“That’s so true!”
Michael sighed, looking defeated, and winked at me making me blush all the way to my ears.
The talk went from books to movies, which everyone else seemed to think much more interesting, and they started discussing the most recent box-office titles. I couldn’t help feeling dumbfounded when Gabriel joined in, apparently knowing more about the subject than Michael, and certainly much more than me. To my relief I realized his dark presence was practically lost, consumed by Michael’s brightness. That’s why so many people naturally gathered around him, I thought. Michael brought light and warmth to all those he smiled at or greeted.
I hated the sound of the bell as much as I hated the sound of my alarm clock. Michael and his friends told us goodbye, since they still had classes, and we agreed to meet again the following day.
I could hardly contain my excitement as I watched them walk away and soon there were only the two of us standing outside.
Away from Michael’s light, the cold terror of his presence began consuming me again.
“I’m going home,” he said with a sigh, seemingly tired.
“I ... I still have...” I started and ended shutting up. Why was I trying to explain myself to him? He looked at me and I felt like someone was burning me with hot irons, even though I kept my eyes pinned to the ground, trying as hard as I could to keep the memory of Michael’s gentle face brightly alive in my mind.
Gabriel didn’t say anything else. And, in silence, turned his back to me and walked away, leaving me alone and shaking.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The following morning went the same way. In the short period of an hour, since going down to the kitchen until finally getting to the classroom, I managed to panic twice, get angry at every word he said, stammer every now and then, freeze to death at least three times, think I’d end up throwing up and cursed his existence all the way to the school gates.
When Joanne greeted me cheerfully, I was already as exhausted as I’d been if it were ten in the evening and I’d spent the whole day running — and my morning had hardly begun.
The high point of the day was, as to be expected, lunchtime.
As agreed Gabriel and I joined Michael and his friends outside, and were happily greeted. After all, they belonged to the same world of beautiful and famous people. Only I stood out of place.
To my misery, I found out that those short moments were the only things that made it worthwhile facing the torture my everyday routine had become. And, when Michael reached into his bag and pulled out a book to give me, I wanted to die right there and then.
I hugged the book he’d lent me the rest of the afternoon, smelling its white pages like an obsessive mad woman. I could still feel his perfume, and imagining him touching those pages, reading them, made me float above any dark cloud. By reading that book, I felt I could reach some occult part of him; reading the same story he’d read and, who knows, sharing the same emotions. To me that bounded pile of paper was like a sacred key to a little bit of his secret world.
I went back home as soon as classes were over, completely forgetting the possibility of having to share my house with him. Had I remembered it, I’d probably stayed in the library like I’d done the day before. But he wasn’t home.
I smiled in pure bliss as I lay down on my bed opening Michael’s book to the first page. The story was basically a romance and, even before reaching the end, I’d already guessed that everything would end well, like in a fairy tale.
The sound of the front door closing made me put down the book and go downstairs to greet my mom. I stopped before reaching the bottom of the stairs and she smiled up at me.
“Hi, Mari. How was your day?” she asked in an obvious good mood.
“Was OK.”
“Gabriel came to pick me up again,” she explained, noting my distrustful. “And I’d already told you there was no need for that!” she added looking back at him.
“Because it’s not safe for a lady to be walking around at night by herself,” he stated. Rachel shrugged as if she’d given up on arguing with him. Once more, anger burnt inside me. How could he say something like that with that kind of serious expression? The only dangerous monster I knew was him!
“But come! Let’s get something to eat. I’m famished and have some news to tell you,” she announced reaching her hand out for me and I took it.
We were sitting at the table not long after that, our plates filled with tuna salad. Rachel asked us for news from school, if everything was all right, if anything special had happened. I just answered with a short ‘yes’ or ‘no’ while he went about describing in detail things that had never even happened.
I was about to stand up to clear the plates and exchange our salad bowls for some fruit when Rachel’s hand held mine, surprising me and captivating my attention. I sat still, growing more apprehensive by the minute, and recalled the last time I’d seen that kind of expression on her face — when she’d informed me that she and my dad had decided to get a divorce. For a moment I thought she was about to tell me that she was getting married, or that someone was having a child, or something like that, and I readied myself for the shock, trying not to react too poorly. On the other side of the table, Gabriel remained calm, his expression empty of any emotions, once more that perfect statue, making me believe he already knew what she was about to tell me.
“Mari, you remember I told you I had a dinner yesterday?” she asked me in a careful tone that only made me even more restless. “So ... the gentlemen present were all really important people. They saw my new project and were quite well impressed. I think I’ve never been so complimented in my entire life!” she added, laughing lightly, her eyes filled with pride. “They made me a work proposition.” She reveled and I empathized with her obvious happiness.
“But that’s great, Mom!” She nodded and squeezed my hand.
“Yeah! It’s a once in a lifetime chance and something that will promote my career beyond measure!” Only then did I notice that something was still missing.
“And? Did you take it?” I asked. The light that had filled her eyes became dimmer.
“No. Not yet. I wanted to talk with you first,” she replied and I frowned, trying to understand what was going on, more and more certain that things weren’t as easy as they sounded.
“Why?”
“They want me to go to Paris for six months.” It felt like someone had fired a gun at me. “They’ll pay for everything — travel expenses, place to stay, food, car. I’ll be able to attend any workshops I want free of charge and I’ll be participating in one of the biggest projects in Europe.” She was excited, but I could hardly hear her.
Paris! And leave everything behind? The school that I’d finally managed to get used to; Stephanie, Joanne and the others ... worst of all, Michael! Just thinking about it, the pain was unbearable. And how could I move to Paris? What about my studies? I’d never been that strong at French. Above all, I did not want to leave London!
“And so I’ve been thinking,” she went on in a more serious tone. “If you’re against it, I won’t go. You’re my child and, as much as I like my work, or as much as our life may improve if I take this job, you are the most important of all.”
“But you said it was a once in a life chance,” I muttered and she smiled kindly.
“Still, you’re more important than all that,” she reaffirmed and I couldn’t help blushing. “But then I thought about another solution. Something that a few days ago would never even cross my mind. But now everything’s different.” I listened eagerly. “Most parents with kids your age think teenagers of seventeen, eighteen years old are basically adults. In my opinion they’re not adults enough to be left home alone for six months while I’m working on the other side of the ocean. However, as things stand, should you stay, you wouldn’t be staying on your own. You’d have Gabriel to keep you company and lend you a hand, if needed. And that is something I’d be willing to compromise.”
“You don’t have to answer right away. Just think about it and we can talk again, tomorrow,” she said, all understanding. And, as I sat there, unable to utter a single word, she got up and cleared the dishes. “Anyway, it’s as I’ve told you. Sure it would be a wonderful experience, but it’s not something I can’t live without. And to tell you the truth, even knowing you wouldn’t be alone, it’s still not something I’m comfortable with.”
I stared blankly at the red and white checks of the tablecloth. Her words, just now, had nothing to do with the enthusiasm that had burnt in her eyes a few moments ago ... and I was the only one to blame. I bit my lower lip making my stunned mind consider what she’d just proposed. Anyway, what difference would it make? That thing could appear and disappear at will, not to mention that I didn’t even know what other kinds of powers he might have. My mother’s presence in the house wouldn’t change anything. She’d never be able to protect me, I concluded bitterly. Quite the opposite! At least in Paris, away from all that mess, she’d be safe. And, with some luck, for better or for worse, everything would be over in six months time.
Besides it was obvious she really wanted to accept the offer. And I recalled how she’d always tried as hard as she could to be a good mother, without having to give up her professional dreams. Unlike my father, who had fully devoted himself to work, Rachel had never missed a school festival or parents’ day. Her schedules were tight, making her relinquish luxuries like personal time, but she always managed to wake up earlier than me, just to make my breakfast. I could hardly be childish and selfish now that she needed my support. After all, it was only for six months.
I took a deep breath as I found my answer and smiled as honestly as I could while I looked up at her.
“There’s no need to think, Mom,” I told her and she turned to face me, looking surprised to hear me speak in that clear tone. “You can go to Paris. Sure, I’ll miss you lots, since we’ve never been apart before and everything. But it’s only for six months. And, like you said, I won’t be alone.” I was fully aware of Gabriel’s persistent smile, and Rachel looked like she couldn’t believe what she’d just heard.
“You sure? I mean, you don’t have to force yourself to accept it, or anything,” she stammered and I smiled again.
“Of course I’m sure. It’s something you really want to do, right? I’m very happy to know how important I am to you, but I don’t want to feel like I’ve completely taken over your life! It is your life, after all.”
She threw her arms around me, crushing my head against her chest, and laughed happily.
“Do you know how much I love you, Mari?” she said in between laughs and turned to look at Gabriel. “Ain’t I the luckiest to have a daughter like her?” she asked him movingly, but he didn’t answer and simply kept smiling.
Chapter Four
ZAA
– The Vision of the Initiation of Hecate:
The Redemption of the Woman of Witchcraft by Love. 1 –
“The fear that eats me inside is like a dark monster with blazing eyes.
Its roar paralyzes my heart, its breath freezes the air that I breathe,
its claws burn and tear at my muscles, rendering them useless and shaky...
I feel it alive, pulsing, growing... Its food is my frail and tiered Soul.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
T
he rest of the week went by rather peacefully, especially when keeping in mind I had a monster, evoked through a Magic Circle, as a cousin.
Rachel started preparing for her departure, which would take place on Sunday, and was even busier than usual. Still, I’d never seen her so excited about something, and I would find myself smiling as I watched her, thinking that she almost looked more like a child to whom someone had promised a big party than an adult about to go on a long business trip.
As for me, the next days were brightened up by my daily talks with Michael. I returned the book he’d lent me and let him borrow one of mine in return. In truth I wished that, by reading it, he’d learn more about me, the same way I’d learned about him. And so I carefully pondered and chose a poetry book that was slightly romantic but not exclusively, and I was beyond myself with happiness when he accepted it and promised he’d read it during the weekend.
I spent Saturday shopping with Rachel in a very feminine mother-daughter date that would have to last as a reminder for the next weeks. Of course she made a point to assure me she’d be back on Easter break, which was just a few days away. But, somehow, I thought it unlikely.
When we returned home it was already dark. We were tired, our arms filled with bags. However, as soon as we opened the door, a delicious smell greeted us.
Rachel rushed to the kitchen as I stood by the door. Gabriel had cooked us dinner.
We ate to the sound of my mother’s praises while I sniffed suspiciously every forkful. And yet I just couldn’t deny that his baked fish was simply scrumptious.
Before going to bed we helped her with her suitcases, since she’d have to be at the airport by eleven-thirty the next morning, and I received the tightest good-night hug of my entire life.
I didn’t sleep much. I’d been trying to keep her departure out of my mind but now, the night before it really happened, I couldn’t help feeling anxious, wondering if I’d really made the right decision.
In the morning I heard the alarm clock coming from the next room and got up, putting on the first thing my hands found when I reached out for some clothes. I hurried downstairs to make breakfast, certain she’d take a bit longer than usual. Absent-minded as she could sometimes be, I anticipated her looking for something at the last minute.
When Rachel finally came down, the toast was ready and I was vigorously stirring some scrambled eggs.
The three of us sat at the table and Rachel began enumerating her long list of recommendations — Be careful with the door and windows; Be careful with the gas; Don’t forget to water the plants; Don’t forget to call Dad at least once a week (Gabriel should call his mother); Don’t forget to reply to the e-mails she promised to send on a daily basis; Always keep our cells close by, since she’d already entered her contact number in France to their memories.
I sighed during the endless roll. Gabriel nodded obediently at every new task Rachel remembered.
When we finished breakfast it was almost nine and the taxi we’d reserved the day before was already at the door. A paunchy man came out from behind the steering wheel to help Gabriel with the suitcases while Rachel hugged me tightly, leaving me lost in her warm embrace.
“Anything happens you tell me right away! I’ll leave everything and jump on the first flight home,” she assured me in a choked voice and I took a deep breath to keep myself from being dragged by her emotions.
“Everything will be fine. And you’ll be back in a few weeks, right?” I reminded her and she nodded, smiling.
“You’re my dear girl!”
“Jesus, Mom! You almost sound like you’ll never see me again!” I criticized her and she released me from her tight embrace.
“That has nothing to do with it!” she retorted, caressing my face. I smiled trying to erase part of the preoccupation I saw there. “Take good care of yourself. Every now and then I’ll be depositing money into your account, but if you need more, just tell me.”
“All right. Anyway, we’ll be talking to each other almost every day, right?”
“Blessed be the Internet!” she agreed and the sound of the trunk closing told us that our time was up.
“You sure you don’t want me to take you to the airport?” I asked, suddenly wanting to extend the time we had together as much as possible, but she shook her head.
“I hate air
port farewells,” she told me and kissed me gently on the forehead. “Be well, dear.”
“Have a safe trip. And call as soon as you arrive!” I reminded her and she turned towards Gabriel.
“Anything just call me, OK?” she asked, placing a hand over his arm to reinforce her words and he nodded.
“Don’t worry, Aunt,” he replied in that velvet voice and I held my breath when I saw him lean over her to place a kiss on her face. The mark on my wrist burnt, but the kiss he had given her had been just a Human kiss. Rachel smiled at him and entered the car.
I watched as she instructed the driver and then waved goodbye as the taxi took off.
I stood there, watching it drive down the road, and even after it was gone; and only returned to the real world when Gabriel walked by me to go back inside.
I breathed heavily as I considered the possibility of running away from home, and sighed at how foolish my idea sounded, ending up following him and closing the door behind me.
I stood by the door for a moment, trying to incorporate the idea that my mom was really gone, and then raised my head, gathering all the anger I felt for him and walked towards the living room. I stopped again by the door. He was tranquilly sitting on an armchair, his elbow on the wide arm, head resting on his white and elegant hand. He was looking towards the open window as if watching something interesting, but when I followed his gaze there was nothing but naked treetops against a dark-gray sky.
“Are you ...” I started, trying to gather the necessary courage. “Are you staying here?” I asked and he sighed, turning to face me.
“Again back to the questions?” He sounded bored and I bit my tongue.
“Am I not allowed?”
“Sure. Sure you are,” he replied softly. “I, on the other hand, might not answer.” I allowed myself a moment to breathe and decided I wasn’t about to give up.
Blood of the Pure (Gaea) Page 10