Beneath This Man (This Man Trilogy)

by Jodi Ellen Malpas

  ‘Do they?’ I blurt.

  He almost laughs. ‘Yes, they do.’ He drops his eyes, ‘I wasn’t sure if you still did after…’ His teeth start a vicious workout on his bottom lip, ‘Well, after I had my little meltdown.’

  I inwardly laugh. Little meltdown? Bloody hell, what would be a big meltdown? Women tell him they love him? What women and how many are there? I screw my face up in my own private disgust. I’m extremely uncomfortable with how resentful I’m feeling about any other woman having him or loving him. I need to put these thoughts right out of my mind and fast. No good could come of me knowing.

  ‘I love you.’ I reinforce my words, almost grinding them out, like I’m telling all of those women who claim to love him too. I feel his whole body relax over me before he continues slowly circling deep inside me.

  Pulling him down onto me, I wrap my entire body around him. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but then it occurs to me; I’m in love with a man and I have no clue how old he is.

  ‘How old are you, Jesse?’

  He pulls his face up and I can see the cogs of his mind start revolving. I know he’s thinking whether or not he should just tell me his real age and stop with his silly diversion. ‘I can’t remember.’ He frowns.

  Oh, I might be able to play this to my advantage. I think we may have got to thirty-ish. ‘We were at thirty three.’ I prompt.

  He smirks at me. ‘We should start again.’

  ‘No!’ I pull his face down and rub my nose across his rough cheek. ‘We got to thirty three.’

  ‘You’re a rubbish liar, baby.’ he laughs, nuzzling into my face. ‘I like this game. I think we should start again. I’m eighteen.’

  ‘Eighteen!’ I exclaim.

  ‘Don’t play games with me, Ava.’

  ‘Why won’t you just tell me how old you are?’ I ask exasperated. It really doesn’t matter to me. He’s forty, maximum.

  ‘I’m thirty one.’

  I sag beneath him dramatically. He does remember. ‘How old are you?’

  ‘I just told you, I’m thirty one.’

  I narrow displeased eyes on him and one side of his mouth lifts into a semblance of a smirk. ‘It’s just a number.’ I moan. ‘If you ask me anything in the future, I won’t answer – not truthfully, anyway.’ I threaten.

  His semblance of a smirk falls away immediately. ‘I already know everything I need to know about you. I know how I feel and nothing you could tell me will make me feel any different. I wish you felt the same.’

  Oh, that’s below the belt! It wouldn’t make a jot of difference to the way I feel about him. I’m just curious, that’s all. I wish he would just give up the ghost. I’m already distracted by him and his challenging ways and we still haven’t really talked, but I do feel so much better, not empty and hollow anymore.

  ‘You said before that I might run a mile if I know.’ I remind him. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

  He laughs. ‘No, you’re not.’ He sounds very confident. ‘Ava, you’ve found out the worst about me and not run a mile. Well, you did, but you came back.’ He kisses my forehead. ‘Do you honestly think I’m bothered about my age?’

  ‘Then why won’t you tell me?’ I ask exasperated.

  ‘Because I like this game.’ He resumes nuzzling into my neck.

  I heave a sigh and increase my squeeze around his warm, sweat dampened shoulders and my thighs around his tight hips. ‘I don’t.’ I grumble, burrowing my face into his neck and breathing him into me. I exhale in contentment and trace my fingers across his firm back.

  We lay silent and completely immersed in each other for the longest time, but when I feel his body shaking, it diverts my thoughts to what lies ahead for us. His shaking body is a reminder of the hardest challenge of all.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I ask nervously. What should I do?

  He squeezes me tight. ‘Yeah, what time is it?’

  That’s a point. What time is it? I hope I’ve not missed Dan’s call. I wriggle under Jesse and he moans into my neck. ‘I’ll go check the time.’

  ‘No, I’m comfy,’ he complains. ‘It isn’t that late.’

  ‘I’ll be two seconds.’

  He grumbles and lifts himself slightly to slip out of me and then heaves his body off of mine, rolling onto his back. I jump up to go and find my phone, discovering it’s nine o’clock and Dan hasn’t called. That’s a relief, but I do have twelve missed calls from Jesse.

  Huh? I walk back into the bedroom and find him sat up against the headboard, brazenly naked and unashamed. I look down at myself. Oh, so am I.

  ‘I’ve got twelve missed calls from you.’ I say in confusion, holding my phone up to him.

  A disapproving look jumps up on his face. ‘I couldn’t find you. I thought you had left. I had a hundred heart attacks in ten minutes, Ava. Why were you in the other bedroom?’ He fires the words accusingly at me.

  ‘I didn’t know how things stood.’ I may as well be honest.

  ‘What does that mean?’ he asks skeptically.

  He sounds offended. Has he forgotten about our little exchange of words last Sunday? ‘Jesse, the last time I saw you, you were a stranger who told me that I was a prick tease and had caused you untold damage. Forgive me for being a bit apprehensive.’

  His affronted look falls away instantly and is replaced with one of regret. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.’

  ‘Right,’ I sigh.

  ‘Come here.’ He pats the mattress and I walk over to slide in beside him. We lay on our sides facing each other, our heads resting on our bent forearms. ‘You’ll never see that man again.’

  I hope I don’t, but I’m doubtful of his confidence. One drink and I could be faced with the menacing brute, who I really don’t like very much. ‘Will you never drink again?’ I ask nervously. Now is as good a time as any to get the information I need.

  ‘No.’ He places his fingertip on my hipbone and circles lightly.

  I shiver. ‘Never?’

  He pauses mid-circle. ‘Never, Ava. All I need is you and for you to need me. Nothing else.’

  I frown. ‘You already made me need you, and then you destroyed me.’ I say quietly. I don’t mean to make him feel guilty, but it’s the truth. I can feel myself falling into the needing realms again, after just one love making session, and I really didn’t want to go there.

  He inches closer to me so our noses are nearly touching and his hot, minty breath is spreading all over my face. ‘I will never hurt you.’

  ‘You said that before.’ I remind him. Yes, he said he wouldn’t hurt me intentionally last time, which was a justified cause for concern, but he still said it.

  ‘Ava, the thought of you in pain, emotionally or physically, is appalling to me. Completely unspeakable. I feel crazy just thinking about it. What I’ve done to you makes me want to plunge a knife straight through my own heart.’

  ‘That’s a bit over-the-top, isn’t it?’ I blurt, completely shocked.

  He scowls at me. ‘It’s the truth, just like I feel violent when I imagine another man lusting after you.’ He shakes his head, as if shaking away images that are cropping up in his mind. ‘I can’t tell you how serious I am.’

  Oh my God. He is completely serious. His face is straight, his jaw clenched. That’s absolutely unreasonable. ‘You can’t control everything.’ I say on a furrowed brow.

  ‘Where you’re concerned, I’ll try my best, Ava. I already told you, I’ve waited too long for you. You’re my little piece of heaven. Nothing will rob you from me. Nothing.’ He presses his lips to mine to seal his declaration. ‘As long as I have you, I have purpose and reason. That is why I won’t be drinking and that is why I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. Understand?’

  Actually, I don’t think I do, but I nod anyway. His determination and grit is commendable but ridiculously ambitious. What does he think will happen to me? I can’t be stitched to his hip permanently. Crazy man.

  I reach
forward to brush my thumb over the jagged line of his scar. ‘How did you get this?’ I try my luck. I know he won’t answer me, and I know it’s a sore subject, but I’m compelled to extract as much information as I can. I now know the worst of him so what harm can it do?

  He looks down at my hand on his scar and sighs. ‘Inquisitive this morning, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ I confirm. I am.

  ‘I already told you, I don’t like talking about it.’

  ‘You’re holding back on me.’ I accuse, and he rolls onto his back on a heavy sigh and rests his forearm across his face. Oh no, he’s not evading this. I straddle his hips and pull his arm away. ‘Why won’t you tell me about your scar?’

  ‘Because, Ava, it’s in my past where I want it to stay. I don’t want anything affecting my future.’

  ‘It won’t. It’s doesn’t matter what you tell me. I’ll still love you.’ Does he not understand that?

  I frown when he smirks. ‘I know.’ he says too confidently. He’s pretty cock sure of himself this morning. ‘You already told me that when you were legless.’ he adds.

  I did? I don’t remember that either. I told him a lot when I was drunk. ‘So why won’t you tell me?’

  He places his hands on the juncture of my thighs. ‘If it won’t change how you feel about me, then there is little point in tarnishing your pretty little head with it,’ He raises his eyebrows, ‘Is there?’

  ‘I’m not going to tell you anything if you ask me.’ I sulk.

  ‘You already said that.’ He sits up and seals our lips, my arms mechanically wrapping around him, but then I think of something else.

  ‘Did you ever find out how the gates came to be open and the front door too?’ I try my hardest to sound casual.

  ‘What?’ he pulls away from me, looking perplexed.

  ‘When I came to The Manor on Sunday, the gates opened without me pressing the intercom and the front door was ajar.’ I know it was her.

  ‘Oh. The gates malfunctioned, apparently. Sarah had it sorted out.’ He pushes his lips to mine again.

  ‘That’s very convenient. Did the manual front door malfunction too?’ I ask, my sarcasm potent. I bet she had it sorted, and I can’t believe he bought that feeble explanation. I know what happened. The tramp intercepted my message, relishing the thought of me turning up unannounced and discovering The Manor’s offerings.

  ‘Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, lady.’ He gives me a very scornful look, but I don’t care. That woman is a deceitful tramp. Oh, I feel full of determination all of a sudden, but slightly sympathetic for Jesse. He actually thinks she’s a friend? Should I share my verdict? ‘What would you like to do today?’ he asks.

  Oh shit! I’ve got to see Dan today and I can’t take Jesse with me. What would that look like? I can hardly introduce Jesse to Dan. That’s a disaster waiting to happen, what with Dan’s older brother protectiveness and Jesse’s trampling tendencies. How am I going to play this?

  ‘Well, there’s just one thing I have...’ Jesse’s phone starts ringing, halting my announcement.

  ‘For fuck sake,’ he curses, lifting me from his lap and placing me on the bed. He gets up and answers his phone before walking out of the bedroom. ‘John?’ He sounds a little impatient.

  I lay on the bed, running through all of the ways I can break it to him that I really must go and meet Dan. He’ll understand.

  ‘I’ve got to go to The Manor.’ he says sharply, stalking back into the room and heading for the bathroom.

  Again? I haven’t even asked him what dragged him there last night, and I notice Kate hasn’t called me back. ‘Is everything okay?’ I ask. He looks pissed.

  ‘It will be, get ready.’

  What?

  Oh no! I am not going to that place! I’ve still got to wrap my head around it all. He can’t make me go.

  I hear the shower turn on and I jump up to go and explain my reluctance, walking into the bathroom and finding him in the shower already. He smiles knowingly and gestures for me to join him. I walk in and grab the sponge and shower gel, but he takes them from me and loads up the sponge himself before turning me around and beginning to wash me down. I stand quietly, searching my brain for a way to approach this, as he works the sponge slowly across my body. Surely he won’t have a hissy fit over my unwillingness.

  ‘Jesse?’

  He kisses my shoulder blade. ‘Ava?’

  ‘I really don’t want to come.’ I blurt, and then scold myself for not being a little more tactful.

  He pauses with his swirling circles for a few moments before he continues. ‘Can I ask why?’

  He can’t be so thick-skinned he has to ask that question. It should be perfectly obvious why I don’t want to go. And anyway, I never really wanted to go before I knew what went on there, but that was because of a certain acid tongued, pouty lipped beast. Now, she doesn’t bother me so much, although we still haven’t discussed her little involvement in Jesse’s life. It’s yet another subject up for discussion.

  ‘Can you just give me some time to get used to it?’ I ask apprehensively, while mentally begging for him to understand and be reasonable.

  He sighs and wraps his forearm around the tops of my shoulders, pulling me back to him. ‘I understand,’

  He does?

  He kisses my temple. ‘You’re not going to avoid it forever, are you? I still want my new bedroom designs.’

  I’m in shock at his reasonableness. No questions, no trampling or sense fuck – just an okay? Have we turned a corner? This is good, and as for the new extension? I hadn’t given it a thought, but he’s right. I can’t avoid the place forever. ‘No. Anyway, I’ll have to come to oversee the works once we finalise the designs.’

  ‘Good,’

  ‘What’s going on at The Manor?’

  He releases my shoulders and starts washing my hair with his men’s shampoo. ‘The police turned up last night.’ he says, totally detached.

  I tense all over. ‘Why?’

  ‘It’s just some idiot playing games. The police rang John this morning to arrange a few interviews. I can’t get out of it.’ He turns me around and places me under the spray to rinse my hair. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ I assure him. I won’t tell him why it’s fine. I can meet Dan without worrying about a Jesse style trample. ‘Kate was at The Manor last night.’ The concern in my voice is obvious.

  ‘I know,’ His eyebrows rise. ‘It was quite a surprise.’

  ‘Was she okay?’

  ‘Yes, she was fine,’ He kisses my nose and slaps my bum. ‘Out you get.’

  I jump out of the shower, set about drying myself and use Jesse’s toothbrush after he’s finished with it, being too lazy to cross the landing and retrieve my own. I walk into the bedroom to find him ready, looking delicious in some worn jeans and a simple white t-shirt. He’s still quite overgrown, though.

  ‘I’m going,’ He smothers my face with kisses. ‘Have lace on when I get home.’ He winks and leaves.

  I waste no time. I grab my phone immediately to call Dan, and we arrange to meet at Almundo’s, a little coffee house in Covent Garden. I run across the landing and dress in record time, calling down to Clive to order me a cab between drying my hair and pinning it up. I’m super excited.

  Chapter 6

  When I walk into Almundo’s, I scan my eyes across the masses of people having their Sunday morning brunch and spot him sat in the corner with his face in the Sunday paper. He looks so well, all tanned and dazzling. I fly across the café and all but dive on him.

  ‘Whoa!’ he laughs. ‘Pleased to see me, kid?’ He wraps his arms around me, and I fall apart all over him. I’m so happy to see him and all of the built up stress and emotion of the last few weeks just spills out of me…again. ‘Hey, stop that.’ he scolds me.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I peel myself away from his body and sit beside him.

  He takes my hand in his. ‘Get rid of those tears, right now.’ He smiles. ‘This will be t
he best thing that ever happened to you. You’re well shot.’

  Oh, he thinks I’m in a state over Matt? Should I let him carry on thinking that? The alternative is explaining a whole lot of other shit, and I can’t do that. I would be here for months. I wipe my eyes. ‘I know. It’s been a shitty few weeks. I’m fine, really.’

  ‘Forget about him and get on with your life. You’ve got a lot to catch up with.’ He rubs my arm affectionately. ‘What about this other bloke who Matt’s been whining on about?’

  Damn, I was hoping to avoid all questions relating to Jesse’s involvement – wishful thinking, obviously. ‘His name is Jesse. It’s nothing. He’s just a friend.’

  ‘Just a friend?’ He eyes me suspiciously as my hand reaches up to find a stray tendril from my up-do.

  ‘Just a friend.’ I shake my head. ‘Kate had a spat with Matt and thought she would shut him up with a few stretched truths.’

  ‘So, there is an element of truth in it then?’ He raises his eyebrows.

  ‘No,’ I need to change the subject. ‘How are Mum and Dad?’

  He gives me a warning look. ‘Threatening to pay a visit to London and sort you out. Mum mentioned a strange man answering your phone last week. I suspect he might be the stretched truth?’

  Okay, my attempts at diversion have failed miserably. ‘Yeah, okay. Can we change the subject please?’ I sound ratty.

  Dan holds his hands up in defense. ‘Okay, okay. I’m just saying, be careful, Ava.’

  I sag and consider exactly what my parents will make of Jesse. Without even The Manor and his small drink issue, they still won’t be happy. He is obviously older than me, he might be stinking rich, but that won’t cut any cloth with Mum and Dad, and the fact that he likes a trample every now and again will not help matters. It’s near on impossible to hide my frustration when he’s being challenging. Mind you, his quick acceptance of my reluctance to go with him this morning might be the breakthrough I’ve been waiting for.

  We order coffee, water and pastries and chat about Dan’s job, Australia and his future prospects. He’s doing well. His friend is expanding the surf school business and wants Dan to partner him. I’m pleased for him, but quietly disappointed for my own selfish reasons. He won’t be coming home anytime soon.