“Stop.” He brushes his thumb across my lips and I lean my cheek against his hand. It’s quiet for a few minutes, and I don’t want to break the spell. Cam said he loves me. He knows I killed Brothers tonight and he’s not looking at me like I’m a monster. Sanda is alive and sleeping here next to me. There is even hope that Lily will be all right. I may have been living with people who were supposed to be my family before, but this is my real family.
I wish for the millionth time that Sam had lived to escape with me, that he could’ve met them. We both could’ve belonged here. For the first time I can remember, peace descends over me like a warm blanket. I’ve survived so much horror that a little peace is long overdue. But that’s the point, isn’t it? I did survive.
Maybe Nana was right. Maybe I am the strong one.
You’ll always be Piper. You’ll always be strong.
Sam’s words echo in my head and I’m filled with a sudden emptiness. I know it was never really him, that he was never there, but it seems he’s talking less and less. Maybe a time is coming when I won’t need to hear his voice to get me through the day, but there will never come a day when I won’t miss him. The ache in my chest is so strong it steals my breath away as Sam’s face flashes in my mind. His blond hair, blue eyes, crooked smile, and the dimple in only one cheek—I’m glad I can still see him so clearly. I have no pictures of him to refresh my memory. I take a slow breath but leave the stray tears on my cheek. Sam deserves to be remembered, to be wept for.
No. I still don’t regret what I’ve done.
“I need to know.” Cam’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. His expression is full of hesitation. “When I said I was sorry, I meant it. Do you think you can forgive me? Because I’m crazy about you, and I can’t imagine spending another day with you running away from me.”
Without a word, I slip out from under Sanda, resting her head gently on the cushioned chair. I wrap my arms around Cam’s neck and bury my face in his chest. His uninjured arm encircles me instantly and he rubs my back with his right hand. This is what I’ve needed all along. I needed someone to see who I am in spite of what I’ve done. Cam can see me, all of me, and he still loves me. It’s the best feeling in the world.
His arms set my world aright again, and I lean my face against his neck. The heat of his skin is surreal and so strong. I tighten my arms and drag him closer, enjoying the way he eases the ache in my heart.
I press my lips against his and only pull back to whisper the words I’ve never said to another living soul. “I love you, too. And I’m done running.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I’ve heard other authors refer to certain books as the “book of my heart,” and I think Piper’s story is mine. I have a few people to thank that Cut Me Free is finally out in the world.
First, I need to thank my family. To my mom and Krista, thank you for your feedback and for loving Piper enough to push me to keep working on it, even when it was a struggle. Thank you to Bill, Eric, Amanda, and Matt for reading and supporting me on this crazy path I’ve chosen. And to my husband, Ande, and our boys, Cameron and Parker, thank you for blessing my every day with laughter and love. Because you’ve given me such a wonderful life, Piper has the will to fight for something more.
To my girls: Thank you, L. T. Elliot, for being the first to see the beauty in Piper’s story. And thank you to Michelle Argyle, Natalie Whipple, Kasie West, Sara Raasch, Renee Collins, Candice Kennington, and Bree Despain. You helped me through the madness that is publishing. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have found friends like you!
Huge thanks to my kindred authors from all over: Nichole Giles, Jessica Brody, Jennifer Bosworth, Morgan Matson, Michelle Gagnon, Jessica Khoury, Marie Lu, Brodi Ashton, Emmy Laybourne, Jennifer Lynn Barnes, J. Scott Savage, Leigh Bardugo, Kendare Blake, Gretchen McNeil, Jennifer L. Armentrout, James Dashner, and Julie Berry. Whether at conferences, retreats, or just online, you’ve made this trip so much better by being a part of it. Love you all!
I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of some fabulous author groups that have been so good to me. Thank you to all the Lucky 13s for being so supportive and making the debut road easier to navigate. Thank you to the Friday the Thirteeners (Natalie Whipple, Kasie West, Ellen Oh, Erin Bowman, April Tucholke, Elsie Chapman, Shannon Messenger, Megan Shepherd, Mindy McGinnis, Alexandra Duncan, Brandy Colbert, and Renee Collins) for taking me in and feeling like a safe place in a scary time. And thank you to the YA Scream Queens (Lindsay Currie, Lauren Roy, Sarah Jude, Courtney Alameda, Trisha Leaver, Dawn Kurtagich, Hillary Monahan, and Catherine Scully) for making what I write feel so freaking cool.
To my agent, Kathleen Rushall, you’re my friend and advocate. Thank you for fighting my battles and celebrating my victories. You’re the best!
To my fantastic readers, I know your lives are busy and I am so glad you take time out of them to read my stories. Every e-mail I get from you brightens my day, and I’m so grateful you keep reading!
And of course, to my brilliant editor, Janine O’Malley, thank you for helping me polish this story until the truth of it could shine through. I’m so thrilled to be working with you! Thank you to Simon Boughton and Joy Peskin for always making me feel wonderfully welcome. To Angie Chen, thank you for putting up with my crazy questions and always having all the answers! Thank you to Andrew Arnold for capturing perfection in this brilliant cover and having the absolute coolest chair in the office (someday I hope to inherit the cover lock from you!). To Nicole Banholzer, Katie Fee, and Caitlin Sweeny, thank you so much for helping readers find Piper and her story. And to the rest of the Cut Me Free team at FSG, thank you for bringing Piper into the world. I am forever grateful for all you’ve done and continue to do.
Farrar Straus Giroux Books for Young Readers
175 Fifth Avenue, New York 10010
Copyright © 2015 by J. R. Johansson
All rights reserved
First hardcover edition, 2015
eBook edition, January 2015
macteenbooks.com
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The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:
Johansson, J. R., 1978–
Cut me free / J. R. Johansson.
pages cm
Summary: “A seventeen-year-old barely escapes her abusive parents and creates a new identity that is quickly compromised when her attempt to save a young girl attracts a deadly stalker”—Provided by publisher.
ISBN 978-0-374-30023-4 (hardback)
ISBN 978-0-374-30024-1 (e-book)
[1. Child abuse—Fiction. 2. Emotional problems—Fiction. 3. Stalking—Fiction. 4. Identity—Fiction. 5. Family—Fiction. 6. Mystery and detective stories.] I. Title.
PZ7.J62142Cut 2014
[Fic]—dc23
2014023371
eISBN 9780374300241
Cut Me Free Page 24