The Thrush from Thrush Affair

by jhalpin322@aol. com

  Solo mused. “Perhaps not. This cell is steel, not stone. And there’s air from somewhere, which means there has to be space between the steel and the stone.”

  “Bien, we dig out with our fingers!” Lilli said.

  Solo smiled. “Not quite. We have a running battle with our friends from THRUSH. They know all our tricks, so we invent new tricks. They searched me pretty well, but not quite good enough. See?”

  Solo held his hand and carefully peeled off the fingernails! He kneaded them in his palm into a small clay-like ball. Solo showed his real fingernails still intact. Then he bent and pulled a thread from his trouser cuff. He squeezed the thread into the ball.

  “Plastic heat-compound. Melts almost anything,” Solo said, and looked at the door. He shook his head. “No, they’ll have the door wired for an alarm. And I think the walls will take us out. Still, better be ready.”

  The handsome chief agent began to peel off the fingernails on his other hand. He kneaded them into a ball, pulled a thread from his tie this time, and fused this plastic ball.

  “A plastic explosive,” Solo explained. “So there we are. We have a way to melt the walls, and a bomb in case things get out of hand.”

  Solo grinned at Lilli. The petite blonde woman stared at him, and shook her head slowly. It was an admiring shake of the head.

  “I see I went to the proper people. You are all very expert, and dangerous. I think, perhaps, I should have remained no more than a singer.”

  “No you don’t,” Solo said. “Not with so much work to be done to make the world somewhere people can live.”

  “No, you’re right, I don’t. I knew what I was doing when I joined Interpol.”

  “Are you ready?” Solo asked.

  “Yes,” Lilli said.

  “All right. Now I’m going to melt a hole into the air duct. We’ll go through and out the other end. There will be registers. I’ll go first with the bomb, but you come close behind. We don’t want to let them separate us, right?”

  “Yes,” Lilli said, nodded.

  “Good, now…”

  Solo stopped, warned Lilli to silence. There were footsteps outside the door. The footsteps stopped. The lock clicked in the door. Solo quickly shoved the two small plastic bombs into his pocket. Maxine stepped into the room with two armed guards. The tall, violet-eyed girl smiled at Solo.

  “Still here, Napoleon? My, you are slipping,” Maxine said.

  “You’ve finally got me, Maxine,” Solo said.

  Maxine sighed. “I wish I did, but you’re incorrigibly one of the good guys. Even if you could accept a bad one like me, they’d never let me have you.”

  “Life is tragic,” Solo said.

  “Isn’t it? And brief, very brief.”

  “Is that a hint?” Solo said.

  “Not yet, Napoleon. A little interrogation first. Come on.”

  Maxine waved them both out. Solo followed Lilli out into the corridor. It was steel-lined like the room, but it had all the aura of an old mine shaft. Maxine marched them for some way along bright corridors that hummed with the noise of the air-conditioning. Solo guessed they were quite a distance beneath the ground, yet he could not recall having come down very far when brought in.

  Obviously, then, it was an old mine, and they were deep inside a mountain, and the entrance was horizontal rather than vertical. These things were important for any escape, but beyond that, Solo could not find anything that helped. The corridors seemed all identical; there were no doors and no windows.

  Still, air was coming in, and where air came in there had to be a way out.

  “In here, if you please,” Maxine said.

  A section of the wall slid open to form a door. This, then was the way all the rooms were entered---no doors, simply sliding sections of wall! Walter Hand had an efficient headquarters. And in the room they entered Solo saw the little THRUSH chief himself.

  “Ah, my dear Solo! And Mademoiselle Kessler. How charming!”

  The room was probably an office---but what an office! It was an enormous room carved out of the stone of the mountain, but magnificently oak paneled, carpeted, furnished with luxurious furniture and all the comforts, including a giant private bar.

  “A drink? Of course. Solo will have Scotch, I think, yes? And the beautiful lady takes, let me see, Pernod frappe?”

  “Why not?” Lilli Kessler said.

  “Good! Paul, the drinks. For everyone, ask what they want. We stand on no ceremony here,” Hand said, his fat little face and body like Hollywood’s idea of a cherub.

  Among all the couches and carpets and elegant chairs in the office there was also a mammoth desk, files, a complete communications system, closed circuit and regular TV. Walter Hand had a complete central office. The waiter brought them drinks, and Hand waved his pudgy little hand.

  “Sit down, sit down!”

  Solo and Lilli sat down. Maxine and her two soldiers sat across the office, alert and ready. The waiter vanished.

  Solo had the distinct impression that unseen eyes watched his every move. He was fairly sure he saw eyes peering from various small openings in the walls.

  Walter Hand was almost chuckling.

  “So, here we are,” Hand chuckled, rubbing his hands. “My dears, what a coup! I have the plans we all wanted, and Burton does not! Lost them right from under his nose. I was wondering how to get them, and Maxine tells me you actually got them for her. Wonderful!”

  Across the room Maxine Trent laughed. “We could never have gotten into the house if the alarms had been on. Solo and the woman had them turned off! He did all the work on the safe, too.”

  Hand roared, his fat face red with effort, his feet off the ground like some small boy at the circus. “What a wonderful caper! Not only the plans and Burton made to look like the fool that he is, but Solo, too! You will make a wonderful gift to THRUSH, Solo! And Miss Kessler,” and the small, fat man beamed at the petite blonde. “Ah, Miss Kessler will be my ace. Yes, she will. Imagine, an outsider let into Burton’s secrets, and then caught betraying him with U.N.C.L.E. Oh, that will do Burton nicely.”

  The fat cherub laughed and laughed. Solo watched Hand. At least there was one good aspect: they apparently did not know yet that Lilli was an Interpol agent. Walter Hand could not stop laughing as he thought about the discomfiture of his arch-rival.

  “Can you imagine?” Hand chortled. “Burton lets this outsider know his secrets, even about the rocket plans, and then she turns traitor and brings in U.N.C.L.E. And I, Walter Hand, have to save the day. The whole of North America is as good as mine, in my hand. Oh, I’d give a lot to see Manfred’s face when---“

  Solo saw it first in the eyes of the waiter, a kind of shock too sudden to be fear. Then he saw the sudden change in Maxine’s face. The waiter and Maxine were the only two in the room facing the sliding panel door. But Walter Hand could hear, and the fat little man proved to Solo that he was both quick and deadly as his reputation said he was. The faint sound of the panel opening made him reach like lightning for his gun, stand, and turn ready to fire. But he did not fire.

  Manfred Burton stood there with ten men, all armed. The burly THRUSH chief did not smile.

  “All right, Walter. Now you see Manfred’s face. What are you going to give?”

  FIVE

  Hand and Burton faced each other in the sudden death-like silence like two vicious fighting cocks, each afraid to make the first move and perhaps expose himself. Solo watched them all carefully. He motioned Lilli behind him.

  Hand and Burton each held a pistol. They had each other covered. Maxine and her men were to the right of Hand, all with their weapons ready. Ranged behind Burton were his ten men, all armed and ready, most covering Hand and his people, but two covering the door. They all remained that way for a long two minutes. Them Walter Hand chuckled.

  “Well Manfred, it looks like a standoff.”

  “I out-number you eleven to four,” Burton said. “I have the corridors and your men outside.”


  “True, my dear Manfred, but I have you covered, and you know that I will shoot before they can shoot me. You also know I’m an excellent shot.”

  “So am I, Walter,” Burton said.

  “Ah, yes, but I also have all you covered by my men in the walls. I’m sure you know that,” Hand said.

  Burton looked at the walls. He smiled for the first time. Both Burton’s and Hand’s smiles were as cold, as phony as death masks.

  “So, it is a standoff then,” Burton said.

  Walter Hand shrugged. “Let’s not be foolish about this, Manfred. Neither of us can trust the other for a second. No, we will have to think of something else. After all, I have the film of the plans.”

  “True, but I have you for sure,” Burton said.

  “Perhaps,” Hand said. “Tell me, how did you do it? Get in here, I mean.”

  “Bribery, Walter. How else? Your men can be bribed, it seems. A bad mark against you!”

  Solo sat there and listened to them, but he was thinking fast. If there was to be a way out it had to come now. They had not searched him again. He still had his thermite bomb and his plastic explosive bomb. Still, it would be a desperate chance.

  He looked all around the room. The two leaders were still fencing, trying to find a basis for negotiation, some way they could put down their arms and trust each other long enough to work something out which might do it.

  Solo knew that Burton’s men were watching Hand and his men, and that Hand’s men were watching Burton and his men. Even Maxine was watching Burton. For the moment no one was watching Lilli and Solo---except one man. One of Burton’s intruders was watching Solo very carefully. Solo looked at him, and looked casually away---it was Illya!

  Illya wearing a THRUSH uniform!

  Solo touched Lilli, who was seated half behind him. The petite blonde looked to where Solo nodded. She saw Illya. Solo was worried---Maxine knew Illya on sight, and the small Russian was not in disguise. Solo signaled that he was going to make an attempt. Illya nodded and imperceptibly began to back away to cover Solo and Lilli. Solo stood and pulled Lilli up. The chief agent began to circle slowly toward the door.

  Solo moved warily, carefully, stopping every few seconds so as not to have his motion attract attention. After a few minutes he was two-thirds of the way to the door. Then he froze. Illya was at the door, waiting.

  But Lilli Kessler was not behind him.

  Solo turned slowly to look back. Lilli was still standing just where he had left her. Now, as Solo looked, Lilli smiled and suddenly spoke.

  “Gentlemen, perhaps I can arbitrate. The guards can remain here, still armed. Manfred and Mr. Hand can put up their guns and go to some definitely neutral spot to talk.”

  Manfred Burton stared at the petite blonde. “You! After what you have done to---“

  Lilli smiled. “Done? What have I done? No one has bothered to ask me. I was captured by Mr. Solo and forced to take him to your headquarters, Manfred. I am not a brave woman. I do not want to die. What could I do?”

  Walter Hand laughed, his fat face shaking. “Come, come, dear lady! Are we expected to believe that? How could he force you to release the alarms from inside?”

  “U.N.C.L.E. has ways, Mr. Hand, as I’m sure you know. As a matter of fact he used an explosive implant! It was set to a frequency Solo had. What could I do? And if you want proof, just look at the door, both of you, and you will see another U.N.C.L.E. agent! They wanted me to escape with them. Instead, I give them both to you!”

  Solo had anticipated the sudden switch an instant before it happened. He made a dive for the nearest THRUSH man, knocked him down, and leaped for the door. Maxine Trent was the only one who reacted as fast. The beautiful woman with the violet eyes fired at Illya. Illya fired back. Maxine took cover. Solo threw his bomb. The explosion shook the room, but his aim had been off in his haste and only two THRUSH privates fell.

  Illya and Solo were through the sliding door and racing down the corridor. Illya led the way. The small Russian had come in with Burton and knew the way out. They ran along corridors until they came to a turn. Illya led the way around the turn---and stopped.

  A panel had come down across the corridor.

  Solo and Illya turned.

  Another panel slid across the corridor.

  A white gas began to hiss from the walls.

  Solo took out his thermite bomb and stuck it to one of the panels. He pulled the fuse. The heat bomb flared up.

  The gas filled the small space where they were trapped.

  Before the thermite could burn a hole, Solo and Illya fell unconscious to the steel floor.

  Act III

  EVEN VULTURES ARE BIRDS

  The first thing Illya Kuryakin saw when he opened his eyes was the face of Napoleon Solo.

  Solo blinked as he looked at Illya. Solo tried to move. He could not move. He watched Illya. He could see nothing holding Illya, and yet he knew that Illya, too, could not move. They had used their paralysis formula.

  Illya moved his eyeballs to indicate that he, too, had thought the same thing. They were seated facing each other in a dark room on some kind of steel floor. Solo saw that Illya was wearing some kind of coveralls. Solo remembered that the drug did not stop speech.

  “We can talk,” Solo said.

  “You look ridiculous, Napoleon,” Illya said.

  “I’m wearing coveralls?”

  “Two sizes too big.”

  “What do you think you’re wearing?” Solo said.

  “They stripped us of everything this time,” Illya said.

  “Our friend Lilli,” Solo said.

  “Your friend,” Illya said. “I never trusted her.

  “Be positive,” Solo said. “Think of something.”

  “It may take a minute,” Illya said.

  “Perhaps two,” Solo said. “You know, I’d say it looks bad this time.”

  “I tend to agree, Napoleon,” Illya said. “Did they get it all?”

  Solo moved his tongue. He felt the tooth, the special false tooth that contained a tiny smoke bomb. “No, I have the tooth.”

  “And I have my scar,” Illya said soberly.

  The last resort for many U.N.C.L.E. agents was a long, thin scar on the leg somewhere. Under the scar, implanted there as an absolute final resort, was a thin six-inch long needle blade. Illya was one of the agents who carried this last resort weapon. Solo tried to nod, could not move his neck.

  “Now if we could only move,” Solo said.

  “We’d still be locked up. We don’t have any escape tools, and this is not a wooden railway carriage,” Illya said.

  “You have no optimism,” Solo said.

  “I---“

  Illya stopped. His eyes blinked a warning. Both men held their breath. The faint noise came again. Then, as if by some black magic, the door to their cell opened. A voice whispered. “Be very silent, lieblings!”

  The elegant blonde head of Lilli Kessler appeared in the dim doorway. The petite chanteuse came silently into the room. She carried a small black case---and a pistol. She closed the cell door behind her and listened. Solo and Illya watched her. Solo spoke first.

  “We have a friend Illya.”

  “I wonder what she’s selling this time, Napoleon,” Illya said.

  “Probably the Chinese water torture,” Solo said.

  Lilli came closer. She knelt down on the steel floor and looked at them. She sighed aloud.

  “I see I shall have trouble with you, yes? You don’t trust me?”

  “We don’t trust you, no,” Solo said.

  “For myself, I never did,” Illya said.

  Lilli touched her heart. “I am desolate! Such lack of trust is shocking. Why would I be here?”

  “You’ll think of a reason,” Illya said.

  Now Lilli swore. “All right, you fools; enough of this joking. We have very little time. I will be missed, and so will this drug that releases you. I’m afraid I had to kill the doctor to get it.

&
nbsp; She had opened the black case and showed two hypodermic syringes. She raised her skirt and took two more pistols from her stocking tops. Then she looked at the two U.N.C.L.E. agents.

  “Well, boys, do you trust me?” Lilli said. “We have no time for games.”

  “Why did you turn us in?” Solo said.

  Lilli Kessler nodded. “A good question. I had to think fast. I admit it was a risk; they might well have killed you on the spot, but I counted on both of them wanting to hand you over to the council. You see, they are each so very anxious to be the boss in all of North America. It has clouded their normally excellent judgment. Everything they do now is a desperate attempt to beat the other out of the top job. They are like madmen.”

  “You still haven’t said why you turned us in?” Illya said.

  Lilli shrugged. “Because I was sure you could not make it. I had to use my own wits. I decided you could not escape. There was no time for debate, especially after I saw that Maxine had seen Solo moving.”

  “Maxine saw me?” Solo said.

  “Did you not notice how quickly she shot?” Lilli said. “Of course you did. Well, when I saw her become aware, I had to act fast. It was clear to me that by pointing out Mr. Kuryakin I might regain my status with Burton, and it would be far better to have only two of us in a cell. Once I was trusted again, I could do what I am doing. You see?”

  Solo looked at Illya. Illya would have shrugged if he could have moved a muscle. As it was he rolled his eyeballs.

  “Do we trust her?” Solo said.

  “Do we have a choice?” Illya said.

  “No,” Solo said.

  “Then we trust her,” Illya said.

  Lilli threw up her hands. “Such logic! Magnificent!”

  “Are you going to talk all night?” Illya said.

  Lilli laughed. She took one of the hypodermic needles from the black case and injected it into Illya’s arm. She grinned at Solo.

  “I like to see you helpless, Napoleon. It is a wonderful sight for a woman to see such a strong, handsome man totally helpless. That is what all women really want, you know. A totally weak and helpless man.”