Copperback

by Hamilton, Tarah R.

  At last, the clasp snapped, and it was free of my hand, leaving behind deep gouges where it had been. I wanted to be rid of it completely. I threw it as hard as I could against the wall, hoping it would shatter into pieces. Instead, it bounced off and landed on the bed next to Job. I didn’t want him to see it and be a reminder of everything I had done. I had to go over and pick it up to dispose of it.

  I didn’t even look up at him as I rounded the bed, reaching across with my bloodied wrist to take it away. Picking it up, I could feel his large hand on mine, stopping me from pulling back. My initial reaction was that he was going to hurt me and make me pay for everything I had put him through, but seeing his face looking up at me, I knew that would never happen.

  He wasn’t angry at me, but I could see how badly I had hurt him. His brown eyes showed pain beyond anything I had ever seen in him, a deep down hurt that he couldn’t hide. I couldn’t keep looking at him without wanting to turn away, blaming myself. I could feel the grip of his hand had lessened, but wasn’t willing to let go. He looked down to study the blood trickling onto the sheet from the cuts carved into my wrist.

  His expression changed into one of concern. His frown, and the distraught look in his eyes, told me he wasn’t pleased with me mutilating my wrist. I didn’t want him to worry about me, but I couldn’t bring myself to draw my hand back from him. I wanted him to keep holding it and not let go. He reached out with his other hand to the napkins, still situated under the plate of cold casserole. Gently, he brought them to my hand, trying the cover the wound, wrapping his hand around them to stop the blood flow. As pleasant as the silence was, I had to say something while he was willing to listen to me.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I could feel the tears start again.

  “I know.” His voice was just as husky as mine.

  “Are you still mad at me?”

  “No.” Still holding my wrist in his hand, he looked up at me again. His expression was so kind. He was telling the truth. There wasn’t a part of him that was showing signs that he meant anything different.

  “Even though this was my fault?”

  He let go of my wrist long enough to let me hold the napkin myself. I knew the first aid kit was still down there, but I was locked on him, and my injury would have to wait.

  He seemed perplexed at my question. “What is your fault?”

  “Derrick and his friends hurting you.” I could feel myself getting emotional again. No matter what he was going to say, the tears from the guilt that I would always carry were never going to stop coming.

  “It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I did something he didn’t like.”

  “He said it was because you scared me – because of how I reacted. How were you supposed to know I was going to do that?”

  “I didn’t, it was what I did after that made him attack me.”

  “What did you do?”

  “That night, he was talking about you, and he saw me…smile when he said your name.”

  The same blush came to his cheeks again, like earlier. I could see how nervous he had become, having to share this information. The hidden smile appeared, even though it was attached to the bad memories of the event.

  “So he did all this because he was jealous?”

  It explained why things had gotten out of control. Derrick had become enraged that Job had shown signs of liking me. According to Derrick, I was his, and no one – especially a Sayner – would stand in his way, no matter how insignificant the gesture might be. My disgust for him was bringing back the knot in my stomach. It was also making me want to be with Job that much more.

  “It wasn’t bad at first, but when I didn’t fight back, he was…” His voice broke off, thinking of the right word to use.

  “He was going to kill you,” I said.

  He nodded his head. “After he left, I got out of the truck and tried to get away. My leg wouldn’t work, and I hurt when I moved. The last thing I remember, before I woke up here, was trying to stand back up.”

  “Chase hit you with his truck. He panicked and called me.” I paused for a moment, thinking of how the cycle of events – that started with one look – had led him to my house in the end. “It must have been fate.”

  I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, warming my skin in embarrassment. It was hard not to feel the small nag of feelings for him when he was struggling to tell me how thinking of me made him smile.

  He pointed to my hand. “You need to take care of that.”

  The blood had seeped through the napkin, leaving small spots of red dotted in a line. My wrist had started to sting, so I pulled the napkin away, seeing how badly I had cut it. It was still bleeding, but only a little. Most of the pressure Job had applied had stopped it. I pulled out a rolled up strip of gauze, wrapping it around and taping it off at the end. The bandage made it look far worse than it was, but I couldn’t figure out how to cover it with just band aids.

  I figured while I was cleaning up my own injuries, I might as well check on his. There wasn’t much left to do, since he had already lost feeling, but it was still worth a try. I hoped there had been some change for the better. It was shocking to feel how cool his skin was against my hand. I hadn’t looked before, but there was a definite pale blue color that ran down to his ankle. Most of the tissue was already dying, and I knew that in the morning I would have to hear the screams again. This time it hurt more, because I had gotten so close to him over the last week. I couldn’t fathom being able to stand there and let it happen.

  “You should probably try to get some sleep. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow,” he suggested, not showing any fear of what was to come, which scared me even more. I didn’t want to look up to him and have to answer to his soft brown eyes about how petrified I was.

  “I don’t want to leave.” I said what I felt in my heart. I wanted to stay by him through the night, and try to be there for him. I needed his company, and I hoped he wanted mine.

  Job pushed himself up and slid over on the bed, making room for me to sit. He immediately held his side from the pressure on his ribs, making a soft grunt against the pain. I didn’t hesitate to be by him.

  I crawled up on the bed, bringing my knees up and turning to my side to face him. His arm stretched out behind me. I laid my head on his shoulder, curling up to him to be as close as possible. He turned to look at me, studying each feature of my face, as I was of his.

  All but an eclipse of green had faded from under his eye, making it almost a perfect match to his other one. There was the faded scar still above his eyebrow, where some of his hair hung down, almost covering it. I kept trying to look over his features, but I was drawn to his eyes each time. They were such a beautiful chestnut brown, but each time he looked at something else, I could see the gold twinkle reflecting the light. Unconsciously, I moved my hand across his chest, running it up against his smooth skin, feeling every muscle, until I reached the coin around his neck. I couldn’t help but to play with it, making sure it never left his skin.

  “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” I asked, hoping there was something he wanted from me.

  “This is enough.”

  I could feel his arm behind me, nudging me closer to him, almost inches from his face. I waited for him to lean down and kiss me, but it never came. He was reading the expression on my face. Something he saw stopped him.

  “You’re still scared,” he said.

  His breath was so sweet-smelling. It made me relax even more as he talked. I didn’t feel scared, but he must have felt it somewhere at the back of my mind.

  “I don’t know why you’re not.”

  “I know it will be okay. What you have to do – I know it will hurt, but how did you put it? I’m a tough guy?”

  It should have made me laugh that he was using my words against me, but instead, my eyes had filled up with tears again, and he became blurry in my vision.

  “Shhh. Please don’t cry. Just tr
y to get some sleep.” He was more concerned about me than himself. I could feel his hand reach across and wipe away the tears that had run down my cheeks, even as he pulled against the broken ribs, wincing again at the pain. His soft hand against my face was gentle, yet I couldn’t watch him hurt himself to comfort me. If anyone needed comfort tonight, it was him. I pulled his hand away with mine, holding it against his chest. I could feel his thumb rubbing against the back of my hand. His voice continued to shush me in a soft whisper, his breath intoxicating and relaxing, his face so close to mine. As much as I fought against sleep, his voice was soothing. The warmth of his skin was like a blanket around me; my eyes closed, and I felt myself drifting away. It was the most peaceful sleep I’d had in days.

  *****

  My first reaction was that I had fallen into a hot tub while asleep. The heat around me was intense, and I felt sweat rolling down my face. I had forgotten where I was, until I felt Job’s chest straining for some reason. I finally opened my eyes, and it seemed as though every muscle in his body had tensed up. I yanked my hand back from the fire of his skin, afraid that it would blister if I left it there. I wasn’t sure if he was having a seizure or if this was the embolism Sally had warned me about. His head was thrown back, his jaw clenched tight. He was fighting pain again, but trying to keep it as silent as possible. I wasn’t sure what was causing it, but I wanted to find a way to stop it.

  “Job? Look at me. Please? Tell me what’s wrong.” I hid the panic I was feeling. I didn’t know if he could even hear me, and I placed my hand on his chest again, to let him know I was there. His skin was blazing hot, like it had been before, when he had the fever. The heat made it hard for me to keep my hand there, but I had no desire to let go.

  “It – hurts. It won’t – stop.” He could barely say anything, and the little he had been able to get out was strained. His eyes were shut tight, and he began crying out with the pain.

  “What hurts? You have to tell me. I can try to help.” I wasn’t sure if there was anything I could do. He quickly stifled his moans with deep, laborious breaths, holding it back in.

  “My– leg. It hurts.” He continued breathing deeply in an attempt to fend off the sounds of agony that still threatened to escape him.

  I was confused by what he was saying. Before I had fallen asleep, he couldn’t feel anything below his knee, but now he was wracked with unimaginable agony. I looked down to the foot of the bed, expecting to see the blue skin as before. At first, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. The color had returned to his toes and foot, and circulation had started back up. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. I didn’t want to leave his side, but I had to look closer, to make sure I hadn’t lost my mind.

  Yanking the towel away, I could see the bruising was still the same as before, with ugly deep purple covering almost all of it. The swelling, however, was all but gone, except for a knot where the fractures were. Somehow, the pressure had ceased on its own, but the force of the blood rushing back into the rest of his limb had set it on fire, causing him to fight off piercing screams. Now that I knew the reason, I only wanted to stay by him till it passed.

  In the short time it took me to examine him, the pain had already seemed to lessen, and even though he still gritted his teeth, he was finally able to breathe a bit easier. His skin was still hot to the touch, but it was gradually coming back to normal. I put my arm across his chest, cupping his face in my hand, hoping that he could feel me near him. I kept telling him it would be ok and that it would pass, but I wasn’t sure how long it would take.

  I put my head back against his shoulder and waited till I could feel the muscles under me begin to relax. His breathing had returned to normal, but the occasional deep breath would take me by surprise, expecting the entire process to start again. After minutes had passed, he had calmed enough to release the tension in his neck, bringing his head back down. Sweat drenched his bare skin, and I could feel it against my side, soaking through my shirt. I had been shocked that he hadn’t passed out, like he had before.

  I still had my hand resting on his cheek, hoping that he would be able to give me some insight to what had happened. I wondered if this had been a fluke, and we were back to the same predicament, or if, by some miracle, he had just avoided having to be subjected to the knife in the morning.

  “Are you okay now? Do you need anything?”

  “A towel…would be nice” He was exhausted after the marathon his body had just put him through.

  I grabbed the towel that had been used to hide his hideous leg for the last couple of days. He wiped away the sweat on his face, and I took over, dabbing his upper body till it looked like he was dry.

  He looked so tired, I didn’t want to keep asking him questions and keep him awake. I could see that not all the pain had gone, and he winced as he forced a smile, flashing his teeth.

  “I told you I would be ok.” There some secret he was keeping from me, but I wasn’t going to question him and have him retreat back to silence. I would wait and find out soon enough.

  I sat up and pulled myself away from the warmth, feeling a chill across my skin, noticing my shirt had become saturated by his perspiration. By the time I had turned around, he had already closed his eyes, and I could hear his soft snores as he fell asleep quickly. I still didn’t want to leave, but thought it was better not to disturb him. I could always see him in the morning, and any day after that.

  12.

  The entire night had all been a dream. I had never been so vile to Job. The sickness that overcame me at dinner because I had learned the hideous truth never happened. There was no reconciliation and there was no midnight miracle. All of the lies and the anger and guilt had just been a figment of my imagination, created to give me a way to cope with the morning.

  I could hear Sally’s voice trying to wake me from the comfort of the couch, sounding too shrill and full of life for my liking. It should have been heavy and depressing, the way I was feeling. In an effort to delay her, I buried my head deep under the worn blanket, attempting to ignore her as long as I could. Maybe she would have to call Chase to take my place; I would be alright with that.

  The blanket was torn away from my face. Sally had opened the shades, letting in blinding light, forcing me to hold my hand across my face till my eyes could adjust. I could feel the abrasiveness of the bandage on my wrist run across my cheek. I looked down at it, squinting against the glaring sun, to confirm that what I was feeling wasn’t a dream. The white was bright against my pale skin, but it was real. The bracelet on the coffee table, still dazzling its copper reflection, spotted with drops of blood, lay broken in the same place it was set the previous night. It all had been so surreal.

  “Do you want some good news?” Sally was close to my face, grinning from ear to ear, so excited she looked like she might pop at any moment.

  “I already know.”

  There should have been more excitement in my voice, but I was still having a hard time waking myself after a stress-filled night. The pounding in my head felt similar to a hangover from too much partying the night before. My mind still needed time to recuperate, and my brain needed caffeine in the worst way.

  “Why didn’t you call me? I was so worried all weekend. I didn’t think anything I tried would work, but I guess I was wrong.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that. I wasn’t sure until late last night. I didn’t want to call you and wake you up.”

  I was getting used to telling lies. Whatever secret Job was keeping, I figured it was up to him to tell her when he was ready. There would be no reason for me to give her an excuse to pry into his matters and shut him down again. “How is he doing? Did he say anything to you?”

  “He didn’t say anything, but he never does. He seems to only want to talk to you.” Her smile faded, and a look of puzzlement replaced it. “I will have to say that I’m amazed, though. His side was almost completely healed when I checked it, and I was able to take the stitches out. His ribs also seem to be
fine now. Almost everything is back to normal. It’s like he just healed himself overnight.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that in fact he had.

  “So does that mean he has to leave?” There was disappointment in my voice. As much as I was happy to hear he was doing so much better, I didn’t want to see him go so soon. I had begun to enjoy his company, and wasn’t sure what I would do without him here.

  “No. Oh no. Not even close. I said almost everything. The swelling in his leg did a number on it. He’s out of the woods, but it delayed healing. The bones should have joined together, but I’m not sure they have, and there is some major nerve damage to his foot that may or may not go away. It’s going to be a while before he’s able to get up and go anywhere.”

  I knew I was being selfish, but I tried to hide the relief I was feeling inside by looking as concerned as possible. I wasn’t sure it was working, since the smile on Sally’s face came back, giving me a look as though she knew something that I hadn’t figured out.

  “So do I get the next week off too, since he still, well, needs help?” I was hoping she would say yes, but it was going to be a stretch to get another week out of her. I knew that we were booked for the next two weeks, due to the vacationers trying to capture the last few days of summer.

  “You start back tomorrow, but I will give you a mid-shift so you can get him what he needs before you come in. I need you on the weekends for sure, so would having Wednesday and Thursday off work for you?”

  I loved working the ten to six shift as much as I loved the thought of having a root canal. It always meant I was the last person to see the guests before they checked out and usually the first for the new arrivals. I normally would have begged for anything else, so as not to gag at every sappy couple that walked through the door, but it was better than falling asleep at the desk. Job seemed to enjoy later nights, so it fit his schedule better, as well.