"Alright, maybe Ella isn't the one for you, but you haven't given her a moment to try. Look what you did with Rosadette! You let her rose wilt and die when you actually liked her!"
"Wrong," he huffed. “If it wasn’t for your meddling I would have forgotten about her, the rose, everything. As if I like her.”
"Oh please!" Vixen huffed. "You liked her from the very beginning. I know how you met. How she punched you in the damn face. You were intrigued by her and though she wasn't the best fit for your cold-hearted personality, she was interesting to you."
"She wouldn't fall for someone like me, who didn't support her when she was being humiliated, or who constantly brought her down. She couldn't reach my standards, so why does it now matter whether I was interested or not. It was never meant to be."
"Never meant to be my foot," Vixen declared. "If it was never meant to be, you wouldn't have gotten that rose in the first place! My brother knew the moment he saw Rosadette that he loved her. Fate could have easily tossed her rose his way, but no. You got the golden opportunity. You went down to the lower lands to test her and got punched in the face when you threatened to kill her best friend! The only good act you did was get her a bunch of clothes and lingerie, which I assisted you with at the last minute! How can you do a kind act like that and suddenly fuck it up?!"
"Why does any of this talk matter?" he questioned, looking bored as he moved her hand away from his chest. "I lost her! I let her rose wilt and die. Why are you suddenly pestering me as if this is something new to discuss? I let her get away from my grasp and soon she'll be your sister-in-law. You might as well thank me."
"Stop avoiding what you know I'm trying to get at."
"Just get to the fucking point, Vix. What lesson am I learning in this unnecessary yelling therapy session when all I want to do is be by myself for one fucking minute?"
"Why haven't you once told her or anyone else about the voices?!"
The comment left him silent as he just stared back at her like he hadn't heard her question.
"Uh hello?!" She waved her hand in his face.
"What?"
"I just asked you a question."
"I know, and I don't get what you're implying."
"You paused right at that moment cause that little dark voice is talking to you, isn't it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," he grumbled but actually tried to walk away. She grabbed his hand, which only led to him twisting her around and slamming her right against the wall.
I wanted to interfere, but my body remained still as I fought hard to see where this would go.
"If you didn't know what I was talking about, you wouldn't have just reacted," she muttered and didn't show an ounce of fear while staring into Xavier's eyes. "You've only told one person about the voices, which was your father, who dismissed them as stress. You've had constant instances where you try to say one thing, but it comes out the exact opposite. You think people are only tools not because you've been taught that way, but because your very brain is wired that way, like a defense mechanism. You see the potential in every individual, but it pisses you off when you see that they will surpass you. That's exactly why you could never accept Rosadette. It's exactly why you wished to see her crumble. The voice only supports your negative thinking and because it's happened for years, it can change your entire response in under a second."
"Your stupid theory is wrong," he snarled, his hands only tightening around her arms, which made her flinch in pain.
She held her ground as she countered with, "Why did you rush to help us when we heard Rosadette, Queen Seraphine, and Rainer were in danger? Why did you assist in conjuring the horses needed for us to get to where Rosadette was so that your mother could create the portal to get us as close to where Rosadette was located in the shortest amount of time? Why did you try to stop your dad from holding Rosadette and Rainer back due to their injuries when we were going to go against Alicia's request to allow them time off to recover? Why are you acting like a damn villain in all of this when in reality, you're a lonely fucker who doesn't know how to properly communicate, is influenced by a dark voice that I've yet to figure where it comes from, and can't admit that he's intrigued by someone romantically until he's letting their roses wilt!?!"
"I'm not romantically into Ella!"
"Is that all you got from my whole statement?!" she snapped.
He let out a grunt and let go of her.
"I'm done."
"We're not done!"
"Just leave me alone!"
"You always push people away because you don't want them to be hurt. You think you're a bringer of bad luck, and you've believed that since you were a kid. You built up your cocky exterior when you got bullied to the point that you cracked your skull open. The kids circled around you and laughed, and that memory has haunted you your entire life! The voice started then, didn't it?! If so, why? What was cast on you to make that voice grow into another entity that controls you like a damn robot?"
He didn't say anything as he spun around to try and leave again but she grabbed onto him.
"Stop fucking running!"
He didn't say a word, but his body spun and his fist was an inch from her face. It stopped right there and then, and this time I noticed how dangerously black his eyes were. The change in shade didn't bother me, but it was the sudden shift in his aura that threw me off entirely.
I quickly tried to trace the foreign energy, realizing there was actually a trail, but if I dared move from my spot, they would realize I was eavesdropping.
"Go ahead," Vixen provoked. "Punch me! You were willing to freeze Rosadette after hurting her, right? What am I?"
His fist shook as if he were fighting against another force. When he continued to remain there, Vixen made a bold move by inching closer to his fist until her nose pressed against it.
"You shake because you're fighting off something. A power. An essence. Something that doesn't belong, Xavier. Now, what is it? What are you hiding, or more importantly, who is using you as a puppet in all of this?"
"No...one is controlling me," he grumbled.
"Then punch me. If you're able to control yourself, do exactly what you were about to do," she encouraged. "I'm just a nobody like everyone else. I'm just a hindrance who is weak and will be of no use. Why are you stopping, then? Or is the you beneath that ass of an ego and spike of fear stopping you from hurting me?"
He pushed her out of the way, and her body fell to the side as he punched the wall where she previously stood. He punched it hard enough to indent the cement, his fist turning red instantly as it began to bruise and even bleed in some places a few seconds later.
"Go away, Vixen." The way he said those words weren't as an order, but a threatening warning. "I'm done with therapy."
"Xav-"
"If you don't leave, I'll tell my father to replace you."
"You wouldn't after all the progress we've made!"
"If it means getting you out of my damn life, I'd do it in a heartbeat."
"You know I can tell when you're lying!"
"Then you can tell how serious I am, even if it's a damn lie in this moment!" he snapped with fuming rage. "Take the week off. In fact, you can have a lovely vacation until the exams for all I care. I'll still follow whatever these rules are with me staying at your family's castle, but that's it. I already aced our exam earlier so you don't need to attend the final exam. I'll get the perfect score we need and then we'll go our separate ways. Feel free to ask for a new partner for I'll do exactly that. Then you don't need to deal with me, just like I don't need to deal with you. Now fuck off."
Vixen rose up, looking like she was about to argue back but he grumbled, "I could easily tell your brother I tried to hurt you and he'd make sure I never saw you for the rest of the school year. I'll do it if it means you go away right this instant."
Her eyes widened in shock before they were flooded with anger and tears.
"You're going to go that low to try
and get rid of me," she huffed. "Go rat on yourself to my injured brother who's dealing with his own problems just so I get out of your way?"
She laughed as she clenched her hands into fists.
"You're disgusting."
"As if such words bother me," Xavier huffed. "Try again. I love compliments."
"You just want to be unhappy, don't you?"
"If it means you don't fall in love with me, sure," he concluded, which made her eyes widen as he looked at her. He moved from his spot, just to step right into her personal space until she was back against the wall and he was towering over her.
"You should know never to fall in love with the bad guys. The villains. The jackass of Fae Rose Academy who belittles all those who are deemed unworthy, and fights to break down those who stand close to the elite status of power. Go ahead and blame it on my childhood head injury or the bullying I endured. Blame it on the voice in my head that begs for me to find Rosadette and stab her right in the chest. Why not? Put the responsibility on my fucked-up mentality and the fact I can't be given the opportunity to love the person I want for my bad luck in love and life itself plagues me every single day. Blame everything on the psychological, physical, and magical circumstances so I don't need to take ownership of breaking your fucking heart into shreds."
She swallowed hard as he whispered, "If Ella's rose wilts and perishes, I'll be forced to wait for another female to step up to the plate, and I beg the fucking Universe that it's not you because we're far from compatible. I may harness the power of light, but my heart is filled with darkness and is completely opposite from the compassionate beating heart that races like you're in a marathon when you see me."
He leaned in so close that their lips were inches apart.
"Stop falling for me, Vix. It won't end well. Either do your job as my therapist and partner or leave me to fuck my own life over."
He pulled away, that smug smile forming on his lips as he looked down at her like he'd won the fight. What was unexpected was Vixen reaching for his tie, tugging him forward, and kissing him smack on the lips.
I was gawking in shock as Xavier's eyes widened for a second, and I almost missed the way they seemed to become a bright ocean blue with white rings around his irises. It was gone in a few blinks, but she broke the kiss and stared at him long and hard.
Which was then followed with a slap to his face.
My shock couldn't get any worse as I merely stared at the stunning scene unfolding before me while Xavier's cheek grew redder by the second. He slowly looked back at her, as her frustrated tears fell down her flushed cheeks.
"I, Princess Vixen, will fall in love with whoever I damn want. As for whether we're compatible or not, I don't give a flying hoot if we are. If you think I'm going to give up on you like everyone else who can't see past the fake ass of a prince persona you've pulled off for years just to push everyone you care about away from what you truly fear, then here's your wakeup call. I'm not ditching!"
She got right into his face and poked his chest like before.
"So go right ahead and tell Papa Dearest to switch me. Go on and tell my brother that you're a dick as usual and tried to hurt me. Do whatever the fuck you want, but I'm going to crack down on whatever is making you think the way you think, and when I finally solve this mystery named Prince Xavier Rose, then you'll see how it feels to be vulnerable. To be brought down and dismissed while the Universe is desperate to give you the happy ending I'm sure your heart is begging for."
She moved away from him before she began to walk away but stopped.
I could see the tears running down her cheeks as she fought hard to continue her hard front. "Go ahead and let Ella's rose wilt. However, I'm not going to stop caring about you. Even if it's deemed unprofessional. I'll make sure my rose is the next to sit on that damn platform and when that happens, be warned, for I'll make sure I'm the happiest girl in this damn kingdom and force you to be stuck with me until you give in to getting the help you deserve."
"Me...deserve help," Xavier huffed.
Vixen looked over her shoulder, and she whispered, "Ya. Even you. The Grinch Rose of the Purely Divine Kingdom with a heart of darkness that's begging to be cracked open and bathed in light."
She turned around and shook her head. "It's times like these where I truly pity you.”
Those were her last words as she began to walk away - turning to her left and heading down the path to the maze.
Xavier stood there for a long time, and I was going to leave, but he turned around and suddenly punched the wall again. The impact was harder this time - cracking more of the wall while his hand was further bruised up and bleeding.
He muttered under his breath before he pressed his forehead against the damaged wall, hitting it firmly and whispering. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!"
I wanted to interfere, but I was also afraid. If he knew I was here, I could get in a whole lot of shit, but at the same time, the agony on his face...was real.
"Why do I keep doing this?" he finally whispered. "Why, why, why? Why can't I get shit right? I'm a perfectionist. I deserve to be with someone. To be loved. To have a powerful partner. To one day rule. I am worthy, yes? That's what I've been taught. Been told. Been encouraged again and again by that damn voice in my head. I don't need my parents’ wise words. Or friends or comrades. No one can understand someone as smart as me. Someone talented like me. That has to be it, right? That's why Rosadette gave up on me...cursed me. Hah." He actually laughed, and yet it was the saddest sound I've ever heard.
"Fuck. Why is the Universe punishing me like this? Do I deserve a world of solitude? A world of anxiety and regrets? Why am I always left questioning my motives? Why am I always misunderstood? Rosadette could have got me, but no. I fucked all that up. Pushed her away. Humiliated her. Fought with all my power to not acknowledge just how powerful she was. I was ashamed. Not of her...of myself for not being stronger. Not being capable of being her equal. Look where that left me. Stuck with that bitch Ella who can only come at night to bother me with useless banter when all I want to do is sleep."
He punched the wall again, and then again, and I caught onto the tears that began to form in his eyes as he stared at the wall with hopelessness.
"Why is everything slipping away? Mother has pulled herself out. Dad is far too busy trying to make sure she's pleased and he hasn't ruined his own marriage because of me. I lost my chance with Rosadette, who's now with Rainer. Ella is a selfish bitch who whines during the day and just irritates me until I force myself to sleep. I'm on the brink of being banished. One wrong move and I'm out of my own kingdom...a kingdom that actually took me in....parents who couldn't even tell me I was fucking adopted. Fuck..." He punched the wall again, enough that he hissed and pulled his hand back to view the true damage. He stared down at his bloody fist, tears streaming down his face as he fought hard to keep it together.
Like a thin thread that was on the verge of snapping.
"I almost punched Vix. I almost hurt her...just like I did Rosadette. Why do I hurt anyone who has a chance of getting close to my heart? Is...is Vixen going to leave me? Is she going to stop the therapy sessions? It's a good thing, right? Ya...it has to be. No more of her annoying rants. No more of her coming to check on me every thirty minutes. No more of her constant lectures or words of wisdom about what I'm truly suffering from for the day."
He seemed to pause to swallow a lump in his throat, more tears falling down his cheeks as his shoulders sank.
"No more talks. No more fights. No more of her trying to outsmart me like she does every single time. No more reading those stupid books that are actually interesting. Or telling me about her life as an adoptee. If only she knew of my birth. If only she could help me find the courage to seek the truth from my own mom. Fuck..." He shook his head and turned around. "I don't need her. Yes. I don't need her or anyone... This is how life will always be. Lonely. Difficult. Challenging. If I'm a villain in their eyes, so be it. That's how life has always been. Fi
ght or flight response. To be bullied or become the bully. If you're the bully, no one will try and tear you into pieces. All this pain I'm feeling…it's nothing."
He leaned against the wall as if he were suddenly tired.
"I bet the Universe is laughing at me. How pathetic I look. Crying. Men don't cry. So fucking stupid." He banged his head once more, and slowly slid down to sit on the ground as he fought to compose himself.
"I'm fine. Everything is fine. You can't fix what's already been said. What's already been done. Can't apologize for being a bully when I was small. Can't apologize for hurting Rosadette when it was never my intention. She'll never know about the meltdown. Vixen can't tell her because it's a conflict of interest. I haven't been able to apologize since she's been in the recovery clinic for months. Mother's still mad at me for what I unintentionally did. Father can't even stand being in the same room as me for long. Now I just pushed Vix away...and Ella's rose is already on its last petal. Will seeing the rose bare trigger another reaction? Trigger that urge to hurt Rosadette? I should just run away. No. I can't run from my duty as a future king. I still have to find a queen. To give my adoptive parents their lives back after centuries of serving this kingdom. Man...why can't I gather the courage to tell them I know? Why can't I figure anything out? Why is this so hard? Why can't I just give up?"
He put his head in his hands, and he finally began to sob.
"I just want to be happy. Why is it so hard to be happy? I don't want...don't want to be a villain in this damn world anymore. Why can't I fix this?! Do I need to die to get this damn voice out of my head? For the Universe to give me another chance at life or to end this suffering of no one understanding me? Dammit. Life is so fucking hard."
He sobbed harder and I tried to blink away my own tears away as I desperately fought the urge to pity him. He didn't deserve my pity. My emotion. My shed of tears.
He hurt me. He deserved every bit of sorrow he was experiencing.
Or did he?
The sound of the ice cream truck cut through the air once again, and Xavier quietly laughed. "I was supposed to get that royal ice cream thing. I always miss out on the good stuff. Typical." His sorrowful laugh followed before he sobbed harder.
Fae Rose Academy: Year Two (For The Purely Divine Book 2) Page 23