Empire of Light
Page 6
You OK, Molly said.
Going down a rabbit hole, I said.
She sat next to me and put her nose in the nape of my neck. It tickled when I turned to kiss her. Charlie moved on to Willie Nelson records and the old Texas singers. Miles danced around the living room with an invisible partner. I must’ve smoked three packs of cigarettes and drank two gallons of coffee that afternoon. We were all going on and on about the world, ranting and raving. Then for an hour or so we sat and read books together. I read about the elaborate funeral rites of kings in the Ring of Fire. They announced their deaths in advance and slaughtered all the livestock in the village for a month-long feast.
Charlie made us a lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. I beat Molly in chess twice and she was winning the third match when we heard a car in the driveway.
Charlie went to the window to see who it was. He didn’t say anything at first, then he said my name.
What, I said.
It’s Frank, he said.
Princess took my hand and led me toward the fight. Forever galloped ahead into the smoke. The bombs fell random as rain. I saw a man explode mid-sentence. Buildings became dust in seconds and the streets were made of fire. A whole group of women were killed by snipers next to a child arguing with his imaginary friend. Everything was fragile and strange. The light was filling me and there was no difference between sorrow and joy. All we could do was help each other through the madness. Remind each other that we weren’t alone. We were still alive and ran toward the flames.
* * *
—
I WENT TO the window and watched Frank get out of his truck. As he walked up the steps to the door I could hear him on the porch.
I knew you were mixed up in this, he said.
He pounded on the door.
What should I do, Charlie asked.
You gotta open it, Miles said. We can’t hide in here all night.
Charlie opened the door, Frank tried to push his way inside.
You can’t come in here, Charlie said. Private property.
I don’t give two flying fucks, Frank said. My son is in there.
I’m not your son, I said.
Law says different, Frank said.
He pushed Charlie aside and barged into the room. He took off his belt. It had a large belt buckle, the kind rodeo riders won. He wrapped the leather end of the belt around his fist.
And you, he said to Miles. This is what happens when you pal around with degenerates. You become one.
We don’t need to hear a lecture, I said.
You shut your Goddamn mouth when you talk to your elders, Frank said.
That’s enough, Charlie said.
Molly went for her bag and started looking around in it. Frank looked at her and shook his head.
And the neighbor-whore is here too, he said. See half of you is American, that ain’t the problem half.
Frank’s eyes were red as if he’d been drinking or crying all day, I couldn’t tell which. Maybe both.
I’m not going to stand here while you insult everyone, Charlie said.
And then we come to the janitor, Frank said. You’ve got some communist sexual ideas, don’t you?
You know I’m a veteran, Charlie said.
I served as mayor of this town proudly, Frank said. And leftists like you ruined everything.
Oh, really, Charlie said. You had to resign for taking kickbacks from the tobacco lobby.
This don’t concern you, Frank said. But if you want I’ll kick your ass just for fun.
Frank pushed me toward the door and raised the belt in the air.
Go get in the truck, he said.
I thought for sure it was over and I would get a beating and that would be the end of it but Charlie was standing between us and the door.
No, Charlie said. He’s not going.
Oh, please, Frank said. Get out of my way.
There was a long moment where they looked at each other like two gunslingers in a spaghetti western. A terribly old sad country tune was skipping on the record player. Frank might as well have been on fire but Charlie was still and quiet. Then Frank grabbed me and slapped me with the belt buckle and I went down to the ground. He picked me up by the neck and his hands were hot around my throat. I tried in vain to wrestle free.
Mr. Mulberry, Molly said. Stop, please. I have what you want.
Miles was moving toward Frank now.
Let go, Miles said. You’re gonna hurt him.
Charlie was about to grab Frank. It was a mess of shouting and arms and the whole time I was trying to get free. But Frank had his grip on me tight, dragging me toward the door. I was fading into darkness but I could still see Molly’s face and it kept me fighting. Then my strength began to fade. I was starting to pass out when I heard Molly’s scream. It was like an opera singer breaking glass. Everyone stopped and the commotion ceased but Frank still had his hot hands around my neck. The room went quiet.
I have what you want, Molly said.
She held the tiny house in her hands. It was Frank’s house from his model of the town. Frank let go of my throat and I fell to the floor and gasped for breath.
I stole it from your basement, Molly said. And I’m sorry.
Frank was soft now. Tender, almost docile. The anger drained from his face and briefly the man I’d seen crying for his wife appeared. He walked over to Molly and held the tiny house in his hands and cradled it delicately as if it were his actual wife. He looked the little house over. Turning it upside down as if admiring the craftsmanship.
What you don’t understand about me, Frank said. What you’ll never understand is, I’m not concerned with worldly things. I’m concerned with keeping my covenant with the Lord Almighty.
He threw his little house on the ground and shattered it.
I’ll build another one tomorrow, he said. You know nothing of sacrifice.
Get the hell out of my house, Charlie said.
The money from the tobacco lobby, Frank said, it was for my wife’s chemo, you son of a bitch.
He walked over and grabbed me by the throat again.
It’s time to go, he said.
Molly ran at Frank with her fists flying. He slapped her and she hit the floor.
It’s girls like you that teach women to kill babies, he said.
Miles ran at Frank with a fury that I’d only seen him use on the football field. It was like he was taking everything he felt about the school and his father and the town out on Frank. We all stood back and let him go. He was surgical. Almost like a boxer bobbing and weaving and landing blow after punishing blow.
Trouble seemed to follow me everywhere I went. It was hard to even know anything at all. Only a few hours before, the world seemed promising and graceful but now I settled back into the old fear.
Stop, I said. Let him go.
Why, Charlie said. He deserves it.
Stop, I said. I’ve seen enough pain for one day.
Miles quit hitting him and Frank got to his feet. One eye was almost swollen shut. A drop of blood ran down his face. He looked as if he was going to say something, as if there was still more anger in him that could not abide the blasphemy before him, but he didn’t speak. Instead he picked up his belt that had fallen to the floor and walked out. We watched him get in his big truck and drive away.
I didn’t know it then but that was the last time I would see Frank. He died a few months later in his basement. Some said it was a gas leak, others said it was by his own hand. They said he’d rebuilt the tiny version of his house in his model of the town, this time with a few small figurines sitting on the front porch swing. A father, mother, and child. Some suggested the city pay for the model’s removal and have it permanently housed in the city hall but the idea soon lost steam and after the house was sold the new owners destroyed the model. But that night Frank was still alive as we watched him drive away, his headlights fading into the growing darkness.
Two blind kings played chess on camelba
ck between the singing dunes. A soothsayer prayed in an ancient language for us to be reincarnated. A watchman was frightened by the moon’s reflection in the water. A thief and foot soldier fought in the alley for the love of a whore. A soprano sang her solo to an empty theater and died in the depths of joy. The war raged in the outer districts. We slept under the cries of mothers searching for lost children in the street.
* * *
—
WE SAT IN the house and tried to process what had happened. Miles got ice for his swollen fist. Molly swept up the pieces of Frank’s little broken house. Charlie flipped the record. I smoked one of Miles’ French cigarettes. Things settled down and the night crept in from the open windows. There was no going back to the easy days. I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to say something, break the silence, because I knew what Miles was going to say before he said it and I knew it was going to be the truth.
I have to go home tomorrow, he said. It’s the only way.
No, I said. We can hit the road.
The road, Miles said. I can barely live here.
I looked at him. He was right. He hadn’t showered in days. We were all trashed. He’d made his point to his father. No one else needed to get hurt. I knew it wouldn’t end until he went home and I didn’t know what else Miles’ dad was capable of doing. Or Frank for that matter. Miles was somehow the axis of things, without him everything was off-balance.
We should enjoy ourselves, Charlie said.
He turned up the record player and passed around the whiskey bottle.
Should I cut up some lines, Molly asked.
Might as well, Miles said. Might keep my hand from aching.
We figured this was the last free night we might have all together so we decided to have a party. We called everyone we knew, which was really everyone Miles knew, and a few hours later the yard began to fill with people. Some people brought beer, others food. Whatever they had. They were kids from school and townies from Queen Rita’s place and people who had nowhere else to go. Young and old, rich and poor. They all mixed together on a makeshift dance floor in the kitchen. We were all a faceless mass until that night. The sky was opening again and the stars were coming through. More and more people came until Charlie’s front yard was like a parking lot. Everywhere people were singing songs, drunk and happy.
Soon a drum set appeared out of someone’s trunk and amps and guitars. Charlie and a few of the younger people set up in the living room. They were doing murder ballads and soul standards and gospel call-and-response. True peace only happened between neighbors on nights like these. It didn’t matter where you went in the world. A night like this was universal. The next day everyone would go back to their separate lives. To their churches and their neighborhoods. The only thing that bound us together that night was that we hated this town we all lived in and we longed for something better. What we didn’t realize was in that moment we had everything.
I walked around the party and everyone shook my hand and thanked me. Miles had told them I was a poet working on a masterpiece. I couldn’t find him anywhere. Then I heard his voice from the roof. I went outside.
There’s the poet, he said.
How’s it going up there, I asked.
I feel like a hundred bucks, he said.
The party raged on. Someone brought out fireworks and we had a Roman-candle fight. People were making out in every corner of the yard in cars and in the grass. A few of Queen Rita’s folks got naked first and before long half the party was in their birthday suits. I found Molly snorting drugs with a topless punk girl in the bathroom. Charlie was making out with the drummer. At some point Miles started to swing naked from a rope he found and tied to a tree. When I saw Molly again she was outside, wasted, trying in vain to light a cigarette.
Are we going to hang out after Miles leaves, she asked.
What do you mean, I said. Me and you are always and forever.
Let’s take a walk, she said.
She turned on a little flashlight she kept on her keychain and we walked down the tree line toward the fence. I could see so many stars it was like they were falling all around me in a dream.
There’s this feeling I have for you, she said.
Yeah, I said. I feel it too.
I took her hand.
I want to make sure we’re honest, she said. We say how we feel.
I agree, I said.
She pointed the flashlight over my shoulder. She saw something in the distance.
What’s that, she said. Under those branches.
There were flies all over Cantaloupe’s body. I tried to hold Molly back but she twisted away from me.
We were going to bury her, I said.
You lied to me, she said. You asshole.
She started to cry and I could tell she was drunk.
I’m sorry, I said. I should’ve told you.
Miles is going to leave, she said. And now this?
I tried to pull her close but she got free.
Everything’s gone to shit, she said.
There was a pause as we watched the party from a distance. We could hear people laughing and singing. We watched Miles do the rope a few times like Tarzan. Molly stumbled in the grass and I caught her. She looked me dead in the eye.
I love you, she said. But you’re such a liar.
I’ll take that, I said.
I went in to kiss her but she threw up before I could. All over me and the yard and herself.
I picked her up and carried her in the dark, stumbling toward the light. She couldn’t walk and I finally got her inside. The party was winding down. The band had packed up. Miles was inside now with Charlie. They were huddled around the coffee table with massive lines of Mrs. Everhart’s painkillers spun into a maze on the coffee table.
Maloney, Miles said. You want in on this?
I gotta get her cleaned up, I said. She had an accident.
Why don’t y’all take the bedroom, Charlie said. I don’t mind the air mattress for a night.
You sure, I asked.
Positive, he said. Let her pass out.
Appreciate it, I said. And I never got to say thanks for helping me with Frank. Both of y’all. Who knows about tomorrow.
Tomorrow is tomorrow, Miles said. We’ll worry about it then.
Night, I said.
Night, they both said.
I carried Molly back to the bed and laid her down. She was so light in my arms it felt like I was carrying nothing at all.
What are we doing, she said.
Going to sleep, I said.
You’re such a liar, she said. But I love you.
We counted the seconds between the thunder and lightning. My eyes were full of fire and we stormed the palace. All was light. I fought Zorn hand-to-hand with my dagger. The guards attacked. Forever knocked them down and stomped them. Princess pulled the plug on the grid. The lights faded one by one. Soon the fighting ceased and everyone turned skyward and we could all suddenly see. A wild and sudden quiet fell over the city. The stars began to appear slowly above us. The moon was there too, with its crooked smile. They raised the flag, the peace was won.
* * *
—
I WOKE UP to Molly’s head on my shoulder. The light made abstract shadows on her body. The morning was clear and the birds were beginning their usual repertoire in the trees. The night before I had dreamed of water gradually melting from ice high in the mountains into a stream and then flowing into a river and then the ocean and then I became a water molecule and evaporated back up into the air and rained down and froze again into the ice and snow and waited to melt slowly down a cliffside into a cold river, a long frigid river, and then I flowed faster into the warmth of the sun and through the tropical heat of the jungle out into the vast and expanding ocean and up into the sky again. I dreamed I was one tiny particle in the giant cycle of the earth and death and life. I was the outer electron and the event horizon. I was the water inside the Little Dipper, I was the wine-dark sea.
The turning of the universe was still in my mind’s eye. The micro to macro. The tiny wild scrambling waves of light in all the dead and distant stars. The whole mystic everything was exploding and imploding inside me.
I found my cigarettes and took one from the pack with my teeth. Molly had her eyes open, watching me. I lit the cigarette and passed it to her. She coughed and passed it back.
Did you mean what you said last night, I asked.
Which part, she said.
The part where you said you loved me, I said. You don’t remember, do you?
I heard a commotion coming from the living room.
I don’t know, Molly said. Maybe.
She jumped on top of me, grabbed the cigarette from my mouth and put it out in an empty beer can. She kissed me. Then I heard Charlie scream my name. At first I thought he was joking around. And then he screamed again. There was something in his voice that was both scared and urgent.
I’m coming, I said.
Don’t you want to stay in bed a little longer, Molly said.
I could feel her warm body on top of me. She was everything I needed in the world. I was grievously in love with her. It was electrifying and confusing and beautiful and I held her close and kissed her.
Maloney, Charlie yelled.
Let me see what he’s on about, I said.
It’s Miles, Charlie screamed. He won’t wake up.
I put on my pants and shirt.
Very funny, I said.
I walked out into the living room and Miles was asleep upright on the couch. Charlie was slapping him and calling his name.