by Jessica Wolf
She turned her eyes to Reed and swallowed hard. She didn’t know what to say. Her throat as unnaturally tight. She gave a little cough and opened her mouth, but he spoke first.
“Who is Moo-Moo?”
“Sam’s dog.”
He threw a cursory glance around the shop. “This is a fine establishment.”
She furrowed her brow, her hands fisting at her sides. Why was he here? Why did he insist on ruining what she had built for herself? She had a new life, one without him. Why was he here?
“Why are you here?” she asked. “If you’re here to shout at me, I don’t want to hear it. I’ve moved on, Reed.”
It wasn’t a total lie. She had moved on from her time at Yellow Brook, and she chose to think of only her fond memories of the house. She had even moved on from him. Time was her ally and took away her regret and anger, though it could never take away her love for him. Still, seeing him standing there, so calm and unaffected, made a burst of defensiveness surge through her.
“Esther is sick.” He didn’t even blink as he said it, but she saw his hands twitch at his sides and a bead of sweat form on his forehead.
Luciana’s frown dissipated as she walked around the table. She wrung her fingers together, concern swallowing the anger in her chest. “Sick? How sick?”
“It’s pneumonia.” This time his voice did waver. Luciana resisted the urge to take his hand. Oh the poor man. “The doctor says it’s not terrible and she’ll likely recover with time. She asked for you.”
“Doesn’t she hate me, too?” Luciana knew it was petty considering Esther’s circumstances, but the words flew from her mouth before she could stop them. At Reed’s upturned eyebrow, she wished she had kept her mouth shut.
He ignored the comment, though. “Will you come to see her?”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Reed sighed and looked away. “Rest assured that I will do nothing to purposefully make you feel uncomfortable.” He swallowed. “Esther wants to see you.”
Her chest constricted, If she were to be honest, she would tell him she wanted to see her, too. But the idea of being under the same roof with him—the very roof she had lived under—made her break out in a cold sweat. What if he hurt her again?
“Luciana? Will you come?”
Who was she to deny a sick girl her wish? She could set aside her worries for a few days. Reed would leave for London, more than likely, once they arrived at Yellow Brook. He wouldn’t want to be near her, anyway.
She gave him a short nod. “Of course.”
Yellow Brook was the same. Nothing had changed.
Dread filled her as Reed lead her toward Esther’s bedroom. She had grown to love Esther, despite her first reservations. Esther was wild and free. Everything Luciana wanted to be; everything she had become. During her time away, she missed her little friend and their hours working in the conservatory. If Esther were to die, she—
She shook the thought away when Reed opened Esther’s bedroom door. The window was open, filling the dank room with fresh air and light. Esther lay in bed, eyes turned toward the outside world. When she heard the door open, she looked over and a smile overtook her sallow face.
“Luciana,” she rasped. She lifted her arm and reached for Luciana.
Reed stepped aside and Luciana crossed the threshold. She glanced at him, her heart in her throat, her eyes watery. He motioned toward the bed. His eyes were softer than they had been on their walk from the shop to the house. They looked on her with worry and a question she couldn’t place. She moved to the edge of Esther’s bed and let the little girl take her hand. Her face was pale and dark circles lined her eyes. Every few moments she let go of a violent round of coughing.
“I knew you would come,” she whispered.
“How could I not? How do you feel, Esther?”
Esther shrugged. “Like a pile of horse droppings.”
“That’s not ladylike,” Reed said from behind Luciana, who couldn’t help but chuckle.
“It’s the truth.”
Esther began to cough so hard her face turned red and the muscles in her neck bulged. Reed rushed to the other side of the bed and poured her a glass of water. Luciana dropped Esther’s hands and covered her mouth. Tears flooded into her eyes as she watched Reed pour the water down Esther’s throat with a shaking hand. When Esther recovered, she fell against the pillows, her eyes fluttering shut.
“We should let her rest.”
Luciana looked over her shoulder and straightened her back when she saw how close Reed had come. He cocked his head toward the door and extended his hand. She took it but not before pressing a kiss to Esther’s forehead. His hand engulfed hers, but she felt secure in the midst of uncertainty.
“I’m glad you’re here, Luciana,” Esther whispered just as Reed opened the door.
Luciana smiled weakly. “I’m glad I’m here, too. You get some sleep now. We can visit later.” Esther nodded and closed her eyes.
In the hallway, both Luciana and Reed let go of deep, trembling sighs. He dropped her hand and rubbed his face.
“She looked so—so—” Luciana shook her head, wrapping her arms around her middle. She wouldn’t tell him Esther looked as fragile as a porcelain doll.
“So broken?”
She looked at him. His eyes were tired. His shoulders, normally erect, were slumped. He looked at her with eyes that harbored no ill feelings, only despair. Without thinking, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his back, pushing the side of her face against his chest. She could have sworn she felt his heart skip a beat.
For a long moment, he did nothing. He simply stood there with his arms at his sides. She thought he would remain that way, but she didn’t care. Her heart was worried and restless and she needed comfort. As he was the only one standing in hall, he would have to do. Whether he reciprocated the comfort or not was inconsequential. Then one arm wrapped around her shoulders, pushing her tighter against him, and the other hand fell onto the back of her head. She felt his fingers weave into his hair and his chin settle against the top of her head.
He sighed.
Her chin began to quiver. Her heart beat erratically. Thump thump…thump…thump thump thump. His arm tightened around her shoulder.
He shouldn’t be holding her this way. He should be yelling at her, looking at her like she was poison personified. Instead he was holding her as if he couldn’t let go. Her gut twisted. Had he forgiven her? Or did he just need as much comfort as she did?
She didn’t wait to find out. Pushing her hand against his chest, she untangled herself and stepped away. Wet tears she didn’t know had fallen warmed her cheeks. She brushed them away and kept her eyes focused on the wall across from her.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “That was–”
She caught his eyes and shook her head. “We’re both tired and—and worried.” And I’m hopelessly in love.
“Are you hungry?”
“No, but grazie.”
“You are more than welcome to stay in your room. What I mean is, you can stay in the room you once had.” He motioned to the familiar door.
“Grazie.” He turned to go. “Reed?”
“Yes?” When he turned around, the dead look in his eyes had turned into something close to hope. It made her squirm.
“Everything will be all right. Esther will get better.”
He could only give her a noncommittal grunt in response. Tears formed in his eyes and he rubbed at his forehead. Then he bowed at the waist.
“Until the morning, Luciana.”
She watched him walk away, a shadow of the man she once knew. “Goodnight, Reed,” she whispered before turning and locking herself in her room.
Everything was gone besides the original furniture. All of her personal effects she left behind were nowhere to be seen. Not that it mattered. They were trinkets, memories of the family that left her. But the one thing she left...
She rushed to the wardrobe and threw
the doors open, held her breath, and then released it. Her mother’s dress hung by itself on a hook. She forgot it when she’d left and only remembered when she was halfway to Eastbourne. At that point, there was no going back. To see it hanging there, untouched and still smelling of her mother, flooded her with relief. She pulled it out and clutched it against her chest, falling down on the bed.
What on earth was happening? Why did she come back?
Staying in Yellow Brook was going to ruin everything she worked hard to build. She had pieced her life back together and Reed was threatening to destroy it. She knew it would be hell for her to leave him again, especially if Esther did die.
And why did he embrace her like that? Granted, she’d hugged him first, but he hugged her back and he held her tight and it made her want to cry. She did cry. He wouldn’t have hugged her if he hadn’t forgiven her. Right?
Groaning, Luciana rolled onto her stomach and pushed her face into the bed. If he had forgiven and forgot, shouldn’t she rejoice? Maybe they had a chance. Maybe they could...
She sat up and stared at herself in the mirror. Her face looked tired and pulled down. “Luciana, there is no chance whatsoever of you and Reed Hargrave becoming more than what you are now, which is nothing. He is still angry with you and only acted the way he did because he’s in pain. Besides, what need do you have for him? You have Sam and the shop. Husbands don’t like for their wives to work outside the home. It would never work.”
She was here for Esther and that was all. When she recovered—and the girl would recover—Luciana would leave. She would return to her job and life the life of freedom she deserved.
Chapter 31
The following days were filled with Luciana and Reed taking shifts by Esther’s side. She sat with the child during the day and Reed spent the night by her bed, but once in a while she offered to give up her sleep for an evening. Reed was always reluctant to agree and he would sit with Luciana, despite her protesting that he needed sleep too, and fall asleep in the rocking chair before the sun had completely set.
The doctor said Esther would get worse before she got better, and thus far, Esther had proved him correct. She slept more than anything, but in her sleep she coughed ferociously, gasping and wheezing for air by the time she was through. The coughing was painful to listen to and it tugged on Luciana’s heartstrings every time.
Reed was beside himself with worry. After the first day, he seemed to forget that she was present. From dawn till dusk, he buzzed around Esther’s room, fluffing her pillows one moment and reading to her from a book the next. He looked exhausted by the fourth day. Deep, dark circles swallowed his eyes. Worry lines creased his forehead. His hair was untamed and Luciana wasn’t altogether sure if he had bathed since she arrived.
She finally questioned him about his own health when Mrs. Evan forced them to leave and partake in supper.
“Reed, are you well?” she asked. Her hand gripped the banister as they descended the stairs. Across the wide staircase, he leaned on the railing in an effort to keep himself upright. “Did you hear me?”
His eyes opened and darted to her. The movement caused his foot to slip on one of the stairs and he stumbled. One knee buckled and then two and he collapsed onto the stairs in a graceless heap. Had Luciana not been so alarmed, she might have found it amusing. His long legs were sprawled out before him and he still clutched the banister with one hand. She rushed to his side. He protested when she grasped his elbow and helped him rise to his feet. When he was standing again, she let go.
“You are not well,” she said. “When was the last time you slept?”
He started off for the dining room again, his steps quick, a deep blush spread across his face. “That doesn’t matter.”
“It does! You cannot help Esther get better if you yourself are sick.” She grabbed his elbow, forcing him to stop. “Get some rest, Reed. I’ll sit alone with Esther this evening.”
His eyes met hers after a long moment of staring over her head. “I should be the one watching over her. She’s my daughter.”
“You’ve done nothing but care for her. There is nothing more we can do for the time being. Please don’t make yourself sick.”
“Do you promise not to leave her side?”
She nodded. “I promise.”
Sighing, Reed ran his hand down his face as he always did when stress threatened to get the better of him. Luciana fought back the urge to smile at the sight. There was a tremor in his hand that had been there since she arrived. She longed to reach out and hold him. She wanted to pass on some of her strength to him, but that was impossible. Not after what had happened between them, not after she’d left the way she did. She kept her hands still at her sides.
“I will eat and then rest, but there is something I would like to speak to you about this evening.”
Her heart skipped a beat. She hoped he didn’t want to talk about their falling out. At the intense look in his eyes, she knew he could mean nothing else.
“Really?” she asked. Her voice came out as a cross between a whisper and a squeak.
“Meet me in my office at quarter till nine. We can talk then.” He didn’t wait for her answer. He strode into the dining room and that was that.
Now she had only to wait in dreaded agony for the clock to reach the appointed time.
She knocked on his office door five minutes past eight-forty-five. While pacing the length of her room, waiting for the inevitable, she considered several times not showing up. She didn’t want to hear him yell, especially when she had done nothing to deserve his anger. More than that, she wasn’t sure she would be able to keep herself from crying. Somehow, by the grace of God most likely, she had managed to keep her tears at bay when he sent her away those few months ago. Maybe it was the shock or the anger that poured through her. But now that she was here again, if he—
Well, she would have to go in order to see what he had to say. Which was the only reason she went.
He opened the door and raised his eyebrow. “You’re late.”
She swished past him into the room. “Hardly.”
He closed the door and motioned to a chair. “Will you take a seat?”
Luciana shook her head. “I’d rather stand.” So I can make a quick escape if I must.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, walking toward the window. For a long time, he didn’t say anything. He just stared at the rolling sea. Luciana took the lapse in conversation to glance around the room. As expected, nothing had changed. It still smelled of cigars and old books. The carpet was still worn and faded. When Reed turned around, she tore her eyes away from his desk.
He held his shoulders straighter, and his hair was back to its clean but rugged look. He looked rested, which put her partially at ease. Well-rested people rarely shouted right after waking up.
“I suppose you’re wondering why I wanted to speak to you.”
“Si.” She gripped the back of the chair before her for support. Her fingernails dug into the cloth.
“About our last meeting—the evening of the party.” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and clasped them behind his back, taking a step forward.
Luciana could sense no anger or hostility on his person, but she kept her guard up nonetheless. “I have nothing more to say on my part, Signore Hargrave. I’ve made my case and you’ve chosen not to believe it.”
“You are correct,” he said. “I had chosen not to believe it—”
Her nostrils flared. A groan slipped past her lips. “Then why am I here? I do not want to listen to you ranting again.”
When she stopped, he snorted, barely able to conceal the smile which spread across his face. “Would you let me finished?”
Crossing her arms, Luciana sighed. “Si.”
“When we last stood in this room, I chose not to believe you. I was wrong, Luciana. What you told me was the truth and I was too blind and too proud to believe. After I kissed you, I thought I had betrayed Katherine and I was worried that—�
�� He cut himself off, sighing shortly. He took her shoulders into his hands. “What Aliana said couldn’t have true because I have never heard you say a foul thing about anyone. All you’ve ever done is prove yourself to be kind and determined, if a little brash.”
Luciana swallowed. Was she hearing correctly? Her heart stalled in her chest. Her face lit aflame. This couldn’t be happening.
He brushed her cheeks with the backs of his knuckles. She willed with all of her might not to lean into the touch, to stay rooted where she was, but she swayed and felt her eyes flutter shut. This was too good to be true.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
She opened her eyes and looked up. When had he stepped closer? When had his hands moved to cup her face? She should leave. She should get out of this while she still had the chance. She wanted freedom. She wanted a life in the stupid little dress shop on Main Street with the company of an old man and his nearly-blind dog. Why was he making this so hard for her? Why was he making it so she couldn’t leave him again?
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I was horribly wrong and—and—” His face broke into a smile A smile so uncharacteristically Reed, so unhindered and joyful, it made her stomach lurch. “And I love you.”
Luciana should have known she wouldn’t get out of this without crying. Moisture filled her eyes as she shook her head. She felt like her chest was being torn in two. God, she loved him. More than anything she wanted to return the words. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t—No. She wouldn’t sacrifice what she had made for herself for him. It was selfish, and she figured it would cause them both more pain than prosperity, but she was a stubborn woman. Her father had left Italy to build something great. With his death, he had left that task to her and now she had that chance. She couldn’t leave it.
“Forgive me?” he said, his voice filled to the brim with hope.
Luciana pushed his arms away. The warmth his hands had given her left, leaving her feeling cold. “I can’t do this,” she said, her voice louder than she intended. She backed away, slashing her hand through the air. She couldn’t look at him. She was too afraid to see the confusion and hurt.