by Maria Hollis
For some reason, she thinks back to the little girl in the café. How her adorable face beamed when she finally understood how to change from a C to an Em.
Then, Chris thinks about what Josie had told her the other day.
Maybe that’s where you should start.
Should she apply for this scholarship? Just as a test? She doesn’t need to take it seriously or anything, just a shot in the dark to see what could happen.
Before she has time to think further about it, a group of giggling ballerinas walks out of the classroom on her left. She feels disoriented for a moment, almost forgetting she is here to meet up with Josie.
Pizza.
Cupcakes.
Fix the mess.
Right.
Suddenly, a girl with baggy pants and a beige leotard walks in her direction, and it takes Chris a second to recognize her as Josie. She still has a bit of makeup on, and her hair is in a ballet bun on the top of her head. She looks so different under the music school lights, like a prima ballerina out of a grand production.
“Were you here for a while?” Josie asks, adjusting the backpack on her shoulders.
“No, just got here a few minutes ago,” Chris answers.
“Oh, perfect. Ready to go?”
***
A short bus trip later and they are back at Chris’s apartment.
She is feeling more nervous than she should once they finally settle in her living room.
Her laptop is placed on the coffee table, and a pizza box lies open between them. They rest their backs against the couch, legs slightly touching on the cold floor. A few minutes ago, Josie let her hair down after changing her clothes and brushed out the tangles. It took Chris all she had not to reach out to touch those brown locks and help her with it.
Slowly, Christine. Take your time before you make a move.
Josie lets out a laugh, and Chris looks back at the screen where Leyla’s sister appears with a shirt that says I can’t think straight.
“I really want a shirt like that now,” Josie says.
When she mentioned that she had never seen the movie one day at work, Chris mocked her. Then, Josie proceeded to explain that she was still very new to the whole gay movie world, taking her time to explore lesbian literature first. With that statement, Chris decided that she definitely had to introduce Josie to all of her favorite movies.
There is a warm feeling inside her chest when she thinks about it. The possibility that they’ll be spending lots of time watching movies together makes her feel lightheaded, her mind full of romantic fantasies where they hold hands and call each other girlfriends.
Shit.
She needs to stop with these thoughts. For now, at least.
Distracting herself with pepperoni pizza, Chris stays focused for the rest of the movie. It’s only an hour later when the credits roll down that she hears a sniffle coming from Josie.
“Are you crying?” she asks.
“It was just so cute!” Josie explains in a cry. “That part where she goes to the book signing. Oh my God.”
She wipes away the rest of her tears and takes a few breaths to compose herself.
Her genuine reaction brings a smile to Chris’s face, and she leans closer to the other girl, movie credits instantly forgotten in the background. Their eyes lock together, and she feels her heart speeding up. Was this the right time?
“We should do this all the time,” Josie says. “Watch movies, eat pizza, and just chill out.”
The girl drops her eyes to Chris’s hand that is resting on the floor. Testing the waters, Josie moves her own hand nearer and brushes it against Chris’ fingers. That light touch sends sparks all the way through Chris’s body until her toes curl with tension and need.
The contrast between their skins is apparent. Chris has been getting a nice tan this summer, but Josie seems to be enjoying the sun a lot these days too, her complexion still a few tones darker than Chris’s.
“Can I kiss you?” Josie says in a whisper.
She sounds uncertain. Almost as if she thinks Chris doesn’t want to kiss her. Would that be because of the awkward way Chris reacted the other day?
Josie’s eyes widen with fear, and Chris realizes she is taking too long to answer, but she can’t bring herself to say anything. The way she feels now is too overwhelming and perfect, and she is scared that words will ruin everything.
So she only nods.
Right away, Josie’s lips are on hers.
Timid and unsure at first.
Fuck it.
Chris isn’t going to accept just that. It’s now or never.
She brings one of her hands behind Josie’s neck and pulls her closer, opening her mouth in invitation. Josie’s tongue finds hers, and Chris moans loudly at the warm feeling of their mixed breath.
They kiss for a while until wandering hands find skin beneath shirts and jeans get unzipped. Moment by moment, the pressure in Chris’s belly grows, this need inside of her turning fast into deep desire.
“Bedroom?” she whispers with a breathy voice.
“Yes, please,” Josie answers against her mouth.
Chapter 8
In her bedroom, Chris closes the door and places her hands on Josie’s waist.
The girl takes a step back and raises her arms, making it easier for Chris to remove her shirt. Josie proceeds to take Chris’s shirt off next and then kisses her once more. She feels so warm and inviting, making Chris shiver with every touch of her fingers. Even the pressure of jeans against jeans makes her lose her breath.
Where Chris is all tall and bony, Josie is more petite and soft. There is a mole just between her covered breasts, drawing Chris’s attention immediately. Josie’s body relaxes under her touch, inviting Chris to pull her closer. She just does that, her nails lightly scratching the girl’s sides and earning some nice moans in return.
It’s all too much.
Josie kisses like she is on a mission now, barely pausing for breath. Gone is the sweet girl with the innocent smile. Chris thinks she likes all these sides of Josie; she wants to drown on her forever and get lost inside her skin. To be imprinted in her heart just as Josie is in hers.
She shivers at the feeling of Josie taking her bra off, fingers slowly dancing around her stomach. After a few torturous long minutes, Josie finally brings her hands to Chris’ small breasts and pinches her nipples hard. Chris gasps at the feeling, but it’s not enough; she needs more. Josie turns her around and pushes her onto the bed, where they fall in a mess of limbs and messy kisses while discarding the rest of their clothes.
Josie leaves small hickeys on her neck before licking her all the way to the middle of her breasts. She nibbles gently just on the inside of one of them, making Chris buck against her with want. Then, she moves lower, ever lower. Quickly, Chris’s underwear is stripped and thrown to the side by Josie, and she parts her legs, fingers gently brushing over her thighs.
Always too gently.
With heavy lidded eyes, Chris watches as Josie grins hungrily before closing her lips around her clit.
Chris’s head falls back against the mattress, and she closes her eyes in bliss, letting out a loud gasp. Josie’s tongue plays with her, working up a nice rhythm. She feels the girl’s hands on her breasts again, scratching at the skin. After a few more seconds, a finger dances closer to her entrance and Chris moans, placing her hands on Josie’s head.
Bringing her even closer.
It takes just a few more thrusts until Josie sucks roughly on her clit.
The pressure inside of Chris finally breaks, and she closes her legs around Josie’s head, letting the orgasm wash over her. After a few final licks, Josie moves up and lies flush against Chris’s side. She leans closer and kisses her gently on the mouth. Despite feeling lightheaded, Chris can still taste herself on Josie’s lips.
Finally opening her eyes, she finds Josie’s smile close to her face. They laugh shyly and have one more lingering kiss.
Chris stares at th
e white ceiling above her, listening to the sound of cars and movement outside. She breathes for a few seconds, to regain her senses and slow the fluttering of her heart.
Then, she is moving again.
She turns and positions her legs on either side of Josie’s so that she’s on top of the girl. Although Chris begins by kissing her gently, it doesn’t take long before those kisses become more heated.
While she explores Josie’s mouth, one of her hands moves underneath her blue lacy underwear, finding Josie’s folds. Two of Chris’ fingers close around her clit, and she rubs it against her bud, eliciting a gasp from Josie.
She’s loud.
Chris positions herself better, bracing her body with one of her elbows as she keeps playing with Josie’s clit. After a few more brushes, she moves her index finger down to her entrance, testing and exploring. She feels Josie grasping at her arm, begging Chris to enter her. Motivated by her moans and gasps, Chris slowly enters her with two fingers.
The moans coming out from Josie get even louder.
“Yes… yes,” she husks under her breath.
Feeling the walls around her fingers contracting, Chris pumps her hand harder. Josie’s legs shake under her, and she screams as she reaches her orgasm, biting into Chris’s shoulder for relief. Chris gasps and feels herself getting wet again.
Josie’s body relaxes under her, and she falls back on the bed, trying to catch her breath. Chris retrieves her fingers from inside of her but keeps them on her clit. She meets Josie’s brown eyes, which stare back at her with confusion for a moment. A second later, Josie's look shifts and she seems to understand, rolling her eyes far back into her head as she comes once more.
“Chris,” she moans.
The girl’s arms wrap around Chris’s frame, and she moves them so as to get into a more comfortable position. Face to face, Chris waits for Josie to calm her breathing again. When she opens her eyes, Chris’s heart skips a beat at the fondness and trust behind them. She feels so free that she is scared she will float away at any second, too light to be stuck inside her own body.
“Will you hold me?” Josie asks in a small voice.
“Of course.”
Josie turns the other way around, and Chris hugs her from behind, placing a small kiss on her back before closing her eyes.
Suddenly, lyrics from a cheesy song spring into her mind.
For the rest of the night, the sweet melody does its job, and soon, she falls into a relaxed sleep.
***
It’s the following morning when she finally remembers the cupcakes.
Waking up before Josie, Chris runs to the kitchen while the girl still sleeps. She prepares a plate with four of the best cupcakes and tiptoes carefully back to her bedroom.
She pauses for a moment to gaze at Josie in her bed, watching the covers rise and fall as Josie sleeps. Memories from the night before return, filling her mind with desire and the urge to do it all over again.
As Chris sits down on the bed, Josie wakes and stretches lazily. Her brown eyes open slowly and a gentle hum comes out of her mouth.
Chris smiles back fondly. Josie looks adorable with her messy post-sex hair and sleepy face. She could watch her forever and never get tired of it.
“Good morning,” Chris says.
Just then Josie seems to realize where she is. Her face opens in a small grin and her eyes widen at the image of a naked Chris holding the hastily made cupcakes.
“Are they for me?” she asks happily.
“All yours. I made them yesterday but forgot about it after we finished eating the pizza. I know they look a bit weird…”
“They’re perfect,” Josie interrupts her and sits up.
The movement makes the blanket fall from her body, exposing her breasts. Chris swallows nervously at the sight of so much skin.
“You didn’t even eat them yet.” She hates how weak her voice sounds right now.
Just the sight of Josie waking up naked in her bed is enough for Chris to lose her chill.
Josie rolls her eyes and takes one of the cupcakes in her hands. She stops with her mouth open, holding it close to her lips. Her mouth turns into a playful smile and then she finally eats it.
The moan that leaves her almost makes Chris jump on her right there.
“This is delicious,” Josie says with her mouth still full.
Laughing, Chris reaches out and grabs a piece for herself.
“Hey!” Josie protests. “I thought these were all mine!”
“You want it, then come and get it,” Chris replies cheekily.
Josie’s eyebrows shoot up and then she is jumping on Chris, kissing her senseless with her lips still tasting like chocolate, sex, and hopeful dreams.
***
A few hours later, they have to part.
“I thought it was your day off today?” Chris says with a groan.
“It is. But I have rehearsals again,” Josie explains with a pout. “For the next few weeks, most of my free time is taken up with ballet practice. We have a show next month, and I’m going to be the principal dancer! No way am I going to disappoint my instructor.”
There is some anxiety in the way she explains it, but Chris lets it go. Practice must be nerve wracking for such a big role. She wouldn’t know. The one and only time she did a guitar recital, she had to run to find a bathroom right after it, and threw up her lunch. She hadn’t done another one since.
“Call me later?” she asks, resting against the door of her apartment.
Josie smiles and leans in to give her a peck on the lips. One of her hands circles around Chris’s waist and squeezes her ass.
“Of course I will! Bye.”
And with that, she is gone.
***
After Josie leaves, Chris opens her laptop and looks up the web address of Callaway.
Her eyes wander over the page, looking at the pictures of happy students inviting her to apply.
Should she do it?
Could she see herself doing that?
When she had to choose Computer Science as her major, the only thing she remembers is a feeling of what else could she do? She was good with numbers and liked to play around with HTML and coding. Her girlfriend was going to do the same major, and they had made plans for doing everything together at the time, but it was more because of a sense of obligation than anything else.
But now she feels excited.
The idea of spending two years studying music and helping kids to learn how to play their instruments brings warmth to her heart.
She opens the course applications page and begins filling in the relevant web form. Even if she’s unsuccessful, at least she tried something new.
Chapter 9
A week later, Chris receives an early morning text message from Josie, asking to meet her at Lillac U.
She said something about her roommate leaving for the day and that she wanted to show her place to Chris, explaining that it wasn’t fair that Josie had seen her apartment but not the other way around. Chris tried to reassure her that she didn’t mind at all, but the girl insisted.
So here she is. Staring at the closed door of a Lillac U dorm for the first time since she left school.
It’s also the first time that she doesn’t feel like she is going to throw up or pass out from nervousness at being back. There is a sense of relief, knowing that she can walk among these old walls with confidence now.
Chris knows for sure that she won’t be returning.
The door opens, and a happy Josie jumps on her, kissing her soundly for at least a minute without pause.
“Hello you,” Chris grins after they finally stop to catch their breath.
“Sorry, it’s just so hard to control myself when you won’t let me kiss you all day at work.”
And with good reason. They decided to take it slow for now. Especially considering the fact that they still work together at the bookstore and don’t know how well Susan or Lily would react to the news.
“
We could… maybe… I think there is a nice discreet space just behind the biographies section,” Chris suggests.
That makes Josie laugh.
“I didn’t expect that from you,” Josie says after a moment.
Chris shrugs and frowns.
“Why not?”
“You’re very serious when you’re working.”
What?
Her?
The girl that keeps placing books on the wrong tables and hides behind bookshelves every time a customer she hates comes in?
Well, that was new.
“I can be a rebel when I want,” Chris teases.
“Sure you can. Come on, get inside,” Josie says and opens her door all the way. “I just need to brush my hair and pee before we go.
She walks to the bathroom and leaves Chris by herself as she finishes getting ready.
Chris uses the time to observe the dorm around her.
One side of the room is devoid of any mess, just a simple green sheet on the bed and a few books about economics on an impeccably organized and spotless desk. The other, she knows right away is Josie’s side.
The pink and yellow sheets are messily made, her bright red backpack thrown on top of it. Books are piled up on the floor and on her desk. Not only business and ballet related stuff, but all of her favorite romances that Chris remembers watching the girl reading at the bookstore when she’s on her break. She brushes her fingers along the titles, recognizing books by Sara Farizan, Tess Sharpe, and Marie Lu.
Then, she moves onto others with Spanish sounding names, wondering how many of these are from Filipino authors. Some of them she remembers shelving on the bookstore a few times; Melissa de La Cruz, Mina V. Esguerra, Rin Chupeco. She wants to pick at least one up and get to know more about the things Josie likes to read. She wants Josie to share her love of stories with her, in the same way that Chris has been sharing her love of music and movies.
Right above the mess, she finds pictures hanging in a collage on the wall. Most of them are family portraits. There is even one where Jessie, Josie and who she assumes are their parents at Disney World, wearing Mickey Mouse hats. Moving along, she laughs quietly when she finds a picture of a little ballerina sticking her tongue out to the camera at the same time she does a plié.