by M. K. Hale
“So, tell me right now…” His eyes locked onto mine as I asked, “Do you want to do this?”
“Fuck.” He looked away again and let out a heavy sigh. Two lungs’ worth of air. Turning back to me, he cupped my cheek in his warm, tingling palm and tangled his left hand in my hair. “Yes. I want you so fucking bad, Allie Parser.”
Chapter 21
Nate:
* * *
I had slept with Allie again. Just slept. But it was so much more. It was intimate, watching her fall asleep, gazing into her eyes until she could not hold them open anymore. It took trust. My heart warmed at thinking I was one of the few people she trusted. I trusted her too. Sleeping—real sleep—in a bed with a girl broke my rule.
My relationships with women were sexual, and that was it. On rare occasions, I befriended them, though, I suppose, I rarely befriended guys either. It was crazy how Allie had somehow slipped—or rather, crashed—into my life. She had me breaking the rules I set for myself and I had never felt so right. The way she had clung to me yesterday, calming from her panic attack, the feeling that I could help her the way I had always wanted to be helped as a kid, it was more than I ever thought possible.
But as happy as I was about Allie, I could not stop thinking about what this meant for Ryan and me. We had been friends, not good friends, but still friends. We were RAs. Losing the friendship would far from crush me; little regret plagued me as my relationship with Allie would more than make up for it. An immature thought entered my mind: “I liked Allie before Ryan so he was the one in the wrong.”
I was the one in the wrong.
I had told Ryan nothing was going on between Allie and me. What was I supposed to say now? Maybe if we just hid it for a while, as things blew over, it would not be—
“Un. Fucking. Believable.” At Ryan’s voice, my head shot up, and I froze. I had just been walking out of Allie’s room, in the same clothes I had been wearing the night before, and with a smug smile on my face. Great.
I put my hands up in a surrender position. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“You slept with her the night she broke up with me?”
“We didn’t have sex.”
“Oh, please.” His disgusted expression made me flinch. “I know how you are.”
“It’s not like that with her.”
“I came here to make sure she was okay but, obviously, she’s fine considering she switched from one guy to another in a matter of hours.”
“Don’t talk about her like that.” Allie deserved none of his hostility. “Be angry with me.”
“You’re right. You’re the one who said there was nothing going on and lied right to my face.”
“I didn’t know it would turn into this.”
“You? You, the one who plans everything out and knows everything before it happens, you didn’t see this coming? You can’t fool me, Nate. You knew what you were doing. You have control over everything.”
“I have no control when it comes to her,” I admitted, and it was true. Allie had woven herself into my carefully plotted existence, and now there was nothing to be done other than keep her by my side.
“So the rules no longer apply?”
I stayed silent. Fighting with Ryan was not something I wanted.
“You’re her RA. It’s not allowed,” he added.
My fingers tightened into fists, but I remained quiet.
“You’re the one who always stressed how important that rule was but, I guess mister money bags can afford to lose his free residence and meal plan.”
Not to mention, the cut from tuition. Being an RA was important to me because of the money. Hell, my father had told me we were now broke. I could not lose my position. No one would give me a loan; I would have to drop out of school.
“Oh, is that regret I see?” Ryan smirked at me, and I scowled. “What was it you asked me when I started dating Allie? ‘Is she really worth it?’”
“She’s worth everything.”
Allie was staring at me again. She had been doing it all day. Every time I caught her, she acted like she had no clue what I was talking about. She knew me well enough now that she sensed something was wrong. I loved how in tune she was with me.
“You’re doing it again,” I said and took a bite from my sandwich. Allie blinked for the first time in what felt like a minute. She put on her innocent, confused face, and I clarified, “Staring at me.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” She changed the subject with seamless ease. I loved how she could do that as well.
“At this very moment?”
“Yup.” She popped her lips on the p, and the action transfixed me. The talent of her lips would always continue to fascinate me.
“I was thinking about how you’ve been staring at me.”
She pouted. “Well, that’s no fun.”
“What’s up?”
“You answer first,” she said. “You’ve been acting weird since this morning, and I want to know what’s wrong, but I know I shouldn’t just come out and ask because you probably won’t tell me, so instead I’ve been staring at you in an attempt to either read your mind or make you uncomfortable enough to spit it out.” She took a deep breath after her run-on sentence and smiled. God, she was cute.
“I’m worried about the RA rule.”
“They wouldn’t really fire you just for dating a resident, would they?”
I picked at the stale bread holding my chicken salad in place. “It’s one of the most important rules.”
She leaned closer to me over the cafeteria table. “So, what are our options?”
“We can either sneak around—”
“Hot.”
I rolled my eyes, trying not to smile. “Or I can tell my direct supervisor and, hopefully, coming clean would help the situation.”
“Less sexy, but the better choice.”
“That’s what I was thinking.”
“Why is being an RA so important to you? You’ve never told me why you like it.”
Did I even like it? I liked how there were rules. I liked how it looked impressive on a resume. But for the most part, I liked how it paid for things I needed. Could I tell Allie that? All she knew about my family was how I had problems with my father and we were one of the richest families in New York. She had trusted me and told me everything about Logan and her past; I could do the same. I owed her honesty.
“It pays for a lot.”
“How much?” Her eyes widened when I told her it added up to about thirty thousand dollars a year. “Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“But that’s not a reason to like it, it’s a reason to do it. And does money matter? I thought you were one of the Reddingtons.”
My grin weakened a bit. Here we go. “About that… The Reddingtons have been having some money problems lately.”
Allie looked surprised. “Is everything okay?”
“Let’s just say, if you’re into me for my money, you should find someone else.”
“I have no interest in your money.” She paused. “Well, that’s not entirely true.”
I quirked an eyebrow at her response.
She laughed. “My mother approves of you because you’re richer than Logan. If you didn’t have any money, then my mom would no longer like you. Which, as a result, would make you sexier.”
“When I’m homeless and living on the streets, at least I’ll know my girlfriend thinks I’m sexy.”
“You will not be homeless.” This time she rolled her eyes at me. “You’re one of the smartest guys at this school, you’re going places.”
I continued to play with her hand, weaving my fingers through hers and rubbing my thumbs against her palm. “And what places am I going?”
“You’ll be a super lawyer and travel the world.” She painted a happy daydream for me. “Oh, you should go to Ireland! The color green takes on new meaning there, and—Oh! France. You have to go to France.”
“I’ll need a translator.” I t
apped my chin. “If only I knew someone who spoke French.”
Allie gave me a mischievous grin. “Tu es très chanceux.” Her accent caused a throb between my legs as my blood flowed south. Damn, that accent should have been illegal.
“Mm, have I told you how much I love it when you speak French? What did you say?”
“You are very lucky.”
I held her hand in mine and squeezed. “I know I am.”
I needed to tell my supervisor about my having a relationship with one of my residents. The situation sucked, but giving up Allie was not an option. I waited outside Mrs. Lun’s office and fidgeted in my seat. Surely, she would not fire me. She knew I needed those benefits. She knew how serious I was about my job. She came to me when she needed to tell the other RAs about something. Still, I dreaded her reaction.
I tried to keep the shock out of my expression when I saw Ryan step out of her office. He glanced at me but kept his emotions off of his face. Was he angry? Angry enough to tell Mrs. Lun about Allie before I could?
The whole reason I came to tell her was because I did not want her to find out in any other way. What would happen if Ryan had told her? Would it be too late for me?
“Thanks for coming by,” Mrs. Lun said to Ryan and smiled at me. “Nate, I’m ready for you now. Come on in.”
I walked inside and sat on her couch as she sat behind her desk. The leathered cushion sank beneath me but did nothing to comfort me. Her office had orange positivity posters hung on the walls, and a giant stuffed animal elephant sat on her desk. The black beaded eyes of it stared at me.
“How are classes going?”
“Good.” Classes always went well for me. I had stayed a straight-A student due to my work ethic and time management skills. At least all of my rules had a reason behind them. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“What’s up?” She acted like she did not know. Maybe Ryan had not told her? Why else would he have come to talk to her?
“Well.” How was I supposed to tell her I broke the strictest rule of being an RA? Well, the strictest other than selling drugs or distributing alcohol in the dorm. “I kind of…”
My phone shrieked with techno beats as it vibrated in my pocket. Great.
“Sorry,” I said, my face warming as I pulled out my phone to put it on silent. The screen showed Blue was calling me. She never called me. “Um, actually, is it okay if I take this?”
“Sure. I’ll answer some emails till you’re done.”
“Thanks.” I hit answer on the call and walked back into the hallway, closing the door of Mrs. Lun’s office. “What’s up, Blue? Is something wrong?”
“Dad sold the house and took the money.”
Every molecule of my body froze. “What?”
“H-He sold the house without telling us. All my stuff is inside, Nate. There’s a padlock on the door.”
I cursed and strained my self-control to not kick the wall. What the fuck was I supposed to do now? Blue needed a place to sleep and food to eat. Why could I not just graduate, get hired by an amazing company, and make a million in a year? That would have solved all my problems. My grandfather made his first million at eighteen. Where was I going wrong?
“I don’t know what to do,” Blue cried and every hitch in her breath wrenched bits of my heart out of my chest.
“Sleep over a friend’s house tonight, okay? Can you do that?”
She sniffled. “Yeah.”
“Try to find someone’s house to stay at till the weekend. I’ll sort everything else out after that.” Thanksgiving break was just a couple of days away when everyone left for a week. If I had to, I could sneak Blue into the dorms while everyone was gone and take care of her until the break ended.
“I’m scared, Nate.”
“Don’t be. Who do you have?”
“You.”
“And who is the only person you need?” I repeated the chant we had created in our childhood.
“You.”
“I love you, Blue,” I said. “Just stick in there.”
When I hung up, I pressed my forehead against the wall and tried to think. Mrs. Lin called from her office, “Nate? You ready now?”
I opened her door and walked back inside. Everything was different now. I could not risk Blue’s safety and comfort to be with Allie. But I also could not lose Allie.
“I wanted to tell you…” I would lie and keep us secret. “I think we should be harsher about noise violations.”
She blinked. “I thought we were already harsh.”
“Yes, well, you’re probably right.” I brushed off nonexistent dust from my pants and waved. “That was all. Just wanted to run that idea by you.”
“Are you sure that was all?” The way she asked, curious and suspicious, gave me pause.
Was it possible Ryan talked to her about Allie and me? If I did not come clean now, would she catch me in my lie? “Yes, that was all.”
“Okay, well, thanks for stopping by.” She gestured for me to leave. So, Ryan had not told her about us?
“Why did Ryan visit you?” I asked, as nonchalant as possible. Cool as a cucumber.
She gave me an inquisitive look. “He came in about a resident and RA relationship. He had met someone earlier and wanted to go through the paperwork, but he came in today to say it had ended.”
“Sad,” I said.
Her eyebrows shot up behind her black bangs. “Sad?”
“I mean, it’s sad people can’t remain professional. A resident and RA relationship is forbidden.”
“It’s horrible and messy for everyone involved.” She nodded, shooting me a smile. “Thankfully, I never have to worry about that with you. Right, Nate?”
“Right.”
“Would you rather jump from a plane or a hot-air balloon?” Allie questioned me as we laid next to each other on her bed. Allie’s roommate barely slept in their room, which meant we could always have alone time together. Considering I had not gotten approval to have a relationship with Allie, it was important to keep our relationship on the down-low. Residents always came to my room to complain, and it would cause questions and raise eyebrows for them to see Allie sleeping in my bed.
“I would rather not jump at all.” I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck and her shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her from behind. More than ever, I worried about losing her. If someone caught us together, I would lose my chance at helping Blue.
“That’s not how the game works.”
“Hot-air balloon.” I trailed my hand along her smooth side, my fingers dipping at her waist before gliding back up to trace her hip. “Would you rather take an easy class you have no interest in or take a hard class you’re fascinated by?”
She puckered her lips at me as if she was trying to pout but also trying to look adorable in the process. It worked, and I rewarded her with a small kiss. “You do realize you just described my psychology class predicament.”
“Predicament? Hanging around me has affected your vocabulary.”
“Oh please, I used big words before I met you.” She turned on the bed until our bodies faced each other. There was not much room on the dorm beds, so—to prevent falling off—we were as close as we could get.
Bare arm against bare arm.
Warm leg against even warmer leg.
We had been together officially for a mere two days and had yet to venture into sex or anything other than making out on her mattress.
She asked, “Would you rather go skinny dipping in the winter, or wear ten winter coats and go golfing in the summer?”
“I’ve never gone skinny dipping,” I commented.
“What?” She gaped. “How? It’s like a rite of passage.”
I snorted. “How is it a rite of passage?”
“We’re going skinny dipping.”
“It’s November; it’s too cold.”
“We’ll use the indoor pool at the recreation center.”
“Yeah, because it’s not against the r
ules to randomly swim naked.”
As much as I liked her, I worried about just how different we were. I loved her spark and outlook on life, but her carefree attitude could also lead to me getting into trouble and losing everything. Even though I knew everything was at stake, saying goodbye to her was not an option. She was the person I felt closest to other than my little sister. What if I have to choose?
“We’ll go over Thanksgiving break when no one will be on campus.” We had already discussed how both of us were staying in the dorm over break, neither one of us was a big family dinner type, since my father and mother cared more about wealth and status than about their children. However, I had yet to tell Allie that Blue would stay with me for Thanksgiving break.
I shook my head at her idea to break into the pool. “There will still be workers.”
“Not after hours when it’s closed.”
“Do you have experience in breaking and entering?”
“I have experience entering.” She snorted and climbed up on top of me, straddling my waist. My thoughts slowed. “Come on, do something crazy with me.” I tried to ignore the way my boxers became tighter when she bounced on my lap. Damn, did she have any idea what she did to me? “It’ll be fun, I promise.”
“Allie, it’s against the—” She cut me off with a passionate kiss, making thinking impossible.
“I’m going to enjoy making you break the rules.”
Chapter 22
Allie:
* * *
“Have I told you that you’re crazy?” Nate whisper-yelled at me as I opened the door to the recreation building. “How do you even know how to pick locks?”
The glow from the emergency lights was just enough to see. After peering inside, I decided it was safe to enter.
“I learned things overseas.” I winked at him and pulled him inside the building.
“Stop trying to make that sound sexy.”