I cleared my throat slightly. “I’m not dating anyone at the moment, and I’m not looking to.”
“But you’ll make out with some trashy jackass in front of the whole school?” Matthew’s gaze met mine like a challenge. There was something so self-righteous and antagonistic about it, like he was looking for a fight. Like I’d done something to him, personally, by kissing another guy.
What the hell gave him the right?
One of his friends snickered and I had the sudden realization that we were suddenly like Tina and Alex. A melodramatic couple that could always be counted on for a good spat.
But that was so not me. And also? We were so not a couple. I don’t know what had been going through Matthew’s head but it was clear he took my interest in Connor as some sort of rejection of him.
Which was so warped in so many ways. How could I nicely tell him that he’d never even been on my radar? Even if Connor had never come along, I would never have dated Matthew.
Matthew glanced over at his friends again in a move I was starting to get. They weren’t here for moral support, they were his audience. They were the bro version of a Greek chorus.
Their silence seemed to egg him on in some way and when he turned back his eyes flashed with nastiness. “From what I hear you’re slumming it with that new kid.”
After a moment of shocked silence I felt a hysterical laugh bubbling up in my throat. New kid? There was nothing “kid”-like about Connor. And slumming it? Really?
One of his friends muttered something that made the others laugh. I caught the word prude in there and that was enough to let me know that I no longer had that reputation thanks to my epic kiss with Connor in the parking lot.
I honestly couldn’t care less if people thought I was a prude or a slut. Those words meant nothing to me. They were meaningless, just like kind and nice, just like perfect and tough. Life was never so cut and dry, and I guess I was finally starting to realize that.
Oddly enough that just made me feel even more guilt over what I’d said to Connor. I had no right to judge him just like these guys had no way of knowing what was really going on with me or between me and Connor.
Matthew’s attention was back on me. His chest puffed out making him look like a stereotype of himself. “You should stay away from him,” he said.
I sucked in air so quickly I got lightheaded. This somehow was so much worse than being the butt of their jokes. Was this dickhead honestly trying to protect me? From Connor?
“Do I look like I need you to protect me?” I said. I couldn’t have kept the laughter out of my voice if I’d tried. I mean, I was an athlete, for God’s sakes. I wasn’t some helpless girl who needed macho Matthew to come to her defense.
He ignored that, his entire demeanor taking on a sort of knight-in-shining armor vibe that was simultaneously hysterical and alarming. He lowered his voice as though we were having some sort of private tête-a-tête and not a very public encounter.
“He’s bad news, Jules,” he said.
I stiffened, my amusement fading fast. Connor might be a lot of things but he wasn’t a bad guy. He was kind and generous in a way that Matthew could never understand. “You don’t know him,” I said, my voice just as stiff as my posture.
Matthew’s face twitched. I don’t know how else to put it. That mask of concerned knight flickered with anger or maybe disgust. “Neither do you.”
Anger flowed through me fast and fierce. How dare he? Seriously, how dare he presume to know anything about me or Connor? I straightened to my full height which was perfectly even with Matthew. “Maybe you mean well, Matthew, but I don’t need you looking out for me.” You’re not my boyfriend. You’re not even my friend. I stopped myself from saying something so outright antagonistic. I wanted to shut down this conversation not turn it into a full-blown fight.
“He’s taking advantage of you,” Matthew cut in.
“What are you talking about?” I shook my head, vaguely aware that my friends were stepping in closer, ready to have my back. “Look, I don’t know where you got this idea that I need your help, but I promise you, Connor is not a bad guy.”
Matthew’s mouth twitched and his eyes hardened until I barely recognized him. “He’s got you fooled, Jules, don’t be an idiot.”
I heard my friends gasp with outrage as his friends smirked. The levels of testosterone were through the roof.
“Unlike you, I actually know Connor and I’m not an idiot—”
“That’s not what I heard.” Matthew’s comeback was so quick, I just knew he’d been waiting for an opening to insult my intelligence.
Judging by his barely concealed smirk and the snickers from his friends, they were well aware of my failing grades and they were openly judging me. Mocking me. Making it sound like I was some dimwit.
My mouth fell open. I had no idea what to say to that. One of my friends gripped my arm. Someone else said something cutting on my behalf. I tried to work up the appropriate anger but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I felt so removed from the situation, it was like I was watching it on TV.
That made it all the more dramatic when I heard that low, familiar, infinitely sexy voice directly behind me. “Then you heard wrong.”
Connor’s voice was like the voice of doom. No, it was the voice of God booming down from the heavens. Whatever it was, it was effective.
Everyone started, even Matthew.
Apparently no one had seen him come up behind us. We were all too involved in the scene I was inadvertently taking part in. I stood there, frozen in place. I don’t know why I couldn’t bring myself to turn around. Maybe because I knew that if I saw him right now there was every possibility that I’d lose my slim grip on sanity. I’d do something stupid like burst into tears and there was no way I wanted to lose it in front of Matthew and his friends.
After their shock subsided, the most amazing thing happened. Matthew and his friends disbanded. They walked away muttering nasty things about me, about Connor, possibly even about the whole team. I didn’t know and I didn’t care. One thing became supremely obvious. For all their machismo, they were scared of Connor.
Connor. Quite possibly the kindest guy I knew. A guy who might not have friends but who doted on his little sister and cooked every night for his overworked single mom. A guy who willingly slung Gina’s pink backpack over his shoulder without a thought to how silly he looked.
But Matthew and the others didn’t know any of that. All they saw was the big muscles and the tattoos.
God, people could be so shortsighted sometimes. Myself included, I supposed. I’d assumed Matthew was a good guy just because he smiled at me. I’d thought Aubrey was shallow just because she was into boys. I’d thought I was stupid because I didn’t do well in school.
I’d thought Connor didn’t care because he didn’t want a relationship.
But here he was, standing behind me. He quite literally had my back. I still hadn’t turned around because I was afraid of my reaction once I did. Whatever happened next between me and Connor, it was between us. I had no desire for an audience, not even my teammates. Especially not my teammates.
I felt the curious stares from Aubrey and the others but I studiously ignored them until they moved away too. Then we were alone. Well, we were in a gymnasium full of people decorating, but were alone to some extent. Only then did I turn around.
I wished I hadn’t. Seeing his eyes, seeing the way he looked at me—it was a punch in the chest. I couldn’t breathe it hurt so badly. I’d clearly made the right decision to fire him as my tutor because being anywhere near him was too painful for words.
“What are you doing here?” The words came out abruptly, but I’d only just realized how incredibly weird it was that he was here. I mean, it would have been odd for anyone who was not part of this fundraiser to be here but it was especially odd for Connor. He didn’t do school activities even when they were required.
“I came to see you.” Emotions swirled in his eyes but they we
re dark and unfathomable.
I swallowed down the flicker of excitement. Do not get your hopes up. My stern command went unheeded. I could feel hope rising inside me like a helium balloon, despite knowing full well that if he popped that balloon I would be heartbroken all over again. Maybe even worse than before. My freakin’ heart couldn’t take much more of this.
I crossed my arms over my chest as if my biceps might somehow be able to deflect a blow to the heart.
Finally he jerked his head toward Matthew and the others. “That guy is an ass.”
I felt my lips twitch with amusement despite myself. “I know.”
His expression was concerned. “You know he’s wrong, don’t you? You might be the smartest person I know.”
I hated how much I loved his words. I didn’t want to care what Connor thought. I didn’t want his words to affect me so much. Still, they were like balm on an age-old wound. I shrugged, feigning a cockiness we both knew I didn’t feel. “I know.”
His mouth hitched up on one side in the sexiest lopsided grin I’d ever seen.
I couldn’t breathe in the face of such hotness.
Crap. How did he do this to me? There were plenty of other guys out there. Ones who were more classically attractive. Ones who weren’t carrying a ton of baggage.
Ones who wouldn’t be able to break my heart.
So why did I have to go and develop feelings for this one?
I drew in a deep breath and forced myself to look somewhere other than his eyes. My gaze dropped to his chest. Big mistake. He filled out that black T-shirt in a way that ought to be illegal. His arms were crossed just like mine and the rippling muscles beneath those tattoos were mesmerizing.
I had so many questions but I didn’t know where to begin. So I stared at his chest, at those arms, at the tattoos—and I focused on everything that didn’t matter. “I don’t care what Matthew and the others think of me.”
“Good.” He’d said it so quickly it was clear he was just as uncomfortable as I was. “You’re too good for all of them.”
I let out a little snort of amusement. I opened my mouth to protest but my eyes met his and oh holy cow, his eyes were so hot. So intense.
“You’re too good for me,” he added.
I blinked at him, too overwhelmed by the undiluted desire and passion and emotions in his eyes to process. Once the words registered I shook my head. He couldn’t be pushing me away again. Why would he come all this way just to reject me again?
“It’s true,” he said, taking a step closer so it was just the two of us. If there was anyone else in this gymnasium or in the world at large, they ceased to exist. For me, at least.
He reached out and cupped my cheek. The movement wasn’t overt but it made my heart stop before starting again at a gallop. “You are too good for me,” he said quietly. “Because you’re not only smart, but you’re kind and you’re generous and, most of all, you are fearless.”
I shook my head slightly. “That’s not true.” I had to clear my throat to speak. Even then it was hard to hear my voice over the pounding of my heart in my ears. “I’m not fearless.”
His small smile lit up the room. It was a genuine smile. One of appreciation and adoration and a million other wonderful things. There was nothing rueful or bittersweet about it.
It was an awesome smile.
He leaned down until our faces were so close it was painful not to close the distance and kiss him. “Well, you seem fearless to me.”
I almost kissed him, but I stopped myself. We had things to sort out. And what he was saying, he was wrong. It seemed imperative that I make him understand. So rather than kiss him, I clutched his arms, holding myself back even as I gave in to the urge to touch him. I tried not to be distracted by his warm hands on the side of my face, of the way his thumb was stroking my jaw line, so very close to my lips.
I licked my lips and heard his low groan.
Oh yeah, I was so not alone with these overwhelming desires.
“I’m not fearless,” I said. “I have fears just like everyone else. But I think being brave means acting anyways. Not letting the fear stop you from going after what you want.”
His eyes were so serious when they met mine. “I’ve been such an idiot,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”
In his eyes I saw the regret, the pain, the understanding. My heart nearly burst right then and there. I drew in a deep breath to keep from crying from all the emotions that were trying to get out.
“I guess I didn’t have great examples of being brave,” he said slowly. “So I’m kind of an idiot when it comes to this love stuff.”
The word love knocked the wind out of me. I didn’t know if I was standing right side up or if I was upside down. Or maybe the world had just spun on its axis.
Oh holy hell, he loves me.
I grinned up at him, a breathless laugh escaping as the reality of it hit me. He loved me. And I loved him.
I forced my brain to work. He was waiting for a response and my tough guy looked so vulnerable it nearly did me in. “You’re not an idiot,” I said, leaning in so my body brushed against his. “You just need a good teacher.”
He let out a soft laugh as he slid his hands down so I was wrapped up in his embrace. “Do you know of any good tutors?”
I smiled. “I have someone in mind.”
His smile faltered a bit and I saw the regret and pain in his eyes. “Jules, I’m so sorry, I should never have—”
I cut him off with a kiss. His lips were firm and warm against mine and after his initial shock, he pulled me against him and kissed me so fiercely I knew he was trying to show me just how much he felt. Just how much I meant to him.
I knew because I was doing the same thing. I ignored the hoots and teasing calls from the people around us as I kissed him with everything I had. I tried to show him that I understood because neither of us was perfect.
But that didn’t mean we weren’t perfect for each other.
Epilogue
Connor
One year later, I found myself kissing my girlfriend in the exact same spot where we’d officially started our relationship.
The high school gym wasn’t exactly a romantic spot but it was kind of our place. Juliette kicked butt on this court during basketball season and this year I’d helped her organize the team’s annual fundraiser.
“I can’t believe you did all this,” she said, looking around at the decorations.
I shrugged. “It’s just some crepe paper and balloons.” We both watched as Gina ordered Aubrey and Stephanie to move a little to the left as they hung the sign above the doorway. “And I had help.”
“Still,” Juliette squeezed my hand. “You went above and beyond for me and my team.”
I rolled my eyes, starting to get uncomfortable at all this praise. “You needed to focus on your college applications,” I reminded her. “And I had the time.”
Her laugh was one of disbelief. “Right, I forgot about all that free time you have between taking care of Gina, helping me with my homework, applying to colleges, and rehearsing with your band.” She pretended to be concerned. “You must be so bored.”
I laughed as I pulled her against my side, loving the way she fit perfectly against me. I almost said something super cheesy like, “I can do anything with you by my side.” But I resisted the urge. She’d been giving me enough grief lately over my sappy, sentimental ways.
No one was more surprised than me to find out that I was actually quite the romantic. Well, with Juliette, at least. I couldn’t imagine being so mushy with anyone other than her.
This girl had my heart and I wanted her to know it.
Judging by the way she grinned up at me, happiness clear in her eyes, I’d say she knew how much she was loved.
Turned out I was better at this love thing than I’d thought. It took a little while to learn how to trust—myself and her. But by the time summer rolled around, I’d learned to have faith—in her, in me, and in us.
&
nbsp; For her part, Juliette learned how to be open with the people she loved. She stopped trying to be everything for everybody and was even starting to ask for help from her teammates and her family when she needed it.
She always tells me that I gave her the confidence that she needed—that my unconditional loved helped her to see that she didn’t need to be perfect to be accepted, and that she wouldn’t be letting people down if she had some flaws.
I don’t know if I could really take that kind of credit, but I do believe that finding love helped us both become stronger in different ways. We’re two very different people, but maybe that’s what makes us such a perfect fit.
“Have you heard from NYU yet?” she asked. She’d been asking me that almost every day since I’d applied for early admission.
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
Juliette gave me a sympathetic grimace. She knew how badly I wanted to live in New York. What better place to keep working on my music? She was more worried about it then I was, to be honest. Even if I didn’t get into my dream school, I’d end up in New York eventually. Hopefully with Juliette at my side.
She’d applied to schools with good basketball programs and she and Mrs. Abney felt pretty confident that with her solid grades last year, not to mention her mad basketball skills, she’d get into a good school in the northeast.
I’d told her she didn’t have to apply to schools near New York for my sake. I had so much faith in us that I knew we could make this work even with some distance between us, but Juliette had been insistent. Not only had she fallen in love with some of the basketball teams in the greater New York area, but she swore that she couldn’t get through college without her favorite tutor on hand.
This was total crap, of course. She was only teasing, but it was sweet of her to say. We’d long since stopped with official tutoring. I still helped her when she needed it but she’d become far more confident in learning on her own. I think she’d figured out that she wouldn’t always be able to absorb information in traditional means, but now she knew tricks that worked for her.
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