Fly Me to the Morgue

by Robert J. Randisi

  I hung the suit up in the closet, figuring I’d get it cleaned before I wore it again. After that I ate my breakfast, took a shower and dressed, again. This time trousers and a polo shirt. I’d be changing still again before I went to work later.

  I called my buddy, Ted Silver, at McCarran Airport and gave him Fred Stanley’s name. He said he’d check flights for me.

  Next, I called Jerry.

  ‘Hey Mr G.,’ he said. ‘You caught me havin’ a second cup of coffee. What’s up?’

  ‘How’d you like an all expense paid trip to Vegas, Jerry?’ I asked.

  ‘What’s the beef?’ he asked. ‘You got trouble?’

  ‘Not me,’ I said. ‘Somebody else asked for you.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Bing Crosby.’

  ‘You shittin’ me?’

  ‘I shit you not.’

  ‘What’s he want with me?’

  ‘He was impressed with the way you handled yourself last year at Del Mar. He wants you to go with him and help him buy a horse.’

  ‘Ain’t he got trainers for that?’

  ‘His trainer didn’t show up. He doesn’t want the trip to go to waste. Says he can fly you here today and cover all your expenses.’

  ‘Jeez . . .’

  ‘You got somethin’ else to do?’ I asked.

  ‘Nothin’ important,’ he said. ‘Hell, Bing Crosby, huh?’

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘Whataya think, Mr G.?’

  ‘Hell, come on out, man,’ I said. ‘Help the guy buy a horse and then we’ll do the town.’

  ‘You got it, Mr G.,’ he said.

  ‘I’ll get Bing to make the arrangements, then call you and let you know where to go.’

  ‘I’ll be here. See you soon, Mr G.’

  I hung up and called Bing right away. He said he’d arrange for a plane to pick Jerry up at Idlewild Airport, which had actually been changed to New York International Airport, Anderson Field in 1948, but most people in New York still called it Idlewild.

  I called Jerry back with the info and he had just enough time to get out of his place. Apparently, Bing had assumed he’d say yes, and the plane was standing by.

  I hung up, all the plans made. Now all I had to do was wait for Jerry to arrive, then let him accompany Bing to Red Rock Canyon.

  I was about to leave my house to run some normal errands – laundry and groceries – when the phone rang.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Eddie, Ted Silver.’

  ‘Ted, so quick?’

  ‘Your man was booked on an early flight yesterday from San Diego.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘According to my info he used the ticket.’

  ‘Well then,’ I said, ‘he disappeared somewhere between the airport and the Sands.’

  ‘Looks like. You gonna call the cops?’

  ‘Not yet,’ I said. ‘I’ve got somebody better. Thanks, Ted.’

  I immediately dialed a number and waited two rings.

  ‘Bardini Investigations.’

  ‘Hey, Penny, it’s Eddie. Is he in?’

  ‘Well, hello to you, too. And yes, he is.’

  ‘Sorry, honey,’ I said. ‘I’m just in kind of a hurry.’

  ‘Trouble?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘I’ll put him on.’

  She did, and we arranged to meet near his office, in the coffee shop in Binion’s Horseshoe. I’d learned from Jerry that there was always room for another breakfast.

  TEN

  Danny was waiting for me when I got to the Horseshoe Coffee Shop.

  ‘How come,’ he asked, when I sat opposite him, ‘you never invite me to meet you up in the steak house?’

  ‘Next time,’ I promised. ‘I guess I probably owe you that after all this time.’

  ‘Jesus,’ he said, ‘I was just kiddin’. You don’t owe me a thing, Eddie. We’re friends. We do things for each other. Sometimes, you even pay me.’

  ‘Well, maybe this will be one of those times.’

  ‘Not with your money, though,’ Danny said. ‘Bing Crosby’s dime, right?’

  ‘We’ll see,’ I said.

  A waitress came over and I ordered bacon and eggs. Danny wanted pancakes.

  I took out my notebook and passed it over.

  ‘That’s his name, and his addresses. Home and barn.’

  ‘Fred ‘Red’ Stanley,’ he read. ‘What’s red about him?’

  ‘Nothin’, according to Bing. It’s just a nickname.’

  ‘Well, maybe when I find him I’ll ask him,’ he said. He tore the page out of my book and put it in his pocket. ‘What else is goin’ on?’

  ‘Well, Bing is flyin’ Jerry in to help him buy a horse.’

  ‘I know the big guy plays the horses, but what’s he know about buyin’ them?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said, ‘but he impressed Bing last year at Del Mar.’

  ‘When I find the trainer I may be puttin’ Jerry out of a job.’

  ‘He’s gettin’ an all expenses paid trip out of it,’ I said. ‘He won’t mind.’

  ‘That is, if I find Red alive.’

  ‘Now what made you go and say that?’

  ‘Maybe it’s our track record,’ Danny said. ‘It seems when you and me and Jerry get involved, there’s a body close behind.’

  ‘I guess I can’t argue with you there.’

  The waitress came with our plates, set them down, filled our coffee cups and hip bumped Danny when she turned to leave.

  ‘Thanks, Lacy,’ he said. He looked at me. ‘Guess I better eat my fill here before Jerry gets here and cleans out the kitchen.’

  Over breakfast I told Danny about playing golf with Dino, Hope and Crosby.

  ‘What’s Hope like?’ he asked.

  ‘Same as he is on the TV and in the movies,’ I said. ‘Got a joke for every occasion.’

  ‘And Crosby?’

  ‘He’s funny,’ I said, ‘but it doesn’t come as easily to him. I get the feeling he’s got things going on in his private life that the public doesn’t know about.’

  ‘What’s so bad?’ Danny asked. ‘He’s married to a gorgeous woman thirty years younger than him.’

  ‘Well, twenty-four or five, but I get what you mean,’ I said.

  ‘What is she like up close?’ he asked. ‘Have you met her?’

  ‘She takes your breath away, Danny,’ I said. ‘Beautiful skin, and her eyes.’

  ‘Better than bein’ close to Ava Gardner?’

  I grinned.

  ‘Nothin’s better than that.’

  I had spent some time the year before with Ava Gardner, and still didn’t have my breath back from that.

  ‘Come on, tell me the truth,’ Danny said. ‘You slept with her, didn’t you?’

  I didn’t answer. He’d been asking me that for months, but that was my business, and Ava’s.

  ‘How’s Penny?’

  ‘Still buggin’ me to make her a detective.’

  ‘When are you gonna give in?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said, ‘but I’ll probably have to at some point.’

  ‘And what about . . .’

  ‘What?’

  ‘. . . marryin’ the girl.’

  ‘Are you nuts?’ he asked. ‘Whatever made you ask that?’

  ‘She’s in love with you.’

  ‘You’re crazy.’

  ‘If you don’t know that, my friend,’ I said, ‘then you’re stupid.’

  He paused a moment, then said, ‘Besides, she’s too young for me.’

  ‘Whatever you say,’ I replied.

  ‘Finish your breakfast,’ he said. ‘I’ve got work to do.’

  ELEVEN

  After breakfast I drove to the Sands and put in a few hours in my pit before heading to the airport to pick up Jerry. But before I left, Jack Entratter came down to the floor to see me.

  ‘Had a talk with Bing Crosby this mornin’,’ he said. ‘Seems he wants to use you for a few days.’

  ‘U
se me?’

  ‘You know what I mean.’

  ‘I’m supposed to be showing Frank Junior a good time.’

  ‘You can do both,’ Jack said, ‘but only if I give you time out of the pit.’

  ‘And will you?’

  ‘Whatayou think?’ Jack asked. ‘I gotta keep both Frank and Bing happy.’

  ‘Dino’s gonna be in town a couple of more days, too,’ I said.

  ‘Look, you do what you gotta do,’ Jack said. ‘And do me another favor.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘You pick your replacement in the pit,’ he said. ‘You know the talent down here better than I do.’

  ‘Am I gettin’ a promotion to management?’ I asked.

  ‘Yeah, right,’ Jack said, and walked away.

  ‘I’ll take that as a no,’ I called out to his retreating back.

  Due to the time difference, Jerry left New York late in the morning and arrived in Vegas early afternoon. He came into the terminal with a big smile on his face, dropped his carry-on and lifted me in a big bear hug.

  ‘Great to see you, Mr G.,’ he said. ‘Ya didn’t have to come and get me.’

  ‘Door-to-door service, Jerry,’ I said, picking up his bag.

  ‘With the Caddy?’

  ‘What else?’ I asked.

  When we got to the car I tossed him the keys, dropped his bag into the back seat, and got into the passenger’s seat. He slid behind the wheel, took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  ‘I love this car,’ he said, caressing the steering wheel.

  When we first met I’d had a ’52 Caddy that he loved. After that one got blown up I got the ’53, which he also loved. I always got a kick out of letting him drive.

  He started the engine, admired the purr for a few moments, then put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb.

  ‘Where to?’ he asked.

  ‘The Sands. Might as well meet Bing Crosby first thing.’

  ‘Am I stayin’ at your place?’

  ‘Since Bing’s footin’ the bill I got you a suite at the Sands.’

  ‘A suite? You mean, like Dino gets?’

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘Jeez,’ he said.

  We drove in silence for a while and then Jerry said, ‘So whataya think about the Mets gettin’ The Duke?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Duke Snider,’ he said. ‘The Mets bought his contract from the Dodgers.’

  The Mets had broken the record for losses in their very first season. They were about to start their second.

  ‘It’s about time Snider went back to New York,’ I said. ‘I mean, after LA stole the whole team from Brooklyn. The Mets are gonna need more than him to help them.’

  ‘I guess so,’ he said, glumly. ‘So when does Mr Crosby wanna go see this horse?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘We’ll have to ask him.’

  ‘What about his trainer?’

  ‘Looks like he made the flight,’ I said, ‘he just didn’t make it to the hotel.’

  ‘You lookin’ for him?’

  ‘I got Danny on it.’

  ‘The Vegas Dick,’ Jerry said. ‘How’s he doin’?’

  ‘Good,’ I said, ‘he’s doin’ good.’

  ‘He make that little gal who works for him a dick yet?’

  ‘Not yet.’

  ‘Marry her?’

  ‘Nope.’ Even Jerry could see how Penny felt about Danny.

  We drove for a while, Jerry enjoying the feel of the power under his foot.

  ‘Will you be comin’ with us?’ he asked. ‘To look at the horse, I mean?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I guess that’ll be up to Bing. I’m not the one who impressed him by pickin’ so many winners.’

  ‘Yeah, that was a good day,’ he said. ‘I ain’t had a day at the track like that in a while.’

  ‘In a slump?’

  He shrugged.

  ‘Gets like that sometimes.’

  ‘Well, do me a favor,’ I said. ‘Don’t tell that to Bing.’

  TWELVE

  When we got to the Sands we parked and I walked Jerry to his suite. It was identical to the ones Dino always stayed in.

  ‘Wow,’ he said.

  ‘This is how the other half lives. Why don’t you put your stuff in the bedroom and I’ll call Bing.’

  ‘Sure thing, Mr G.’

  I picked up the phone and dialed Bing’s room. Kathryn answered.

  ‘Oh, hello, Eddie,’ she purred. ‘Bing is over at the Flamingo. He’s helping Frank Junior with some arrangements.’

  ‘The kid must be thrilled.’

  ‘That kid’s father is Frank Sinatra,’ she said, laughing.

  ‘Kathryn,’ I said, ‘Frank himself would be thrilled to have Bing’s help.’

  ‘That’s a very nice thing for you to say, Eddie,’ she answered.

  ‘Listen, I was, uh, doin’ somethin’ for Bing—’

  ‘I know about Bing and Red Rock Canyon, Eddie, and what he asked you to do.’

  ‘Well, Jerry’s here, in the hotel,’ I said. ‘He’s ready to see Bing whenever he’s ready.’

  ‘Bing should be back within the hour. Why don’t you and Jerry just come up in an hour?’

  ‘Both of us?’

  ‘Well, of course. We’ll have drinks.’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘Make it an hour and a half, Eddie,’ she said. ‘I look forward to seeing you both.’

  ‘Thank you, Kathryn.’

  As she hung up, Jerry came walking back into the room.

  ‘We’re gonna go to Bing’s room in an hour and a half,’ I said. ‘I just spoke to Kathryn.’

  ‘His wife?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘She’s gonna be there?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘She said we’ll have drinks.’

  ‘Drinks?’ he asked. ‘With Bing Crosby and his wife?’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘Mr G.,’ he said, anxiously, ‘I don’t got nothin’ to wear.’

  ‘That’s OK,’ I said. ‘Let’s go downstairs and do some shopping.’

  An hour and forty minutes later we were at the door of Bing Crosby’s suite. Jerry was wearing a sports jacket and pants we bought at a big and tall store. He had combed his hair a couple of times, and was feeling nervous.

  In fact he said, ‘I ain’t been this nervous since I met Miss Ava last year.’

  ‘You didn’t seem nervous then.’

  ‘I was shakin’ inside.’

  ‘Well, then, just keep it inside this time, too.’

  I knocked and the door was opened by Kathryn Crosby. She was wearing a peach-colored silk blouse, white hip-hugging pants and open-toed sandals with just enough heel.

  ‘Eddie,’ she said. ‘And Jerry. So nice to see you again.’

  ‘Yes, Ma’am,’ Jerry said, ducking his head.

  ‘Well come in, both of you,’ she said. ‘I’ll make the drinks. Bing will be out in a minute.’

  She walked to the bar and situated herself behind it. We entered and closed the door behind us.

  ‘What can I get you?’ she asked.

  ‘Uh, bourbon,’ I said.

  ‘Do you have beer?’ Jerry asked.

  ‘Yes, we do.’ She held up a shaker. ‘But I made martinis.’

  ‘I’ll have one, then,’ I said.

  ‘Uh, just beer for me, if that’s all right,’ Jerry said.

  ‘It’s fine, Jerry,’ she said, with a smile.

  Kathryn Crosby was not yet thirty, and had possibly the most beautiful skin I’d ever seen, pale and smooth. She almost glowed.

  ‘Well, there are my boys,’ Bing said, entering the room. He wore grey trousers and an open-necked polo short. He came right up to us with his hand out, shook with both of us.

  ‘It’s nice to see you again, Jerry.’

  ‘Yes, sir, same here.’

  ‘Oh, don’t start callin’ me sir,’ Bing said. ‘We’re gonna be workin’ together. Just call me Bing.
’

  ‘Um—’

  ‘Oh that’s right, I forgot,’ he said. ‘OK, then Mr C. it is, right?’

  ‘Yes si—yes, Mr C.’

  ‘As long as Como doesn’t show up we won’t get confused,’ he said.

  He walked to the bar and kissed his wife on the cheek. She handed him a martini, then held one out to me. She put a can of Piels on the bar for Jerry. Then picked up her martini and sipped it.

  ‘You gentlemen have business,’ she said. ‘I’m going to sit on the sofa and keep quiet.’

  This time she kissed Bing on the cheek, and went to the sofa.

  ‘Jerry, my man,’ Bing said. ‘You know horses, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes, si—yeah, I do.’

  ‘And I mean, you don’t only know how to play them, but you know the animals.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How?’ Bing asked.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘Why do you know about horses?’

  ‘Because I bet money on them,’ Jerry said. ‘I don’t bet my money unless I know what I’m doin’. So when I decided I liked betting the horses, but I liked winnin’ better, I got to know horses.’

  ‘Humor me,’ Bing said, ‘but I’d still like to know how?’

  ‘I went to work for a trainer,’ Jerry said.

  ‘As what?’

  ‘I did a little bit of everything,’ Jerry said. ‘I mucked stalls, I was a hotwalker . . . I did everything but be a jockey.’

  Kathryn laughed at that.

  ‘So you know horseflesh.’

  ‘I do.’

  Bing looked at me.

  ‘Have you been able to find out anything about Stanley?’

  ‘He did fly into Vegas. He just never made it from the airport to here. I’ve got a friend of mine checkin’ it out.’

  ‘OK,’ Bing said. He looked back at Jerry. ‘There’s a guy out in Red Rock Canyon who’s got a horse to sell. I wanna go out and take a look at it. My trainer was supposed to tell me whether or not the horse would be a good buy. Do you think you could do that for me?’

  ‘Well,’ Jerry said, ‘I ain’t a trainer, but I can give ya my opinion.’

  ‘And I would value that opinion,’ Bing said, ‘because I’ve seen what you can do at the track.’ He turned to Kathryn. ‘Remember how this man picked so many winners.’

  ‘I sure do,’ she said. ‘Maybe he can come to the track with us another time.’