Turn Towards the Sun: Book Three- Forever in Bloom (The Sunflower Trilogy)

by Domenico, Jennifer

  “Hi daddy.”

  “It’s good to hear your voice. How are you holding up?”

  My bottom lip quivers in response to his question. “Daddy,” I say as tears start to roll down my cheeks. “I’m broken. So very broken.”

  “I know, honey. I’m so sorry. What can I do to help?”

  “Nothing. No one can help. It’s just something I need to go through and only time will make it better.” I hope.

  “You have Enzo and I’m sure he is taking good care of you.”

  “He is. The best he can possibly do, which is a lot. I just don’t know how it happened.”

  “What did the doctor say?”

  “Nothing helpful.” I sob heavily now. “Is mom there?”

  “She is. In the craft room. I’ll go get her.”

  I take a deep breath and wait for my mom. The sound of her voice will trigger another avalanche of tears.

  “Ava, sweetheart. Mama’s here.”

  I can tell from her strained words she is trying to hold back her own emotion. I don’t even want to think about how hard she is taking this loss.

  “Hi,” is all I can say before the tears take over. We sit for ages simply crying together on the phone. Our shared grief is more than enough and words are simply not necessary for several minutes.

  “Ava, honey,” my dad says, “you know we love you and we are here for you. Do you want us to come out there?”

  “I don’t know. I just want to get back to my regular life. I hate feeling so sad.”

  “It’s okay to feel sad, Ava,” my mom says. “In fact, you should. You lost something so precious and it’s only right you would be heartbroken. Just let yourself feel the pain, rely on those around you for support, and let your husband and family love and comfort you.”

  Her words are so touching and hit me right in the heart. All I can do is continue to cry into the phone while I listen to my parents do their best to comfort me.

  When I finally hang up the phone, I’m exhausted and just want to go back to bed. I decide to visit my husband in his office before taking a nap. I knock softly on his door, listening to his lovely voice barking commands at some unknown caller.

  “Come in, Ava,” he says, his voice softening momentarily. “Can you just take care of it? I’ll stop by later today,” he says. He nods his head and hangs up. “Ciao, amore. How did it go with your parents?”

  “Brutal, but to be expected. You know how emotional my mom can be. I convinced them not to come out here since there is really nothing they can do for me. I think it would just prolong things for me.”

  He nods. “You look tired. Dr. Warner said you should rest and not push yourself.”

  “I know what Dr. Warner said,” I reply, a bit too defensively, I’m sure.

  “Ava,” Enzo says as he stands and walks towards me. “I know you are hurt, but you must try to remember that I love you and I’m here for you. I’m not being condescending when I tell you these things. I’m just reminding you to care for yourself. I’d rather you recognize these things, but if you don’t, I will make sure of it, capisci?”

  I look up at him, feeling like a small petulant child being scolded. He’s right and I keep striking out at him. “I just want to get back to the way things were.”

  “We will, but it will take some time. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to relax.”

  “I know. I’m sorry I’m so irritable.”

  “You don’t need to be sorry. I can only begin to imagine how you feel inside. I just want you to know that I am here and I won’t leave you no matter how you treat me.” He smiles causing me to smile too. I lean my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His strong arms wrap around me and the tears start sliding down my cheeks once more. I feel his kisses on the top of my head and I press closer to him. There is one thing I know for sure. This man loves me. Warts and all.

  “I’ll take care of myself, tesoro. Starting now.” I lift my face to his and brush my lips against his chin. He responds by lowering his mouth to mine and pulling me into a sweet kiss; one that I can feel down to the tips of my toes. Pushing my body into his, I revel in the sensation of his closeness. I inhale deeply; letting the scent of his cologne and soap from the shower envelop me- it’s absolutely heavenly. How was I so lucky to catch this amazing man? I decide not to question my fortune and just treasure every moment of my life with Enzo.

  Enzo backs away from me, a beautiful grin on his face. “Signora, you shouldn’t let me kiss you like that. We need to wait for a while before I can ravish you again.”

  “True, but I’m sure when I’m feeling better there are some other things we can do to pass the time.”

  “I can wait. It will be difficult, but so sweet once I get back to you. It will be just like when we met all over again, no?”

  “I hated that,” I say, crinkling my nose.

  Enzo laughs softly. “As did I, amore. Come, let’s get you back into bed.”

  “I’ll go. You stay and finish working.” I kiss his cheek and head back to my bedroom for a much needed nap. There is just one more call I need to make before I rest. Gabby.

  I dial her number and take a deep breath as I wait for her to answer.

  “Hi!” Gabby answers. “I’m so glad to hear from you. I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “You are never bothering me. I just needed some time,” I respond.

  “I know. So, um, how are you? I don’t know if that is the right thing to ask.”

  “It is. I’m holding up, but my moods are all over the place. One minute I’m fine and ready to get on with things, the next I’m a crying mess, and the minute after that I’m angry and lashing out at Enzo.”

  “I think that’s to be expected. I’m sure Enzo understands,” she pauses. “I’d love to see you when you are feeling up to it.”

  “Yeah, of course. I need my friends around me. I’m gonna nap then I’ll give you a call. How’s that?”

  “Perfect. Hey Ava, I love you, girl.”

  “I love you too, Gabby. Talk to you soon.”

  I’m relieved that wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. I couldn’t take another teary conversation. I really hope I can get my moods under control and get back to the business of living my life. Climbing back into bed, I look around the room for a moment as sleep begins to overtake me. There is much in my life to be thankful for and I need to make a conscious decision to focus on those things. No one ever said life was fair.

  I close my eyes and give in to my body’s desperate need for rest.

  “BUON GIORNO, SIGNORA,” Enzo’s soothing voice greets me from the edge of the bed.

  I blink my eyes open and smile. Standing over me, with a huge grin on his lips, he holds a striking crystal vase filled with multicolored roses.

  “What are those for?” I ask.

  “Do I need a reason to give my wife flowers?”

  “No, I don’t suppose you do. What time is it?”

  “Ten. You slept straight through the night. I think you needed more rest than you knew.”

  “Wow! Ten in the morning? Holy crap, I guess so.” I shift and pull myself upright. “I feel like a hermit. I think it’s time for me to get some fresh air and sunlight.”

  “Perfetto. I agree with that plan.” He sets the roses down on the nightstand. “I’ve made some coffee and ran out and picked up some more cornetti for you. I do need to make an appearance at the hotel. Will you be okay for a few hours?”

  “Of course, my love. I’ll be fine. I’ll just grab a book and go out on the patio to get some sun.” I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and slide out, suddenly realizing how enormous our bed really is. It makes me laugh softly.

  “What’s funny, amore?” Enzo asks.

  “Everything in our world is larger than life, even our bed. It just struck me funny.”

  “Well, I’m pleased to see a smile on your face.” Enzo walks towards me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me in close. “I love your smi
le. I adore everything about you.”

  “I know. It’s the best feeling in the world.”

  He leans in and kisses me, so soft and sweet on my lips. I feel myself holding my breath for just a moment, absorbing his closeness to me. I hope I never tire of this man’s kisses.

  “Ciao, amore.”

  “Ciao, Enzo.”

  I watch my husband leave the room then walk to the dresser to find my swimsuit. It’s only March, but warm enough in Arizona to sunbathe and yet another reason why I moved here. I slide into my sunflower bikini, then pad into the bathroom to brush my teeth and freshen up a bit. I gasp slightly when I see myself. I look like a horror version of myself, with dark circles under my eyes, pale skin, and dry lips. Good Lord.

  After brushing my hair I walk to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. I see a note on the counter from Cass that she’s at work. Everyone is but me. It suddenly hits me that the world has kept turning even in my despair and sadness. It did not stop for me. Everyone’s life kept going and mine needs to also. I need to finish licking my wounds and pull myself together.

  Maximus sits happily at my feet so I toss him a treat. I finish my coffee, grab a book off the shelf, and head outside with my puppy for some much needed sunshine. I make a quick call to Gabby to invite her to hang out for a while and then settle into my seat on the lounge chair. Thirty minutes later, I hear the doorbell ring and let my friend in.

  “Did you bring your suit?” I ask, hugging Gabby as she enters.

  “I did.”

  “Great.”

  We walk out to the back patio and sit down. Gabby sets her towel down and kicks off her sandals. “Thanks for having me over, Ava. It’s good to see you.”

  “You too.”

  “How are you doing?”

  “As well as can be expected, I suppose. Ready to get on with the business of living.”

  Gabby frowns. “Well, that’s fine but you shouldn’t push yourself. What happened to you is physically and emotionally traumatic. You need time to heal.”

  I sigh heavily. “No good will come from me sitting around the house wallowing and being sad. I think the best thing for me is returning to the structure of my life.”

  “Is it structure or distraction?”

  I raise my eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

  “I just wonder if you are trying to avoid feeling the pain. If you keep it bottled in you could end up having problems later. No one expects you to act like nothing happened. It’s okay not to be strong about everything.”

  “You think I’m avoiding pain?” I ask, my voice rising as I speak. “I feel nothing but pain. I’ve cried almost nonstop for days. I can barely eat and all I have the energy for is sleep and lying around. My life is completely joyless at the moment and I have no idea what my future holds or if I’ll ever be able to have a baby. Trust me- I am processing what happened to me and I am well aware of the trauma!” I glare at my friend as I yell and watch as her eyes fill with tears.

  “I’m sorry, Ava. I’m just trying to be helpful. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I stare at the pool for a minute while we sit in a tension filled silence. “Listen, Gabby,” I say. “I know you are trying to help. Everyone is. But I wish people would trust me that I know what I want and need and just let me do this my way. No one, not even Enzo, knows what I feel inside.”

  “I know. Do you want me to leave?”

  “Not at all. I want to hear about your life and catch up and enjoy your company.”

  “Okay, Ava. Let’s do that.” Gabby smiles and I reach over to give her a big hug.

  “Thanks for being here, Gab, it means a lot to me.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “So, tell me about art school.”

  I lean back in my lounge and listen to my friend fill me in on her life. I feel bad I snapped at her, but at least she knows how I feel about the topic. I know that my healing will take place by picking myself up and moving forward as best as I can, no matter what the future brings.

  “I’M GOING TO work with you today,” I announce as I brush my teeth before stepping into the shower.

  Enzo raises his eyebrows. “Is that so? Don’t you think it’s a bit soon for that? You need your rest.”

  “I have rested. I need a routine and a sense of normalcy,” I explain through my toothpaste filled mouth before spitting. “I spent the entire day by the pool yesterday hanging with Gabby. This house is so quiet in the day time when no one is here and Chris stays holed up in his room all day. I need to get out of here.”

  Enzo frowns but says nothing.

  “I called Dr. Warner yesterday and she said if I feel up to it I can work as long as I don’t push myself too hard and rest when I need to.”

  “I don’t know, bella. It feels like you are rushing things.”

  “I’m going.”

  Enzo doesn’t argue with me as we step into the shower and wash. I can’t help but let my eyes roam freely over my husband’s toned body. His back faces me and I watch his rippled muscles undulate as he rubs soap over his olive skin. My eyes shift down to his ass, his unbelievably amazing ass, and I suddenly crave his touch. I reach out and drag my fingers over his skin, down his back, settling on his magnificent backside. He freezes for a moment before turning to face me. His eyes tell me everything I need to know. They are filled with love and passion. I want him very much.

  I move closer and place my hands on his chest. Enzo takes one of my arms, lifting my hand to his mouth to kiss it. Glancing down, his passion for me is visibly displayed. Oh yes, I want him. Now.

  A grin stretches across my lips. “Enzo, my love, my prince. You’ve done so much for me. You’ve taken amazing care of me. Now it’s my turn.”

  “What are you up to, bella?”

  “Not up to anything. Down to something,” I say as I slide down to my knees.

  Enzo quickly tries to pull me up. “That is not necessary, amore.”

  “Oh yes it is. I want you so bad I can taste it. I can’t do everything, but I can do this and I want to very much. So please don’t stop me. Let me pleasure you this way.” I push Enzo back against the shower bench and kneel before him as hot water sprays down over us. My desire to be close to him right now is almost desperate. I need to please him. I need to feel like a woman.

  I reach out and stroke him to full hardness, my eyes soaking him in. He leans back against the shower tiles and closes his eyes as my mouth slides down around his erection. Now I close my eyes enjoying the sensation of him in my mouth. I swirl my tongue over his smooth hardness and lift up a bit to suck the tip. Enzo releases a quiet moan from his lips which encourages me.

  I suck harder, twisting around his shaft, sucking as though my life depended on it. I balance myself against his knees and wish I could slide down over this gorgeousness between his legs. My sudden longing and dirty thoughts surprise me, but I’m thankful I’m still capable of feeling it.

  Enzo buries his hands in my wet hair, pulling me slightly closer. Lifting up slightly, I try to get him completely down my throat. His eyes shoot open and he smiles, filling my entire body with warmth.

  “Jesus, Ava, this feels so amazing.”

  I nod, continuing my work. I know from how much harder he is that he’s on the edge as his cock throbs in my mouth. His grip in my hair tightens and my entire body tenses as I prepare for him to release. His groans increase and at just the right moment, I pull back and watch as hot semen spurts all over my chest, mixing with the steamy water around us. I continue stroking him, slowly the way I know he likes, and smile as his eyes open and gaze at me, heavy with sexual release.

  Enzo pulls me towards him by the arms and kisses me, passionately, full of longing and love. Holding my face between his hands, he whispers, “Thank you, amore. That was amazing and wonderful. Just like you are, my love.”

  I lay my head on his chest as the hot water falls over us. I don’t know why, but I suddenly feel like crying again. Is it because I can’t continue
? I can’t make love to this beautiful man. I can’t let him inside of me to make another baby. Wrapping my arms around him, I pull him tight, doing my best to quiet my sobs.

  “Amore, what’s wrong? Why are you sad?”

  “I don’t know,” I cry.

  Enzo reaches forward and shuts off the shower water, then leads me out in the bathroom. Wrapping a fluffy white towel around me, he lifts me effortlessly and carries me to our bed, lying me down softly. He climbs on the bed and hovers over me, gazing into my eyes.

  “I love you, Ava, more than words can express.”

  “I know,” I whisper.

  He moves my towel away, but I attempt to stop him. “What are you doing, Enzo?”

  “You have no idea how much I want you right now, how much I want to taste you, how I desire to be inside of you again. For now, I just need to see you, and feel your skin, and be close to you and make sure you feel my love.”

  He pulls the towel away again and this time I let him. I have no idea what he’s doing, but I want this closeness between us. More than anything.

  Enzo’s hands run down my body, gently massaging my shoulders, my arms, my stomach. He plants sweet kisses up and down the length of my body, brushing his lips against my skin. It’s far more sensual than sexual and my heart feels ready to burst with love for this man.

  “You are fucking gorgeous, you know that?” he asks.

  “Thank you,” I say softly as new tears rolls down my cheeks. My eyes meet Enzo’s and I feel a stab through my heart as I see the tears that fill his eyes.

  “It hurts me that you’re sad and that you’re hurt. I would give anything to take it away for you. You know that I would, right?”

  “Yes, Enzo. I know. You can’t though. No one can.”

  “I know and it kills me.” He lies down next to me, brushing his fingers over my stomach. “Ava, the only thing that matters to me is making you happy, but I don’t know how to do that anymore. I don’t know how to bring your smile back. I know it’s only been a few days and I pray that with time, we’ll be the way we used to be.”

  “We will,” I say quietly, not sure I believe it at all.