Finding Strength: A Club Dark Novel

by Reagan Hollow

  “If I may?” Beth walks up behind us as we were walking away. “I suggest starting with the smaller items first, like your necessities and toiletries, our clients sometimes spend so much time picking out strollers and cribs that they forget to add diaper cream or a baby bath.” With that, she darts away, having more guests walking through the doors.

  Sounded like great advice to me, so we begin with bottles and bottle cleaners. I begin to scan a cheap little three pack of plastic bottles, with cute little Winnie the Pooh characters on them, when Amber slaps my hand out of the way.

  “Are you not going to breastfeed?” Well, truthfully, I haven't even thought about how I was going to feed this baby. I figured a bottle was as good a place as any to start.

  “I don’t know, Amber. This is all so new to me.”

  “Then, why don’t we add a breast pump to your registry so you’ll have one if you need it. And then we can scout out bottles.” Sure thing little momma.

  She guides me over to the different pumps this store carried. I feel like my brain's being squeezed between two bricks. Some of these have cords hanging out everywhere others had suction cups and handles to squeeze. I have no idea what I’m doing here.

  Seeing my frustration, Amber decides to throw me a bone, handing me a thick square box, the contents read, one pump with two electronic suctions. Among other things and I have no clue what any of it means.

  “If you insist,” I say and point the scanner at the two-hundred-dollar machine. I feel like it’s a waste.

  Moving on, I reach my hand back out for the bottles from before. I jerk back just in time to avoid another smack to the wrist. “What the fuck, Amber?”

  “Those bottles are really bad for gas in the belly. These,” she reaches up and pulls down something that just looks like an open cylinder with many holes around the sides. Umm, yea. How is my baby going to drink out of that?

  “This, is called a Nurser. It uses drop-in liners which help to keep the air out of the little tummy. It’s a genius bottle, I’d say.” Pointing my little shooter at the bottle, I add a Nurser to my list. Up next, was diaper and wipes. I gravitated, unintentionally, to the Pampers Swaddlers. For some reason, I cared that these looked like they’d feel way more comfortable on my baby's little bum. Once added, we moved on to smaller, yet important, items. Adding a basic tub, a diaper genie which apparently makes life simple because you don’t have to walk the ten extra feet to throw the diaper in the trash. Personally, I just see it as a waste, but add it anyway. We also added a few travel sized gift sets for when we decide to go on long trips.

  After walking around the store for about an hour, I find myself loosening up. Blocking out most of the outside world and focusing on essentials for my baby has allowed me the freedom of not worrying about everyone else around me. I’ve been far too busy ogling the tiny clothes and baby booties. Finally making our way over to the furniture department of the store, my eyes immediately fall on a crib set up on display. Seems like the whole package is here.

  The crib itself is a soft, cherry oak and made to mimic a sleigh. The head and foot curved at each end creating a sleek design. The information says it’s a four in one convertible, making it perfect for the baby to grow with. With the set, comes a waist high dresser with three draws and a changing station. I fall in love with the set instantly, making it the only one I add to the list. Though I’ll likely tell Cory about it as soon as we get home.

  Feeling dead on my feet, I manage to talk Amber in to wrapping up and returning the scanner back to the nice young girl, who already has my gifts and invitations ready and waiting to go as we make our way over to her. She hands me a bag full of samples and a bottle, before she wishes us luck and we walk out.

  “I’m famished,” Amber announces, no sooner than we make it out the doors.

  “I’m actually feeling pretty tired. Mind if we head back?”

  “Sure, babe, whatever you like.”

  We both clutch our stomachs in uncontrollable laughter.

  Being able to count my tiny blessings gets easier with each passing day, having a friend who brings some of the joy back, sure doesn’t hurt. She’s helped me to see the bright side in my situation.

  The day has come, where we get to see an official doctor. My nerves are set on edge and Cory notices. He’s suggests we take a ride on his motorcycle, and of course I agree.

  He takes me back to our meadow, and almost instantly the anxiety seems to just flow away as he helps me down off the bike. The weather’s just starting to get warm around here as it transitions from spring to summer. The beautiful flowers scattered throughout are in full bloom, giving us a nice scene.

  Cory sits right on the ground, legs spread and inviting. His jeans grow tight over his legs, showing off the perfect definition he’s worked hard for by running miles on the treadmill. His shirt spread taut across his flat stomach. He looks up at me with a sexy smile that meets his eyes, making my knees grow weak. I take his outstretched hand, allowing him to pull me to him, melting into his warm embrace, his chest to my back.

  My head leans back on his shoulder as his arms wrap around me. We sit here taking in the beauty around us.

  “Better?” He questions.

  “So much. Thank you.” He’s become so attuned to my needs lately.

  There’s nothing sexual in the way he holds me. I can feel the love radiating out of him, and not for the first time, I question how I could’ve ever gotten lucky enough to have this man.

  We sit in comfortable silence, soaking up the rays of the early summer sun, until reluctantly, we both climb to our feet, knowing it’s time to head to our appointment.

  Wrapping my arms tightly around his middle, I feel the bike rumble to life, the vibrations resonating deep in my bones. I’ve found that I like being on the back of his bike. The freedom and exhilaration that comes from such a powerful machine, mixed with an equally powerful body wrapped inside my arms, is an intoxicating mixture.

  He moves swiftly in and out of traffic. Each time his body leans, mine leans with it, moving in sync. Before I even have time to blink, we’re pulling up to a discreet little building with a tiny sign reading Dr. Kavanaugh fixed to the perfectly manicured lawn out front.

  The building is a one-story structure, not very large. Maybe just big enough to hold a few offices on the inside with a couple of patient rooms. I like that, a lot. The entire outside is made up of blacked out glass, giving a mirrored look as you walk by.

  Climbing down from the bike, with the help from Cory’s outstretched hand, I suddenly find my anxiety flaring once again. My face grows hot. Sweat trickles down my spine. My heart rate accelerates and all I want to do is bolt. I can’t explain why I’m having such a strong reaction, only that I suddenly no longer want to do this.

  I don’t want to see this doctor, I don’t want to discuss the events that happened with Aaron to a stranger, I don’t want to be pregnant, scared that I’m carrying the spawn of that monster.

  “Hey, hey now. Calm down, take a deep breath. I’m here with you, baby. You’re not alone, we will get through this together, no matter what.” Cory tries to soothe me, rubbing slow circles into my back. I’m sure I look like a basket case, doubled over, clutching my chest on the verge of a panic attack.

  “I’m scared,” I admit softly.

  “I am, too,” he confesses. I straighten to my full height, looking him in the eyes and letting him see everything I’ve been holding in.

  In a matter of seconds, he’s wrapping me in his arms, squeezing gently.

  “Lacey, you are the strongest woman I know. I admire your strength so much and can’t imagine how you have managed to get through everything that has been thrown your way. But baby, you no longer have to be that strong. Let go and let me take that burden from you.” What he’s asking, for me to hand over control after I’ve carried it for so long, it’s such a foreign concept to me.

  “I’m not sure I know how.”

  “I’ll show you,” he says pu
lling back and holding me at arm's length. “Don’t be afraid, baby. I’ll be here and will always catch you if you fall.” Tears begin to pool in my eyes. More and more, I find myself falling deeper in love with this man.

  I give him a slight nod, and he pulls completely back, grabbing me by the hand and leads us to the doors.

  Once inside, we’re met with a very cozy, laid back kind of waiting room. There’s only about six chairs total, giving the vibe that the practice stays low-key, and you’ll never have to wait too long to be seen.

  “Hi, welcome to Dr. Kavanaugh’s office. You must be Lacey! I’m Mary, and I’ll be getting you registered before you head to the back.” The older lady, looking to be somewhere in her late fifties, with her warm smile and graying hair, greets us from behind the counter. I smile back at her, beginning to feel a bit at ease. Between Cory being my solid anchor, and this stranger’s very happy and inviting mood, their behaviors are becoming contagious.

  “All I’ll need from you is a copy of your ID and insurance card. Also, if you were able to print out the registration package, I’ll take that as well.”

  I hand over the packet I had stuffed beneath my shirt for our ride over. Hard to hold onto anything when you’re on the back of a bike. I then give her my ID, but have found myself in an awkward dilemma. “I don’t currently have insurance.” I state, realizing just a little too late that I should have taken care of that prior to today's visit, but then, Cory speaks up beside me.

  “I’ve added you to my plan,” he says, digging his wallet from his back pocket, “she doesn’t have a card yet, but you should be able to use this.” He slides her a card from his wallet.

  I give him a look, but he doesn’t say a thing. He’s just full of surprises, isn’t he?

  “Perfect.” The kind lady says. “Just take a seat over there and I’ll get you all entered in.”

  We make our way over to the waiting chairs. I sink into the one closest to me, grabbing a magazine from the table for no other reason than to have something in my hands. “When did you add me to your insurance?” Not that it bothers me that he did, I would’ve just liked to have known. I have no way of paying for a policy of my own, that’s for sure. Though I do still have my savings and vow to pay him back.

  “Just after getting you back. I knew you were going to need on-going medical treatment. I didn’t want you to have yet another thing to worry about.”

  “I’ll pay you back…” I begin.

  “Absolutely not.” He interrupts me before I can say anything else. His tone and the look he gives me, tells me it’s not open for debate.

  “Mrs. Carter.” The lady from the desk stands in the doorway beside the reception area. “Follow me please.”

  She leads us down a short hallway to a bathroom at the end.

  “If you don’t mind, we’ll need a urine sample. There’s a small door on the inside to place your cup. Sir,” she addresses Cory, “here are your cards, if you’ll follow me.” She looks back at me, “We’ll be right here once you are done.” She gestures to another doorway not far down a hallway opposite the one we just came down.

  Quickly doing my business and placing the cup in the metal door, I wash my hands and join Cory inside the little room.

  Mary, the receptionist, is no longer with him, instead a younger male stands just inside the center of the room with one of those computer carts, typing to his heart's content.

  “State your name, please,” he says, without looking up. He looks so young, likely fresh out of college. I bet this is his first job too.

  “Lacey Carter.” I glance over at Cory, who’s staring intently at the young man.

  “Good morning, Miss Carter, my name is Henry. I am Dr. Kavanaugh’s nurse and I’ll be getting you prepared for your visit.” Still, his eyes are trained on his computer and his voice sounds scripted. I find him very frustrating and the fact that he can’t be bothered to look up while talking to me sets my nerves on edge. I guess every practice must have their asshole.

  Finally, his finger still over the keys and he looks up. He sees that I’m still standing in the doorway and a look of aggravation crosses over his face. This kid seems to have no bedside manners.

  “Here’s a gown,” he points at the paper looking piece of material on the medical bed, “you’ll need to fully undress and slip it on.” He finishes and rolls the cart through the door.

  Cory shoots to his feet.

  “Take a second to undress, I’ll be right outside.” He plants a gentle kiss on my forehead and follows the nurse from hell out into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

  Quietly, I walk over to the door, faintly making out their words.

  “Word of advice,” I recognize Cory’s voice, “if you ever address Lacey again, it’ll be with respect and your utmost attention. You will be lucky if I don’t have you fired and your ability to ever work in the medical field again stripped from you. But for now, make sure someone else assists my wife today, and any visit she may have in the future.”

  “Yes, sir.” I hear the young guy say, fear laced in his voice.

  I back away from the door, elated that he stood up for me, though not surprised at all. If I’ve learned anything lately, Cory doesn’t tolerate anyone upsetting the people he cares for.

  If there’s one thing I can't stand with the kids growing up in this generation, it’s their sense of entitlement and the fact they think they’re above everyone else. It took everything in me not to wring the boy's neck for being so openly disrespectful to Lacey. You work in a medical office around a bunch of hormonal pregnant women, if you can’t show just an ounce of compassion towards them, you have no business being there.

  I was serious about having him removed from this practice. I won’t go so far as to make sure he can never work in the medical field again, but he needs to go somewhere better suited for people like him. Like a psych ward maybe. I laugh to myself as I walk back into the little room Lacey was placed in.

  She seems to be happy with this place, though I would have rather had her see one of our family doctors. She insisted on a place more intimate, where she wouldn’t have to worry over who is going to deliver our baby when it’s time. Yes, our baby. Regardless, I’ll raise this child as if it were my own, if she’ll allow me to.

  “Everything okay?” She eyes me from her perch on top of the bed.

  “Just fine, actually. How are you feeling?” She gives me a questioning look, but doesn’t push the matter.

  “I’m okay.” She shoots me a genuine smile, melting my heart into a puddle.

  A soft knock comes from the door before it’s pushed open, revealing Mary from reception. She walks into the room with a small cart in tow.

  “Henry said he had an emergency and had to take off, so I’ll be taking over.” She smiles as she makes her way over to Lacey. This, this is the behavior of a professional, and the kid would do well to learn a thing or two from his colleagues.

  “I’m just going to get a few vitals and then the doctor will come see you.” She addresses Lacey and sets to work on getting what she needs to.

  After a few minutes of taking her blood pressure, temperature, weight, and asking a bunch of personal questions, the doctor comes walking through the door.

  She’s nothing special to look at, and I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. Only that she’s plain. She looks to be in her forties, her hair a natural blonde cut to her chin. Fine lines and wrinkles surround her features, giving the impression that she’s had an eventful life that’s required many different expressions. A little on the short side and rounder in the middle, she gives off a momma bear vibe and immediately, I feel at ease with Lacey’s choice in practices.

  “Hello, Lacey, I’m Dr. Kavanaugh. It’s a true pleasure to meet you.” She extends her hand to shake Lacey’s. “What brings you in to see me today?” She holds a folder to her chest.

  Lacey goes on to explain why she’s here, though she’s vague about it. I envy her courage, but I know she
struggles with it sometimes.

  “Based on your chart, you estimate your last cycle to be late April, early May, correct?” She pauses to make eye contact with Lacey, who only gives her a small nod. “Seeing that we are nearing the end of June, you are between eight to nine weeks, Which will give you an estimated due date of January 28th. That’s an estimate right now, we’ll need to do an ultrasound and some blood work to get a more accurate timeline.” I listen intently as the doctor starts rattling off the different things needed to be done at the early stages of pregnancy.

  “You must be the father-to-be?” The good doctor has her warm eyes trained on to me and for once, I choke. Words leave me, mind and all. I’m momentarily blank and the doctor gives me a strange look.

  “Actually, I’m not quite sure who the father is.” Lacey speaks up.

  I feel like such a fool. Freezing up just because I was addressed as the baby's father. What does that say about me?

  “Okay, so let’s start there, shall we?”

  Lacey takes a deep breath and shoots me a look. I give her a nod and hope that my eyes convey that I’m here if she needs me.

  How do I even do this? Tell a perfect stranger that no, the man sitting before you, this gorgeous man who has vowed to protect me and father a child that may not be his, may not be the father. That a vile, despicable man, who camouflaged himself as a gentle lover, only to turn out to be a beast, a monster wrapped in expensive clothing and pretty eyes, could be the father of my child. How do you even say such a thing?

  “I was raped!” I blurt out, might as well just rip the Band-aid off and let the wound air out.

  Surprise registers on the doctor's face briefly before she schools her features once again, swallowing deep. “Okay, Miss Carter, would you like me to clear the room so we can talk in private?” She glances over at Cory, I see her visibly flinch once her eyes land on his.

  “No ma’am, it’s a very big possibility that he may be the father, but even if he wasn’t, I’d still want him here.” I speak honestly.