Perijee and Me

by Ross Montgomery

  I didn’t understand at all, but I thought it would be pretty stupid to do anything other than nod. The girl’s face softened.

  ‘Glad we cleared that up,’ she said, letting me go. ‘My name’s Fi, by the way – you’ll have heard of me. What about you? Got a name?’

  I couldn’t tell her my real name – call me suspicious, but there was something about Fi that didn’t seem completely trustworthy. After all, Frank had said there were dangerous people on the outside …

  Frank.

  I pushed his face out of my mind.

  ‘Sure – I got a name. It’s, er … Queenie.’ I looked around me. ‘Queenie McCeiling.’

  Fi stared at me.

  ‘Your name is Queenie McCeiling.’

  ‘Yup,’ I said. ‘Sure is.’

  ‘Are you sure it’s not Caitlin?’

  I started.

  ‘Hey! How did you …’

  ‘It’s written on your hat.’

  Stupid flipping labels. I had to think up a good lie, fast.

  ‘Er … no,’ I said. ‘That’s my hat’s name.’

  Fi looked at me. She searched my face for ages, like she was trying to find me in one of those Where’s Wally pictures.

  ‘You’re not a professional fraud, are you?’ she said.

  I considered lying some more.

  ‘No,’ I said.

  Fi nodded. ‘And you want to get to Wanderly because …’

  I clammed up. This time I really couldn’t tell her the truth. What if she was just like the people in camp – what if she wanted the Monster dead too? She might even try to stop me getting to the meeting, and then my one chance to save Perijee would be gone. It was no use – I had to keep him a secret until I was safe in Wanderly.

  ‘Er … I hear there’s a big sale on,’ I said.

  Fi raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Look,’ she said. ‘You clearly don’t have a clue what you’re doing. If you try and get to Wanderly on your own, you’re going to get yourself killed, at best. So here’s the deal: because you’re obviously harmless, and because I feel sorry for you, you can come with me … but only if you do everything I say. I’ll take you as far as Wanderly.’ She held out a hand. ‘Deal?’

  I looked at the girl in front of me. She was a total stranger. She was a thief. For all I knew, she was going to steal all my stuff the first chance she got.

  But she did know the way to Wanderly. And if that meant being able to get to the meeting in time …

  I shook her hand.

  ‘Deal,’ I said. ‘My name’s Caitlin. I haven’t really named my hat.’

  ‘Really,’ said Fi.

  ‘Yeah, that was a lie.’

  Fi nodded. ‘Caitlin?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Get the cow.’

  I found the cow beside the pastry counter and coaxed it into the back of an ice-cream van with a Mr Whippy. Fi hotwired the engine and in less than two minutes we were on the road to Wanderly.

  ‘I’ve never stolen a car before,’ I said. ‘Won’t the police try to stop us?’

  ‘Probably not,’ said Fi. ‘There’s only one police car left round here and I stole it yesterday.’

  I fell asleep in the passenger seat. When I woke up the next morning, the sun was shining and I felt like a different person. Partly because I was another step closer to saving Perijee, but also because my hat and watch had gone.

  ‘Hey!’ I said, sitting up. ‘My stuff! It’s disappeared!’

  ‘How strange,’ said Fi, looking innocent. ‘Well, I’m sure it’ll turn up somewhere.’

  I checked my pockets and sighed with relief. The photo of Perijee and me was still there.

  ‘Looking for something?’ said Fi suspiciously.

  ‘No!’ I needed to change the subject, fast. ‘Er … how much further to Wanderly?’

  ‘A couple more hours yet.’ Fi sighed. ‘In fact … mind if you drive the last bit? I could do with a break.’

  ‘I can’t drive,’ I said.

  Fi shrugged. ‘You’ll learn.’

  She pulled onto the hard shoulder and shifted over.

  ‘Come on, then,’ she said, patting the seat. ‘Your go.’

  I was amazed. Mum or Dad would never have let me drive a car – they wouldn’t even let me ride that bike I found in the canal once. But Fi … well, she was different.

  ‘You know, Fi,’ I said, ‘I’ve never had a friend like you.’

  Fi scowled. ‘What the hell are you on about? We’re not friends.’

  I nodded. ‘Yeah – it’s too early for that, isn’t it? I guess you’re more like my pal. Or my buddy. What would you call me?’

  ‘Lots of things,’ muttered Fi. ‘Just drive the car, please.’

  ‘Sure!’ I pulled on my seat belt. ‘So – which button makes it go faster?’

  *

  We stood in front of the smoking wreck of the van.

  ‘That bridge came out of nowhere,’ I said.

  ‘Quite,’ said Fi.

  I looked down the long and empty road.

  ‘So … how long till we get to Wanderly now?’

  ‘Well, we won’t be there tonight, that’s for certain.’ Fi sighed.

  I gasped – the meeting was only a day away. I’d miss my chance to tell everyone about Perijee!

  ‘Isn’t there some way we can get there faster?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes,’ said Fi. ‘You just crashed it. Getting you to a sale is the least of our worries now – we need to find food and somewhere to sleep before it gets dark. Somewhere to hide the cow, too.’

  ‘I still don’t understand why you stole a cow,’ I said.

  ‘Hey!’ said Fi, ignoring me. ‘Talk about luck – there’s a farm, right over there!’

  She pointed to the field beside the road. There was a house in the middle, with smoke coming out of the chimney and clothes flapping on a washing line outside.

  ‘Jackpot!’ said Fi, patting me on the back. ‘Keep an eye out.’

  She dashed across the field and started ripping the clothes off the washing line. I ran after her as fast as I could.

  ‘Fi, stop!’ I shouted. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Relax, I’m only taking what I need,’ said Fi, pulling on jumper after jumper. ‘Come on, let’s see what food they’ve got.’

  She ran over to a vegetable patch and started digging up carrots. I grabbed her hands.

  ‘No, Fi!’ I said. ‘You can’t take things that aren’t yours!’

  Fi raised an eyebrow. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because it’s wrong,’ I said. ‘Mum always said …’

  I trailed off. Just thinking about Mum made me feel weird. She’d always been so good at explaining things I didn’t understand – like how you can’t ask people why they’re bald, or why you have to pay for jam before you eat it. I wondered what she’d think of me now, out here in the middle of nowhere with a thief. I wondered if she’d woken up yet.

  ‘Caitlin,’ said Fi. ‘That’s a nice idea, but that’s not how the world works. Not since the Monster turned up, anyway. We have to steal things. I mean, look at us: we’re in the middle of nowhere, with no food, no place to sleep … What else do you suggest we do?’

  ‘Ask the farmer if he’ll help us,’ I said.

  Fi thought about it.

  ‘You know,’ she said, ‘that’s actually a really good idea.’

  I smiled. ‘Thanks! Well, I’m glad I …’

  ‘You could distract the farmer,’ said Fi, ‘while I sneak into the kitchen and empty his fridge!’

  My face fell. ‘No, Fi, that’s not what I …’

  ‘It’ll be easy!’ She grabbed a piece of paper and pen from her pocket. ‘Look – I’ll even give you a script. Just say everything I’ve written down on this piece of paper, and it’ll go perfectly.’

  I looked down at the paper in horror. The words slipped and shifted in front of me.

  ‘Er … no, Fi, I can’t …’

  ‘Sure you can!’ said Fi
, ringing the doorbell and leaping behind a bush. ‘Just don’t screw it up.’

  *

  We looked down at the farmer’s unconscious body.

  ‘Thanks for knocking him out,’ I said.

  ‘It’s fine,’ said Fi, putting down the shovel.

  ‘Why was he trying to shoot me?’ I asked.

  ‘He thought you were a member of Obsidian Blade,’ said Fi, picking up the smoking shotgun and dropping it down a drain.

  I frowned. ‘Obsidi-what?’

  ‘Obsidian Blade,’ said Fi. ‘They’re the cult that’s running around the countryside, kidnapping people and leaving those weird messages. He thought you were one of them. I think it was when you started saying all those made-up words.’

  I blushed furiously. Fi sighed.

  ‘So – you can’t read properly, can you?’

  I coughed. ‘What makes you think I can’t read?’

  ‘You were reading the script upside down.’

  I stared at the ground.

  ‘Look,’ I said. ‘I can read. Just not quickly. Or well. Especially when I’m nervous.’

  Fi shrugged. ‘You should have told me. I can teach you.’

  I glanced up. ‘You can?’

  Fi shrugged. ‘Sure. I taught myself when I was four, so teaching you will be easy. We’ll start tonight.’

  I beamed. ‘Thanks, Fi. You’re a good friend.’

  ‘We’re not friends,’ said Fi. ‘I told you that already.’

  ‘Oh yeah!’ I said. ‘But we’re warming to each other … right?’

  I felt really bad for scaring the farmer, so I made him a sandwich and left it by his head. Then we piled some hot dogs into a handbag, slung them over the cow’s back and set off across the fields.

  ‘He’s going to come after us,’ Fi explained. ‘So we’ll have to move fast and stay off the main roads. It’s not hard to spot, two girls with a cow.’

  I sighed. ‘I still don’t get why you stole the …’

  ‘Hey! Bingo!’ said Fi, pointing through the trees. ‘Look over there – a river! It’s bound to be the same one that runs through Wanderly!’

  We pushed our way through the trees and stood by the river. It was enormous and loud and full of tumbling white water. There were cars and garden sheds floating down the middle of it.

  ‘Wow,’ I said. ‘That’s massive.’

  ‘Yep,’ said Fi. ‘Ever since the Monster blocked it up at the city, it’s been bursting its banks and flooding all over the country. Loads of villages are under water now. If you want to get to Wanderly quickly, we’ll need a boat.’ She pointed up the river. ‘That one’ll do.’

  A luxury yacht was weaving towards us, long and sleek as a limousine. A skull and crossbones had been spraypainted on the front, and the sides were covered in barbed wire. There were six men standing in the back holding rifles.

  ‘Er … really?’ I said. ‘Those men look dangerous, Fi.’

  ‘I know they do,’ said Fi. ‘That’s why we need to get them off the boat before we steal it.’ She tapped her feet. ‘Let’s see … can’t do the “naïve idiot” routine, not on these guys … no point trying the old “switch ’n’ shove” … Any ideas?’

  ‘I’ve got some superglue,’ I said.

  Fi rolled her eyes and turned away. I gritted my teeth – this was my chance to prove to her that I wasn’t stupid. I watched the yacht get closer and closer. If I didn’t think up an idea fast, that was it – I’d never get to the meeting in time, and then …

  I gasped.

  ‘Fi, I’ve got it! I know how we can steal the boat!’

  Fi didn’t even turn around. But there was no time to lose – I charged into the woods beside us and got to work. Fi sighed.

  ‘Well, it’s no good – I’ve got nothing. We’ll just have to wait until the next boat comes past … whenever that might be. But if that farmer finds us …’

  She turned round to me and jumped. I was holding a branch above my head. It was three times bigger than me, and also on fire.

  ‘Caitlin!’ said Fi. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Relax,’ I said. ‘I think I’ve got an idea.’

  *

  Eight and a half minutes later Fi and I were speeding down the river in the yacht, with the cow trailing behind in a small rubber dinghy. The men were trying to chase us along the bank, but they weren’t doing very well because I’d superglued their feet together.

  ‘Caitlin, that was … amazing!’ said Fi. ‘How did you come up with that idea?!’

  I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. It just sort of made sense.’

  Fi shook her head. ‘But I’ve never seen anything like it! I mean, that bit with the oysters …’

  ‘I know!’

  ‘… And that song you did …’

  ‘I didn’t even plan that!’

  ‘It was … incredible,’ said Fi, smiling at me. ‘Just incredible. You’re smarter than I thought, Caitlin.’

  I blushed with pride. It was the first time Fi had said anything nice to me – in fact, it was the first time I’d seen her smile. She suddenly realised what she was doing and snapped back to normal.

  ‘Well, enough of that,’ she muttered. ‘Let’s stay focused. Know anything about boats?’

  I shrugged. ‘A little.’

  ‘Good,’ said Fi, handing me the wheel. ‘I’m exhausted. Go slow and give me a shout when you spot a big castle by the river – it means we’re five miles from Wanderly. It’s being used as an army base now, so we’ll have to find a way of sneaking past before they shoot us. Night.’

  She lay on the floor and pulled an eyemask out of her pocket, snapping it on. I glanced at her. There was something about Fi that was nagging at me – something I’d been wanting to ask her all day.

  ‘Fi?’

  ‘Yes, Caitlin?’

  ‘Have you always done this? Walk around the countryside and steal things off people?’

  Fi shrugged. ‘Pretty much. I’ve been on the road my whole life.’

  ‘So when you said you taught yourself to read – does that mean you never went to school either?’

  Fi snorted. ‘Of course I didn’t!’

  ‘Didn’t your parents mind?’

  Fi was silent.

  ‘No, Caitlin,’ she said. ‘They didn’t mind at all.’

  I frowned. ‘But … how? I mean, if my parents found out I wasn’t going to school, they’d kill me! Didn’t they say anything, or try to stop you, or …’

  ‘Just watch the river,’ Fi snapped, cutting me off. ‘The last thing we need is for you to crash into another bridge and get us spotted by the army. Especially when we’ve got a cow with us.’

  I glanced back at the cow. It was wearing a lifejacket and was clearly enjoying itself. I shook my head.

  ‘I just don’t understand why you stole …’

  ‘Caitlin,’ said Fi calmly, ‘if you say that one more time, I am going to kill you.’

  ‘Well,’ said Fi, ‘I guess that makes things a bit easier.’

  The castle was completely destroyed. All that was left of the army base was a pile of smoking rubble and a single tower that was barely standing. Across it, in blood-red paint, someone had drawn:

  ‘Obsidian Blade.’ Fi sighed. ‘Honestly, those guys get everywhere.’

  ‘Why did they blow up the castle?’ I said.

  ‘Because they’re nutters,’ said Fi. ‘They think the Monster is some kind of god.’ She glanced at me. ‘They don’t just kidnap people, you know – they sacrifice them. Break into their homes in the middle of the night and snatch them out of their beds.’

  I shivered. For a moment I was really glad I wasn’t on my own. I got the feeling Fi was too – I was sure I saw her step a little bit closer to me.

  ‘Well, we’re almost at Wanderly now,’ she said. ‘Let’s dump the boat and camp here tonight. We can walk into town first thing tomorrow.’

  Perfect – we were right on time for the meeting, and I was going camping! I used
to ask Dad if he’d take me all the time, but he never could – he was always too busy. I guessed there’d be plenty of time for stuff like that after I found him again.

  I wondered where Dad was now. Maybe he was camping out too somewhere, trying to find me. I wondered what he’d say when he saw me again.

  ‘Well, don’t just stand there,’ said Fi. ‘I’m supposed to be teaching you to read – remember?’

  I beamed. ‘Oh yeah! Shall I light us a campfire?’

  ‘I’m on it,’ said Fi, heaving a can of petrol out the cupboard.

  *

  I made us two little beds while Fi burned the boat down. It was just like a real campfire but with lots more smoke. We took turns reading the boat safety manual while it sank into the river beside us. I needed lots of help, but Fi was really good at teaching – she didn’t ever make me feel stupid, not once.

  Afterwards we settled down to a dinner of hot dogs and freshly squeezed milk and watched the river run by. The setting sun wrapped round us like a blanket.

  ‘This is nice,’ I said.

  ‘You bet,’ said Fi. ‘Roaring petrol fire, the open water – solitude. Everything you need.’

  I looked at her. ‘… Solitude?’

  ‘It means being on your own,’ said Fi.

  I shifted. I’d never thought anyone would want to be on their own.

  ‘Doesn’t that mean you get lonely?’ I said.

  Fi snorted. ‘Who cares about being lonely? When you’re alone, you’re safe. It means never having to worry about anyone tricking you or taking your things.’

  I frowned. ‘Speaking of which, have you seen my hat or—’

  ‘Plus,’ Fi interrupted, ‘when you’re alone, no one can hurt you. No one can lie to you or tell you you’re worthless. No one can make you do anything you don’t want. No one can come home in the middle of the night and start screaming at you.’

  Fi trailed off. There was a weird pause.

  ‘Has that actually happened to you?’ I said, amazed.

  Fi shuffled irritably on the ground.

  ‘Yeah, well,’ she muttered. ‘What would you know about being lonely?’