by Jill Knapp
“Where are my manners?” Amalia spoke in an over-the-top, southern accent. She touched the tips of her fingers to her chest and proceeded to imitate our professor. “May I present to you my dear friend Olivia Davis. Olivia, this fine young man is Hayden. Maybe he looks familiar because y’all both went to the same university.”
“Nice to finally meet you, Hayden!” We were all laughing at Amalia’s impression of Dr. Greenfield. “Do you have a last name?”
“I sure do, little lady.” Hayden tipped a pretend hat. By now the three of us were hysterically laughing. I had to admit I was on team Hayden for the win. Even from what little I knew of the guy, he was a hundred times easier to talk to than Michael. That had to count for something.
Just then, the door to the bar re-opened and out strolled Michael and Angela side by side. Amalia stopped laughing as he swiftly hailed a cab, and then held the door open for her. She subtly flipped her hair before carefully lowering herself into the vehicle. Michael walked across to the other side of the cab and caught eyes with Amalia. I watched as she tried to keep her composure, but if I looked closely enough I could see tears forming. He gave us a small wave before opening the car door and letting himself into the cab. The two of them drove off and for a moment Amalia just stood there, motionless.
Hayden gently reached for her shoulder and he spun around.
“Woah,” he took a step back. “Are you okay? Who were those people?”
“They’re just classmates,” she uttered in a near-whisper.
“Is that all?” he asked, keeping his hand on her shoulder.
“I should let you two talk,” I hiked my purse higher on my shoulder and pulled my metro card from my back pocket.
“Are you going home?” Amalia asked.
“I will be,” I nodded. “But first, I’m going to hunt down Alex. I’m going to swing by his apartment and see if he’s home. I’m getting tired of this radio-silence crap. Him and I are talking tonight, whether he likes it or not.”
Chapter 15
Amalia
Hayden and I skipped the subway and aimlessly wandered around the city instead. I wasn’t sure what neighborhood I was in. I knew I was downtown, but I had gotten mixed up somewhere around Alphabet City. Everything was still open so I wasn’t nervous about not knowing where I was. Anytime we walked past a bar or a restaurant, a gust of air-conditioning would hit us, followed by a few chords of whatever song was playing inside.
“I’m sorry you left your friend’s place to come out,” I started. “I know I wasn’t much fun tonight.” I was growing more and more annoyed at Cassandra’s aloofness. I had left the bar without saying goodbye to her, but chances were she hadn’t even noticed. I had a strange, unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. But I couldn’t deny, walking in the moonlight with Hayden definitely softened the blow of seeing Michael with Angela.
“I didn’t mind it at all,” he offered. “I see them fairly often. Besides, Jolene and Marc are a married couple, and she’s pregnant. They were about to call it a night.”
“You have friends that are already married?” I asked. “Are they a lot older than you?”
“No. Same age as me,” he said as we stepped over a sewer grate. “Twenty-seven.”
“I guess that’s not so young, then,” I realized. I thought back to Michael at the bar and wondered how old he would be when he got married. If ever. I shivered a bit as the wind kicked up.
“Time moves slower here,” Hayden said. “Anyway, let’s walk this way.” He put his hand on the small of my back and led me toward First Avenue.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked, confused by his comment. “Have we accidentally slipped into some sort of vortex that I am unaware of?
“No, silly girl. I mean living in New York is like constantly living with the lights turned off on reality,” he sighed.
“That’s incredibly dramatic,” I laughed. I didn’t mean to come off rude, but I had no idea what he meant. “Honestly, Hayden, that sounds impossibly tragic.”
“Let me explain,” he offered as we made our way up First Avenue, passing St. Marks Place. “Think of New York City as this shiny object that you’re distracted by.”
“Uh huh,” I said, trying to follow along. “And I am like a cat in this scenario?”
“Just bear with me,” he laughed. “It can be incredibly enthralling to live here. Between all of the culture, the fashion, the new restaurants opening up, going to work or going to school, you are constantly in motion. You are constantly on the hunt for the next thing. You’re always left in a state of want. I want that job, or I want that guy or girl.” He paused for a moment, and then looked up at the sky. “Or I want to be the person I always imagined I would be once I moved here.”
I looked over at Hayden. The smile had left his face and it was replaced with a serious look. His eyes were slightly narrowed and forehead was scrunched up. He rubbed his temples and continued.
“You don’t realize the other things in life that you should be thinking about or noticing. Like how old you’re getting, for example. You become so engrossed by the constant upkeep of it all. But no matter what you do, you’ll never catch up. Because secretly, you don’t want to. You never let yourself feel, you know, relaxed. You never feel finished. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t know if I can honestly say I’ve grown a single day while living here. So yeah, it might seem weird to most people here that they’re married and they are only twenty-seven, but I think it’s wonderful. It’s the first real thing any of my friends have done in a while. The first non-selfish thing.”
Hayden’s words hit me in a way I didn’t expect. He had a point. I was going to be twenty-four this year and I really didn’t feel like my life was any different than it was a year ago. To be fair, I was still in school and still living in the same city. How much could I really have expected it to change? And the real question, did I really want it to?
“I guess I know where you’re coming from,” I said in a comforting tone. “Manhattan’s definitely a lot different now than it was when I was a kid. It used to be thought of as all Broadway and Bergdorf’s. Now it’s better known for cronuts and crack-houses.”
Hayden let out a deep, throaty laugh. “And hipsters.”
I smiled, happy to break him out of his temporary melancholy. “Do you know where I like to go when I feel that way?” I said. “You have to promise you won’t make fun of me when I tell you. It’s kind of touristy.”
“You go to school by Washington Square Park,” he said. “How much more touristy can it get?”
“I’m serious!” I laughed. “Although I have to admit, the view from the Kimmel student center is like something out of a movie. But I go somewhere even more touristy than that when I need a little inspiration.”
“Do I strike you as the type of person who would make fun of you for something like that?” Hayden gave me a side smile as we continued our walk. “Here, turn up on 2nd Avenue.”
I followed him up the street and a light gust of wind blew my hair back. I laughed as I picked strands of untamed blonde from my face.
“Okay, as long as you promise not to make fun of me I’ll tell you. When I start to feel really somber, or lost, I wait until the sun goes down and I go sit in Zucotti Park.”
“Isn’t that in the Financial District?” he asked. I could tell he was getting cold too because he stood up a little straighter and dug his hands into his pants pockets.
“That’s the one,” I said, suddenly remembering being a child and walking around the city with my family. Flashbacks of Aaron always wanting to hold my hand because he felt so overwhelmed by it all. But not me, I always loved it here. My parents would take pictures of me in front of the bull statue, and we’d spend the afternoon walking around Battery Park or South Street Seaport. “My dad used to work on Wall Street before his company moved his department to their Midtown office. So when I was a little girl, he used to take me here for ‘take your daughter to work day’. You kn
ow, that antiquated ‘holiday’ where girls didn’t go to school for a day, but instead were taken to work by their fathers to help implement them to the working world? We would have to take the bus or the ferry to get here. The commute was absolutely horrible!”
Hayden laughed and started to slow down a bit. “First of all, they’ve changed it to ‘take your child to work day’ since then. It sounds more politically correct that way. Also, this story sounds terrible.”
The neighborhood was becoming more residential and the streets were growing a little dimmer with each passing block. I hadn’t seen a group of people walking on the same street with us for a few minutes now. Still, I felt comfortable with him by my side.
“It’s not all bad,” I said in a reassuring voice. “I always looked forward to it. For starters it got me out of school for the day, so I couldn’t complain that much. Except for the fact that it was always in winter. I mean it was freezing getting into the city 6:30 am! Waiting for the bus in that weather was brutal. I had a new-found respect for my dad after I realized he had to do it every single day. But if we hadn’t gotten into the city that early, then I never would have seen them.”
“Seen what?” Hayden asked, his stride had now turned into a leisurely stroll.
“The twinkling lights in the park. The ones that illuminate the steps. They were always still on from the night before, but the whole area was completely empty at that time of day. It was so beautiful. I remember being eight years old, turning to my dad and saying that one day I wanted to live here. I want to live somewhere that made me feel that exhilaration.”
“That’s a beautiful story,” he said, without a hint of sarcasm. “I wish I still felt that way about this city.”
“You don’t?” I asked, surprised by his openness.
“It changes,” he offered. “Some days I wake up, look out my window and think, my God have you ever seen anything so amazing? Other days I just wish I could get in my car and drive until I hit a beach and never come back.”
I wanted to say something positive, but couldn’t think of anything. I glanced around and noticed we had stopped walking.
“Wait, why did we stop walking? Where are we?” I looked around. But as soon as I saw the street sign, I knew. “When did we turn onto 3rd Avenue?”
“Somewhere between the twinkling lights and 33rd Street,” Hayden joked.
“Wow. We must have been walking for–”
“About 40 minutes,” he cut me off, as he checked his watch. “What can I say? I wanted to be the first person to see your new apartment. Besides Olivia, of course.”
“Well here it is!” I pointed to the bleak brown building in the middle of 33rd and 34th Street. “412, 3rd Avenue.”
“What floor are you on?” he asked, studying the building.
“The third,” I shrugged. “It’s not exactly the Ritz, but it’s all I can afford. And if Professor Greenfield doesn’t let me into his research study soon, I’ll be roommates with that homeless person we passed back on 22nd Street.” I looked back up at the building and for a brief moment, felt a pang of sadness for my old apartment. “I can’t believe I am moving in tomorrow. I should really get back to Brooklyn and get some sleep.”
I looked around for a subway entrance, but there was none in sight. Just then, Hayden took me by the shoulders and looked me right in the eyes. He brushed a long strand of hair from my face that had been tousled in the wind.
“Amalia, I have to be honest here,” he began. “I like you. I like you as more than a friend, and I have liked you from the first day I met you. I guess what I’m trying to ask you here, is would you go out with me? On a real date?”
Even in the chilly night air, I could feel my face and neck growing warmer. I was shocked. The last person I heard speak so declaratively about their own feelings was Nicholas. But this felt completely different. Hayden was nothing like Nicholas. He was an adult. It was something I could feel the moment I met him. In a city where everyone was so hard to read, Hayden was completely comfortable letting me know what he was thinking. I looked back into his eyes, so full of hope. Hope that I would say yes to him. And I had to admit it felt good being the one on the receiving end of the chase. I racked my brain, trying to come up with a good reason not to say yes to him. I could tell him I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend right now, or I could unleash all of my pent-up emotions about Michael and how he made me feel last year. The fact of the matter was, I couldn’t deny I had feelings for Hayden. Feelings that had grown stronger with each step we took on this walk. A part of me didn’t want any more pain. I didn’t want to receive any and I didn’t want to cause any. So I opened my mouth to let him down gently. But I didn’t do that. Instead, I smiled and said yes. Hayden bent down slightly and softly moved both of his hands to my face. And right there, in front of my new home-to-be, he kissed me under the twinkling lights in the sky.
Chapter 16
Olivia
Taking a cab from downtown Manhattan to Roosevelt Island wasn’t exactly an option for me, considering I thought I’d be spending the night at a party where all of the drinks were free, and I had exactly four dollars in my wallet. I knew I had enough money on my metro card, and the sky tram had already stopped running for the night, so I hiked to the nearest subway entrance nearly four blocks away and prayed there was an F train running. As I descended the stairs that were for some reason wet, even though it hadn’t rained in days, I noticed a familiar face waiting on the platform. It was my old college boyfriend, Nate. I knew it was him immediately. He was the only grown man in New York City wearing flip-flops, khaki shorts, a short sleeve T-shirt and a brightly colored button-down on top of it. Or, as I liked to call it, the Florida Uniform. He was standing by himself, nodding along to whatever he was playing off his iPhone. He was seemingly unaware of his surroundings.
I thought about ignoring him for a moment, but I was too curious as to what he was doing in Manhattan. I couldn’t help it. I walked right up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Olivia?” he asked, plucking the ear buds out of his ears. “Holy crap, it is you!” He pulled me in for a big hug and lifted me off the ground.
“What are you doing here? Are you on vacation” I asked. I couldn’t help but smile. Nate and I had ended things on good enough terms and it was nice to see him.
“I’m in town for about a week,” he nodded. “Believe it or not, I’ve never been to New York before.” He wrapped his headphones tightly around his phone and slipped everything into his over-sized back pocket.
His hair was blonder than I remembered, but he still looked like the same Nate I knew back in college. He was still very thin, perpetually tan, same tattoo on his forearm (although the constant time in the sun had faded the coloring), and still about five foot eight with crystal-clear blue eyes.
“That’s right. You used to say that all of the time,” I laughed. I could remember Nate and I sitting in my dorm room at the University of Florida. I had one of those spinning globes on my desk and on Friday nights we would always drink SoCo and joke that wherever our finger landed we would have our next adventure. Of course, Nate was all talk and no action when it came to adventure. He was a townie for life. He had never left his hometown of Gainesville for more than a few days, and certainly had never been outside of America. In fact, this week-long trip to New York was probably the longest vacation he’d ever been on.
“And you always rubbed it in my face how you were going to live here one day,” he countered. “I guess you made that happen for yourself.”
It had been one of the reason’s Nate and I broke up. He was completely comfortable staying put, but after college I knew I wanted to move up to New York. I wanted out of my town. Not that there was necessarily anything wrong with living there. I just felt like I could grow so much more in a big city. Maybe wanting to live here had partially been influenced by movies and books, but once I was accepted to NYU for graduate school, I knew there was no turning back.
There w
as an awkward silence that fell on us as we both simultaneously remembered the reason why we had fought for nearly a week straight, and then finally agreed that the best thing for both of us would be to move on. We agreed to stay friends, but lost touch almost immediately after graduation. We weren’t even friends on Facebook.
I heard a loud sound echoing in the background and could see the train’s headlights making their way around the corner. I breathed a sigh of relief when the letter F appeared illuminated on the front of the train.
“Yeah, I moved here when I started graduate school,” I said, unsure if I should let him in on how happy I was to live here. I had no idea what he had been doing with his life since college, and I didn’t want to rub it in that my dream had come true if he was working at a Cracker Barrel. “I live in Brooklyn, in a neighborhood called Park Slope. But actually I am going to hop on this train and pay a visit to my boyfriend.”
“You have a boyfriend?” he asked, his voice going up at the end. “A New Yorker?”
The train came to a screeching halt and the doors swung open. A barely audible announcement was made over the speakers and I stepped aside to let the flood of passengers get off first before hopping on.
“His name is Alex,” I smiled. “He lives in another part of the city, but he’s not from New York.” At least I thought I still had a boyfriend. After a few days without a decent conversation, I was beginning to wonder if our relationship status had changed. I inched closer to the door as the last passenger hurried off the train. Finally, the last person exited and I hopped onto the train.
“My number’s still the same,” Nate called to me as I hung onto the railing. “Call me if you want to get together this week. Maybe you can show me around?”
Before I could answer, there was a loud ding and the doors closed. I waved at Nate as he patiently waited on whatever subway line he was there for.