“Same here,” she murmured, bending to kiss him.
* * *
For a long time afterward they lay in silence underneath his comforter, wrapped in each other’s arms and listening to their breathing, the dying fire’s muffled hisses, the plop-plop-plop from dripping canales jutting out from the house’s flat roof.
“I thought,” Levi finally said, “when you left—”
“I know.”
“So what happened?”
She softly laughed. “I was ganged up on.”
“By?”
“Three generations of Lopez women. Lita. Connie. My own daughter.” She softly chuckled. “I didn’t stand a chance.” Only then she sighed.
“That sounds ominous.”
Val hitched onto one elbow to meet Levi’s gaze, shivering a little when he stroked her bare back. “I’m here because I want to be—”
“Glad to hear it—”
“No, wait...” She palmed his chest, feeling his heart beat. “I’m still sorting through a lot of junk in my head.”
His gaze gentling so much it hurt, Levi sifted trembling fingers through her hair. “It’d be weird if you weren’t. But we can work through it together. Okay?”
Nodding, she lay back down, reveling in his scent, his feel. His solidity. “You know the real reason I didn’t try to stop Tommy from going into the army?” Her hand knotted on Levi’s chest. “I was scared to death if I didn’t let him go, I’d lose him, anyway. His love, I mean.”
A second or two passed before Levi said, “That wouldn’t’ve happened.”
“You don’t know that. And for sure I didn’t. Not then. And even now...” She listened to that steady heartbeat under her ear, drawing strength from it. “All my life,” she said quietly, “I thought if I could somehow be whoever somebody wanted me to be, say whatever they wanted to hear, they wouldn’t leave. And not only did that not work...” She waited out the sting of tears. “The only person I really lost was myself. Not a legacy I want to leave to my girls.”
Levi wrapped her up more tightly, kissed her temple. “Good for you,” he whispered, and she smiled, only to sigh again.
“Yeah, well, I’m a work in progress. Maybe in some ways I am stronger than I thought I was, but it’s always going to be a struggle for me to find that balance, I guess, between supporting someone else and sticking up for myself. For my needs.”
“And that right there is why I love you.”
“Because I’m screwed up?”
That got a soft laugh. “Hell, who isn’t? But not everyone has the cojones to admit it. Let alone—” his chest rose with his breath “—to face their fears. As far as legacies go, that’s a pretty damned good one. However, since we’re on the subject...”
At the change in his tone, Val shifted to meet his gaze. Still gentle but dead serious. “What I said, about Tommy being grateful for your support, was absolutely true. At the beginning, anyway. What I didn’t say was that as time went on I think he began to question his decision. Only by then he didn’t feel he could back out and save face.”
“Save face? With whom?”
“You. So, see, he was as conflicted as you were. And he felt guilty as hell about it. Something even my dad picked up on.”
Her brow puckered, Val watched the fire for several seconds, barely feeling Levi stroking her hair, her shoulder. “And since we weren’t honest with each other...”
“Exactly.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “So you think that’s why he made you promise?”
“Maybe.”
On a soft groan, Val sat up, tugging the comforter up over her breasts and wrapping her arms around her knees. “This has to be the strangest post-sex conversation ever.”
Behind her, Levi quietly chuckled. “I somehow doubt that.”
“Yeah, well, it’s about to get stranger.” She looked back over her shoulder at him. “Connie said you had a thing for me when we were in school. That you never told Tommy.”
His fingers bumped down her spine. “I wasn’t right for you, Val. Not then.”
“So it’s true?”
He nodded, and she laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“As it happens, I had a little crush on you, too. Before Tommy, obviously.”
“You’re kidding?”
“Nope. Until I realized you were way too much like the creeps my mother hooked up with.”
“Oh, that’s low,” he said, then sighed. “Although not far from the truth.”
“Actually,” she said quietly, “it’s about as far from the truth as it gets, apparently. Since according to Tommy’s mother you regularly defended my honor.”
His expression was priceless. “She told you that?”
“Yep. Oh, and then there’s the small issue of you stepping aside for your best friend. What a jerk. Seriously.”
Then she looked away again, hugging her knees more tightly. Several beats passed before Levi said, very softly, “Hey. You okay?”
She pushed out a little laugh. “I want to be—how’s that? I really do want to move past the fear. Past...the past.”
Levi sat up beside her, big and solid and good. “And I’d say you’re well on your way,” he whispered, kissing her shoulder. “You’re safe now, honey. You can’t lose me, not as long as I have breath. No matter what you say, or do, or think. Because there’s no way I’m stepping aside this time, for anything or anybody. And I won’t let you lose yourself.”
She blinked back tears. “Promise?”
“Promise. Because what I saw back then was only a glimpse of who you are now. A woman who...” He swallowed. “A woman I’d be so damn proud to have by my side, I can’t even tell you.”
“Well, hell,” she said.
“Yeah. Deal.”
Way in the distance, the train whistle blew. Val snuggled closer, smiling when Levi draped an arm around her shoulders. Then his fingers closed around her left wrist. Oh, right.
“Where—”
“In my jewelry case. With my wedding ring.” Which she’d taken off weeks ago, before it fell off. “Although I might let Josie put the bracelet in the album. If she wants to.”
After a moment, she angled her head to look up at him again. “So why did you enlist?”
That got a soft laugh. “Your brain definitely works in strange ways.”
“Believe it or not, there was a thread. The bracelet... Tommy...the army...you. Well?”
“I told you—”
“I know. But it keeps coming to me—” she kissed his hand “—that there’s something more.”
His fingers traced back and forth across her skin. “Because I was running away.”
“From?”
He hesitated, then said, “Seeing how happy you and Tommy were.”
“Oh, Levi...” Her heart cramped. “Really?”
“Crazy, right?”
“Probably,” she said gently, leaning into him again. “Not to mention drastic.”
“I needed to take my head someplace different,” he said quietly. “Someplace I couldn’t...” A breath left his lungs. “Wouldn’t be tempted to think about you. As tempted, anyway. About what I’d let go. And, yes, I know what I said, every bit of which I believed at the time. Still do, to some extent. Didn’t mean I didn’t regret the hell out of it.” He stroked her jaw, making her shiver. “I’d convinced myself I’d forgotten you. Biggest lie I’ve ever told myself. Because I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old.”
Enough to let her go, she thought, her eyes stinging.
Just as he’d loved both her and Tommy enough to get himself out of the way so they could find each other, when each other was exactly what they’d needed at the time. No matter what came later.
“And you had no idea what you were really getting into, did you? With the army, I mean.”
He got very quiet again. “Not really, no.”
“Was it hell?”
“Sometimes.”
“Will you te
ll me about it someday?”
After a moment, he nodded. “Yes.”
“Promise?”
“I’ll try—how’s that? Although...it wasn’t all bad. I learned I had a lot more to offer than I thought. Like that I really get off on helping people.”
“Ya think?”
He chuckled, then sighed. “I know I can’t make you happy, Val. Or get rid of the fear for you. Only you can figure out how to do that. But I sure as hell want to be there when you do. Which I know you will, because you are one awesome lady.”
“Oh, Levi...” Her eyes burning, Val palmed his cheek. “And you are one awesome dude.” She smiled. “Well, now, anyway. According to Connie, it was touch and go for a while there.”
Laughing, he shifted them so she was flat on her back again, kneeing her legs apart. About a million hormones released happy little sighs. “No doubt my parents would agree with you on that.”
“Maybe we should stop talking about our parents now.”
“Good point,” he said and kissed her. And it was very good.
As in, off the charts.
Then she framed his face in her hands, smiling into his eyes. “You do realize the only other man I ever did this with, I married?”
His chuckle rumbled through all sorts of interesting places. “One helluva gauntlet you just threw down there.”
“Yep. I want you in my life, too, Levi. And I know...” She swallowed. “I know Tommy would’ve wanted me to be happy. To be afraid of that—of taking chances—isn’t exactly honoring the man who was all about taking chances, is it?”
“No,” Levi said softly. “It isn’t. One thing, though...” His face went all stern. “Whatever choices we make, about anything, we make together. None of this suffer in silence crap. Unless the other person willingly concedes to the other. Like, say, on wall colors. ’Cause even if I could see them, I probably wouldn’t care.” When she laughed, he said, “And if you don’t like the house? Consider it sold. We can pick out something together.”
Her eyes pricked. “But you love it—”
“More than you? Not a chance. Sweetheart,” he said so gently she teared up all over again, “the only thing that matters to me about the house, any house, is whether you and the girls are in it with me. That it’s someplace where the past can’t hurt you anymore. Although that would be tricky, since it’s gonna have to get through me first.”
Aching for him, Val linked her hands around the back of his neck. “And would that be you picking up that gauntlet?”
His gaze softened. “Shoot, I caught that thing before it even hit the ground. I know this is crazy, but...marry me, Val. Whenever you’re ready—no rush. But even before that, let me be whatever I can be for you. For those little girls. Because I love them every bit as much as I love you—”
“Yes,” she whispered. “To all of it. Because I love you, too, you big goof.”
The look in his eyes slayed her. “Say that again.”
“I love you.” She touched her forehead to his. “I love you.”
Smiling, he kissed her nose. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
Then he grinned, that same wicked grin that used to make her roll her eyes, that always meant he was up to no good. Now, however, what she saw behind that grin was a man who knew what he was about...a man who would love her girls every bit as much as Tommy had. And who would never let them forget their father. How could she not love this man? How could she not trust him?
Or more to the point, trust that being with him would make her the best herself she could be?
“So,” Levi said, his hand sliding down over her waist, her hip, “should we seal the deal?”
“Sounds like a plan,” she said, smiling, embracing her future with her whole heart.
Epilogue
“Josie! Stay where we can see you! And don’t get too close to the water!”
Not much more than a speck in the distance, the girl waved to them from the riverbank as Radar barked his own reply. Levi smiled—what with the water being friskier than usual after the latest storm, he couldn’t half blame Val for the mama bear routine. But still. They weren’t talking the Amazon.
“You sure this is the spot?” Strapped to his back, Risa babbled away. To what, God only knew.
“Enough.” Val glanced up at the small mobile home park, at the half-dozen dingy trailers hugging the bluff. The second stop on their little field trip on this cloudy morning. She squinted out toward the river, then pointed, her eyes lighting up. “That’s it—that’s the outcropping.”
Pushing through a clot of overgrown salt cedars hugging the river’s edge, Val stopped a yard or so from the water. Above them, a mature cottonwood lazily embraced the patchy sky, glowing against the somber clouds. He knew it was supposed to be green, but since he didn’t really know what green was, he had no choice but to accept its beauty as he saw it. And that was just fine with him.
“My mother wasn’t exactly a big fan of nature,” Val said quietly over the gurgling river, hugging closed a heavyweight hoodie. “But I remember her bringing me here in the evenings during the summer, when I was little. Especially after my father left. And she’d go out there—” she nodded toward the flat rocks several yards out from the shore “—and just...stand there, looking up at the sky.”
“Praying?”
“I somehow doubt it. But I think she found peace. As much as she could, anyway.”
“You want me to wait here?”
“Please? Keep an eye on Josie?”
“Sure.”
Carefully, she navigated the slippery rocks until she came to the biggest, flattest one. Then she took a moment, her eyes closed, before opening the small cardboard box to dump the ashes into the swirling current, and Levi’s chest cramped.
The past week had been a whirlwind of planning and talking and, yes, lovemaking...and more talking. So much talking, sorting through their thoughts and feelings as much as their things. Much to his relief, Josie had been thrilled at the idea of Levi’s becoming her stepdaddy, although she hadn’t yet decided what she should call him. He’d reassured her it was completely up to her. So far, Dad seemed to be winning. Since, she’d said, she was already too big for “daddy,” and anyway, that’s what she’d called Tommy, so...
He doubted she had any idea how pleased he was.
And he and Val had decided to forgo a big wedding in favor of a quick—and cheaper—one, to be held out at the ranch in the next month or so, before it got too cold. Instead they decided to concentrate on fixing up the house, getting the kitchen up to snuff so she could have her pie business in full swing by the start of ski season. Honestly, he didn’t think he’d ever met a more focused human being...or, now, a happier one. Except, perhaps, for himself.
But after dinner the other night at Lita’s house—which, with her blessing, would go on the market as soon as she and girls moved in with him after the wedding—Val had said that as much as she was all about looking forward, she still needed to tidy up a few things from her past.
So they’d started by taking the girls to see where she’d grown up. The lot was surprisingly pretty, surrounded by pines and aspens with a pretty decent mountain view. None of the disintegrating mobile homes were occupied, though, and a For Sale sign proclaimed the owner’s intention. Levi imagined he’d get a pretty penny for the lot.
Val had walked up to the trailer through foot-high weeds, looking up at it as she laid her hand on the pockmarked siding. There’d been no discernible expression on her face, except maybe of relief. As though the memories had finally lost their hold over her.
He’d no idea, either, she’d had her mother’s ashes. He could only imagine how freeing that must’ve been, too, finally letting them go. But what Val said—and what had touched him so deeply—was that, actually, it was her mother she was freeing, from all the hurt and negative thoughts Val had been carting around inside her own head for so long.
She came back up onto the bank with the empt
y carton, folded flat.
“Any plans for that?”
“Dunno.” She frowned at it, then smiled. “It’s biodegradable, though, so...maybe shred it, use it as mulch for a rosebush at the house?”
“Sounds good.”
Josie and the dog ran toward them, both panting. “Can we get lunch now? I’m starving.”
Val chuckled. “In a minute, baby. Okay?”
“’Kay,” the kid said, flashing a grin at Levi as she bounded off again, arms flailing, and he loved her so much it hurt. Releasing a breathy laugh, Val looked out at the water, determinedly chugging south. “Thought I’d call my father a little later.”
“You don’t have to do everything at once, you know. There’s no rush.”
“No, it feels right. And I want him to meet you. And his granddaughters.”
“You sure?”
She paused, then said, “Whether he’ll ever be a real part of my life again, I have no idea. But I’d like him to know that you are.” Her eyes lifted to his, the light in their pale depths turning him inside out. “Thank you for not giving up on me. On us.”
Levi wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. “Wasn’t even a possibility.”
And it hadn’t been, he realized, from the moment he’d seen her again. Because that purpose he’d been looking for? She and the girls were it. His whole reason for returning to Whispering Pines. And definitely his reason for staying there, he thought as Josie ran back and he hauled her up into his arms.
“Levi! For heaven’s sake,” Val said, laughing. “You’ve already carrying the baby!”
“It’s okay,” he said, grinning into Josie’s eyes. “I can handle it.”
Linking her hands behind his neck, Josie grinned back at him, then leaned close to whisper, “You kept your promise, huh? To Daddy?”
His eyes stinging, Levi kissed the top of her head. “You bet,” he whispered back just as the clouds parted. And call him crazy, but Levi could have sworn he felt his friend’s smile in the sunbeam that washed over them—
“Ohmigosh, Levi! Look! Across the river!”
Levi squinted at where Val was pointing, catching a glimpse of a bright purple lowrider bumping along the road on the other side, playing peekaboo with the trees.
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