When You're Mine

by K. Langston

  She leaned forward, placing her hand on my knee. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

  My eyes shot to hers with a sniffle. “Have you talked to him?”

  “Every day.” I waited for jealousy to rear its ugly head, but it never happened. There was nothing between them except friendship and respect. “He won’t admit it, but he misses you. I told him the news about the tumor and for the first time in days the man actually smiled.”

  “Wait…you saw him. Is he here? I thought he went back to Boston.”

  Maddie studied me, something mischievous shining in her bright blue eyes. “Get dressed. I wanna show you something.”

  “What? Where are we going?”

  “C’mon,” she said, pulling me from my seat.

  Maddie turned onto the old town square, stopping on the opposite side of the street in front of the courthouse. She killed the engine, twisting in her seat to face me. “Barrett may not forgive you right away, but he loves you enough to forgive you eventually. That, I do know. As long as you have faith, you can find your way back to each other.” Maddie lifted her chin, looking past me.

  Squinting against the sun, I tried to figure out what she was trying to show me. Then I saw it. There on a black plaque etched in gold, hanging by the wooden doors.

  I blinked, unable to grasp what I was seeing. “What’s going on?”

  “I have a new business partner… and you have some ass to kiss.”

  “He’s in there? As in, right now?” She nodded, her eyes dancing with hope while my heart soared with it. I looked at the building longingly. “What do I say?”

  “The truth for starters. Pretty sure the rest will come easily after that.”

  “You’re a good friend, you know that?”

  “So are you. You deserve to be happy and so does he. I think the best way for the two of you to accomplish that is together.”

  She was right. Yes, I could do this on my own, but I didn’t want to. I wanted him right there with me.

  Good… bad… ugly… sad.

  Dropping down from the Jeep, I shouldered my purse. “Thank you.”

  “Call me later. Let me know how it goes,” she smiled and I thanked the good Lord above for sending me a friend like her.

  “I will.” Pulling in a breath of courage, I put one foot in front of the other.

  My hands shook as I opened the door, a bell above me signaling my arrival. The inside was nice with rich wood floors. Painted in warm earth tones, the office offered a seating area as well as refreshments. I smiled.

  She did it.

  There was an older woman sitting behind the desk. “May I help you?”

  I licked my lips to speak, but couldn’t seem to get any words out. The lady smiled and folded her hands in front of her waiting patiently. “I’m here to see Mr. Shaw.”

  “Do you have an appointment?” she asked.

  “No ma’am,”

  “Name?”

  “Tabitha Warren,”

  “Just have a seat for me, Ms. Warren, and I’ll let him know you’re here.” She wouldn’t have a chance do that, because Barrett rounded the corner and my heart stopped. “Claire, would you please run over to the courthouse and file this for me?”

  He was looking down at a piece of paper in his hands, and when his eyes finally lifted, it slipped from his fingers. “What are you doing here?”

  Swallowing hard, I took a step forward. “Maddie,” I motioned around the open room. “I had no idea...”

  “Fuck,” he gritted, looking down at his feet, then bending over to pick up the forgotten paper. Once he righted himself, he smoothed his tie then handed off the paper to Shana.

  “Can we talk?” I asked, hope bleeding through my voice.

  He thought about saying no. I could see it in his eyes. I’d been careless with this man. It should be a crime the way I treated him, but by some miracle, he nodded for me to follow him.

  The building was old. All the buildings around here were, but the furnishings were all brand new. In his office, there were two massive bookshelves lining each side of the wall holding at least a hundred law books. Two cream colored sling back chairs squatted in front of his desk, but I didn’t take a seat. By the way he was looking at me, I didn’t feel very welcomed.

  “Why are you here?”

  I twisted my hands in front of me. “I’m so happy for Maddie, and for you.”

  He lifted his chin in thanks. “That it?”

  Damn, this was going to be harder than I thought. I mean, I knew I would have to work for it, but the way he was treating me made me feel like it was impossible.

  “No,” I took a deep breath, determined to see this through. “I’m sorry about what happened. I’m sorry for… everything and I’m hoping that…”

  “What’s done is done, Tabitha. You made your choice. Only reason I’m still here is because Madison and I made this deal before you decided to shut me out.”

  “I was only trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me from what? Life? I’m a big boy, I don’t need you to protect me. Unlike some people, I know how to deal with the hard shit.”

  Ouch.

  He shuffled his feet, tugging at the back of his neck. “We done?”

  “No,” I dug deep, miraculously discovering the courage to just spit it out. “I’m still pregnant.”

  Dropping his arms, he took a step forward. “What?”

  “I was never going to…” Nausea rolled in my belly, revolting at the thought. Even if I were dying, I could never destroy what we created. The circumstances were unfortunate, yes, but I regret nothing. “I should have never pushed you away.”

  “You’re pregnant?” I nodded.

  God, please let him touch me.

  “I’m going to be a father,” he whispered, shoving his hands into his pocket along with my all my hope. I nodded again. Words trapped behind the sob hanging in the back of my throat. The happiness beaming from his face moments ago evaporated, leaving me sad and cold. “You hurt me. Again,” His words were laced with a sharp bite.

  Wiping at my face, I accepted my punishment. His anger, his pain, and that look in his eyes… all my fault. “I know. I’m so sorry, Barrett. I was just… so afraid. Afraid to face reality, afraid of losing you, afraid of so many things.” I swallowed hard and went for it. “I’m hoping there’s still a chance for us.”

  Icy blue eyes held mine. “No.”

  I looked down at my feet. Barrett would love and care for this baby no matter what. I had no doubt about that, but could he ever forgive the woman who tried to take that all away from him? The tips of his shiny black shoes came into view. With a lot of effort, I pulled my tear filled eyes to his. The same blue eyes that once held so much warmth and love were now cold and guarded. Maddie’s words came rushing in.

  As long as you have faith, you will find your way back to each other.

  “You broke my heart, not once, but twice.”

  Just hearing those words crushed me. How could I have faith when every word he spoke said we were through? I had no excuse for the things I’d done. I had to suck it up and live with the consequences. “Whatever you need, just let me know. As of right now, I only plan on being in town two weeks out of the month, but I can make other arrangements if necessary. Also, I would like to have paperwork drawn up, outlining my rights as a father, so there’s no confusion in the future.”

  “I would never keep your child from you, Barrett.”

  “How do I know that?” His words were like an angry sword, slicing through my heart. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he continued. “I would like to attend all doctor’s visits as well. If that’s ok with you?”

  In that moment, I permanently traded hope for faith. I would do whatever I had to do to win back his heart. The only thing I had on my side was time, but it was all I needed. “I can agree to that.”

  “Perfect. Anything else?”

  “My next appointment is Thursday at 9am. I’ll text you the address.
”

  “Sounds good.”

  This was going to be so hard. Being around him, but not being able to touch him or kiss him. I turned to leave, but his hand caught my elbow, much like he did the night in the pub. My God, that seemed like a lifetime ago. “Madison told me the news, about the tumor.” He released my arm. “I was happy to hear it.”

  Faith.

  “Yeah, me too.” I smiled. “I’ll be in touch.” I had my hand on the door when I remembered.

  Shit.

  Spinning back around, I called to his retreating back. “Barrett?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Would you mind giving me a ride?”

  With a nod, and a smile that revealed that hidden dimple, Barrett escorted me home. Maybe we would find our way back to each other. Maybe we wouldn’t. Either way, I had to believe we would to be ok.

  The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.

  ~ Hubert H. Humphrey

  When I imagined a future with the woman I loved, this was not how I envisioned it at all. At one time I’d planned on making her mine in every way possible. Marriage, children, one of those badass M-class SUVs. But I never saw myself here, planting roots in this tiny southern town, on the brink of fatherhood.

  Without her.

  Tabitha and I had fallen into a comfortable friendship over the last few months. We were going to be raising a child together after all, so I made every effort to make sure our relationship remained a good one, for the sake of our baby at least. I attended every doctor’s visit, and just last week, we’d seen our baby for the first time on one of those 3D ultra sounds. Hearing the heartbeat, watching as tiny fists waved frantically back and forth. You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. We decided early on that we did not want to know the sex of the baby. This did not make my mother happy, but she was excited about having another grandchild. My family has been very supportive. They wished Tabitha and I were together, as in together, but they were no less thrilled with the fact that I was finally settling down. Even if it was in the most unconventional way.

  After Tabitha shut me out, I went back home. Determined to settle this shit with Brent and get on with my life. I couldn’t start this endeavor with Maddie and have that hanging over my head, so I told my father everything. He watched the video, which was so shoddy and grainy you couldn’t even tell it was me. Not only that, we were all three so out of it, the only incriminating person on the video was Brent, who didn’t even appear to be drunk.

  Even still, I couldn’t risk it. We had to find something that would make him stand down. It took a while, but we finally found what we needed. Apparently, Brent had a thing for underage girls. I mean, seriously? I knew he was a piece of shit, but I had no idea he was a sick fuck. The PI we put on him dug up all kinds of disgusting proof. Needless to say, I got the other copies of the video right before I turned his ass over to the police.

  We sold our shares to the McMillians, finally giving my father a reason to retire, and it made my decision to partner up with Madison a whole lot easier. Granted, we weren’t bringing in high profile cases, but we were taking on ones that mattered. Madison had an insatiable appetite for wrongful convictions, and we’d taken on quite a few over the last few months. Her passion was contagious and I found myself, for the first time in my career, actually wanting to make a difference.

  Instead of always winning.

  I settled in. Even going as far as renting a house outside of town. It was small, two bedrooms, but it was all I needed. One for me and one for the baby. My chest still constricted and I found it hard to breathe each time I thought about that.

  I often wondered if I had it in me to try again. Of course, I’d forgiven Tabitha for the way things went down between us. I knew she had her reasons. It didn’t hurt any less, but I understood why she did what she did. Plus, she was the mother of my child. That alone was enough to forgive her. I often wondered how I would feel if she found someone else. I didn’t want another man having any part in raising my child, but then again, I wasn’t ready to give it another chance either. My conflicted emotions kept me guarded at all times. Knowledge is power, and she had the power to destroy me in ways no one else could. So I continued to keep my heart locked away.

  Today was Tabitha’s five month checkup. She had to see the doctor every two weeks due to her being high risk, so it worked out perfectly with my schedule. My eyes darted to the house just in time to see her walk out. It was spring, and Tabitha had always worn pretty dresses, but none as pretty as the one she had on today. The flowing fabric was a shade brighter than her eyes. Smiling, she walked to the car, a gust of wind blowing strands of flaming red hair across her glowing face. My eyes dropped to her slightly swollen belly, where the love we created was growing and thriving every single day.

  Tabitha opened the door, bringing with her the smell of spring and sunshine. “Hey,” she greeted with a soft smile.

  “Hey,” I went to put the car in gear.

  She placed a hand on my arm, her gentle touch lighting my skin on fire. “Wait,” Tabitha looked nervous all of the sudden. Shifting in her seat to face me, she laid it all out. “Holden, he loves to cook, and he’s really good at it, and well, tonight they’re having a welcome home dinner for Katy and Archer. Actually, they’ve been home two weeks now, but they’re finally comfortable with bringing the baby out… so I was wondering, if you wanted to… would you like to go with me and hang out for a bit?”

  “As in, together?”

  “Yeah, I thought it would be good for us. To be around other parents, hold a baby, ask questions. I don’t know about you, but I’m scared to death. Might be good to have friends who know what the hell they’re doing.” She laughed nervously.

  I just stared, unable to take my eyes off of her. The last few months had been hell, not being able to touch her, kiss her. God, I wanted her lips on mine so fucking bad. I’d had my hand on her belly twice, but this was not of my own accord. The baby had been fluttering, as Tabitha called it, and she immediately reached for my hand, placing it there so I could feel it, too. But each time… I felt nothing. Except, the overwhelming loss and sadness when I had to pull my hand away.

  “You ok?” she asked, the smooth skin between her eyes bunching in concern. “If you’re not comfortable going with me, I understand. I just… I know you’ve hung out with Maddie and Holden before so…”

  “What time?”

  Her face lit up, hope strong in her eyes. “Maddie said to be there around 6.”

  “I’ll go.”

  Did I really just say that? What the hell was I thinking? This was crossing the line. A dangerous line. She knew her place in my life and I knew my place in hers. We had to be smart. One wrong move could destroy everything, and she and I were in a good place right now. We still cared about each other. Fuck, I still loved her. But I had to do what was best for our baby, and my heart.

  I’d been to the Brooks’ home for dinner once before. Madison had insisted Holden and I break bread, even though we were well past making amends. I liked Holden a lot. He was an honest guy, sincere and shared some of the same views and morals I did when it came to friends and family. I’d even found myself at Archer’s a time or two, sharing a beer with him and Madison after work.

  Archer, on the other hand, was a whole other story. While I could sense he was as genuine and loyal as his cousin, Archer was more quiet and observant. We hadn’t talked much at all in my time here, but tonight had been different. Archer and I had bonded over beers and one hell of a steak dinner. He’d given me what little he knew of fatherhood, I absorbed every word.

  “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in days, but he’s worth it. So fuckin’ worth it.”

  “Archer, mouth,” Katy called from the den.

  Looking over my shoulder, I found Tabitha sitting on the sofa with Maddie and Katy flanking each side while she cradled the baby in her arms. They were all three smiling down adoringly, stroking his hands, his feet, and his tiny head. A warm, tin
gling sensation spread through me and I had to fight the urge to rush over, gather her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her. How much it was killing me for us to be apart and how much I wanted her back. But I couldn’t do that. Not only because she had a baby in her arms, but because I was scared. Scared of trusting her again. Scared of losing her again.

  I felt a firm hand on my shoulder, bringing me back around to the table. “That bad, huh?” I nodded. “C’mon man, let’s go out back,” Holden said.

  Following the two men to back yard, I quickly found myself in a game of corn hole with Holden while Archer looked on from a fold out chair nearby. “Know what you’re havin’ yet?” Archer asked.

  I finished my turn and stood aside as Holden took his. “She wants it to be a surprise.”

  “Well, here’s hoping for a boy,” Archer raised his glass of sweet tea.

  I laughed. “Why’s that?”

  “Because you only have to worry about one dick if it’s a boy. If it’s a girl, you gotta worry ‘bout hundreds. Katy wants at least two more kids. I pray like hell they’re all fuckin’ boys.”

  Damn, I never thought of that.

  “Don’t listen to him. If he had a daughter, she would be a spoiled princess and she would have her daddy wrapped around her little finger.” Holden said, finishing up his turn.

  “A spoiled princess with a fuckin’ chastity belt. And guess who’s gonna own the key?” Archer said, pushing from his seat.

  Chuckling, I took another sip of beer before setting it aside and taking my turn.

  “What I wanna know is when you and that wife of yours are gonna give Vaughn a cousin to play with?”

  “Maddie agreed we can start tryin’ in one year.” Holden didn’t look too happy about that. But then he smiled. “In the meantime, we practice.”

  “Shit, that’s the fun part,” Archer said. “Just wait until she’s actually pregnant, you won’t be able to keep up.”