits to cut the trees.”

  “We got ’em,” Cameron assured her.

  “Good. It would take some of the fun out of the day if we ended up in jail.”

  “You can’t go to jail for cutting a tree,” Cameron said with a roll of his eyes. “They’d just slap us with a fine.”

  Marti had intended her comment as a joke. An explanation hovered on the tip of her tongue. She almost offered it, but an unwelcome flash of awareness stopped her. The response she’d been about to make to Cameron had been defensive and even a little angry. But if either Rick or Kendra had made the same comment, she probably would have laughed it off.

  The realization left her more than a little uncomfortable and made her cheeks burn. She tried telling herself that her caution had grown from Cameron’s never-ending anger, but the niggling suspicion that each of their attitudes had fed the other wouldn’t go away.

  Working up a change of tone, she said, “I know, but can you imagine what Grandpa would do if we did go to jail?”

  It seemed to take forever for Cameron to realize she was speaking to him, and every passing second made her heart beat a little faster.

  Rick laughed aloud as he turned onto the highway. “I can’t think of anything I’d like less than to explain to Henry why his daughter and grandson wound up in jail after spending the morning with me.”

  Cameron scowled for a few seconds longer, but at long last a slow smile spread across his face. “He’d be real excited about that.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Rick said with a grin. “It would probably earn me a lot of points in his book.”

  “No kidding.” Cameron relaxed against the back of the seat and brushed shoulders with Marti.

  She looked out the window and pretended to study the countryside, but was shaken by Cameron’s response. She didn’t like thinking she’d inadvertently fostered some of his hostility—after all, she’d grown comfortable with the image she carried of herself as the misunderstood mother—but she couldn’t deny the evidence.

  She turned back toward the windshield and sighed softly, but she could tell from the quick glance Rick darted in her direction that he’d heard it. She didn’t want Cameron to misread her mood, so she nodded toward the pine-covered hill that loomed in front of them. “I’d forgotten how beautiful this place is.”

  “I hadn’t,” Cameron said under his breath.

  Again, she had to soften her instinctive reaction. “I know. You really love it here, don’t you?”

  Surprise shot across his face, but he hid it well. “Yeah. I do.”

  “I do, too,” Kendra said. “I wish my mom and dad would let us move here.”

  “Somehow, I can’t picture your mom living here,” Rick said gently.

  “Can I visit sometimes? By myself?”

  “I’m not planning to keep the cabins,” Rick reminded her. “But if I did stay, you could visit whenever you wanted. And you could talk Cameron into teaching you how to fish.”

  Kendra sent a shy glance at Cameron, and to Marti’s surprise the boy’s cheeks reddened. Marti pretended not to notice, but she knew him too well not to understand that he had a crush on the girl. Luckily, Kendra seemed equally charmed. And why not? Cameron was a handsome young man.

  Rick kept his gaze riveted on the road ahead, but when he turned off the highway onto a rutted dirt road, forcing Kendra to lean against Cameron for a few seconds, their cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red. For the space of a heartbeat, Marti envied them the thrill of new love.

  Rick looked away from the road a second later. Their eyes met, her heart skipped and her insides grew warm. And in that split second, she realized she had nothing to envy. Nothing at all.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  RICK CUT the motor on the chain saw and wiped sweat from his brow. He glanced over his shoulder at Marti and Kendra waiting beside the truck, but quickly looked away again. The morning had started out fine, but somewhere between Marti’s house and this field of trees, something had happened to alter her mood. She’d grown quiet. Speculative. And something lurked just behind her eyes that Rick couldn’t quite decipher.

  He replayed the morning’s conversation in his mind as he’d already done a dozen times or more. But he still couldn’t remember anything that anyone had said to offend or upset her.

  As if he could read Rick’s thoughts, Cameron closed the distance between them and nodded toward Marti without looking at her. “So? What have I done wrong now?”

  Rick rubbed his sleeve across his forehead again and thought about pretending not to understand. But Cameron would know he was lying. The change in Marti’s attitude had been too abrupt. “I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done.”

  Cameron’s eyebrows knit and his mouth puckered into a frown. “Yeah. Right. It’s always something I’ve done.”

  Rick met his gaze with a steady one of his own. “I’m serious, Cameron.”

  “So am I.”

  “Why are you so certain it’s you? Maybe it’s me. Or maybe it’s something else entirely.”

  Cameron snorted a laugh. “You? You didn’t do anything.”

  Rick wished he could believe Cameron. He forced himself not to look at Marti again and nodded toward the blue spruce she’d chosen for Henry’s living room. “It’s just about to fall. Are you ready to help me get it into the truck?”

  “Sure. Do you want me to cut down the one Kendra picked out?”

  Rick glanced at him. Cameron’s need to impress Kendra was written all over his face. “Sounds good to me. Do you know how to do it?”

  Cameron hitched his jeans up by the belt loops. “I can figure it out. I’ve been watch
ing you.”

  “Just make sure you cut so the tree falls away from the women and the truck.”

  “I will.”

  Cameron sounded slightly annoyed, but Rick didn’t let that bother him. “All right,” he said with a grin. “I’ll finish up here, and then it’s all yours.”

  Gratitude flashed across Cameron’s expression as he pivoted away. Rick waited until the boy had put enough distance between himself and the tree for safety, then started the chain saw again. He got a kick out of watching Cameron and Kendra moon over each other, but he worried a little, too. After all, he could still recall what it felt like to be a fifteen-year-old boy.

  The instant that thought hit him, another followed.

  Maybe that’s what was bothering Marti. Maybe she was worried about Cameron and Kendra. He couldn’t blame her for being a bit concerned. None of them needed the complications and heartache that would inevitably follow if the kids got carried away with their new romance.

  Rick didn’t think they’d gone anywhere with it yet. They blushed too much to be more than newly aware of each other. He’d just have to keep an eye on them and make sure they didn’t go too far. Maybe that would help set Marti’s mind at ease.

  He felled the tree, watching as it toppled. The impact sent snow billowing into the air, onto his hair and down the back of his neck.

  Almost immediately, Cameron appeared at his side again. “You take the top,” he said. “I’ll carry the bottom.”

  Rick pulled on his gloves again and searched among the thick pine boughs for a sturdy branch. When he finally found one, he nodded at Cameron and hoisted his end of the tree off the ground.

  He watched Kendra’s smile grow and her eyes widen as they approached, and told himself this much admiration ought to be enough for any young man. He let Cameron take charge of getting the tree into the truck bed and refrained from offering helpful suggestions, which Cameron would almost certainly resent.

  No, he thought, let the kid have his moment. He just hoped Marti wouldn’t do or say something Cameron might misunderstand or misinterpret.