Copperback

by Hamilton, Tarah R.

“No. I just want to sell it. Call it a relationship gone south.” I didn’t want to have to explain a made up story.

  “Well, it’s worth a lot more than I can give you for it. I’ll tell you – if you take it down to the jewelry store on Main Street, they can give you a better deal for it. I wouldn’t feel right just letting you sell it to me.”

  “Thank you, but just let me know what you can give me, and I’ll think about it.” I wasn’t planning on thinking about anything. I would take any offer he gave me. To be rid of it was worth more than the trouble of finding the highest bidder. Besides, Derrick may have bought it from that very store, and returning his investment there might raise a red flag or two.

  “I can give you three fifty for it. I would normally only give three, but I don’t want to rip you off. You’re too pretty to deserve that.” He had stopped with the eye contact and was talking to my chest. As disgusted as I was, I didn’t try to stop him. I was getting more out of the piece of junk than expected.

  “I’ll take it. What do I need to do?”

  He asked for my driver’s license, and had me fill out and sign a paper. He counted out the stack of cash with his grubby fingers, and I quickly placed it in my purse, keeping from exposing the other wad in my wallet. After the exchange, I walked out, feeling as though things were finally falling into place. I could feel a spring in my step as I rounded the car and got back in. I would have enough to get Job anything he needed, with plenty left over to help him escape.

  The more I thought about it, the more I came to a decision. If he was going to leave, I would follow in my mom’s footsteps and take him as far as he would let me. I would have to ask Sally what the best plan of action would be to accomplish the task. She might know of safe routes and places to stay along the way to wherever he would be able to have his freedom. I had time to plan, but I would make the most of my shopping trip preparing for the journey.

  After the pawn shop, I found a big and tall store in the mall, and a gentleman there that was more than helpful. I told him I was shopping for my brother and gave him the best idea I could of his size. He pointed me in the direction of many styles and gave me a basic estimation on what he thought would work. He assured me anything that didn’t fit could be returned with a receipt. I picked out three pair that looked like they could be right, and even bought a black leather jacket they discounted for me just as a friendly gesture of their hospitality. I wasn’t sure if Job would like any of it, but I hoped the new wardrobe would help him feel less like a captive and more like a man.

  Taking my bags, I headed out to a shoe store, finding a pair of black leather boots that matched the jacket. It would be a long time till either one could be used, but planning ahead made me look forward to the long future he had in front of him.

  The shirts and accessories were easy; I picked out a few T-shirts and two hooded pullovers with Penn State emblazoned on the front. One was for me to wear when he was gone, as a piece of him I could keep forever.

  My arms were sore from carrying the loads of bags I had collected, yet I continued on, finding a few outfits for myself, using my own money instead of the Job fund. I also searched a small local book store for more literature for him to read. He still had not given me an idea of what he wanted, so instead I picked out an assortment of books, from art to science to fiction. I steered clear of anything I thought could be offensive and would trigger an unwanted memory.

  As hard as I searched, there were no books on the Sayner. The sliver of a section dedicated to them was empty, and looked as though it had been for many years. Next to it was a section with books on the Vesper. There was a large selection of books – most by Nicholas Franklin, leader of the Vesper and praised hero of the human race. Taking on a prominent human name, he had been taken in by our world and assisted scientists on making cures and vaccines against our diseases. He helped teach us how to create better resources that practically reversed our dependence on fossil fuels. The world as a whole had become a better place because of him, but it came with a cost.

  He had voiced his opinion on the Sayner, and almost everyone bought it. We had enslaved them, tortured them, and even killed them. The world didn’t know Job and how kind – how intelligent – he was. He may not have the answers to world hunger or energy crises, but he knew about compassion. It was all I needed.

  I took the books I had collected to the counter and paid for them with my credit card – another expense I would front. The girl gave me an odd look in my choices of literature, and I just smiled, letting her know it was for a school project. I half-dragged the bags back to the car, wishing I had made several trips instead of one, and placed them in the trunk, pulling out one of the shirts and stuffing it in my purse so I could give it to Job right away.

  I made my way to the grocery store and loaded up on canned goods and other non-perishable items that could sit in the heat of the trunk for weeks without going bad. The rest was to fill my fridge and pantry, since he ate enough for two, and it looked like Chase would start to make his rounds again. I started the journey back home, thinking I had forgotten something. Not until I was within minutes of home did I remember the remote. It had been a joke between us, and the main reason for the run out. I found one at a local store and made sure to buy batteries for it.

  Upon getting home, I was exhausted. Looking in the trunk at all the purchases, I determined which would sit out here and wait, and which I would have to take inside and put away. Once I had brought everything in I needed to, I looked at the clock to get an idea of how soon to expect company, and when I should get dinner rolling. It was already after five. I had been gone far too long, and Job was probably worried about where I was, after telling him it would just be a short trip. Leaving everything on the counter except the shirt, I ran down to see how he was.

  He was sleeping, but the fatigued look he had earlier hadn’t gone away. The circles were darker under his eyes than before – almost the same as the black eye he wore for the first week. I didn’t want to disturb him, but I wanted him to know I didn’t forget about him either. Walking to the side of the bed, I sat down next to him. I hadn’t studied his features so closely when he was asleep since the first night. This time he wasn’t as battered as before – and he was irresistible.

  His cupid bow lips slightly quivered as he slept, dreaming – hopefully of something pleasant. His eyes were radiant even closed, with full lashes and sculpted brows. Pieces of his tawny hair fell across his forehead. I was so close I could feel his light, sweet breath on me, making me lightheaded and relaxed. I wanted to stare at him for a lifetime – till he sleepily opened his eyes and saw me there.

  I was only within a few inches of his face – closer than I had been the night we had slept next to each other. I could see the twinkle of gold flash in his brown eyes every time they shifted, making wanting to kiss him harder to resist. I waited a moment, wanting him to make a move closer, but he remained still, just watching. I bit my bottom lip unintentionally, feeling the adrenaline coursing through my veins, quickening my pulse.

  At last he turned his face away, sitting himself up, looking away from me. I was left stunned at his reaction. He had made subtle hints for so long that I was sure he would take advantage of the moment. Instead I had been rejected, tossed aside. He had taken what I said to heart and had respected that I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep it that way any longer.

  I had the shirt in my hand, waiting to give it to him.

  “I got you this while I was out,” I said, tossing it at him, feeling a bit blown off. “Figured you might want to feel a little less naked when Chase comes over tonight. He wants to do laundry and get fed. He used to be over all the time before you…” I trailed off, not wanting him to think he had disrupted my life in any way. “I should get dinner started. He should be here soon. And I did get you a remote. Happy now?”

  “Yeah.” He looked back at me, but not as warmly as usual. He was still bothered by something going through his head. I wo
uld have to continue to bide my time to find out what it was.

  With dinner started, Chase wasn’t far behind, as if he could smell it and came running. He had his basket ready to go and, of course, an empty stomach. It was a chore just keeping him out of everything – from sneaking pieces of my walnut turkey breasts, to getting into my store-bought pie for dessert.

  “Go get your laundry started so you can get out of here before I go to bed.” I said, kicking him away from the pie again while holding the mixer I was using to mash some potatoes. “And maybe say hi to Job while you’re down there.”

  “But he doesn’t like me,” Chase whined.

  “He likes you just fine. Just hurry up so you can help me get everything ready.”

  He made some weird noise and stuck his tongue out at me as he scooted away. I just wanted to make it through dinner and send Chase on his way so I could have some time with Job, who hopefully would let out what was troubling him.

  Chase came back empty-handed with a look of disbelief on his face. Some interaction between Chase and Job had taken place, but I wasn’t sure what.

  “He said thank you.”

  “That was nice of him.”

  “He said more than just thank you. He gave me a list of reasons why he was thanking me. You turned him into a chatter box.” He was laughing about his own comment, still in awe that Job spoke to him.

  “Did he seem happy?” I was worried that his standoffish attitude from earlier was only directed at me and not just a mood.

  “Kind of. He smiled and all – he wasn’t exactly real buddy-buddy or anything. Why is he like that with you?”

  “He used to be. He’s been acting funny all day. Something is up with him. I just don’t know what,” I said, putting the final touches on the last plate.

  “Maybe he likes you. We guys are like that. We go through a million emotions when we like a girl. I’m sure by tomorrow he’ll be a changed man and do something else.”

  “So what should I do?” I was taking romance advice from my brother. I had stooped to an all-time low.

  “If you’re asking me that – then you like him, too.” He could see it in my expression, I couldn’t hide it anymore. “Stop playing hard to get. Guys hate that. I just hope everything just…works out in the…well, you know…physical department.”

  “Thanks. I knew I kept you around for a reason.”

  He was right; I was falling for Job. I could no longer force myself to believe anything else. I didn’t care what the outcome would be, or if I would be alone for the rest of my life once he was gone. I needed him now. I was going to make the best of my time with him. I wanted to tell him, but not in front of Chase. If he was right, then I had nothing to worry about.

  I could feel my nerves carry me into the room where Job waited. He was still down, but looked better than he had earlier in the evening. He was wearing the T-shirt I had picked out. It was a perfect fit, and hugged his muscular body just right. I couldn’t help but gaze at him, wanting Chase to leave so I could say what I needed to. Job noticed me staring at him and gave me an odd look, trying to figure out what had come over me. I wasn’t trying to keep it masked, and if he could feel emotions, he had to know what was on my mind.

  He turned away, taking his plate and chowing down in silence. Chase took his lead and began to eat, trying to talk with mouthfuls of food, making it completely unintelligible. It was funny to watch bits fly from his mouth. He finally took a drink and tried again, with a little more success.

  “So, how long you think till you can get out of this bed?”

  I waited for his response. I wasn’t sure what he thought about leaving now. He had recently seemed so impatient to get moving again, but I wasn’t sure if it was the prison of a room he wanted to escape, or me.

  “I don’t know – maybe a week, maybe a couple. Emily keeps saying I shouldn’t be in such a hurry.” Job looked back at me and smirked. I felt a little bit less on edge, now that he was talking around me, and that he wasn’t going to rush getting out.

  Dinner moved by smoothly. Chase and Job did most of the talking while I watched from the sidelines. Chase kept trying to teach him about his favorite hobbies – sports and cars. It was funny to hear him explain why Job should become a fan of the Steelers. Every once in a while, from the corner of my eye, I could see Job look at me, but he would look away before I could make direct eye contact. Each time, it was a yearning look, as though whatever had been on his mind was still being wrestled out.

  Leaving the boys alone to continue the conversation, I gathered the dishes and received a couple of thanks for my culinary skills. It wasn’t long after that Chase came back up with his laundry, just as dingy looking as it arrived, but smelling better.

  “Did you convince him to be a Steelers fan?”

  “No, I don’t think he was listening to anything I said. I think he was a little preoccupied. He even asked for you when I left.” He couldn’t help making googly eyes and kissy noises. It was a little over the top. My heart skipped a beat. I had been hoping the night would end and I could plead my case. I was willing to deal with any negative consequences. I just needed to tell Job why I had been on the fence. I wasn’t even sure if he would understand.

  “Thank you.” I gave Chase a hug.

  As much as I joked with him and treated him like a child, he was still my brother, and I loved him. His good heart brought Job into my life, even if it had been a bad situation. I had been taking out my grief on everyone for so long, I never took the time to let him know that I cared about him.

  He hugged back but was taken off guard, grabbing my shoulders and looking around the room, confused.

  “Where did you put my sister? Emily doesn’t hug me. Actually, she hasn’t said one nice thing to me in years, so I know you are not her.”

  “Maybe I changed. Is it really a bad thing?” I smiled. It felt good to show him I cared.

  “I need to hit people with my truck more often.” He couldn’t help another smart remark.

  “Well, next one you hit can be Derrick. I might actually invite you over for dinner every night after that.”

  “I’ll work on it.”

  Chase left, and I ran back down to see why Job had asked for me, fidgeting with my hair on the way down. He was sitting, waiting on me, but had moved his arm over, blocking the usual spot on the bed reserved for me. I wanted to be close when I told him, but he was being difficult. Instead, I sat in the chair next to him. He was upset and had lost his glow of happiness. The time for putting on a show in front of Chase was over and he was going to tell me what had been bothering him. I just hoped he would give me the chance to say what I needed to, first.

  “Chase told me you wanted to see me?” I could already feel my heart sink before he started talking.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea if I stay here anymore.” He sounded hurt just saying the words.

  “Why? Was it something I did? I can–”

  “I want to stay,” he cut me off. “I would never leave you if I could. I care too much about you. I was wrong to think that you would…” He was having a hard time keeping focused on me. I could see the internal anguish building up in him. “…feel the same way I do.”

  “How do you know I don’t feel that way now?”

  “Because I have felt this way since the day I saw you. I didn’t care if you hated me or how you treated me. I just wanted to be with you and hoped that one day you might…” His voice trailed off, fighting his own feelings and the choice he was making. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll have to leave one day, and I’m not going to hurt you when I do. It’s better if I go now.”

  I was becoming frustrated with his attitude. I had finally made the choice to express how I felt and I was being turned away before being given the chance.

  “I’ll be okay. I know you will have to go, but that’s still weeks away. You don’t have to leave yet. Right now, I just–”

  “And when I go, are you going to fall apart like
you did when your mom died, too? Lock yourself away for years and hide because you can’t get over it? Do you really think I want to let that happen?”

  Chase must have told him about all this when the two of them had been alone together down here – about how I had reacted, how I had closed myself off from the world. Why I hadn’t been on a date in years. He had been afraid I would become the same way over Job and felt he had to protect me. After telling me to stop fighting my feelings, he still gave Job a reason to reject me. He had no idea what I felt or how this was different.

  “He had no right to tell you–”

  “He didn’t need to. I knew there was something the whole time. I told you I can feel what emotion you feel. I could feel your fear from the start. At first, it was of me, and then for me, but after that it never went away. Your fear stayed, even when you would smile. It was deep in you, and you still have it now. All he told me was why.”

  I couldn’t help but start crying. He was right. I was afraid, but to me it had become worth taking the chance. He was the first person I had opened up to, and I didn’t want to stop now.

  “Hasn’t there been anyone in your life that meant so much that it hurt when you lost them? Didn’t you have parents? Wasn’t there someone you were close to before you came here?” I wiped away the tears.

  “No. I didn’t know my parents. I was an orphan, and I was raised to be a soldier, so I never had anyone.”

  He had become unsympathetic when talking about his life, as though he had something to hide.

  “Then you wouldn’t understand. I loved my mom. I was close to her. She was my best friend, and she was ripped away from me. I never knew my dad, so I didn’t have him to lean on, and I always felt like I forced Sally to take me in.”

  The look on his face was slowly melting away back to the soft-hearted Job I knew best, but his voice remained stern. “Maybe I don’t understand, but–”

  “So you would rather see me fall apart now instead of later?” I interrupted. “I don’t want you to go. I’m tired of feeling empty. You’re the first person who has filled this hole inside me, and now, before I can enjoy it, you want to take it away.”