Perijee and Me

by Ross Montgomery

‘I’ve found an alien on the beach,’ I said. ‘He was a prawn and then a frog, but now he’s a person and he eats everything so I have to get him food.’

  Mum thought about it.

  ‘Is this alien the reason there’s a whole turkey missing from the freezer?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And was this alien the one who took my best clothes out the wardrobe last week and put them on the scarecrow?’

  I was about to say no, but then I figured I was in enough trouble anyway, so …

  ‘Yeah, that was him,’ I said. ‘He also deleted a load of files off your computer by accident and he’s really sorry about it.’

  Mum sighed. ‘Right. An alien. Thought so.’

  She gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and began to walk out. I watched in amazement.

  ‘Wait – that’s it?’ I said. ‘You’re not angry with me?’

  ‘Probably,’ said Mum. ‘We’ll talk about it when your father gets back. Just put the pillowcase in the wash when you’re done, please.’

  And with that, she was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d told her the truth and she didn’t even care! Having a busy mum was actually great sometimes.

  I ran to the other side of the island and banged on the bathtub.

  ‘Hey! Alien! Wake up! I got you some more food!’ I threw off the blanket. ‘You’d better eat this slower than you ate that turkey though, or …’

  The bathtub was empty.

  ‘Alien?’

  There was a sudden SQUAWK behind me. I swung round. A flock of seagulls was scattering in the distance. I could just make out a flurry of blood and feathers on the ground below.

  ‘Not again!’ I moaned.

  By the time I got there, he’d already eaten eight of them. I counted the beaks.

  ‘Stop that!’ I cried, slapping a wing out his mouth. ‘I told you – no killing things! It’s wrong!’ I held up the pillowcase. ‘Look, I already found some more food …’

  He launched on the pillowcase mouth first, swallowing it in three big bites like a giant plum. I was amazed. He’d already grown another inch overnight. His bobble came up to my chest now.

  ‘You need to slow down,’ I said. ‘You understand that, right? Slow down?’

  The alien looked at me. His smile was in the middle of his forehead.

  ‘Your mouth goes down there,’ I said, pointing.

  He moved it. I sighed.

  ‘Look – I don’t know what I’m doing, OK? I’ve never had a brother or sister before, let alone an alien. Dad would know how to look after you, but he’s not back for months.’

  ‘Dad,’ said the alien.

  ‘Exactly!’ I said. ‘He’s spent his whole life talking about aliens and whether or not they exist. He’d know exactly what to do with you, but …’

  I stopped. I spun round.

  ‘Did you just talk to me?!’

  The alien looked at me, blank. I grabbed him by the shoulders.

  ‘Do it again!’ I said.

  The alien shuffled his feet.

  ‘D-dad,’ he said.

  His voice was strange and quiet and croaky, like a bird. But it was a word. I laughed out loud.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ I said. ‘You talk! What else can you say?’

  The alien thought about it.

  ‘Dad?’ he said.

  I shrugged. ‘Well, we can work on that. I can teach you some more words, and then …’

  I trailed off.

  ‘Oh flip,’ I said. ‘That’s it!’

  I shook the alien in excitement, my eyes shining.

  ‘I’ll teach you how to talk!’ I said. ‘By the time Dad gets back at the end of summer, you’ll be able to tell him everything about yourself – where you come from, what type of alien you are … Dad’ll be so happy, he won’t care about my stupid report!’

  I turned round to Middle Island. Maybe it was the summer sunshine, or maybe it was the fact that I’d been awake for about twenty-four hours, but it had never looked more beautiful.

  ‘So,’ I said. ‘Where shall we start?’

  ‘This is a book,’ I said.

  The alien tried to eat it.

  ‘No!’ I said, pulling it out his mouth. ‘Books aren’t for eating. Especially not this one – Dad wrote it.’ I wiped off the spit. ‘See? That’s him on the front. He writes loads of books, all by himself. He doesn’t even use spellcheck.’

  I opened it up and looked inside. The words were really small and hard to read. The letters danced and flashed around the page. My head hurt just looking at them.

  ‘These are words,’ I said. ‘Everything I’ve said today is words, but these are written-down words.’ I pointed to a few different ones. ‘That one is … D-AR … Dark! And that’s M-OOOO … Moon! See?’

  The alien pointed to a word.

  ‘That’s – hang on.’ I squinted and jammed my head right up to the page, sounding out the letters one by one. ‘PE … RRRRRRRR … IIIIIG … Oh! That’s “perigee”.’

  ‘Peri-jee?’ said the alien.

  ‘You won’t see that much,’ I explained. ‘It’s when the moon is really close to the Earth. That’s why it sometimes looks bigger than normal. And Dad says when it happens, everything on Earth weighs a little bit less, too! Because of gravity, whatever that is. Isn’t that cool?’ I smiled. ‘He knows loads of things like that. He’s really clever.’

  ‘Perijee,’ the alien murmured, reaching out and stroking a photograph of the moon.

  ‘That’s not actually the moon,’ I said. ‘That’s just a picture. You’ll see the real one tonight.’

  The alien bounced up and down with excitement.

  ‘Perijee perijee perijee!’ he squeaked.

  I smiled. It was nice to see him so happy.

  ‘You like that word, don’t you?’ I said. ‘Maybe that can be your name. It’s not a normal name, but then you’re not really normal. In fact – I don’t even know if you’re a boy or a girl. Which one are you?’

  ‘Perijee,’ said the alien.

  ‘Yeah, that’s just what a boy would say,’ I sighed. ‘Tough luck. Well, nice to meet you anyway, Perijee.’

  We shook.

  ‘Well remembered!’ I said. ‘Now – what shall we learn next?’

  *

  I laid the rocks in a line.

  ‘Three rocks,’ I said. ‘One, two, three.’

  I picked up a rock.

  ‘This is one. But if I add this rock –’ I picked up the next one, ‘– it makes two. Then if you add this rock, it’s three. See?’

  Perijee picked up the third rock.

  ‘One two three,’ he said.

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘That’s one. Remember? One.’ I gave him two rocks. ‘Now – how many?’

  Perijee looked confused. ‘One?’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘That’s one. One and one are two. Got it?’

  The alien blinked.

  ‘Food,’ he said.

  ‘No,’ I said firmly. ‘You just ate that wasps’ nest. On this planet we only eat three times a day, and sometimes extra if it’s your birthday or no one’s looking. Now—’ I put the rocks back on the floor. ‘How many?’

  Perijee looked at the rocks.

  ‘One two three?’ he said.

  ‘Good!’ I hid one behind my back. ‘And if I take away this rock – how many are left?’

  Perijee thought about it.

  ‘One two three,’ he said.

  ‘No!’ I groaned. ‘It’s two! Two!’

  ‘One two three,’ said Perijee, and ate the rocks.

  *

  ‘There!’

  I finished carving the word into the ground.

  ‘That’s your name. See?’

  I pointed to it with the stick. I had written:

  ‘Oops,’ I said. ‘Wait, hang on.’

  I fixed it.

  ‘There!’ I said. ‘That’s how we write. When Dad makes a book about you, you’ll need to sign it for people in bookshops. So you might as well
learn how to do it now.’ I gave Perijee the stick. ‘You try.’

  He took the stick and carved something into the bog beside me. Two vertical lines, criss-crossed like teeth. I frowned.

  ‘That’s not a word,’ I said.

  Perijee pointed to his chest – the same symbol was carved there, just below his shoulder.

  ‘Perijee,’ he said.

  I shook my head. ‘No – that’s not English. It’s not even French.’

  Perijee looked confused. He pointed to another symbol on his neck. ‘… Perijee?’

  I shook my head. ‘I don’t know what that is. It looks like a Z, covered in tentacles. Don’t you know what any of those … things mean?’

  Perijee looked down at his body. Suddenly his smile disappeared – like it had been rubbed out. He sprouted fingers and ran them all over his body, tracing the carvings over and over and whining. I put my hand on his shoulder.

  ‘Hey!’ I said. ‘Don’t worry – we’ve got loads of time to work out what they say. Dad’ll help you translate them when he gets back – promise.’

  Perijee’s smile popped back up, like a balloon on a string. He pointed to the sky.

  ‘Clouds!’ he said.

  I smiled. ‘Well remembered, Perijee! Clouds.’

  A dot of rain hit my face.

  ‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Right.’

  *

  By the time we got back, the bathtub was already half full of murky water. Perijee jumped inside and splashed around, squeaking with delight. I pulled him out.

  ‘No!’ I cried. ‘You can’t sleep in there! You’ll catch a cold! How the hell is it still raining?’ I shook my fist at the clouds. ‘Stupid fake summer!’

  ‘Food,’ said Perijee, pulling my leg.

  I ignored him and looked around the field in the hammering rain. There was nowhere for him to hide – not even any shelter.

  ‘You’ll have to sleep under a bush or something,’ I said. ‘If Mum sees you now …’

  ‘Food,’ said Perijee, yanking my leg harder.

  ‘No!’ I said. ‘There is no more food! Don’t you get it? You’ve eaten everything on this flipping island!’

  ‘Foooood,’ said Perijee, chewing the taps off the bathtub.

  I put my head in my hands. It was no good – the more Perijee ate, the more he seemed to want. He’d already grown another inch since morning. I couldn’t look after him for the next six weeks by myself – I needed help, and lots of it.

  But who was there around here with that much free time?

  ‘Frank!’

  He was bang on time for our first meeting. I was going to add ‘you look nice today’, but he didn’t. He looked like a man who’d woken up at five in the morning and didn’t like it. He smacked the boat against the jetty and staggered ashore.

  ‘Coffee,’ he said. ‘Now.’

  ‘Time for all that later!’ I said. ‘First, I have something to show you.’

  I walked to the hut at the end of the jetty and opened the door. Frank rubbed his face.

  ‘What’s in there?’ he muttered.

  ‘Just look,’ I said.

  Frank thought about saying something, then changed his mind. He slumped into the hut.

  Thinking about it, I should have given him some warning first. I don’t know what he was expecting to see, but it probably wasn’t Perijee covered in blood and ripping the head off a swordfish.

  ‘Goodness gracious me,’ Frank exclaimed. ‘What on earth is that strange creature?’

  (Those weren’t the exact words that Frank used, but he made me promise never to repeat the ones he actually said.)

  ‘Frank, this is Perijee,’ I said. ‘He’s a very hungry alien. Perijee, this is Frank. He lives on his own and has a glass eye.’

  Frank and Perijee looked at each other.

  ‘Aaaaaaaargh,’ screamed Frank.

  ‘Aaaaaaaargh,’ screamed Perijee.

  Frank grabbed an oar and charged at Perijee like a madman. Perijee leapt ten feet into the air.

  ‘Frank – no!’ I cried. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Get back, Caitlin!’ he shouted.

  Frank waved the oar like a battleaxe while Perijee clung on to the ceiling above him and hissed. His body was slowly turning purple.

  ‘Frank, stop it!’ I cried. ‘You’re frightening him!’

  Perijee was turning more purple by the second – and that wasn’t all he was doing. He was swelling up like a balloon, stretching against the ceiling and splintering the rafters. It was like something horrible was growing out of him and he couldn’t stop it. I had to do something, quick.

  ‘Perijee, look!’

  I ran up to Frank and gave him a big hug.

  ‘See, Perijee? He’s a friend! He won’t hurt you!’

  Perijee stopped growing. He stayed the same bigger size though, his eyes fixed on the oar in Frank’s hands.

  ‘Put the oar down,’ I whispered.

  ‘No,’ Frank whispered back.

  ‘He thinks you’re trying to hurt him.’

  ‘I am trying to hurt him.’

  ‘Frank.’

  He saw how serious I was and dropped the oar. The second he did, Perijee’s chest sank like a balloon and his body turned back to white. Soon he was his old size again. He dropped down from the ceiling and hid between my legs, peeking out at Frank. I beamed.

  ‘Great, isn’t he?’ I said. ‘I think he fell from a meteor. Anyway, I’m teaching him maths.’

  Frank didn’t say anything for a while. He just stood with his mouth hanging open like a big beardy fish.

  ‘Caitlin,’ he said quietly. ‘Get out the hut right now and run back home as fast as you can.’

  I blinked. ‘Er … OK. Should I take Perijee with me?’

  Frank glared at me. ‘No!’

  ‘Why not?’ I said.

  ‘Because he’s a flipping alien covered in blood!’

  ‘It’s not human blood,’ I said.

  Frank looked like he was trying really hard not to start crying.

  ‘Caitlin – listen to me,’ he said. ‘This thing, this – Perijee, whatever you’re calling it – is not some pet. It is very dangerous. I don’t think you understand quite how dangerous it is …’

  ‘Oh Frank, please,’ I said, rolling my eyes. ‘Perijee – who is a he, by the way, not an it – is completely safe. The swordfish was dead already – we found it in a tree! And I’ve taught him not to kill things. I’m making sure he knows everything about living on Earth before Dad gets back.’

  Frank almost choked.

  ‘Your dad?!’ he said. ‘Caitlin – for the love of god, this is something for the army to deal with, not your flipping dad …!’

  ‘Why not?’ I said. ‘Dad knows more about aliens than anyone in the world! Besides, if we tell the army they might attack him. They might think he’s a monster.’

  ‘He is a monster!’ Frank shouted. ‘He just grew ten feet tall!!’

  ‘Because he thought you were going to hurt him!’ I shouted back.

  Frank laughed. ‘Well, what if it happens again one day? What if he gets confused and tries to attack you?’

  Frank just didn’t get things sometimes. I grabbed Perijee and twanged the bobble on his head.

  ‘See that?’ I said. ‘It’s supposed to be my hat. He grew it himself after I saved him from the bogs.’

  Frank blinked. ‘… So?’

  ‘So,’ I said patiently, ‘he made a choice. He doesn’t want to be a prawn or a frog. He doesn’t want to be an alien. He wants to be a person. And I have to help him do it.’

  ‘Why?’ said Frank.

  I sighed and took Perijee’s hand.

  ‘Because,’ I said, ‘I’m his sister.’

  Perijee looked at me, his smile drifting up between his eyes like a bubble.

  ‘Cait-lin,’ he said quietly.

  His whole body started glowing. The markings across his body stood out and burned like bulbs, until they were almost too bright to look at. The
room lit up like a lantern around us. Frank’s mouth fell open.

  ‘Those … symbols,’ he murmured in disbelief. ‘What the hell are they?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ I sighed. ‘Neither does he. But he really wants to find out what they mean. I think they’re important – something that tells him where he came from, or what he’s doing here.’

  Perijee stopped glowing. I picked him up and hugged him, but it was hard work – he was pretty heavy now.

  ‘Dad will know how to translate them,’ I said. ‘That’s why we need to keep Perijee safe until he gets back.’

  Frank frowned. ‘Hang on – “we”?’

  ‘You’re going to help me,’ I said.

  Frank said lots more things that I’m not allowed to write down.

  ‘Just to get some fish for him!’ I explained. ‘So he doesn’t starve to death – like, maybe a boatload a day or something …’

  Frank wasn’t listening because he was too busy running round in circles.

  ‘No!’ he said. ‘I’m not doing it, Caitlin!’

  I grabbed his hand. ‘Frank – please. I need you to help me. You’re my friend …’

  Frank’s face softened, just for a second. Then he snatched his hand away.

  ‘NO!’ he shouted. ‘Not this time, Caitlin – I don’t care how much you guilt me or beg me, there is nothing you can say to make me change my mind! You hear me? NOTHING!’

  ‘But …’

  ‘No, no, no, no, NO!’

  Frank gave up after two minutes.

  *

  The hut became Perijee’s new home. Frank went out to catch fish every morning while Perijee and me wandered round the island, learning new words. Then at night Frank would haul back his catch to the beach for Perijee to eat. He became a pretty good fisherman. I think he even started to like Perijee.

  ‘I hate that little weirdo,’ said Frank.

  ‘You’re still helping him,’ I said.

  ‘I’m not doing it for him,’ Frank muttered.

  We watched Perijee work his way through a pile of fish twice his size. He loved fish more than anything.

  ‘He’s getting bigger, you know,’ said Frank. ‘He’ll be bigger than you soon.’

  ‘I know!’ I said excitedly. ‘Then he can carry me!’