Wanting Shaw

by Terri Anne Browning

  Eventually, Violet fell asleep, but I didn’t dare move. She was exhausted, and I didn’t want to disturb her.

  I heard footsteps in the bedroom, followed by a brisk knock. “Girls?” Uncle Shane called out softly. “Are you two okay in there?”

  I yawned and stretched the kinks out of my shoulders. Glancing down, I saw Violet’s eyes had fluttered open, and I gave her a tiny smile. “We’re good,” I assured him. “Um, just an FYI, you might need to get someone to check your roof.”

  “What?” he practically squawked, and I grimaced.

  “It’s a long story. One I’m not sure I have time to tell right now.” If I got in trouble, I got in trouble. But Violet needed me more at the moment, so he would have to wait. I stroked my fingertips over Violet’s forehead, and my heart melted when her eyelids fluttered closed. “Just know that Violet is okay.”

  He sighed heavily. “That’s all that matters. I’ll save you girls some dessert,” he promised before I heard his footsteps retreating.

  While Violet fell back to sleep, I leaned my head back against the door and closed my eyes but continued to trace my fingertips across her brow.

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when I heard another knock on the door. My eyes snapped open, and I realized I must have dozed off.

  “Shaw?” Jagger’s voice was low and caused my heart to jump. “Baby, are you okay?”

  I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and blinked back the sting of tears. “Yeah,” I murmured softly. “I’m all right.”

  “How’s Vi?”

  I glanced down at her and saw the tear tracks on her pale cheeks. “I honestly don’t know,” I told him.

  As I spoke, I realized my ass was numb and so were my legs. Groaning quietly, I carefully lifted Vi’s head and tried to stand. Once I was on my feet, I opened the door. “Could you carry her to the bed for me?” I asked, without looking at his face.

  But he caught my chin and forced me to lift my gaze to meet his. “Don’t lie to me, Dimples. You’re not okay. Baby, please tell me what I can do to—”

  “Nothing,” I cut him off, my jaw clenching. “You can’t do anything. Except help me get Vi to bed so she doesn’t wake up sore tomorrow.”

  Chapter 14

  Jagger

  I finally knew why Shaw was so reluctant to be with me.

  She’d always said that she wanted what Luca and Violet had. That soul mate, forever kind of love that would complete her like her best friend had. Often, she’d rolled her eyes when Vi would talk about her plans for her and Luca’s future, but the longing had been deep in Shaw’s baby blues every time.

  Now, everything she’d always been secretly envious of was nothing more than the shattered pieces of Vi’s broken heart dropped at Shaw’s feet. It was to be expected that Shaw’s sudden disillusionment in that forever kind of love would make her scared of going through the same thing.

  Given the stunt I’d pulled that had caused all this shit to begin with, I couldn’t really blame her.

  I’d set out to push her away, but when I got just that, all I could think about was fighting to get her back.

  I just had to be patient and show her I would never let what happened to Violet happen to her heart.

  After trying to call her all of Friday morning and afternoon with no answer, I followed her to some huge-ass house in Santa Monica.

  The place was probably the biggest mansion in the county, with not just one, but two gates with multiple guards on duty that I had to get through. The party was for Remington Sawyer, and I wasn’t on the list. I had to get the Uber driver to park off to the side, and I called Ma, knowing she was the only one who could help me out.

  “Why do you want to go to this boy’s party?” she asked, distracted. She’d been busy all day getting Luca’s ass out of trouble with his coach. She’d told them he was sick and couldn’t make it to the Iron Bowl that weekend, and considering the game was against Alabama’s most hated rival, I figured the entire coaching staff was beyond pissed to have one of their star defensive players miss the game.

  I’d heard her arguing with someone on the phone only an hour or so before I’d left the house, and I knew she was about fed up with people in general for the day. She’d spent so much time dealing with Luca’s problem that she hadn’t spent any time at all with her father, and I felt bad about asking her to do this for me on top of everything else she had to take care of.

  But I needed to get in there and make sure Shaw was safe.

  “Vi and Shaw are at this party. I don’t want either of them to get in trouble or hurt, Ma,” I told her. “I won’t let what happened at that last party happen to either one of them again.”

  She blew out a tired sigh. “Give me a few minutes. I’ll see what I can do.”

  Ten minutes later, she texted me that my name was now on the guest list, and I glanced at the guard shack to see one of them on the phone. Grinning, I directed the Uber driver to go back to the gate. The guard who’d been on the phone rolled his eyes at me, but he opened the gate. The second guard station simply waved me through.

  A mile up the driveway, I saw the line of expensive cars and knew my own car wouldn’t have been out of place there, but the Uber driver’s sure as hell was. I handed the guy a hundred for his trouble and then stepped out. As I walked up the rest of the drive, I spotted Shaw’s car parked between a Lambo and a Ferrari, and I grinned.

  Unlike Cannon’s car, Shaw’s was more practical. It had every safety feature her parents could think of, and the thing was built as solid as a tank. Hell, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was completely bulletproof. It was amusing because Cannon was the one who had really needed this car. Shaw had always been the more responsible of the two and had handled Cannon’s wickedly fast death trap like a pro.

  When I got to the front door, I didn’t bother ringing the doorbell. As loud as the music was, I doubted anyone would hear it anyway. The door was unlocked, so I walked in and melted into the crowd as I searched for my girl.

  I’ve been to parties before that were wild, but this one had borderline depravity going on in almost every room. I spotted Shaw’s head overtop of most of the other people in the room, and it didn’t take much once I saw her to find Violet. Both of them stayed close to who I assumed was Remington Sawyer.

  He positioned himself between the girls and most of the other guests, keeping a protective hand on Violet’s back whenever someone tried to approach their small group. Knowing the guy was taking care of them helped me relax a little, and I was able to blend in.

  I had a few people come up to me and try to chat, mostly chicks who were already so lit I doubted they knew their own names—but they sure as fuck knew mine. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself in case Shaw and Vi kicked me out, but I didn’t have any interest in hooking up with anyone other than the legs-for-days blonde who was drawing every male—and some female—eye.

  Carefully, I let down those brave enough to approach me as gently as possible, so they didn’t want to slap me or toss their drink in my face while I kept my eyes on Shaw. All while trying to rein in my jealousy as guys winked at my girl, hit on her, and eye-fucked her from across the room.

  Most people recognized Shaw and greeted her as if they were lifelong friends, even though I was sure she’d never met a single person in the house other than me, Vi, and Remington. Shaw’s face was everywhere worldwide, so of course they knew who she was. She put on her work smile, the one she hid behind when she was uncomfortable or irritated but had to be polite for appearance’s sake.

  At one point, her eyes met mine, but other than a flicker of her lashes, she pretended like she didn’t see me.

  I kept my distance for a while longer, giving her time to have a little fun and cool down in case she was pissed at me.

  Remington and Violet started upstairs, but Shaw stayed behind. Figuring Vi would be safe with the other guy for a little while, I followed Shaw into a less populated part of the house. She glanced ov
er her shoulder once, and I knew she’d hoped I would follow her.

  My body hardened more and more with each step we took toward the back of the house. The music was still as loud here as it was in the front of the house, but the lack of noise from the other guests gave the room she walked into an intimate vibe.

  We were in a home office I noticed as I shut and locked the door behind me. A huge desk sat by the window with a plush roller chair behind it. Bookshelves lined one wall, while some expensive painting was the focal point of the opposite wall.

  The only light on in the room was a lamp in the far corner closer to the window, and Shaw crossed to look out at the lit-up back lawn, putting distance between us.

  Unable to stop myself, I followed her. When I was within touching distance, I caught her hips in my hands and jerked her back against me. I felt her sharp inhale as she melted against me, and I lowered my head to kiss her exposed neck.

  With her finally in my arms, my heart calmed down, and I just stood there breathing in her scent as I skimmed my lips up her neck to her ear.

  I could feel her giving in to what we both wanted, letting us have what we both needed. My heart started pounding against my ribs for an entirely different reason, and I began to turn her so I could kiss her sweet lips.

  But as soon as she lifted her lashes and met my gaze, I felt her stiffen. I saw the hurt and the anger that filled her baby blues, and my heart dropped into my stomach. Shit, I should have known it wouldn’t be this easy. Nothing about this girl ever was, and I loved that about her. But fuck, I just wanted us to be together.

  “Dimples,” I started, but she stepped back, putting distance between us once again.

  “No. I’m not playing this game with you, Jags.”

  “Just give me—give us—a chance,” I pleaded. “I swear you won’t regret it.”

  “Yeah?” she demanded skeptically. “For how long? How long do you even want there to be an ‘us’?”

  “Until I draw my last breath,” I told her honestly, swallowing the lump that tried to fill my throat.

  Her eyes filled with tears, and I knew she wanted to give in, but her fear wouldn’t let her. “What happens when Cannon comes home?” she asked in a shaky voice. “He won’t like us being together. It’s why all this bullshit happened in the first place. You chose him over me once already, Jags. You’ll do it again.”

  “Never,” I vowed vehemently, cupping both sides of her face. “I swear to you, Dimples. I will always pick you. Over anyone or anything. You’re mine and I’m yours, baby. Just…let me show you.”

  “I…can’t,” she whispered, her chin trembling. “I don’t trust you not to hurt me. If Luca can do that to Vi, then it will be nothing for you to do the same. I’m not like Violet. I’m not strong enough to survive it if you break my heart again.”

  “That’s the thing, baby. You aren’t Vi.” I wiped away one of her tears as it spilled down her cheek. “And I’m sure as hell not Luca. You shouldn’t be comparing yourself—or us—to anyone. It’s you and me, not them. I can’t promise you it will be okay for Violet and Luca, but I can sure as hell swear on my soul that I will never hurt you.”

  She was weakening. I could feel it in the way her body trembled as she fought not to melt against me. I pulled her even closer, making the temptation that much harder for her to resist, and I lowered my head to her ear. “From this day forward, you are my number one priority. I will walk across broken glass, crawl on my stomach across hot coals, just to be with you. I know I’ve messed up in the past, but that will never happen again, Dimples. I won’t allow Cannon, or anyone else, to ever come between us.” I nuzzled her ear with my nose, breathing in her sweet fragrance. “I fucking love you, Shaw.”

  “Jags,” she moaned, her forehead pressing against my chest.

  “Tell me you love me too, baby,” I pleaded.

  “I…I do,” she choked out. “But we can’t be together. I don’t trust you with my heart.”

  “Godsdamn it, Shaw,” I groaned, my hands grasping her hips hard. “I’m not going to break your heart. I swear to you.”

  “Luca made those same promises,” she snapped, jerking away from me. “And if he can’t keep them, I sure as fuck am not going to believe you will.”

  I raked my fingers through my hair in frustration. “Stop comparing me to him!” I growled. “Luca has always been a tantrum-prone asshole. It was why he was always getting in trouble when we were younger. I have more self-control than him. I don’t let my temper or the need to one-up people rule my life.”

  “You set me up to find you with another girl,” she said with a shrug, but the anger on her face couldn’t hide the way her voice cracked or the way her chin trembled. “I got the hint loud and clear, Jagger. I won’t give you another chance to do that to me again.”

  “I fucked up!” I exploded. “But I’ve learned my lesson.”

  “So did I.” Her voice was as hard as her eyes had just become.

  “Baby—”

  “I learned never to let anyone have access to my heart. I learned that no guy is ever legit when he tells a girl he loves her.” She wrapped her arms around herself, as if she were suddenly cold. “But I also learned that the best way to get over the guy who tore your heart out of your chest is to get under another one.”

  I stumbled back as if she’d physically hit me. “You hooked up with someone?” Jealousy and desperation made my voice shake with rage. “Who was it?” I just needed a name. I’d find the fucker who touched my girl and bury him.

  A smirk teased at her lips. “That’s none of your business.”

  I grabbed her wrist and jerked her roughly against me. My mouth slammed down on hers, kissing away her memories of the bastard who had gotten to taste what was mine. She kissed me back, her fingers thrusting into my hair and holding me to her as we devoured each other hungrily.

  When we were both desperate for oxygen, I pulled back enough to growl, “His name, Dimples.”

  She shoved me away from her. “I haven’t hooked up with anyone, dumbass. I wasn’t even talking about myself.”

  Confused, I scrubbed my hands over my face. My jealousy faded enough for me to see clearly again without an angry red haze narrowing my field of vision. “Then who the fuck were you talking about?” I demanded.

  “Vi,” she said with a casual lift of one shoulder. “I’m pretty sure she’s under Remington right now.”

  “What?” Fuck. Ma was going to kill me if something happened to Vi again. I never should have let her go upstairs with that guy by herself. But I’d wanted some alone time with Shaw to talk and thought Violet would be safe with him.

  “He’s got the biggest crush on her,” Shaw informed me. “And he’s a nice enough guy, I guess. He even made her smile a few times in the past couple months, which is really a small miracle if you ask me.”

  Swinging around, I sprinted for the door. “Where is his room?”

  “No clue,” she called after me. “I’ve never been here before.”

  I glanced at her over my shoulder and saw she wasn’t following me. Muttering a curse, I jogged back and grabbed her hand before pulling her with me out of the office. Upstairs, I opened one door after another, frantically looking for my little cousin. With my luck where that girl was concerned, I wouldn’t reach her in time, and she’d probably end up pregnant or with an STD or some shit she couldn’t get rid of. Ma would kill me for sure because I’d told her I only wanted to go to this damn party so I could watch out for the girls.

  Finally, I shoved a door open and found Violet sitting up on a bed with Remington right beside her. It wasn’t hard to see that they were about to kiss, and since Vi’s lips weren’t swollen, I figured I was right on time.

  As the door bounced off the wall from where I’d thrown it so forcefully, Remington moved so he was blocking Violet protectively. I had to give the guy points for trying to save her. It made me relax a little, knowing she’d been safe from other dangers with him. But she obviously hadn
’t been safe from him taking advantage of her in her vulnerable state.

  “Let’s go, Violet,” I told her as I stomped over to the bed. She sat there glaring up at me with her mouth gaping open in disbelief. Reaching her, I lifted her and tossed her over my shoulder. She barely weighed anything at all, but she started punching me in the back, and I couldn’t contain the groan when she landed a painful blow to my kidney.

  “I don’t want to go yet!” she yelled.

  “Too fucking bad,” I snapped at her and paused at the end of the bed to look at Remington. “Look, I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. Yes, I crashed your party, but only because these two chicks are insane when they get to drinking together, and someone needed to watch them. This girl is my family, and I can’t let her screw around with you. She’s underage and just got out of a lifelong relationship.”

  “He knows all of that, dumbass,” Violet snarled at me. “Now, put me down. Remington is my friend.”

  “Looks like he was trying to be friends with benefits.” I tightened my hold on her. “You’re too young to be having sex with anyone, Vi.”

  “Oh, fuck you!” she screamed and started kicking her legs. I quickly trapped them, so I didn’t drop her or, worse, fall with her in my arms. “Don’t stand there being a hypocrite when I know for a fact that you’ve been dicking around since you were fourteen.”

  I glanced over at Shaw, but her tight jaw told me she was aware of little detail about me. Fuck. It sucked sometimes that she already knew everything about me. My past could only be used against me.

  “That’s different,” I grumbled as I started to leave the room.

  “Why?” she yelled. “Because you’re a guy?”

  “Because I wasn’t in love with someone else,” I told her instead. I hadn’t been in love with anyone at the time, and I’d only been thinking with my dick back then.