Cover Model

by Devon Hartford

  My outfit will be ruined.

  My night will be ruined.

  I’ll probably get hantavirus and the swine flu.

  And the very last moment of my high school career will be burned into my brain as the single worst moment in my entire life.

  Forever.

  “Fuck you all, assholes!!” I scream.

  A new voice shouts outside. “What the fuck are you guys doing?!”

  The toilet stalls in mid air.

  I lean forward at a 45 degree angle, doing a push up against the front wall. Now would be a good time for gravity to show mercy.

  “Put that thing back, motherfuckers!” The voice sounds vaguely familiar. It almost sounds like Connor Hughes. But that can’t be right. If there’s anyone I can imagine as a ring leader for such a stupid prank, it would be him.

  Scuffling outside and more laughing and people running.

  The Connor voice shouts, “Come back here, you pricks!”

  For intolerable seconds, I hang in the balance.

  “God damn it!” Grunting from who I think is Connor. “Fuck! Move it, you bitch!”

  Is he talking to me? I have no idea what to do. I’m leaning half way over. I can’t move or do anything to help.

  A long grunting roar from him and the toilet slowly starts to stand up. I feel my weight shift and suddenly BAM!! The toilet slams back to standing. The tank contents splorsh ominously, but they don’t explode out of the toilet seat like I fear.

  Wow, that was way too close for comfort.

  I push the door open and stare into the azure eyes of my savior.

  Connor Hughes.

  His brow is dotted with sweat from exertion. “Fuckers ran off and left you hangin. Thing almost fell on me. Good thing you weigh like ten pounds, otherwise it would’ve crushed me.” He winks and offers me his hand. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” Without thinking I take it and he helps me step out of the toilet. Not that I need any assistance. But his gentlemanly behavior is somehow irresistible at the moment. “Thanks.”

  I can’t believe I’m thanking Connor Hughes for anything.

  But I just did.

  I guess miracles really can happen.

  <<<<<<<>>>>>>>

  ELECTRA

  The ferris wheel spins slowly round and round up and down. I sit next to Connor in one of the seats. We’re shoulder to shoulder. The carnival glitters beneath us in the night.

  “Sorry about those assholes, Warmoth.”

  “It’s okay,” I sigh, staring at my hands which are still shaky.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine. But if you hadn’t shown up sooner, who knows.”

  “Good thing I did.”

  “Did you see who it was? I heard Ben Bates and Chelsea Hawkins, but I think other people were helping.”

  “I’m not sure. They scattered quick. Want some cotton candy?” He bought it before we got on the ferris wheel.

  “No thanks.”

  “Me neither. I hate this shit.” He tosses it over his head.

  “Connor!” I twist in the seat and watch the pink puff sail to the grass. Nobody notices.

  He chuckles, “Did I kill anybody?”

  I sit back down. “Yeah. Some kittens. It was horrible.”

  “You’ve got a great imagination, Warmoth. You know that? You could be a great writer someday.”

  “I want to be a journalist. Journalists don’t make things up. They report the truth.”

  “Well,” he grins, “you’re good with words. You’ll be great at it.”

  “Thanks, Connor.” There I go again. Thanking him. I’m somewhat stunned that Connor has been nothing but nice since saving me. This is a whole new side I never knew he had. To my surprise, I like it. I wish he hadn’t waited until the very last hours of our high school career to show it. He might’ve saved me years worth of misery if he had. But the toilet incident and the rest of my painful past are behind me. I don’t want to think about them. The future lies ahead, and that’s where I’m focused. The future holds promise. “So, what are your plans for after high school?”

  “Plans?” He chuckles. “What plans?”

  “I’m serious, Connor.”

  “I don’t know. Get a job, I guess. Or maybe I’ll just be a gigolo.” He winks at me. “You’re supposed to do what you’re good at, right?”

  “You’re more than that, Connor. You’re smart. You can do anything you want in life. I mean it.”

  “Have you seen my grades? They had to start using the rest of the alphabet because I didn’t even get F’s. I got a Z in math all four years.”

  I giggle. “That’s funny.” It’s weird that I’m sitting shoulder to shoulder in a ferris wheel with my sworn enemy. We should be at each other’s throats, not joking like friends. I blame graduating. It does weird things.

  “Thanks.”

  “Maybe you should be a comedian. You’re always coming up with funny ways to make fun of me.”

  “Nobody pays people to be assholes,” he scowls.

  “You do it for free,” I grin. I lean into him for a moment. It feels right. I can’t believe it, but it does. “But seriously, Connor. You’re clever. This is L.A. People make money writing jokes and stuff for TV shows. You could too.”

  “Nah. The only way I’m funny is busting your balls.”

  I wrinkle my nose, “I don’t have balls, Connor.”

  “Are you kidding? You have brass ones, Warmoth. You always have.”

  “Brass balls? I don’t think so.”

  “So you have brass labia.”

  I grimace, “That sounds weird.”

  “So call them lady balls.”

  “Lady balls? Did you just make that up?”

  “Yeah.”

  I grimace, “I don’t think that’s any better.”

  He chuckles. “Just watch. By 2010, people will be saying lady balls all the time.”

  “If you say so,” I snicker. “But if people do, it’s further proof you should go be a stand up comic or whatever.”

  He grins but says nothing.

  We’re quiet for a while, enjoying the view as the ferris wheel circles up and down. Between my off-the-shoulder dress and the dewy night air, I start to shiver.

  “You cold?” he asks.

  “A little.”

  He puts his arm around me.

  “What are you doing, Connor?”

  “Keeping you warm?” He’s not sure of himself, but his arm stays.

  “Why are you being so nice, Connor? It’s not like you.”

  “I don’t know. It’s the last day of high school, I guess. You deserve at least one day off from me harassing you, right?”

  I wouldn’t be sitting here snuggling against Connor Hughes’ side if he hadn’t ran off the jerky jocks who tried to tip over the portable toilet. But he did, so here I am.

  He flashes his innocent blue eyes at me.

  I think he wants to kiss me.

  This night can’t possibly get any weirder.

  <<<<<<<>>>>>>>

  ELECTRA

  His lips are soft, his tongue polite.

  But his kiss is definitely doing something to me.

  I’ve never been kissed before. I feel hot all over. I think I like it, but I keep wondering why I’m kissing Connor Hughes. I shouldn’t be kissing him or liking it. But I am. Yes, he’s gorgeous. Everyone knows that, even me. But he’s my arch-nemesis. I should not be doing this.

  This is way too confusing and it’s making me nervous.

  Luckily, the ferris wheel creaks to a stop, ending our kiss. It’s our turn to get off the ride. I smile to myself. This will be the only getting off Connor gets from me tonight. Like a gentleman, he holds my hand as we step out of the cart onto the damp grass. We exit together through the railing that circles the ride. I’m startled by the face of Ryan Hansen, who stands just outside the fence. Ryan is a good friend of Connor’s. I see them together all the time.

  Ryan looks furious, hi
s eyes pinned on Connor. “We need to talk. Now.”

  “Can’t it wait?” Connor says to him.

  “No.”

  “Fuck, man. Can’t you see me and Electra are kickin it?”

  This suddenly feels very strange. Connor has never called me Electra before. It’s always War Mouth or worse. And Ryan’s agitation feels somehow… wrong.

  Ryan smiles crazily and waves his arms in the air. “Fuck. Fine. I don’t care. We can talk right here if you want, Hughes. Bates told me what you did.”

  Is he talking about Benjamin Bates? One of the toilet knockers? And what does he mean by what Connor did? Connor saved me. Is that bad?

  “All right, all right,” Connor says nervously. He turns to me. “I’ll be right back.” He throws his arm around Hansen’s shoulders and hurries him off into the shadows behind the Ring The Bell game where a bunch of football players are trying to impress their girlfriends by taking turns swinging the big wooden mallet.

  Something’s up with Connor and Ryan. I can smell it. Fueled by my natural curiosity as a budding journalist and my feminine intuition, I follow them.

  Another football player smacks the mallet against the lever and the metal puck shoots up and hits the bell. DING! The crowd of seniors surrounding the guy cheers loudly as I pass by and peer around the back of the booth.

  Connor and Ryan stand chest to chest in the shadows like they’re going to fight. Should I try and stop them? The investigative reporter in me says that I need to know what they’re talking about before I interfere. I try to catch what they’re saying, but I can’t make out anything over the rowdy football players on the other side of the booth wall. I creep closer, straining to hear. It doesn’t help. I take another step, increasingly afraid I’ll interrupt Connor and Ryan and not get the inside story.

  There’s a lull in the action for the Ring The Bell game. Words drift to me. I hold my breath in anticipation.

  “Tell her, Connor,” Ryan hisses. He looks super pissed off. He’s grabbing Connor by the lapels of his leather jacket. “If you don’t, so help me I’ll tell her myself.”

  Connor shoves Ryan away with both hands. “Fuck you, man! I’m not telling her shit!”

  My intuition says this is the part where I step in. “Tell me what?” I smirk.

  Both of them twist to face me. They look guilty as hell.

  “Tell me what?” I growl.

  Ryan blurts first, “Connor—”

  Connor shoves him against the plywood back wall of the Ring The Bell booth. “Shut up, Hansen!”

  “I’m telling her, dickhead!”

  “I said shut up, Hansen!” Connor grabs Ryan by the shirt and raises a fist like he’s going to punch him in the face.

  “Stop it!” I bark. “You two assholes are up to something. Tell me what’s going on, or so help me I swear I will never speak to either of you ever again.” I fold my arms across my chest.

  Connor hangs his head and releases his grip on Ryan’s shirt.

  Ryan frowns at Connor. “Locking you in the toilet was Connor’s idea.”

  DING! Another footballer rings the bell on the other side of the booth’s back wall.

  Anger swells inside me. My eyes narrow. “Is that true, Connor?”

  He runs his hand through his hair. “They weren’t really gonna do it. I told them just to scare you a bit.”

  “Scare me?” I suddenly put 2 and 2 together. “What, so you could come save me?” The very idea disgusts me beyond reason.

  “Yeah,” he mutters. “I may have been a little bit drunk when I cooked up the idea during graduation earlier.”

  I narrow my eyes and scowl at him. I don’t think I’ve ever hated him as much as I do right at this moment. He tricked me into kissing him on that ferris wheel. I’m ashamed that I fell for his stupid scam. “You really are The Con Man, aren’t you?”

  He chuckles. “It seemed like a foolproof idea at the time.”

  “Who’s the fool now, Con Scams?”

  He smirks guiltily but says nothing.

  “This is a new low, Connor. Even for you. That thing almost tipped over! What if it had! What if it spilled all over me! Did you think about that? You didn’t, did you! Oh!!” I stamp my foot. “You are the biggest asshole in history! Do you know that? You just ruined grad night for me!! I hate you, Connor Hughes! You make me sick!” I spin around and storm off. I don’t want to be here anymore.

  I’d rather be lonely at home.

  I never should’ve come to grad night.

  What a mistake.

  Chapter 14

  CONNOR

  GRAD NIGHT, 2008.

  4:00am.

  Electra walks fast across the grass toward the parking lot in her sexy ass white dress. The grad night carnival is far behind us.

  I run to catch up, right on her heels. “Wait up, Electra! Let me explain!”

  She ignores me.

  “Please, you gotta give me a chance.” I’m begging. I don’t care. I know I fucked up. I went too far this time. “Damn it, would you let me explain?!”

  She stops suddenly, her back to me. “This better be good, Connor.”

  I step in front of her.

  Even with her braces and her glasses, she’s so fuckin beautiful it kills me. Her lips are plump and demand to be sucked. For four years, I tried everything I could think of to be friends with her. She was never interested. She always pushed me away. But I fuckin need her. No woman has ever made me crazy like this. No woman has ever consistently blown me off like this either. This is my last chance. It’s now or never. “I just, I don’t know. I thought if I did something nice for once, you’d talk to me like a normal person instead of your enemy.”

  “Why didn’t you say that in the first place!”

  I laugh. “You really think if I’d’ve asked you to ride the ferris wheel before the toilet thing you would’ve said yes?”

  She stares at me.

  I have no idea what she’s thinking. But I feel any chance I have slipping away. It’s written all over her face. “Can we just forget this ever happened and start over?”

  “Start over? And pretend the last four years of you being an obnoxious ass never happened?” She laughs in my face. “Not on your life.”

  Her words stab my heart. It hurts so bad my walls go up. I deal the only way I know how. By being cocky as all fuck. I grin at her like us fuckin is the only way outta this moment. It’s my go-to move. I’ve closed every girl I’ve ever fucked with this grin. Sure, it never worked on Electra before, but I’m desperate. “You totally want me. You’ve always wanted me.”

  Her face sours, but she’s still damn gorgeous. “I’ve never wanted you. Connor. You must think I’m pretty stupid if you think I’m going to let myself become yet another notch on your bedpost.” She folds her arms across her cute little chest like she always does. Only this time, I can see her delicate collar bones and shoulders in her low cut white dress, and they’re the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. “The only reason you want me is because you never had me, Connor. We both know that if I was dumb enough to have sex with you, you’d get what you’ve wanted all along, and you’d move on. Just like you did with every other unsuspecting girl you’ve fucked. Tell me I’m wrong.”

  I want to tell her that if I got her I’d never let go. I want to tell her that the only reason I fucked any other girl is because she wouldn’t give me the time of day. More than anything, I want to tell her I love her. But that’s fuckin stupid. How can I love her? The only time she ever talks to me is when she’s yelling at me or cursing me the fuck out. It doesn’t make any sense, but I do love her. I don’t care how stupid it sounds. I have to tell her. Here goes nothing. “I—”

  The hateful look on her face stops me cold.

  I try to get the words out, but they’re frozen in my throat.

  Fuck. I can’t do it. Not when she’s this pissed.

  She smirks at me. It’s the hottest fuckin smirk I’ve ever seen. “That’s what I thought. I�
�m just another notch for you. But I’ve got news for you, Connor Screws. You will never catch me. I will always get away. After everything that you’ve done, I will never be one of your notches.”

  That’s when she turns away from me and walks out of my life forever.

  And so begins the worst night of my entire life.

  I pull my Marlboros out of my leather jacket and jam one in my mouth before lighting it. I’m gonna go find Hansen and beat some sense into that fucknut for ruining my plan. I don’t give a shit if we’ve been friends since first grade.

  He just fucked me in the ass on this one.

  I’m not gonna take this shit lying down.

  <<<<<<<>>>>>>>

  CONNOR

  The flask I snuck in at the beginning of grad night is almost empty. I wish I hadn’t drunk so much of it so early. I was toasty during the graduation ceremony, but now I’m dry. I gulp the last shot’s worth of whiskey. It’s not enough to get wasted, but that’s probably okay. I don’t wanna be sloppy when I kick the shit out of Ryan fuckin Hansen. That cock jockey knows how to fight. After I beat his ass, I’ll bail on this stupid fuckin carnival and go find more liquor.

  I shoulder past a pack of kids laughing in front of the toilets. I hate those blue fuckin toilets.

  It takes a half hour of searching to finally find Hansen. He’s by himself at one of the game booths, throwing baseballs at metal milk bottles. He looks as miserable as I feel. It doesn’t mean I’m gonna show this twat knocker any mercy.

  I come up right behind him and shove him against the low counter of the booth. He folds forward and knocks baseballs everywhere.

  “What the fuck?!” he shouts.

  I barely notice the woman running the booth. She backs away afraid.

  When Hansen turns around, I shove his chest and he sits down on the counter. “Why the fuck did you tell her, you dumbfuck?!”

  He plants his boot in my crotch, missing my balls by an inch, and kicks back so hard I stumble backward. “Because you’re a fucking douchebag. That’s why.” He stands up.