by Jill Knapp
By the time I got to Roosevelt Island, it was around 10:30. Alex’s phone went straight to voicemail for the third time as I made my way down Main Street and arrived in front of his apartment building. I had been there enough times to be able to bypass the doorman without suspicion, and in the beginning of the summer Alex had given me my own set of keys.
When I got to the door of his apartment, I reached into my purse for the keys but was surprised to find that I didn’t need them. The door was slightly open and from what I could see all of the lights were on. The first thing I felt was panic. Did someone break into Alex’s apartment?
Then I heard his voice. I breathed a sigh of relief but stopped myself from walking inside when I heard another voice. One I didn’t recognize.
“What were you doing that was so important that you had to make me look like a fool when you never showed up for lunch?” the voice boomed. “You know I am only here for a few days, my time is very limited.”
“Well I’m so sorry to be such an inconvenience,” Alex retorted. “If you’re really so hard- pressed for time, perhaps you should just stay home next time.”
Standing by the door, I listened to Alex and quickly realized he was arguing with his father. I felt helpless, completely unable to help him. I also felt a little nervous and wondered if I should just walk away now and pretend like I had never been here. I reached into my purse and flipped my phone on silent. I had seen people get caught spying way too many times when their phone began to ring. There was no way that was going to happen to me.
“I came here for work and I thought it would be nice if we could spend some time together,” his father was practically yelling.
“Let’s be serious here,” Alex voice was also reaching a near-bellow. “You came here for work, and you felt obligated to see your son, who you have barely contacted in the past year and a half.”
I was proud of Alex for finally standing up to his father. The man had way too much control over his son’s emotions. I always wondered what his dad had on him that made Alex keep going back for more.
As I leaned closer to the door, I accidentally put too much weight on it and the door ended up swinging open. I fell forward and regained my footing but not before my purse slammed onto the floor. My lipstick rolled halfway across the room until finally it landed right beside Alex’s foot. I had landed in a crouched-down position and was now looking up toward both of them. His father and he finally stopped yelling long enough to cock their heads at me.
“Um, hi,” I gave a small wave and a weak smile.
Alex just rubbed his temples and shook his head. I walked over to him to retrieve my lipstick, but he bent down and picked it up for me.
“What are you doing here?” he asked me in a low voice.
Slowly, I looked over at his father. He stood tall at about six foot one, was wearing a perfectly tailored midnight-blue suit and the crispest white shirt I had ever seen. His tie was flawlessly knotted and held back with a shiny silver tie clip.
“I was worried about you,” I apprehensively stood up. “You weren’t answering your phone.” I glanced over to his father, whose face was red with anger. “But I see that you’re in the middle of something, so I should go.”
“Yes, young lady. You should go,” Alex’s dad said to me with folded arms. I felt a wave of anger. This man hardly knew me at all. He had no right to talk to me like this. Just because Alex was too afraid to stand up to his dad, definitely didn’t mean I was. But before I could open my mouth to tell him how I really felt about him, Alex completely surprised us and beat me to it.
“Don’t you dare talk to her like that,” he said in an eerily calm voice. He lifted his index finger and pointed it in his father’s face. He looked him straight in the eyes and then pointed to his door. “In fact, I think you’re the one who should go.”
“You be careful, young man,” his father snapped. “You want to keep living in this apartment? Then you had better show me some respect.”
I knew Alex’s family paid for him to live in his apartment, but I never knew there were strings attached. Suddenly it all made sense. The reason why Alex got so rattled every time he had to see his father. It was clear that his dad was trying to control him. For a moment Alex looked like he didn’t know what to say. His father’s mouth twisted into a self-satisfying smile. Alex repeated his request for his dad to leave and without another word, he finally did.
“I’m sorry I just barged in like this,” I said, as soon as the door closed. “But I didn’t know what else to do. You weren’t answering my calls. It’s been days since we’ve had a real conversation. I was worried about you. About us.”
Alex walked over to me and hugged me. First soft and lightly, then more tightly. I felt like crying, but held it in.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into my hair. I pulled out of his embrace to look in his eyes, but he kept his arms around me the entire time. “I should have listened to you about my dad. If him being here has taught me anything it’s what an asshole he can truly be.”
“I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard,” I said, unable to look away from him. “But you can never scare me like that again.”
He leaned in and softly kissed me. Running his fingers over my face and then through my hair. He broke away and whispered “I never will.”
“I love you,” I pulled him in for another kiss. He lifted me up and carried me over to the bedroom.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” he said and he lightly tugged on my top.
He touched my bottom lip and I couldn’t help but yank his shirt right off. A few moments later, we were under the covers, making love. I was completely happy again.
Chapter 17
Amalia
“Table for two, please,” I said to the hostess at Spring Street Natural down in SoHo. She grabbed two leather-bound menus from under a podium and motioned for me to follow her to a table. I had finally gotten Cassandra to agree to meet me for lunch. Our relationships had become extremely strained. For the first time ever, I was nervous to hang out with my best friend.
Even though she worked in Chelsea, Cassie told me she had a meeting in SoHo at around 2 o’clock, and that she was carving out her whole lunch hour beforehand to meet with me. The restaurant was well known for their delicious tomato bread and all-organic menu. I didn’t get the chance to mention to Cassandra that I had a meeting myself, to pick up my work-study forms at 2:30 and would have to leave at the same time anyway. I didn’t know whether to feel happy that she was going out of her way to see me, or annoyed at her for making me feel like her time was more significant than mine. Either way, I decided to keep positive and just see what kind of mood she was in.
The hostess showed me to a booth by the window and told me my server would be right with me. As I sat and waited for Cassie, my phone vibrated with a text from Hayden asking how my day was going. I couldn’t help but smile.
Hayden and I had gone out on one official date since he first kissed me in front of my new apartment building, and it was fantastic. Both the date and the kiss. He took me to this great Italian restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen that I had never even heard of before. It was nice to get out of the downtown bubble and explore more aspects of the city. Hayden picked me up at my apartment in a cab that drove us up to the restaurant. I had only been living there a couple of weeks. It was slowly coming together. When we got to the restaurant, the food was delicious, and he had even ordered a bottle of Merlot for us to split. I was too embarrassed to tell him that it was the first time I had ever really been on an official date, and my knowledge of wine began and ended with two-buck-chuck from Trader Joe’s. Michael and I had definitely never gone on a real date. Everything we did was always so convoluted. Always in secret. When Nick and I were together, we would usually just hang out at his apartment and order Thai take out. But everything I did with Hayden was different. It just felt more adult.
When we finished dessert and the check came, he refused to let me pay (which was
a relief because I was completely broke), and he told the cab to drop me back off at my apartment. He kissed me goodnight and asked me if I was free the following weekend. Two perfect kisses in total. The whole experience was new to me. For starters, we went out on dates in public. Right there was an instant upgrade. Secondly, I already knew he had feelings for me. There was no late-night anxiety or urgent crying phone calls to my friends. No debriefings with Olivia to try and uncover the hidden subtext of his latest Facebook status. For example, were those song lyrics about me? Or did he just have that Radiohead song stuck in his head? And third, he was completely adorable.
I texted back that I was waiting for Cassandra to meet me for lunch. As soon as I hit send, I was greeted with the familiar sound of heels clanking on the floor. I looked up and saw Cassie walking toward me. She had her cell phone in her left hand, firmly pressed to her ear, and a red Tory Burch clutch in her right hand. I mouthed the word “hey” as she approached the table, but she just smiled and put up one finger, instructing me that she’d be off the phone in just a moment.
I took the opportunity to write to Hayden and ask him what he had in mind for the upcoming weekend. He wrote back one word, bowling. I felt my face scrunch up and told myself that he must be joking.
“What’s with the face?” Cassandra said as she pulled out her chair. “Oh, let me guess, Michael drama?”
Her blonde hair was tied back into a tight ponytail. She had on a purple button-down blouse with black, skinny jeans and her signature four-inch heels. A crystal statement piece hung around her neck and her nails were perfectly manicured a light ballet pink. She was dressed like she meant business. As she sat down she carefully placed her cell phone right next to her water glass. God forbid she leave it in her pocket or purse, which is exactly where I placed mine after she made that comment.
“No, I haven’t even seen him since that night at the bar,” I said coolly. “When he left with Angela.” I still wasn’t quite sure what was going on between the two of them. Or why I let it bother me.
“Which night?” Cassandra asked as she scanned the menu.
“The night we all went out to that bar for your boss’s party about two weeks ago,” I picked up the menu and rolled my eyes behind it, then subtly lowered it back down. I wanted to gauge her reaction, see if she was upset with me for leaving that night without saying goodbye to her. I hadn’t spoken to her since that night, and Cassandra had paid such little attention to me I had no idea whether or not she even realized I had left early.
“Oh okay,” was all she said.
The waitress walked up to us and asked what we’d like to drink. She was dressed in all black, with a short pixie-cut hairstyle.
“I’ll have a Cabernet,” Cassandra said without looking up from her menu.
“Pinot Grigio. Thank you.”
After the waitress walked away, I put down my menu and tried to get Cassandra’s attention.
“So,” I started. “Brandon seemed nice, not to mention really cute. Are you two still seeing each other?”
“We are,” she finally put the menu down and smiled. “I’m actually seeing him tonight.”
“Nice!” I said, putting a little enthusiasm into my voice. “What are you two doing to do?”
“Not sure,” she answered noncommittally. “We’ll probably go to dinner somewhere in the Meat Packing District and then back to his place for some dessert.”
“Real dessert?” I asked with a laugh. “Or dessert dessert?”
“What do you think?” she gave me a wink and then picked her menu back up.
“Are you two officially dating?”
“No, we’re just having fun,” she spoke in a cavalier fashion.
Well that conversation lasted two seconds, I thought. I took a sip of water and looked around at the crowd. A few people power-lunching, a few hipsters hanging out in between band practice, and a couple of uncomfortable day-dates. Cassandra seemed utterly distracted, and in between glances at the menu she kept checking her phone. I decided to tell her about Hayden to get her attention.
“Hayden made an appearance at that party too,” I said, hoping to raise her curiosity. “We actually snuck out early and walked around downtown a little bit. We ended up walking all the way to my new apartment, which you totally need to come over and see, by the way. Anyway, I was so surprised at the end of the night when he kissed me.”
“Good,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Hayden always seemed like a nice guy, even though Bryce was a total ass. Plus, last thing you need to do is start things back up with Michael. You and Hayden are a good fit.”
“Who said anything about me starting things back up with Michael?” I asked, feeling slightly offended. “I’ve barely even spoken to him since the semester began.”
“I didn’t say you were going to,” she back-pedaled. “I was just stating the obvious. That’s all.”
I pursed my lips together but she didn’t notice. I hated that she would automatically assume I would jump back into bed with Michael. I wanted to tell her more about Hayden to prove to her that I wasn’t thinking about Michael, but the waitress materialized as soon as I was about to ask her if she thought bowling was a good idea for a second date.
“What can I get for you ladies?” she handed us our drinks and pulled out a notepad from her back pocket.
“I’ll have the Asian chicken salad with the dressing on the side,” Cassandra said as she handed over her menu.
“I’ll have the veggie burger and a side salad,” I said, already knowing what I was going to order before I came. I always looked up the restaurant’s menu online first. I hated wasting time going over it in the restaurant.
Cassandra reached for her wine while simultaneously checking her phone. She made a face and quickly began to type.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Is it Brandon?”
“No. It’s work,” she explained. She grimaced and continued feverishly typing an email. “I am going to have to cut this lunch short.”
“Wow, Cassie,” I said with a sigh. “Don’t you ever get sick of your job completely running your life?”
That got her attention. I couldn’t help it. I knew what I said was rude, but this had been going on long enough. I’d been back for a month and could count on one hand how many times Cassandra and I had interacted since my return. I was beginning to wonder if she was alienating all of her friends, and if maybe this was a larger issue than her solely being consumed with her career. She carefully placed her phone on the table and widened her eyes. She ever so slightly bit her bottom lip, looking like she was carefully considering how she was going to answer me.
“What are you talking about, Amalia?” she said slowly. Measured. As if she was deliberately trying to stay calm.
“I’m talking about how unbelievably busy you’ve been this past month,” I unleashed. “Cassandra, I have barely seen you since I got back and every time we hang out or speak, you have to cut out early because of something work-related. I understand that your job is important to you but you’re constantly either ditching me, or you’re glued to your phone the entire time. I know nothing about what’s going on in your life right now, except for the morsels you throw me after I feel like I’ve interrogated them out of you. I don’t even know who this guy you’re dating is. You haven’t even told me his last name.” I shook my head in disbelief that I was even having this conversation with her. Cassandra used to run every move by me, just as I did with her. She was the person I told everything to. We had an unbreakable bond that our other friends were always jealous of, and now I felt like we were strangers. How could things have shifted so dramatically so quickly? I felt warm tears burning behind my eyes, but resolved to not let her see my cry over this. I took a deep breath and spoke more softly. “I just don’t know how you can enjoy the type of job that expects you to be on call 24/7, and completely detach yourself from any other aspect of your life.”
“I’m up for a promotion, I have to be pro-active,�
� she calmly defended herself. The unflappable tone in her voice made me feel more uneasy than if she had thrown her glass of wine in my face. “Besides, you’re still in school. You don’t know what it’s like to be this busy.”
I recoiled from her arrogant comment. “Cassie, of course I know what it’s like to be insanely busy,” I shook my head in disbelief. “I am constantly swamped. I can’t even do work for one class without worrying about what’s due in another one. If I’m writing a paper in Social Psych, I spend the entire time thinking I should be studying for my Human Development class. Plus I am most likely going to be starting a new work-study program, and I just moved into a new apartment, which by the way you haven’t even seen yet. Cassandra, I am just as busy as you are. The difference is, I don’t ignore you when we’re together. And I definitely don’t make you feel like I’m doing you a favor each time I grace you with my presence. I mean, come on! What happened to us being best friends?”
She just looked at me with narrowed eyes. Silence fell between us as her phone continued to vibrate, proving a point on both of our ends. The waitress walked over to us but Cassandra shot her a look and she changed directions and walked to a neighboring table.
“I’m sorry but I can’t talk about this right now,” she took a final sip of her wine and grabbed her clutch off the table. “I have to get to my meeting.” She calmly placed some money on the table and then smoothed out her hair. “We can talk about this another time, Amalia.” The formality in her voice made my blood boil.
“I’m sure we will,” I said with added sarcasm. I knew I was being petty, but I couldn’t help it. Now she was deciding when and where we had conversations too?
Cassandra just muttered something under her breath in Italian, turned on her heel and strutted out of the restaurant. I couldn’t believe what had become of my friend. Once loud and vivacious, now stone-cold and repressed. I thought back to last Christmas, how close-knit she and I had been. Or just a few months ago, when we shared a box of Magnolia Bakery cupcakes as we commiserated over our guy troubles. Now she felt almost like a stranger to me. I sat in silence for a moment longer and then motioned to the waitress.