Woman of Innocence

by Lindsay McKenna

  “Good,” he murmured. “I need to know a little about you. About your background. That will help me to help you in formulating your base questions.”

  The sincerity in his voice shook her, and the earnestness in his slate-colored eyes warmed her to her quaking, cowardly soul. Jenny had never expected that her questions would be worthy of the interview, much less meet with Matt Davis’s approval.

  Choking, she looked at him in disbelief. “You…want to know about me?”

  With a nonchalant shrug he said, “Why not? You’re my partner on this mission.”

  “I see….”

  “You know, for all your friendliness and helpfulness, you’re a closed book.”

  Wincing, Jenny looked down at the handful of papers in her hand. “I’m afraid I haven’t led a very exciting life…Matt, and I really don’t want to bore you with my life story.”

  Such a cream puff. And a delicious one. Matt stopped himself from reaching out to stroke her hair, which looked deliciously mussed. Jenny wore no makeup and the way her blond hair fell soft and straight around her face made her look like a pixie. She looked so young. Yet he saw pain in her eyes and he wondered why. “Want to play twenty questions, then?”

  She managed a weak smile. “No, you don’t have to dig. I’ll tell you. But I warn you, you’ll probably be snoring like you were five minutes before I woke you up.”

  His brows raised. “I was snoring?”

  Chuckling shyly, Jenny said, “It wasn’t loud or anything. Your head was tipped back, was all. A person’s tongue relaxes when they sleep, and I’m sure yours was up against your windpipe, which was why you were snoring.”

  Giving her a look of respect, he said, “You’re just a font of information, aren’t you?”

  Touching her cheeks, which were heating up beneath his dark, unrelenting inspection, Jenny felt her heart beating erratically. Did the man know he could charm even the meanest snake with those eyes of his? She wanted desperately to drown in his warm gaze. Just the hint of one corner of his mouth lifting upward sent her heart soaring with unaccountable joy. When he smiled, that hard mask fell away and she got a look at the real Matt Davis. She blossomed beneath his attention, especially when he gave her that crooked smile.

  “One of my foster mothers always said I was a jack-of-all-trades and master of none,” she began ruefully in answer to his question. “I know just enough about a lot of things to be dangerous, I guess.” Waving her hands nervously, she added, “I have such a problem sticking with one thing and finishing it. I’m a Pisces, you see. My moon’s in Gemini and I have Libra rising. I’m full of air and water, and the two don’t mix very well, so I’m always at odds with myself. At least, that’s what she said.”

  Foster mother? Matt scowled at how nervous Jenny was now. He saw the worry in her eyes, and the way the corners of her soft, delicious mouth pulled in. “I don’t know much about astrology,” he admitted.

  “You’re a Scorpio!” She blurted the words before she could stop herself. Slapping a hand over her mouth, she gazed at him wide-eyed as he tilted his head and regarded her in the silence.

  “You got my birthdate from my personnel record?”

  She nodded, her stomach sinking.

  “I see.”

  Allowing her hand to drop from her lips, she said in a breathless tone, “Don’t worry. The information won’t go anywhere. I know Scorpio people want their privacy. And they don’t like people who talk about them to other people, either. They’re very, very intense. Very focused. That’s why you’re so good at being a merc. You’re a natural warrior. You know how to gauge people. Your perceptions are rarely wrong, either.”

  “I’m impressed. You almost make me sound like a good guy.” He saw her frown and then shift restlessly in the leather seat. “So what about yourself? How about your growing-up years? Where were you born?”

  Jenny’s mouth quirked. Her stomach tightened. She knew Matt had come from a very prestigious and rich family. He’d been at the Naval Academy and finished in the top five percent of his class. He’d earned medals as a SEAL during the Gulf War. He’d been the head of his team until he’d quit to come and work for Perseus. She also knew, from the personal history in his file, that his parents had been married for over thirty years: the Davises were a happy family, no doubt. Matt had an older sister, a medical doctor who had graduated from Princeton University with honors. Jenny’s hands hands fluttered helplessly as she answered his question. “I was born in Medford, Oregon.”

  “Oregon’s a nice place. I’ve often fished for trout up in the Cascade Mountains above that little town.” Somehow, Matt found himself wanting to alleviate the tension around her lovely mouth and erase the fear from her eyes. “Did you ever go fishing in Klamath Lake, which is near there? Or fish for steelhead trout on the Rogue River?”

  She shook her head and looked out the plane window. The sky was a bright blue, with high, filmy cirrus clouds. “Uh, no…”

  “Not a fisherperson?” he teased. She refused to look at him. Now her hands were clenched, white-knuckled, in the lap of her dark purple skirt.

  Softly, she answered, “No…I don’t like hurting anything. It pains me to even think of putting a sharp hook into a poor, defenseless little worm. It has no way of protecting itself from us…what we might do to it. Humans are a lot stronger, and sometimes brutal….”

  Matt scowled. He heard a lot of pain in Jenny’s voice. In fact, he could barely hear her, her voice had gone so soft. Her face had drained of color and she was pale. Very pale. And now she was sitting very, very still. His gut crawled with trepidation. Realizing he was stepping into very raw territory regarding her personal life, he said in a rasping tone, “Don’t mind me. Sometimes I’m like a damn bull in a china shop. I don’t know when to stop asking questions. My ex-wife will confirm my dazzling skills in that regard.”

  Turning her head, she met and held his stormy eyes. Once again, Jenny was seeing him without that armorlike mask in place. Now he was searching and unsure of himself. She’d never have thought anything could rattle the heroic Matt Davis, decorated navy hero. Especially something she said. Her. A mouse. A ordinary person who had never accomplished anything of note in life. Except to be a great assistant to Morgan Trayhern. And she had also gotten a degree in psychology. She was proud of that accomplishment, too. But it wasn’t the same as saving lives, like Matt did.

  “My life,” Jenny began quietly, “isn’t anything to write home about.” Shrugging, she opened her hands and said, “I was taken from my mother, who was a crack addict, when I was born. She died when I was a year old. I don’t really remember anything about her…. I was turned over to the state, and over the next eighteen years, I went through five foster homes.” She saw his brows gather grimly. And she saw sympathy reflected in his eyes. Heartened that he wasn’t going to make fun of her, or tell her that she was less worthy in his view, she added, “I guess maybe that’s why I went into psychology—to try and understand myself. I was hyperactive in kindergarten. I couldn’t sit still. I disrupted the class. They said it was because my mother was a drug addict. But I never touched drugs—never wanted to. After I left my last foster home, I went to Bryn Mawr and worked to get a degree. I had to do something to prove to myself I wasn’t totally a worthless human being.”

  She tapped her head. “I still have ADD—attention deficit disorder. When I was a kid they tried to drug me up to my eyeballs, in an attempt to calm me down. I just have a different way of working and thinking than most people. I thought becoming a psychologist would help me…to try and figure out who I am…or what I could be…. Oh, I know I’m a scaredy-cat. I screech if I see a spider…or a snake.” Jenny shivered, placed her arms around herself and made a face. “I really do leap up on a chair if I see a mouse. I’m such a coward. After all, I’m much bigger than any tiny little mouse or teeny spider or other creepy-crawly.” She sighed sadly. “I’m such a mess.”

  “There’re plenty of people who’ve come from broken h
omes,” Matt said. “And they go on to make something of themselves in life. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, Jenny. You weren’t the drug addict, your mother was. You were the innocent in all this.” Without thinking, he lifted his hand and gently stroked her small, slumped shoulders.

  Matt’s touch was magical. As his strong fingers moved across her tightly knotted shoulders, she closed her eyes. His touch was healing. She felt the warmth of his hand, the strength, but also the tenderness of his touch. Amazed that such a large man could be so gentle, she released a long, pent-up sigh. Opening her eyes as his hand lifted away, she managed a sliver of a smile.

  “You’re being very kind. Thank you. I know you don’t have to be. You’re a hero ten times over. You don’t have to put up with little people, like myself.” Her mouth quirked and she avoided his gaze. “I’m sure you didn’t want this mission with me. Oh, not that anyone’s said anything….” Jenny lifted her hands. “You’re probably doing this because Morgan asked you to. I know how he sometimes puts pressure on a merc, to get them to team with someone they’ve never worked with before.”

  Just the flittery look in Jenny’s narrowed blue eyes made Matt’s heart wrench. “Whoa!” he murmured. “Slow down, will you?”

  “I know…I talk a mile a minute. It’s that Gemini moon of mine. We Geminis blather all the time. People like me don’t know when to shut up.”

  “I’m interested in what you’re saying, but you’re running along at Mach 3 with your hair on fire, and I can’t get a question in edgewise.”

  Laughing, Jenny nodded. “Fair enough. Okay, I’ll shut up and you ask what you want.” She couldn’t believe that he didn’t think less of her because of her background.

  As Matt sat up, the look in his eyes set her heart palpitating for no reason. Maybe it was his unexpected touch. She would never forget that wonderful feeling of his hand sliding across her shoulders. Even now her flesh tingled.

  Looking down and studying her questions more thoroughly, he murmured, “For someone who has ADD, you’ve done a very nice, disciplined and thoughtful job creating these questions. Looking at your work, I wouldn’t ever think you had attention problems.”

  Making a frustrated noise, Jenny wrinkled her nose. “I was so afraid that Morgan wouldn’t hire me when I told him I had ADD. People like me often make a thorough mess of everything, Matt.” She gestured nervously toward the notes he held. “My mind works differently. I see things—letters and words—differently from the normal population. I’ve had to retrain and reteach myself how to think and do things your way, not mine.” She managed a small smile of triumph. “It was hard, but I really wanted to do it, to fit in, you know?”

  “Growing up, did you stand out at school?” Matt saw the instant anguish in her eyes. Jenny avoided his incisive gaze and clenched her hands in her lap again. He was discovering that when he hit a painful nerve in Jenny, she would naturally assume that cowering position.

  “It was awful,,” she admitted softly, her voice wobbly with tears. “I was put back into a remedial class. A lot of kids made fun of me. They called me stupid. A geek. And it got so bad I just hid. I ran from them in the halls when I saw the cliques coming toward me to tease me.” She nervously touched her hair. “I wasn’t pretty. I was such a stick compared to the other girls…and no boy would ever look at me. They called me Fraidy Cat. That was my name in school. The boys would put plastic spiders and bugs in my chair, or they’d throw them in my hair, or the girls would drop one on my tray in the cafeteria….” Sighing, Jenny forced herself to look up at Matt. His face was thundercloud dark with anger. At first she thought he was angry at her. But when he unexpectedly reached out and gripped her hand, and she felt his gentle strength around her clammy fingers, Jenny knew different.

  “Kids can be brutal,” he growled. “No wonder you’re so jumpy as an adult.”

  Matt didn’t want to let go of her hand. He saw Jenny’s eyes grow tender as he held and gently squeezed her damp, cool fingers. Every protective instinct he owned rose to the surface. With the pieces of information she was divulging to him, he could understand why she was excruciatingly nervous and flighty. Her ADD made her restless, so that she could never sit still for long periods of time. And he’d mistaken that for manic activity. It had never crossed his mind that Jenny might have ADD. Giving her fingers another squeeze, he forced himself to let go of them.

  “Listen to me, Jenny. Will you?”

  “Sure.” She sat quietly, her fingers tingling in her lap. Oh, how she enjoyed his touches! Never in a million years would Jenny have thought Matt Davis, military hero, would have such a tender side to him. She felt like a wilted flower thriving beneath the sunlight of his care and concern. Her heart flooded with such joy that it took her breath away. Trying to sit passive beneath his scrutiny, she waited for him to speak.

  “You know what? I like you just the way you are. It makes me respect you a lot more knowing what you’ve gone through.” He tapped the papers in his hand. “These questions are excellent. They cut to the heart of the matter, reach the core of the interviewee. You couldn’t create insightful questions like this if you didn’t have intelligence and a very good grasp of the human condition. As a merc, I strive to maintain similar qualities because it keeps us alive out in the field. You’ve got the right stuff, Jenny. It shows here.” He tapped the papers again. “You’re very good at what you do. Even if you have to hang off chandeliers and do it upside down, what does that matter? What counts is the product. And it doesn’t bother me that you’re restless or that you talk fast. I like to hear your thoughts, what’s in that big heart of yours, and how you see the world.”

  Matt saw her eyes widening at every statement he made about her. Then her face went rose-red as she blushed to the roots of her blond hair. “And as for being a ’fraidy cat, well, let me share this with you. I’m afraid all the time. The only thing that might be different between us is that I don’t overreact in the moment. I try to handle my fear and keep thinking clearly through it.” He managed a slight smile. “Where we’re going, there’s going to be a lot of bugs and spiders because it’s jungle. But my bet is that you can use this situation to work through your fear and try to keep thinking, despite how you feel. I have faith in you, Jenny. And you know what else? I think Morgan picked the perfect person to head up this mission. I wouldn’t have been able to create the questions you have. I don’t have the training. I’m not a psychologist. You obviously know people, know how to touch them on a very deep, core level.”

  Choking back a lump that was forming quickly in her throat, Jenny stared at him. She was in shock. Finally, she whispered, “I—I’ve never had anyone give me so many compliments all at once. Are you sure you mean them? You aren’t just saying that because you feel sorry for me?”

  To hell with it. Matt reached out and grazed her flaming red cheek with his thumb. Again her eyes went a soft, velvet blue, and he knew his touch had a positive and magical affect on her. It was impossible not to touch Jenny. And it had been a helluva long time since he’d wanted to touch a woman like he was touching her. Maybe it was her vulnerability that brought out his own vulnerable side, which he’d carefully hidden from the world.

  “As you get to know me better, Jenny, you’ll know I’m not the most diplomatic person around. I am honest, though. To a fault. And sometimes—” Matt grimaced “—sometimes my shoot-from-the-hip honesty hurts the other person unintentionally.”

  “Honesty is good. Truth never goes out of style.” She nodded and looked away. “You really think I’m cut out for this mission? I’ve had such angst about it. I worry you won’t think I can carry my end of things. I worry that you’ll think I’m nothing. Worthless. And I worry that you think you have to baby-sit me because Morgan twisted your arm.”

  Breaking out into quiet laughter, Matt raised his eyes upward. “You are a worrywart, Jenny. No doubt about it.” When he saw her wince, he added gently, “I can handle your worry. What you have to do is put to rest all those ot
her items. None of them are true. I’m glad I’m on this mission. And yes, Morgan did twist my arm—a little. And no, I didn’t think you had what it took until I saw your questions and got more info on you as a person. Adding it all up now, I’m very confident about the mission, and you. Morgan was right—you need to be in charge. I’ll be here to support you when you ask for my help. Frankly speaking, I think you’re going to do a helluva good job. I think you’ll be able to pick the right three volunteers for those missions.”

  Jenny sat there, astonishment flowing through her. The sincerity in Matt’s voice and that incredible warmth in his slate-colored eyes filled her with a happiness she’d never, ever experienced before. He believed in her. And in her heart she knew he wasn’t lying. Her self-esteem got a big boost. Because of his belief in her, she felt the first trickle of actual confidence in herself and the mission.

  Impulsively, she reached out and slid her hand against his sandpapery cheek. Though he’d shaved early this morning, that five o’clock shadow was there, making him look even more dangerously handsome. She saw his eyes narrow instantly as she briefly caressed him. Her heart pounded when she recognized the look in his eyes: the look of a hunter stalking his prey—her. Jenny didn’t know what to think or say. She’d never seen a man look at her like Matt Davis was right now—with desire. Blatant, raw desire.

  A warmth stirred deep within her, and that took her off guard, as well. Now her whole body was responding to his smoldering, dark look. Egads, what was going on? She felt unsure of herself in so many ways.

  Jerking her hand away from his cheek, she quickly tucked it back in her lap and looked away.” “I never expected this…. You’re so kind and caring….”