Innocent Darkness

by Suzanne Lazear

  “I’ll be gentle, I promise.” James tucked a blanket around Charlotte.

  “Don’t make it tickle.” She giggled.

  “She’s sensitive.” James smiled up at his brother. Looking back down at her, his look grew fond.

  Steven watched as James tried to magically take stock of Charlotte’s injuries. Her legs were bent and broken, having healed improperly, one arm hung oddly, limply. She looked pale and wan, cheeks hollow. Her eyes still sparkled; she still shone with life, with the Spark.

  “Are you all right, Charlotte?” Noli held her friend’s hand.

  “It tickled a little. You may call me Lottie, if you’d like. You know how Miss Gregory was about nicknames.”

  Noli rolled her eyes. “I know. I prefer Noli. Only my mother calls me Magnolia, and that’s with my other two names attached, delivered in a shout from the bottom of the stairs.”

  Charlotte giggled. “I can hear it now.”

  So could Steven. Noli’s eyes got misty. He should go put an arm around her.

  “I miss my mom, Lottie.” Noli’s voice cracked. “I want to go home.”

  “You don’t want to stay here with me?” Hurt leaked into Charlotte’s voice.

  “I’ll come and visit.” Noli smiled. “Right, V?”

  Tentatively, he put a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll visit Charlotte and James together.”

  That statement assumed so much—Noli not being the sacrifice, him finding a way for her to leave, his father not grounding him until he came of age.

  Noli’s brilliant smile made it worthwhile.

  “Steven, can you help me?” James asked.

  “Of course.” He wasn’t very good at this either.

  Carefully, he repeated James’ scan. He could sense every break in her bones, every crack in her ribs. They could repair some of them, though it would be a long— and painful—process. But the tumor …

  The large tumor in her brain wasn’t something he’d even know how to start fixing. Magic could do wondrous things, but it didn’t solve everything.

  “Is everything all right, James?” Charlotte asked.

  She seemed to be a sweet, intelligent, giggly girl—not empty headed, but much gigglier than Noli and more concerned about girl things.

  “We’re simply trying to determine how severe everything is.” James’ cheer sounded forced.

  “Sounds good.” Charlotte seemed oblivious to the severity of the matter.

  They finished and James looked as if he wanted to speak to him away from the girls.

  “We’re going to let you two talk some more.” Steven tentatively touched Noli’s hair. She’d been wearing it unbound and he really liked it.

  “Alright. We’ll be just fine.” Noli flashed him a large smile.

  “Bye,” Charlotte waved.

  “I’ll come back soon.” James squeezed Charlotte’s hand.

  “Me too. Come on, James.” The two of them left to discuss what they’d found, leaving them to do whatever girls did when guys weren’t around.

  “Let me help you sit up.” Noli propped up Charlotte with pillows and sat on the bed with her. Charlotte had deteriorated from her vibrant, bouncy friend, into someone who couldn’t walk, who needed help to do the simplest things, who was dying.

  She hoped with all her might that James and V could save her.

  At least Charlotte was still herself on the inside. Mostly. Noli could see the shadows in her eyes—except when with James. It was all quite charming.

  If only V would be sweet instead of running hot and cold like he had all day. Noli took a seat on the bed and sighed.

  “Are you all right?” Charlotte leaned into her.

  “I … I’m fine,” Noli lied.

  Earlier, Charlotte shared the amazingly dreadful story about what happened after her Uncle Nash dragged her away from Findlay House up until James found her. Charlotte had confessed that she loved James. From the way James acted, clearly, he loved her, too.

  “Did James tell you why I’m here, Lottie?” Noli asked. “He said his brother thought you’d been kidnapped by bad faeries and needed rescuing.” She cocked her head. “Were there really bad faeries?”

  Was Kevighn bad? He was many things—a rake and a liar being the first that sprung to mind. Exceedingly handsome and compelling were two more, with that dark hair and hypnotic yellow eyes.

  But bad?

  Noli could appreciate the nature of his job. The high queen charged him with an important task vital to his people’s survival.

  She didn’t like that he’d lied. Yet did that make him bad?

  “Do you remember that man who spoke to us from the other side of the fence?” Noli finally asked.

  Charlotte’s nose wrinkled as she thought. “Long black hair, looked like a rake?”

  “That’s him. He’s the faerie queen’s huntsman.”

  “What does he hunt?”

  Noli remembered what Kevighn told her about Charlotte. Did James and V know that Charlotte, too, had the Spark? She could be in danger as well. Noli shivered at the thought. “Well, he hunts those like us.”

  She told Charlotte about her wish and being drawn into the Otherworld. Noli explained about Kevighn, V’s rescue, the sacrifice, the Spark, and everything at stake.

  “It didn’t become real until the wood faery died in my hands,” Noli sniffed. She’d buried her at the bottom of the oak. “I don’t want to be the cause of an entire civilization dying. I don’t want V to die either—even if he’s behaving most erratically—but,” sighing, she pulled her knees to her chest. “I don’t want to die either.” Her head rested on her knees. “I wish I’d never made that wish.”

  “If you hadn’t, you’d still be at Findlay.” Charlotte put a hand on her shoulder.

  “Such a dreadful place,” Noli agreed. “I would’ve run away.”

  “And done what? Gone home to your mama and hoped she didn’t drag you back?”

  She’d forgotten about that little detail, but everything looked better in hindsight. “Yes, I suppose, and gone to Jeff if I had to.”

  James had given her a letter from Jeff, who missed her, and invited her to come and visit—not that Mama would ever allow her. But it warmed her heart. Occupation aside, she missed him.

  Charlotte smiled. “I can’t believe your brother is an air pirate. I think I’d like to be one. Could you imagine? Some of the female air pirates even wear trousers.”

  Noli covered her mouth in mock dismay and they laughed. “Oh, a courtier in the high queen’s court wore trousers. Scandalous. And corsets! It seemed that here the thing to do is to wear corsets on the outside of your dress. Can you imagine?” She looked at her bare arms. “I still can’t believe I’ve been running around all day with bare arms and no corset.”

  “Oh, you’re such a scarlet woman,” Charlotte teased.

  Noli’s cheeks warmed. “I feel like I’ve been nothing but a dollymop since coming here. Can I tell you a secret?”

  “Of course you can.” Scooting closer, Charlotte put an arm around her.

  “Since coming here I’ve been having,” casting her eyes down, she bit her lip. Saying such things out loud seemed so naughty. “Feelings, urges, like the kind Dr. Martin always talked about. I didn’t really know what he meant until recently.” Arms around her legs, Noli rested her cheek on her knees. “V tried to find me in his dreams, and we did things.”

  “Really?” Charlotte’s green eyes sparkled. “Like what?”

  “We … ” She closed her eyes. Was she truly ready to admit this? She needed to tell someone. Charlotte wouldn’t judge her. “We kissed, and I let him touch me through my night dress and … ” Her voice hushed. “I liked it. Mama always said marital relations were a duty, but I think they could actually be pleasant under the right circumstances.” “They can be unpleasant.” Charlotte’s voice colored with pain and she gazed off into the distance. “But I’d think if it was out of love and not anger or perversion it could be nice.”

&n
bsp; The two of them curled against each other, Charlotte’s head on Noli’s shoulder, Noli’s head on top of Charlotte’s.

  “The heat in my dreams is still there, in person, I mean. He’s kissed me several times since and … ” Noli’s voice broke as she remembered him pushing her away, yelling at her. Tears pricked her eyes.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m so confused. He tells me I mean something to him one moment, the next he won’t even touch me. Is he toying with me? Kevighn said V’s not good for me. I know Kevighn is a lying cad and a rake, but I never thought V would hurt me.” Her hand went to her chest. “He’s my best friend.”

  “Slow down. Isn’t Kevighn the one who kidnapped you?”

  Noli looked around, praying the boys were out of earshot. “He is. Lying and roguish ways aside, he’s not that bad.” Her cheeks warmed. She sounded like a twittering idiot. “He … he’s said several times that I should be with him. I don’t know if they were pretty words meant to entrap me or not but … he … he kissed me.”

  “Did he, now?” Charlotte’s eyes danced. “Is he a good kisser?”

  “I’m not sure if he kisses better than V. He’s so different. One night he got me drunk and … ” She winced at the memory of her indiscretion. “He got my dress off. I can’t believe he saw me in only my undergarments.”

  Charlotte giggled. “My word, you’re a prude, Noli. By the way you’re blushing, one would think he got you undressed and under the covers.”

  Noli’s mouth dropped open at her friend’s blunt words. “I … ”

  “You wished he did, didn’t you? I can’t believe it.” She clapped her hands to her chest.

  “He’s nothing but a lying rake and rogue—the kind where no good will ever come from falling for such a man,” Noli replied, saying the words she needed to believe.

  “But you have?”

  “I don’t know,” she wailed. “It could be because he’s dangerous, because I know he’s bad for me—like stuffing yourself with sweets because they’re tasty even though you know you’ll have a bellyache in the morning.”

  “Oh, he’s one of those.” Charlotte waved her hand. “You’re right, no good can come from loving a man like that—also, he wishes to kill you.”

  “I know.” Noli exhaled sharply, slumping over.

  “What of V, how do you feel about him?”

  “I … ” Her heart raced. “I enjoy being with him. We have a lot in common. I don’t know why he’s running hot and cold.”

  “It sounds as if he’s under a lot of stress. Men under stress sometimes behave strangely.”

  “They do?”

  Charlotte nodded. “When my father was alive sometimes he’d be in terribly foul moods when things were difficult at work.”

  “Oh.” Her father hadn’t been like that. Could her mother be on edge all the time because she felt stress? It was difficult for her mother to run the shop, pay the bills, and raise Noli.

  “How do you feel about V?” Charlotte put a hand to her mouth and giggled.

  “I like to kiss him.” She looked away, cheeks warming at her admission. “How can I be attracted to two so very different men at the same time? Perhaps I truly am a dollymop.”

  “You’re no dollymop. I hear girls speak of being attracted to multiple men, of their affections being torn— especially between who’s proper for them to marry, and who made their heart race and insides tingle.”

  “Really?” Noli laughed. It seemed scandalous to speak so freely. Charlotte seemed to know so much. But then Noli never could be bothered with such things previously.

  “Really.”

  “How do they decide?” Relief washed over her to know her feelings weren’t abnormal.

  “Their fathers decide for them. Usually it’s the man who’s proper for them to marry. You know how it is.” Charlotte shrugged. “Some men are fun to dance and flirt with, but those men aren’t the sort you’d want to marry.”

  “True.” Those were the sort who’d continue to dance and flirt after the wedding. Yes, she could see Kevighn being the type of man who’d go out carousing, even with a wife and children at home.

  That didn’t diminish his attractiveness.

  “V kissed me earlier.” Noli closed her eyes to shut out the images. “Then … ” her voice cracked. “He pushed me away—physically. He yelled at me and told me to leave.”

  “He did?” Charlotte stroked her hair. “Then what?”

  “I left. Then Kevighn found me and told me I should be with him.”

  “And?”

  “V came, apologized, and you came.” So many emotions welled inside her, overwhelming her to the point where she didn’t know what to think.

  “You don’t want to be with Kevighn, not really,” Charlotte replied. “Ruffians are often attractive only because we know they’re bad for us.”

  “That makes perfect sense.”

  Charlotte continued, “See past his exterior, his fine words, the way he makes you feel—there’s not the substance that V has. Besides, Kevighn wants to kill you, remember? He tricked you and seduced you on orders from the queen.”

  It sounded so clear cut when Charlotte said it. “You’re right.”

  “It’s all right to feel attracted to him,” she reassured, arms around her. “But you shouldn’t even think of entertaining anything—not for one second. He feels nothing for you. Men like that couldn’t love someone if they tried. They’re naught but a bundle of lies.”

  A sigh escaped Noli’s lips. If only her mixed emotions could escape with it. “I know.”

  “But they are nice to look at.” Charlotte grinned. “You’re right.” Noli looked at Charlotte. “I still feel so selfish. I don’t want to give up my life—even for a people, even to live in comfort with nearly every wish fulfilled … ” Emotions warred within her and her voice broke. “Oh, how I miss my mama.”

  “You’re not selfish. But this is quite a predicament.” For a moment Charlotte looked thoughtful.

  “How can you be so cheerful and positive even though—” Her mouth clamped shut. How could she say such a thing?

  “Life is what you make of it. I know my days are numbered. I can feel it. I choose to live those days out as happily as I can—and thanks to James,” a silly grin spread across Charlotte’s pale face. “Thanks to him, I’m in no pain, I’ve found someone who loves me and I love him. Even though we might not have much time together, it’s worth it.”

  “What if he can fix you? What if you can have more time?” They’d just been reunited; she couldn’t die.

  “If I can, I will, but I’m not going to fret over it.” Charlotte smiled. “And neither should you. We should spend our time together happily.”

  Noli’s face contorted. “Does it hurt you that I want to go home?”

  “You have a place to go. If anything, I’m jealous—but only a little. I’ll miss you when you do. I think I’ll like it here with James.”

  The idea of staying with Charlotte certainly tempted.

  “I need to make up with my mother. I need to ask her forgiveness. I… I want to try to be a better daughter— perhaps not a perfect one, but a better one,” Noli finally replied.

  Charlotte nodded. “That sounds like a good plan to me.”

  She had trouble understanding Charlotte’s attitude. Charlotte had just found someone she loved. How could a brief time together be as good as a lifetime?

  Noli sighed. “This is all so hard.”

  “No, it’s not. Be happy. I choose to be happy.” “What would make me happy?” The obvious would be going home.

  “Only you can decide.” Charlotte snuggled closer, eyes drooping. “I’m sleepy.”

  “Take a nap.” She tucked her friend in.

  Be happy. Could it be that easy? Did V make her happy? As her best friend he did. Could he make her happy as more than her best friend, present behavior aside?

  As Charlotte fell asleep, Noli thought about it hard. As she drifted off herself, sh
e realized the answer was yes.

  Thirty

  It’s Just Not Fair

  Noli awoke; Charlotte snuggled against her, using her as a pillow. Darkness cloaked the room and her stomach rumbled. Carefully edging Charlotte’s head off her and onto a proper pillow, she climbed out of the bed and padded off to find something to eat—or V. Butterflies fluttered in her belly when she thought of him.

  Yes, Kevighn might awaken feelings deep within her, but she wanted V.

  She checked the library first. Was he even sill awake? Soft, concerned voices came from the library.

  “It’s imminent?” James’ voice dripped with uncharacteristic defeat and worry.

  “I believe so. According to the books I’ve found that’s just not something we can cure.” V sighed. “I’m not even sure if we can make it so she could walk again. I don’t know about you, but my magic’s behaving oddly. Also, it might take awhile, and from the look of it, I’m not sure how much time she has. We can try to seek outside help, but … ”

  “I know; who would help us? Especially to save a mortal.” James’ voice turned bitter.

  Standing outside the door of the library, angling her body so they couldn’t see her, Noli put a knuckle to her mouth as the realization hit.

  Charlotte was going to die—and they could do nothing to save her.

  She sank to her knees on the hallway rug. What was the point of having magic if they couldn’t save anyone? Wait. That wasn’t fair. There was a difference between talking to trees and healing tumors. Noli wasn’t even sure what a tumor was other than a death sentence. Certainly it escaped mortal doctors. Still …

  “Don’t cry, Noli.” V crouched in front of her. “I guess you heard.”

  “Why does everything here have to end with people dying? It’s not fair,” she sobbed.

  “It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair—and that’s not fair either.” He shot her a lopsided grin that reminded her of better times.

  “Why is that?” Noli felt like the turtle who carried the world on her back.

  “I don’t know.” He held out his hand. “Charlotte’s asleep?”