Seer

by Robin Roseau

  They took a lot of pictures, making me model for them, and Dolores announced I had to wear it until I left her house, but if I wanted to change out of it on the front steps, that was my choice.

  We chatted until late. Before I left, Dolores asked me, “Was this too much?”

  “No,” I said. “I made Patty wear one once. Frank loved it.”

  “So you’re saying I can expect payback sometime?”

  “I don’t know. Not the way you play.”

  At the door when it was time to go, Dolores hugged and, briefly, kissed each of us. Gabby was first, and I think it surprised her, but she went with it. None of us had that type of relationship, and Elsa didn’t typically even touch any of us, much less hug or kiss. But Dolores did it like it was no big thing, and it wasn’t. Elsa accepted her hug and kiss with a smile, and so did I.

  I wore the damned costume home, but I wasn’t sure I minded that much. I decided Dolores was going to be all right, and I had made a new friend.

  I liked making friends.

  I laundered the costume, ironed it carefully, and then wrapped it up again. I couldn’t wait to give it back to her, although I had a couple of other things I’d see she wore first.

  * * * *

  “What are you doing Tuesday evening?” Dolores asked me.

  “I don’t know,” I replied. “What am I doing Tuesday?”

  “Going to dinner with me, and maybe a movie afterwards.”

  “Oh, a date?”

  She laughed.

  “Is 5:30 too early?” she asked. “That way we won’t be too rushed to make a 7:15 movie.”

  “5:30 is great,” I replied. “But you’re supposed to use that gift certificate for a date.”

  “I’m not ready to date,” she said. “So. Tuesday?”

  “I’d love to,” I replied.

  “Perfect. I’ll pick you up. I’ll be in a dress.” We were going to a pretty nice restaurant after all, even if it was a movie afterwards. She paused. “Is this too much? I don’t want to burn out our friendship.”

  “No, Dolores, it’s great, as long as you promise me you’re open to friendships with other people, too.”

  “I am,” she replied. “But it’s hard. I used to have so much more confidence. I was outgoing. Now, it’s really hard to put myself out there. It took me two months to delve up the courage to tell you what I did. If you’d rejected me, I don’t know what I would have done.”

  “I understand, Dolores.” I paused. “Do you mind if I share a little more about you with Patty?”

  She paused and didn’t answer right away.

  “Forget I asked,” I offered.

  “No,” she said. “It’s okay. I liked Patty. I promise I won’t turn into a stalker, Sidney.”

  “I wasn’t worried,” I said, although I was, a little.

  * * * *

  We both wore dresses on Tuesday. Dolores offered another of her quick kisses, a peck really, when she picked me up. We made small talk in the car and complimented each other on our appearance over dinner. Dolores was cheerful and funny, and I caught myself shaking my head.

  “What?” she asked.

  “You,” I said.

  “What about me?”

  “I wouldn’t have expected this,” I said. “You’re always so nervous. You’re not nervous. You’re amazing.”

  She blushed then hid behind her water glass. “Thank you,” she said eventually. “This is the old me. Thank you for that, too. I like this person better than the one you usually see.”

  “I liked you before, Dolores, but this is much healthier, and I’m happy to see it.”

  “I used to be called perky,” she said. “I was a cheerleader.”

  “Were you really?” I asked.

  “Don’t be so shocked,” she said. “I was a great cheerleader.”

  “I bet you were. Did you date the quarterback?”

  “No. Tight end.” She giggled. “And his end was certainly tight, but in college, his boyfriend loosened it up for him.”

  “Oh my god!” I said. “I can’t believe you said that.”

  She giggled. “He’s a great guy, although I haven’t talked to him in years. I should look him up and see how he’s doing.”

  “You were the cheerleader,” I said. “I was in the computer club. Did you make fun of girls like me? That’s what the cheerleaders in my school did.”

  “For rude bitches everywhere, I apologize,” she said. “But now look at us. You’re the popular one, and I’m the one following you around like a lost puppy dog.”

  “For the record, I have never followed anyone around, lost puppy dog or otherwise.”

  “I bet you didn’t,” she said. “Were you out in high school?”

  “No. College.”

  “Freshman year roommate?”

  I laughed. “No. The girl down the hall. She was a sophomore and seduced me the third week of school. We dated for about a month, and then she dumped me but immediately introduced me to her girlfriend from last year. She and I dated for two years.”

  “Was that weird?”

  “It should have been, but I was young and dumb, and Kenda was pretty clever about it. She knew what she was doing from start to finish, and I never saw any of it coming. She got a friend of hers to host a party. Jules was there, too, and there was alcohol. Kenda got me a little bit tipsy, then told me she thought we should see other people and then bet me I was too straight-laced to go over and make out with Jules.”

  Dolores began laughing.

  “She made a big deal about it, and so I had to prove her wrong.” I shook my head. “God, I was stupid back then.”

  “Was Jules in on it?”

  “Yeah. She didn’t tell me until a year later. Kenda hadn’t intended anything serious with me. She had just wanted to play around a little. Jules was just going to make a weekend of it with me, and I was going to wake up Monday morning not having a clue what had happened, going from one girlfriend to two girlfriends to no girlfriends over a thirty-six hour period. Instead, Jules decided I was a good kisser. So she kept me.”

  “What ended it?”

  “We realized we were going in different directions with our lives. Jules was going to graduate at the end of the next year, and I had a year left. We knew we wouldn’t want to do the long distance relationship thing, and we knew if we waited until the end, it would be that much harder. So we decided we’d spend that summer together, but in the fall, we were each going to find someone new.”

  “Okay,” Dolores said slowly. “That’s a little weird.”

  “Yeah, I suppose. But we had a great summer. Jules had a car and pretty liberal parents. And they had a towable tent trailer thing. We spent the summer touring the country. We went absolutely everywhere. It was probably the best summer I’ve ever had. The last couple of weeks were hard though, but the last night, although I didn’t know it was our last night at the time, we made gentle love together. I also didn’t know she’d called Jonah-”

  “Jonah?”

  “A college friend — another geek.”

  “Ah.”

  “She had called Jonah, and after Jules and I made love, we stepped outside the tent, and he was waiting. She basically walked me to him, kissed him, told me she loved me, and then he drove me home.”

  “Wow,” Dolores said. “I couldn’t have done that.”

  “It was for the best,” I admitted. “But no, I couldn’t have, either.” I looked at my hands for a moment, remembering. “Senior year, I serial-dated, and I didn’t allow myself to get serious about anyone for a long time after that, and then it was a disaster.”

  “Straight girl?”

  “No, she was a few years later. Raving bitch girl. It was raving bitch girl, then over-the-top drama girl, then straight girl, then about four years of one-night stands.”

  Dolores waited. When I didn’t say more, she made a “keep going” gesture.

  “You don’t want to know all this.”

  “Sure I d
o. Keep going, Sidney.”

  “Then I met Star.”

  “Star? Seriously?”

  “Yeah. We were together for five years. It ended four years ago. Nothing serious since.”

  “Why did it end?”

  “My job.”

  “Say no more,” she said.

  “I’d like to think I’d have better balance now, but I think ultimately, I wasn’t convinced Star was more important to me than my career.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Worse, I think she knew it.”

  “Ouch!”

  “Yeah. I’m a bitch.”

  “I don’t believe that,” Dolores said. “Why wasn’t she worth more?”

  “Star was great.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “She was beautiful.”

  “You like them feminine?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re pretty feminine yourself.”

  “Thank you for noticing.”

  “I thought the feminine women went for the butches.”

  “Don’t believe everything you hear,” I said with a smile.

  “So, you were talking about Star. She was beautiful.”

  “Yes. And great in bed.”

  “Of course.”

  “Good at her job.”

  “Which is?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Sidney…”

  “Secretary.”

  “Ah ha!” she said. “You’re a snob. She wasn’t your intellectual equal.”

  I sighed. “I’m a bitch.”

  “Did you treat her well?”

  “Other than neglecting her more than she could tolerate? Yeah. I did. We’re still friends. She’s in a great relationship with an amazing butch named Dani now.” I sighed. “I’m such a bitch.”

  “Give me your phone.”

  “What?”

  “Give me your phone.”

  I pulled it out and slid it across the table to her. She glanced at it and frowned. “Very funny. Unlock it.” She handed it back and I unlocked it. She began pushing buttons. “Star Compton?” she asked.

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “I certainly would.” She waited for a moment, then she dramatically pushed the face of the phone and held it to her ear. She waited a minute, then said, “Actually, my name is Dolores. I’m at dinner with Sidney.” Pause. Pause. “She’s fine.” Pause. Pause. “No. I’m her token straight friend.” Pause. Pause. “Yes, I agree. We all need friends. So, Sidney just admitted to me she’s a bitch for the way she treated you. I wanted to know what you thought about it.”

  That resulted in long pauses while I covered my face. I couldn’t believe she was making that call. I couldn’t believe I was letting her.

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought,” Dolores said. “I think she’s great, too.” Pause. Pause. “You know, I wish I weren’t. Sidney’s quite a catch.”

  I raised my eyebrow at that, and Dolores said, “She asked me if I were sure I was straight.”

  The two talked for another minute, then she said, “Star wants to talk to you.”

  “Hey,” I said. “I’m sorry. I should have stopped her.”

  “Sidney, you’re not a bitch. You weren’t a bitch to me. You treated me really well. You were sweet and kind, and you took care of me. Even when you weren’t there, you took care of me anyway. But…”

  “Yeah, but…”

  “No, listen,” she said. “You need someone who is an intellectual challenge to you, someone who can stand up to you and tell you when you’re full of shit. We both know that’s not me.”

  “Star…”

  “It’s not just that you’re smarter. You’re just a powerhouse, Sidney. That’s intoxicating, but it’s tiring, too. I loved being with you, and I hated being apart from you. But you need things from life I don’t need. I don’t see my job the way you see yours. I envy that. I envy how much you love your job. But I don’t resent it, and I don’t resent you. You needed what you needed. I needed someone who, once she was home, she was home. That was never going to be you, but neither of us knew it when we got started. That doesn’t make you a bitch, Sidney. I didn’t like when you were gone, but I wouldn’t trade away our relationship. I’ll always love you, you know.”

  And just then, I knew why I had loved her — why I still loved her. I felt tears creep into my eyes.

  “So, no regrets, no apologies. Okay?”

  “I love you too, Star,” I said.

  “Are you crying?”

  “A little?”

  “Let Dolores give you a hug. And bring her to dinner sometime. We’re busy for the next two weekends, but maybe the weekend after that. Dani is dying to throw something on the grill.”

  “We’re not dating, Star.”

  “I know. I want to meet her anyway.”

  “I’ll invite her.”

  “If you don’t tell me she’s coming, I’m going to send Dani to your house to beat her phone number out of you, Sidney, and I’ll call her myself.”

  I laughed. Physically, I was sure Dani could do it, but she didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She and Star were made for each other.

  I looked at Dolores. “She’s threatening to have my legs broken if you don’t come to dinner in three weeks.”

  Dolores smiled and nodded. “I’ll be there. Are you coming, too?”

  I laughed and nodded. “We’ll be there, Star. Let me know what to bring.”

  “Wine. Have a nice date, Sidney.”

  “It’s just friends.”

  “Kissed her yet?” And, laughing, she hung up without waiting for a response.

  I stared into space for a while. Dolores didn’t interrupt, but finally I turned back to her.

  “She sounds great.”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “Regrets?”

  “Some, but she’s right. She wouldn’t have been happy with me. She’s happy with Dani. And I would have resented if she’d made me pick between her and my career.”

  “She is who she is, and you are who you are, and while you can have regrets the combination didn’t work, you should rejoice in who you both are. You’re both great women after all.”

  I sipped my drink.

  “So, got your eye on anyone now?”

  “Other than the straight girl I’m on a date with?”

  She laughed. “Yeah. Other than the straight girl.”

  I didn’t answer her.

  * * * *

  I made arrangements for Dolores to come to cards. The semi-regulars may have been a little put off, but everyone who knew Dolores was happy to see her. She and I did something together once or twice a week, and she kissed me hello and goodbye each time.

  That worried me a little, but she kissed everyone at cards, and I decided I wasn’t going to stress out about it.

  She arrived at three but brought wine and dessert anyway. She helped me prepare a new recipe.

  Over cards, Frank was hot. Dolores was not, and she ended up with the booby prize. I handed it to her with a smile, but inside, I wasn’t sure. I might be going too far.

  “I originally picked this out for Dean,” I told her. “But I think it’s even better if you wear it. You can change in my bedroom.”

  “Oh god,” she said. “Did you regift your most recent booby prize?”

  I laughed. “Nope.”

  She wouldn’t really have had to go to another room to change. She was wearing a dress, and I figured she would pull the tee-shirt over her dress. I’d sent her away so she would have time to collect herself if it was too much. She was gone a long time, and I worried she was up in my bedroom hiding from us. I was about to go check on her when she appeared in the doorway.

  She’d raided my closet, finding a wrap-around skirt to wear instead of her dress. For her top, she was wearing a bright pink tee-shirt that said, “Bi-curious” on it.

  Dean was the first to laugh. “You were going to make me wear that?” He asked. Mike began laughing with him. “If you don’t want to
keep it, Dolores, I’ll buy it from you.”

  “No way,” she said. “I’m keeping it, and I’m wearing it for my next date with Sidney.”

  I began blushing immediately, and so they made me pose for pictures with Dolores, and she hammed it up besides. She spent the rest of the evening flirting outrageously with all the women.

  Patty came up to me before heading out and asked, “Are you sure she’s straight?”

  “Pretty sure,” I said.

  “Is the shirt wishful thinking?”

  “No.”

  “It wouldn’t have been funny except that you said you bought it for Dean.”

  “He’d have loved it.” Then I looked at her. “I thought about it for you, too.”

  She laughed.

  “That’s wishful thinking,” I added.

  She put on a look, staring into my eyes. “Not so wishful,” she said huskily. Then, without warning, and with everyone else watching, she kissed me. And it was a longer kiss than Dolores was giving everyone.

  I stood there stunned as the room filled with cat calls. Patty laughed and pulled me into a hug, and I whispered to her, “Now you’re just messing with me.”

  “Maybe I’m messing with my husband,” she said. She pulled away. “Frank, don’t even think of kissing anyone but me. Come on, Lover, it’s time to go home.” She paused. “Dean, knock it off.” I looked over, and Dean was trying to get a kiss from Frank.

  Dolores stuck around after everyone else left, helping me to clean up again.

  “Was the tee shirt too much?” I asked her later while we were sitting on the sofa.

  She shook her head. “Did you mind that I raided your closet?” She paused. “I thought the booby prizes were supposed to be embarrassing.”

  “They’re supposed to be funny,” I said. “Gabby and Elsa would have been offended if I’d given that to either of them. It wouldn’t fit Mike, of course, but I think he would have been a little upset, too. Frank is fine being surrounded by all of us, but he’s not sure enough of his masculinity to put something like that on. And, to be honest, I don’t think I’d have been happy wearing it, either.”

  “Why not?”

  “A lot of guys think lesbians just haven’t met the right man, and they make a lot of crude offers.”

  “None of those guys are here.”

  “No, but still… I think I’d be reminded of all that bullshit, and it would have upset me.”