Shauna thought for a moment. "I was going to take Katina to the waterfront tomorrow night."
"What's at the waterfront?"
"A free laser light show. Plus a mini-mall. Horribly over-priced knickknacks and T-shirts. Would you like to meet us there?"
"Sure," he said, and their first date was set.
Before Shauna climbed into bed, Celeste called for an update. Shauna had forgotten all about her nosy best friend for the last few hours. Without going into detail, she informed Celeste that mutual interest was established and they would see each other again the next night.
Celeste was silent for an uncomfortable moment before responding. "That's twenty-four hours, Shauna. You get annoyed at Clarence when he gives you such short notice."
Shauna didn't like her tone. "Are you Clarence's lawyer all the sudden?"
"No. I'm your advocate."
"Then why aren't you happy for me, Celeste?"
Another pause. "I am happy for you. Just be careful, OK?" "Celeste, there's no longer a doubt in my mind that he likes me."
"Likes you for what? Remember: most guys ultimately only want one thing from you."
Shauna remembered how the hard bulge felt against her when she and Miles embraced. "You think I don't know that, Celeste? Does that mean I'm supposed to not believe there's one who's different?"
Celeste's sigh came through the phone. "The odds are against you with a white boy, Shauna. This might just be a sexual experiment for him."
"Celeste, don't! Please, just don't!"
"Shauna, I am your friend. I'm just trying to be your anchor."
"I don't want an anchor, Celeste. There's plenty of things out there holding me down. I'd like to rise above for a while, if you don't mind. Good-bye."
She sat on the edge of the bed with phone in hand for minutes, fuming. When her anger subsided, she considered calling Miles back for some reassurance.
No. It was too early in the relationship and that would come off as clingy; needy; insecure. Maybe accusatory. Maybe psychotic.
She must force herself to give him a chance to prove what he was about. If Celeste's apprehension turned out to be justified, Shauna was strong enough to survive.
That was life: good things weren't guaranteed to anyone. Often you couldn't achieve them without risk.
12
Shauna pulled Katina out of the car and set her down on the sidewalk, then locked the door. She glanced around the lamplit parking lot and, holding Katina's hand, walked toward the tables sitting outside the little Greek restaurant.
The place was only a couple blocks from the waterfront. Also, it reminded her of the place Miles took her to eat. That's why she suggested they meet there.
Shauna wore a yellow summer dress with matching heels and purse. Katina wore a red and white print dress, with little red Minnie Mouse shoes. A cool breeze blew by from the waterfront. Katina looked up into the skyline and remarked how pretty it was. Shauna agreed. Trees and grass shared space with the concrete and glass, so that the wilderness of before was still remembered even after the conquest of civilization. Electric lights accented the blackness of night. And this was her favorite part of the day--the heat of the blazing sun, and the stress of the workday, were just a recent memory. Early evening promised plenty of time for fun, adventure, or romance. Everything all coalesqued into a living, amalgamated mural: Civilization and wilderness; darkness and light.
"Hoo, baby!" somebody called from a passing car on the street behind them. Shauna ignored it and took Katina to an empty table.
She ordered iced tea for herself and a 7Up for Katina. Katina jabbered about the lights and the buildings around them. Shauna nodded or said, "Mmm-hmm," at intervals. She checked her watch: ten minutes before the agreed-upon meeting time. She considered the watch, wondering if she should be wearing it. Clarence bought it for her. He had bought her lots of things. Should she give them all back?
At first, Clarence had inspired a few anticipatory butterflies. At one point, she was probably even infatuated. Never had the chemistry been as strong as it seemed with Dwayne; and it was far from what she now felt for Miles. In any case, she had no romantic feelings for Clarence anymore. So what to do with all the gifts?
Seven minutes to go. Katina was chattering away about laser lights and what colors she wanted to see, and if they might scare the fish, and what kind of fish would be in the water.
What if Miles didn't come? What if he forgot? What if he was late? She hoped he wasn't one of those thoughtless, inconsiderate guys who would keep a girl waiting because a game went into overtime, or because he was trying to reach another level on Need 4 Speed XXVI. Worse yet were the guys who kept a girl waiting intentionally, in order to establish superior importance or something infantile like that.
She had revealed too much of herself already--made herself too vulnerable. He could walk right over her now, if...
Relax. He's still got five minutes.
But shouldn't he arrive early? If he didn't, did that mean he didn't value her enough? If he arrived right on time, maybe he was somebody who would only give the bare minimum in a relationship-never go above and beyond
A beige pickup truck rolled into the parking lot. It fit the description--she looked into the cab. Yes, it was him. Miles parked and locked up. His head swiveled as he searched the parking lot, then, spotting Shauna, he smiled and approached, one hand behind his back.
Katina grinned and looked at her mother, then back at Miles. Suddenly the little chatterbox was speechless. Shauna stood, smiling.
Miles wore black cargo pants with black sneakers, and a white and green baseball shirt with a Dilbert cartoon on the front. He held one arm out for a hug and Shauna gave him a polite one. He flinched, ever-so slightly, when she brushed the inside of his arm.
Shauna pulled back his sleeve to peek at the bandage. "I'm sorry. How does it feel?"
"It's okay most of the time."
"This is the first time I've seen you out of uniform," she said, letting go.
"Am I not dressed up enough?" he asked, glancing down at himself.
"You're just fine for the occasion," Shauna said, appreciating how handsome he was, in or out of uniform. "I was starting to worry you might have to work late again."
Miles grinned. "I've been getting off a lot earlier since I went to Service."
"What's behind your back?" Katina asked.
Miles squatted while pulling his hand into view. In it were two long-stemmed roses. He gave the yellow one to Katina, then, rising to his feet again, presented the red one to Shauna.
"Pretty flowers for two pretty ladies," he said, then stooped over to kiss Shauna's hand.
"It is pretty, Mommy, look!" Katina had the yellow bulb close to her nose, enjoying the scent while feeling one of the petals between two tiny fingers.
Shauna obliged, then studied her own. "Yes it is, Baby. So is mine."
"Almost as pretty as you two," Miles said, glancing at both of them while he spoke.
They sat together at the table. Miles ordered a lemonade, and the waitress took their food order. Shauna shared a shrimp platter with Katina, while Miles ate grilled chicken. Katina overcame her bashfulness during the meal, and dominated the conversation. Miles listened and responded to Katina's banter, but kept stealing glances at Shauna the whole time.
After Miles paid the check, they strolled toward the waterfront. Katina finished her transformation from wallflower to flirt, first holding Miles' hand, then asking him to let her ride piggy-back.
"That's enough, Katina," Shauna said, sharply. "You know how to walk. I thought you were a big girl. Start acting like it."
Katina pouted. Shauna wanted to hold Miles' hand herself, but they were already getting looks from passing pedestrians and she didn't want people to really stare.
White kids had called Shauna names on a couple occasions growing up. Now she didn't want to risk her daughter hearing epithets hurled at them like "Oreo" or "zebra." Katina was almost oblivious to skin color, and Sha
una wanted to keep her that way for as long as possible.
A crowd gathered at the waterfront. Some people set up lawn chairs. Others stood around or sat on benches, garbage cans or the ground. Shauna had given her picnic blanket to Miles to carry.
"We've still got a little while before the show starts," Shauna said. "Want to walk around the shops?"
Miles shrugged. "I'm down for that."
They window-shopped for a while, bought funnel cakes, then went back to the grassy area where the crowd size had doubled. They found a spot of unoccupied ground in the shadow of a large sign, and spread the blanket.
"It's like a picnic, Mommy," Katina said, belly-flopping onto the blanket. The grown-ups sat a little more carefully.
"Kind of," Shauna said.
Miles took a bite of his funnel cake. "I guess this is like an urban version of a picnic."
Shauna told him about their picnics in the park.
"Barefoot in the grass, huh?" Miles caressed Shauna's arm, careful to use his palm so as not to scratch her with his calluses. "You sound like an earthy woman, Miss Gales."
The affectionate touch sent a wonderful shiver up Shauna's back. "Maybe I am. You should try going barefoot some time. It's pleasantly liberating, in small doses."
"I've heard that said about going without a bra," Miles said.
"You should try that, too," she said, and they shared a laugh.
Red, green and blue beams of light flashed in the night sky. An announcer's voice crackled over a P.A. system, welcoming everyone and expressing thanks to the businesses that allowed use of their parking lots for the event. Then music blared through the streets. The local oldies channel had a DJ booth set up on location. Water sprayed into the air at various locations, and the lasers drew patterns, pictures and words on the mist.
With everyone's eyes on the show, Shauna figured it was safe to hold hands. She barely touched him, and Miles instantly responded, closing his big, hard hand over her small, soft one. She studied the contrast. In the dim light his suntanned hand looked strangely pale while her brown skin appeared truly black. The sensation was wonderful, too--comforting; reassuring.
Katina sat up to watch the lasers, powdered sugar all over her chin and lips.
"Uh-oh," Shauna said. "Somebody has a messy-face."
She leaned over to lick a big swath of the white powder off her daughter. Katina squealed and giggled her protest.
"She's not the only one," Miles said, and suddenly his mouth was on Shauna's.
"Oh!" Shauna said after their mouths separated, taken aback by the passion and abruptness of the kiss.
Miles rocked back to his previous reclining position, watching the show as if nothing had happened. Katina saw the kiss, but was beaming, possibly on the verge of giggling again.
"Hmm-mmm. You don't get off that easy," Shauna said. "I see funnel cake on you, too." She grabbed a handful of hair behind his head and pulled their faces back together. They began playful and sweet. But soon they were devouring each other. Shauna opened her eyes to gaze at him when they broke apart to catch breath.
She noticed a nearby elderly white man scowling at them. Then, as if she could feel the heat of their disapproval, she turned and peered into the shadows to see two overweight black women watching her, shaking their heads and whispering to each other. She pulled back and turned her attention to the laser show. Miles got the hint and didn't crowd in for an encore. They continued holding hands, down low, where it wasn't too obvious.
When she thought nobody was watching, Shauna pulled Miles' hand to her lips and kissed his fingertips. He smiled at her. She winked at him.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked.
"I sure am," she said.
"Oh no," Katina cried. "Look, Miles, I broke my flower."
The rose stem was halved in length. Miles took it from her.
"No worries," he said. With great gentleness and care, he broke off all the thorns, then wove the stem into Katina's hair so that the bulb rode just above her ear.
"Look, Mommy!"
"Wow," Miles said. "A pretty girl, in a pretty dress, with a pretty flower in her hair."
"Do it for Mommy, too."
Miles snickered. "You don't understand, Katina: I go messin' around with your mother's hair, she might break my arm off."
"I have braids now," Shauna said, feeling dreamy. "I promise not to break your arm off."
So she soon wore a red rose over her ear.
They hadn't talked much tonight, yet she was comfortable, and he seemed to be, too. Still, she thought they should be using this time to get to know each other better. And people did that by talking.
"How do you like your new job?" she asked.
"It's a big step up," Miles said, cheerily. "The work suits me better, and it looks like there won't be as much standby as I feared."
"You like your new supervisor?"
Miles nodded. "Denny's great." His gaze swept up to a laser pattern, but he chuckled. "I would have thought him all work and no play, as much as he loves cable, but he surprised me already. He's taking this softball thing seriously--wants us to meet up on our weekend to play a game. Organize a team, fill positions and so forth."
"Oh, the company picnic? The softball tournament?"
"Yeah. Should be fun, getting to play other departments in the company."
"I'm going to start holding practice after our shift gets out," Shauna said. "We're going to roll right over you guys, and everyone else."
He turned from the laser show to study her, amused. "Oh you will, huh? Sounds like you've got an aggressive side."
"I can be very competitive," she assured him. "Just wait--you'll see."
"I never took you for a jock, Shauna."
She laughed. "I wouldn't call myself a jock, but I was pretty good at softball. Best pitcher in the league, once upon a time."
"OK," he said. "I'll keep my eyes open for you, then."
"You'll have to wipe away the tears after I strike you out," she said.
"Oh, a cocky one," he said.
"Were you a jock?" she asked.
He raised his hand, palm-down, and wiggled it. "A little bit, in high school. And I played little league for seven seasons before that."
"Softball?" she asked.
He sneered in exaggerated disgust, as if not sure whether this question deserved answering. "Baseball. Softball is for wimps. And girls."
"You're kind of cocky yourself," she said, with raised eyebrows. "Can you back up all that swag?"
He chuckled. "I was a decent second baseman. Not major league material, by any stretch of the imagination. Not even minor league, to be honest. I just loved the game."
"In that case, you're dead meat, Miles." Seeing that nobody was watching at that moment, she leaned into him, still snickering, and kissed his mouth.
13
Miles was sprung. Shauna was incredible. With looks like hers, he would have considered it impossible for her to have a matching personality.
He looked at everything differently when she was near. The world seemed brighter, and full of wonder. Where had she been all his life?
He felt as if he was going through puberty again. Just smelling her perfume, or hearing her voice, but especially the warmth of her kisses, turned him stiff. He enjoyed talking with her, however mundane or banal the subject. After spending time with her, even if just on the phone, he grew giddy and absent-minded afterwards.
After leaving her parents house last night, he missed his exit off the freeway. When he entered the drug store later, he froze inside the doorway, having forgotten why he came--as if his bandaged arms weren't enough of a reminder.
He couldn't believe what just happened between them. Shauna should have been unobtainable. But she wasn't.
Battling his fear of rejection had been worth it this time.
Was this rush really so new to him? Or had years and painful memories blotted out his prior experience of it?
Something had possessed him
to entangle himself with Trish, back in college, and it sure wasn't common sense.
Miles and Trish were opposite enough to attract, but didn't have enough in common to sustain. Sensing this, he became convinced they should break up. Sensing the same thing, Trish decided they needed deeper commitment: marriage.
One thing Trish did well was talk a good fight. She could sell tanning beds to Bedouins. She could bludgeon him with words, but her skills went much deeper than that. In any given argument, she ignored anything and everything he said that she could not use or twist to her advantage. Then, with his main point forgotten, she could pull all the loopholes in and build a convincing case out of them. She would have made a successful lawyer. He fell for her tactics time and again, not realizing what she'd done until afterwards, angry at himself for not saying this or asking that. Then, next time, he would fall for it again.
Against his better judgment, Miles married her. The wedding was a huge, expensive dog-and-pony-show which required months of preparation. Sometimes Trish worked round-the-clock, obsessing over the details. Miles was impressed by her tenacity and dedication.
The life which followed was anti-climactic. Trish didn't seem to consider the actual marriage nearly worth the same effort she put into the ceremony. For his part, Miles didn't put in the effort he should have, either.
After the vows, Trish gradually disclosed how distasteful she found sex to be. But she still loved to complain and argue.
If an impartial psychologist were to summarize the whole ordeal, he/she would say Miles failed to show Trish the love, support and validation she needed; while Trish failed to respect, appreciate, or trust Miles.
Trust turned out to be a big issue. Trish's jealousy highlighted one of the hypocrisies of marriage: She worried herself sick...emotionally wearing him down in the process...that Miles was out looking for, and possibly finding, the sexual satisfaction she would not give him.
If "marriage" had offered one single advantage over single life, Miles might have suffered along with it longer, trying to make the farce work.
Miles didn't feel guilty for leaving Trish. He felt stupid for entangling himself in the first place.
That same hypothetical impartial psychologist would call Miles selfish for his attitudes. Looking back to his behavior after the divorce, Miles would have to agree.
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