Threads of Faith

by Andrea Boeshaar

He turned his head as if realizing how very unwise such an action would be. Here they both stood in front of all his crew to see. Disappointment assailed her, and in the next moment she wondered if she were in more danger now than she’d been in on the streets of London.

  CHAPTER 8

  D ARKNESS CAME DOWN fast, and the captain guided her back toward Mr. Bentley and to a short, nearby bench. She sat down. Any magic she’d felt moments ago had been whisked away on the night’s sea wind, which was just fine with Julianna. She had no business falling for the captain’s charm, although his masculine scent emanated from his jacket she wore about her shoulders. She had to admit that she found it quite appealing.

  But she wasn’t about to end up like Flora or Mum. She’d not fall in love or give herself over to a sailing man.

  As an inward show of defiance, Julianna shrugged off the captain’s jacket and handed it back to him. Better that she freeze to death if need be.

  He gave her a curious look.

  “I’m warm enough now, thank you.” She lifted her gaze to the sky, longing to set her mind on other things than one handsome sea captain. Stars were sprinkled throughout its inky depths.

  “Well, now,” Mr. Bentley drawled, “I can see the fresh air has lifted both your spirits. We’ve had fine weather on this voyage, not that I’m jinxing it.”

  “Please don’t.” The captain folded his coat over his forearm. How he could stand on the deck without holding on for dear life amazed her. He looked her way. “I think we’d best get you back inside, Miss Wayland.”

  “Oh, no, please, Captain. Just a while longer?” Salty sea spray sprinkled over her as the ship dipped, then rose again, and Julianna decided it felt far more refreshing here than locked inside her cell.

  “All right. A few more minutes.”

  She smiled and glanced upward. The stars mesmerized her. “I see black velvet and a million diamond buttons—a gown fit for a queen.”

  “I wouldn’t know about such lavish apparel.” Mr. Bentley snorted a laugh that claimed Julianna’s attention. “But I’ll bet the captain’s countess does.”

  “A countess?” She turned and strained to see the captain’s expression in the dark. “You have a countess?”

  “One doesn’t have a countess like one has a hound, Miss Wayland.”

  The retort stung. “Begging your pardon, sir. I didn’t mean any insult. I was merely curious.”

  He exhaled audibly. “I shouldn’t have been so gruff.”

  She relaxed a bit and looked heavenward again, mentally arranging the pieces she’d learned about the captain into a picture of what kind of man he really was. And, of course, he’d consort with countesses and other important people. Hadn’t he said he’d attended Mr. Tolbert’s dinner affair?

  Her mind conjured up memories of that night. Julianna wondered why she hadn’t noticed the dashing captain, Perhaps because she’d been working so hard to make sure her actions were perfect for Mr. Tolbert’s fine guests. Only the wealthy and privileged had been invited.

  “The captain has a countess, all right.” Mr. Bentley’s voice sang with amusement. “She’s a beauty.” Hands firmly on the ship’s wheel, he stepped nearer to where Julianna sat. “Best of all, she’s rich.”

  “Yes, so I’d assumed.”

  “That’s enough, Bent. I’m sure Miss Wayland doesn’t want to be bored with the details of my private life.”

  “On the contrary, Captain. I find it a hundred times more interesting than the tales that Jeremy reads to me.”

  She heard his soft chuckle in reply.

  “Well, our cap’n ’ere is truly amazing. I know he won’t mind me bragging on him.”

  “Must you?”

  “If you don’t mind, sir.” The first mate didn’t wait for an answer.

  “The master is from humble beginnings, proving that we Yanks can rise up through the social ranks.” He dipped one eye. “But more likely is that he charmed his countess senseless.”

  Julianna grinned while Captain Sundberg expelled a weary-sounding sigh. “What kind of humble beginnings—if you don’t mind me asking.”

  “He’s from a farm in the middle of America,” Bently rushed on before the captain could answer. “In a state called Wisconsin.”

  She had no idea where in the world that was. “A farm, you say? I’ve always dreamed of living in the country meself.”

  “Cows, goats, pigs, and the like,” Mr. Bentley added.

  “I’d prefer them to men any day—present company excluded, of course.”

  “Of course,” the captain said.

  She heard his amused tone, and it made her smile.

  “Mind if I continue, sir?” Mr. Bentley eyed the captain.

  “Why not? You’ve already told her most of my life’s story.” The captain strode to the side of the deck and peered out over the water.

  “Wisconsin is where his parents and sisters still live.”

  Julianna felt pangs of jealousy. “You have a family, Captain?” That’s all she’d ever wanted in her whole life.

  “Two families, I guess you might say. Isn’t that right, sir?” Again, Mr. Bentley barreled on before the captain could get a word in. “He left the farm at age fifteen, thinking he’d fight in America’s Civil War. But Mr. Ramsey found him before the army did and raised him up the rest of the way. Like his own son. Soon our beloved captain will be running Mr. Ramsey’s shipping company from New York City.” He chortled. “But try as you might, Cap’n, you’ll never persuade me to leave the love of m’life—the sea.”

  Typical sailor. Julianna rolled her eyes.

  The captain turned back around and grinned. “I know better than to ask you to become a landlubber.” A long moment’s pause ensued. “You may as well know right now, I plan to make you the master of the Allegiance on her voyage back to London.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  Julianna noted the tone of gratitude in Mr. Bentley’s voice. Being promoted to sea captain must certainly be an honor—and how thoughtful of the captain to bestow it on his trusty first mate. But that Captain Sundberg had left his family behind to sail the seas was beyond her level of comprehension.

  Unless that family consisted of an evil lot.

  “May I be so bold to inquire why you left your family and the farm, Captain?”

  “He wanted adventure, Miss.”

  Captain Sundberg cleared his throat. “You are not the master of this ship yet, Bent.”

  “My apologies, sir.”

  Julianna found herself enjoying the banter. She could hear in the captain’s voice that he was only mildly annoyed with his first mate. “Did your first family mistreat you, Captain? Is that what prompted you to flee?”

  “I was never mistreated, no.”

  “Hmm . . . ” Julianna still couldn’t understand why someone would leave his home and family for anything short of self-preservation. “Adventure comes at a high price, doesn’t it?”

  “And that means?”

  Beneath the light of a slivered moon Julianna saw the captain step toward her. “Family is of great price, is it not? And a home?” She lowered her gaze. “I never had either, although I’ve always had me sister, Flora. I guess I should consider her me family.”

  “Some ’ave it better than others,” Mr. Bentley remarked. “Just the way o’ the world.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” Sadness gripped her when she thought she might never see Flora again. Despite her position of ill repute and her imbibing, Flora was still her sister. Julianna’s gaze returned to the captain. “I’m ready to go inside now, sir.”

  Two nights later Daniel sat at his desk, logging the Allegiance’s progress. He felt pleased. The wind had remained in their favor, so each night he logged three hundred—sometimes four hundred—miles. The only exceptions were those days during the storm in which he’d been blown slightly off course. The rough waters afterward made it difficult to get back on the navigational track. But the Allegiance and her crew had done it—and m
ore. At this rate Daniel wouldn’t be surprised if they made New York City in eighteen days, certainly one of this ship’s better records. George would be pleased.

  Setting down his pen, he sat back. An unusual quiet came from the jail. After the night he’d taken Julianna on deck for air, she’d been reticent, speaking only when spoken to, and he couldn’t keep from pondering over her change in behavior.

  Had she sensed the strange and powerful attraction between them? How could she not? Perhaps it had frightened her. It had certainly put him on high alert—again. Why he allowed himself to be in the least distracted by her, Daniel couldn’t figure. A mistake. George would have a conniption if he learned Daniel felt such an attraction to a serving girl. So, as a counterbalance of sorts, he made a point these past two days to send Kidwell in here to deliver her meals. The young man hadn’t objected. In fact, Kidwell spent every free minute in Julianna’s company.

  But, again, why did he care? He shouldn’t!

  Which brought Daniel to a matter of great importance that warranted discussion.

  “Miss Wayland?” In spite of the late hour he sensed she wasn’t asleep.

  “Yes, sir?”

  He stood. Kidwell had been visiting just an hour before, and Daniel had allowed the jail cell to remain open.

  “Can you come out into my office so I might have a few words with you?”

  She didn’t reply, but Daniel heard the wood creak ever so slightly as she rose from her berth. Moments later she stepped into his office. She’d taken to wearing her long, brown tresses in a knot that hung between her shoulder blades. She’d removed her white apron, so now she stood before him in only her black uniform dress. The bruises on her face were healing nicely; only yellow shadows existed where Griswald’s fists had struck her.

  “Julianna . . . ” Chagrin exploded in his gut. He’d played her name on his tongue many times the past forty-eight hours, but always in private whispers. He hadn’t meant to allow formalities to slip. He cleared the discomfort from his throat. “May I call you by your given name?”

  “Of course.” She looked at him askance without a trace of suspicion in her gray eyes.

  Daniel came around and sat on the corner of his desk. “I’m estimating that in about four days we’ll reach New York’s harbor, and we have yet to decide on a plan for you.”

  Her gaze fell to the floor.

  Daniel regretted the news he had to tell her. But perhaps she’d be ecstatic. “Kidwell has offered to pay your passage. He’s got plans to go west once we reach America. He’d like to take you with him.”

  “Yes, sir, I know.”

  Daniel raised his brows in surprise. “You know? So Kidwell proposed marriage?”

  She looked up. “No. He just told me he needs a woman to accompany him on his journey.”

  “And you accepted?”

  She hesitated. “No, sir, I didn’t. That is, I didn’t give him an answer. Jeremy was quick to point out that I’ve no other options.

  But . . . ”

  “But?” Daniel glimpsed the hopefulness in her eyes and tried to ignore it. “He’s right. You have no other options.”

  She quickly dropped her gaze again. Her shoulders drooped slightly forward as if in defeat. Remorse knifed him. But what could he do?

  “Kidwell has been in my employ a couple of times now, Julianna, and I’m confident that he won’t mistreat you.”

  Still peering at the tips of her black boots, she moved her head in a submissive nod.

  Daniel wrestled with a mutiny of emotions, telling himself this seemed the most logical solution. “Take Kidwell’s offer. Perhaps you’ll get that family you’ve always wanted.”

  “With Jeremy?” Her head swung up and she stared at him. “Quite unlikely, Captain.”

  “Why?”

  She swallowed obvious discomfort, although her eyes held his gaze captive. “There’s only one man I’ll ever love. I realize that now. It’s a curse, you see, handed down by me mother. She fell for a seafaring man herself.”

  Daniel folded his arms. Why did he feel so insanely jealous all of a sudden? “Where is this seafaring man that you love? Any idea?”

  “Oh, I know where he is.” Julianna turned her back to him. “But he’s well above my grasp. Still, I’ll never marry anyone else.” On a sigh she whirled around to face him again. “So . . . I suppose I’ll go with Jeremy if that’s my only choice.” Her voice grew softer, although the determination in her tone still remained. “Except I shan’t marry him.”

  “Hmm . . . well, I admire your faithfulness to your heart, although it doesn’t behoove you to play the martyr or become a hopeless romantic.” Daniel pushed to his feet and walked to where she stood. He gently cupped her face. Her eyes reminded him of a balmy sea at dusk. “You’re a beautiful woman, Julianna.”

  She seemed to warm to his compliment for only seconds before her gray eyes darkened. “What’s beauty got to do with it?”

  “And sassy.” He smiled into her gaze. “Did I mention that you’re sassy?”

  She pulled back and stepped beyond his reach.

  “I’m sorry to tease you.” He wiped the grin from his lips. “All humor aside, Julianna, you deserve to be happy. Forget that sailing man.” Daniel wagged his head. “Whoever he is, he’s not worthy of your affection.”

  She just stared up at him in . . . in adoration?

  He laughed inwardly and retreated into the center of his office. Clearly he imagined her shining esteem just now. Didn’t he?

  “The man I love is more than worthy of someone like me. It’s just . . . ” She paused, and Daniel felt her presence just behind his left elbow. “Well, isn’t there any other way, Captain? What about the nuns? Does America have convents? Wouldn’t they take me?”

  “A nun?” Daniel turned slowly back around, and he might have laughed, except for the austerity scribed across her face.

  “I’ve been reading your Bible, and I know I love God. Each word speaks to me in a special way.”

  “That doesn’t mean you’re called to be a nun. My mother is a godly woman, and she’s not a nun, obviously.”

  “But what else can I do?”

  Daniel grappled for an answer. Far be it for him to persuade her from her divine calling. However, the idea just didn’t sit well in his gut. “Don’t you want children, Julianna?”

  “Not if it means begetting them with Jeremy Kidwell.”

  A chuckle escaped him. She was honest if nothing else. But why Daniel felt encouraged was most peculiar and quite unreasonable.

  He drew in a slow, thoughtful breath. He wouldn’t insist, even though it went against every grain of logic he possessed. But perhaps he merely pitied her. After all, he knew what it was like to be young, alone, and scared. Fortunately for him he’d found a trusted friend in George Ramsey. Daniel couldn’t be 100 percent sure Kidwell would be as good, even honorable, to Julianna.

  “Well, I suppose . . . ” He ran a hand along his whiskered jaw. “In all good conscience I can’t force you to accept Kidwell’s offer.”

  “Oh, thank you, Captain.” The tension disappeared from her features, and she closed the distance between them. “It’s true what they say about you.” She clasped her hands over her heart. “You are the prince of sea captains.”

  “Now, now . . . ” He wanted to be humble, although her remark pleased him.

  But seconds later he felt pinned by her gaze. In it he saw a mix of vulnerability and tenacity. Her pouty lips challenged him to kiss, and he wanted to in the worst way.

  He brushed silky strands of hair from her face and traced the side of her cheek with his finger. She didn’t move or swat his hand away. Could it be she felt the same intense stirrings?

  He lowered his head. She lifted her chin. Suddenly their lips met, and he drank in the delicate sweetness she so willingly gave. A desire, fierce and intoxicating, swept through him, and he knew he had to fight against it, lest he be helplessly and forever caught in its snare.

  He
pulled away, but then hugged Julianna to him. He closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. He felt like he’d run a mile. This was wrong. He knew it. Still, he didn’t want to let her go.

  Her hands slowly slid up his back, and another dizzying wave washed over him. However, in that very moment, he sensed a scheme. Could it be he’d fallen for an age-old trick?

  Taking her by her shoulders, he pushed her away and held her at arm’s length. “What are you doing?” Playing the temptress is what he presumed.

  “I–I don’t know.”

  She looked a bit dazed and Daniel instantly knew he’d misjudged her.

  “What am I doing? That’s a good question.” Julianna stepped back into his embrace. She rested her head on his chest. “I should be terrified, but I’m not. You’re the most decent, honest, warm, and . . . and loving man I’ve ever met. I’ll never forget you, Captain Daniel Sundberg.”

  He held her again, one arm around her waist, the other cupping her head. He immediately understood. He’d shown kindness to a young woman who’d never known kindness from a man before. Now she fancied herself in love with him.

  So then he ought to set her straight.

  Right now.

  She should go with Kidwell and find happiness.

  Why did he keep his mouth shut?

  Julianna could hear the captain’s heart drumming out a rapid but steady beat. He was the man she loved—and she would love him forever. Since that starry night when they stood on the deck, she’d known it. She hadn’t wanted to love him. Nothing would come of it.

  And she was wrong to cling to him this way.

  She strained back, and he let up on his hold. Julianna touched his reddish-brown beard, marveling at its softness. His lips found her fingertips.

  “Will you kiss me one last time?”

  He obliged her, and Julianna was stunned by his gentleness. He trailed kisses down her jaw and neck, and a soft moan escaped her.

  Then, abruptly, he pushed her away.

  “Enough, Julianna. This dallying isn’t good for either one of us. What’s more, if one of my men should happen to walk through that door—”

  “You’re right.” She smoothed down the front of her dress. “And please believe me when I say that I’m no hussy, even if I did enjoy meself just now.”