Hard Hit: IceCats series

by Toni Aleo

  Fuck me. I smile kindly. “You’re great, Mal, and I enjoy our lunches—”

  “But?”

  I smile, even though he looks so dejected. “But I’m not feeling it.”

  “It?” he asks, his eyes holding mine.

  “The spark.”

  “A spark, huh?” he says with a little bit of laughter. “There aren’t sparks anymore at our age. Now, it’s about finding someone to live life with. Have some kids before it’s too late. Be real, Jaylin.”

  “At our age? What does that even mean?”

  “It means we can’t be picky. It’s time to have kids.”

  My jaw drops. “Malcolm, I’m only thirty-three.”

  “And I’m almost forty.”

  I blink. “Okay, well, for me, I want the spark.”

  He nods before he gets up, grabbing his coat. “I won’t waste either of our time, then. It was nice to get to know you. Have a good life.”

  And without another glance or even a word, he walks out with that damn coat hanging over his arm. I watch as he leaves, going over what just happened. Am I getting to the age where I have to settle for someone who’s just okay? Or someone I can tolerate for the rest of my life? I don’t want that. I want someone who gives me the fucking spark. Someone I look at and feel safe. Someone I know has my back, as I’ll have his. I don’t know why I want a man—I’m a pretty independent chick, but I do want one. I want my forever.

  And I blame this all on my best friend.

  When I arrive at Willz Sub Shop, I park beside my best friend’s new SUV and laugh at the sight of it. My best friend, Aviva, never wanted an SUV, or a minivan, but I don’t think she was ever looking for anyone like Nico Merryweather either. As I head to the door, I notice that it’s not busy since the lunch rush just finished, but there are some folks inside. Behind the counter, Aviva moves around, acting like she isn’t six months pregnant. I shake my head as I sit at the newly installed counter. I’m pretty sure they built this so Nico could eat and stare at Aviva with only a sheet of glass between them.

  When Aviva sees me, she grins before leaning on the counter. “The usual? Oh, wait. You had lunch with Malcolm.”

  “Yup. And paid for it too since he left.” Her eyes widen as I nod, rolling my own. “That’s over.”

  “Over? It just started.”

  “I know, but he said we’re at the age where we need to settle down and have kids with someone we like, not feel a spark with.”

  She makes a face. “Jesus.”

  “Exactly.”

  She leans on her elbows, watching me, and I let out a long sigh. “This is your fault,” I accuse, and she laughs as she stands up, cupping her belly.

  “There it is,” she chuckles as she shakes her head. “No one said you had to want what I have.”

  “Well, when you flaunt it all the time, it’s hard not to!”

  “I don’t flaunt it.”

  I shoot her a deadpan look. “Aviva, you legit are always happy. Like, it’s sickening.”

  She mocks, “Apparently not too sickening, because you want the same.”

  Ah, she’s got me there, and she knows it. She giggles as Callie, her baby sister, comes out from the back. She’s in a leotard and shorts, ready to go to gymnastics, I assume, since that’s where she always is. She was awarded a scholarship to the University of Bellevue in Nashville for gymnastics and academics for the fall. It’s pretty badass, and I cried like a baby during her graduation. Not sure if I cried more then or when she had her double mastectomy surgery this past spring. It’s a toss-up since I love that girl something fierce.

  Aviva and I both raised her. After Aviva’s mom died, it was Aviva, Callie, and me against the world. Of course, my parents were awesome and helpful, but Aviva’s dad was a piece of shit for sure. It was okay, though, because we had each other. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just the world we were against.

  Breast cancer has always been the enemy.

  A bastard of one too. Aviva and I went through a lot of it together, and I think watching us terrified Callie. Add in the fact that she carries the gene for the same cancer we both had, the same cancer that killed her mom, and she was dead set on having the double mastectomy. Now, she has small little implants that don’t get in the way of her gymnastics but still give her that womanly feeling. I promised her tattooed nipples when she finishes her first year of college. We’re also waiting for Aviva to get her implants, which is planned for after the baby is born.

  She was supposed to get them with Callie, but a surprise pregnancy stopped that.

  Not that I think she cares about the implants at all. Never in my life have I seen Aviva this happy. She has always put on a brave face for Callie and me, but once she rear-ended Nico, even I knew things were about to change for her. He worships her, and I don’t think she could love him any more. He makes her love herself, and I love that about him. I am so thankful for him, but it’s because he is so wonderful that I want a Nico of my own. I want someone to look at me the way he looks at Aviva and to love me the way he loves her. I never craved that until now.

  Until I saw what it was like to be loved by a man who completes you.

  Don’t get me wrong, I want the house, the husband, and the kids, but I’ve been so career-driven for so long, I ignored that yearning. I fought through school to get my degree and the respect of my peers. I was the only black woman in my program, and my pride wouldn’t allow me to settle for anything but perfection. Then I joined a firm where I didn’t belong. It was a male-dominated firm, and while they may have had some people of my race on staff, we still weren’t treated the way we should have been.

  I joined the firm I’m at now about four years ago. I knew the moment I walked in that I’d found my home. Feliciana Montcrieff graduated from the same program I did, just twenty years before me. She is one badass chick and powerful as all get-out. I never thought I would find a boss who gets me the way she does, and I love working for her. There’s been talk of her making me partner, but sometimes I’m unsure if I want that. If I want to have a family and a life outside of the firm, I may have to settle for being an awesome lawyer instead of the boss. I guess, in a way, I’ll be the boss of my household.

  While it does scare me to think that might not be enough, I feel, deep in my soul, it will be. I want to be loved. I want to be appreciated and worshiped. That person is out there for me. I just have to find him. However, he has been very hard to find thus far.

  “Off to the gym, sweet girl?”

  Callie beams at me as she comes around the counter. “Yup, trying to get my training in with Amelia before I leave.”

  Amelia is her coach, and she actually competed at Bellevue. She was an incredible gymnast; I know this because I may have stalked her online to make sure she was good enough for Callie. Thankfully, now she’s an incredible coach and mom. We like her around here, and she’s an IceCats’ wife, so Aviva sees a lot of her at Nico’s hockey gatherings and events. I don’t even have a toe in the hockey world, but since I represent Aviva, I have gotten some clients from the IceCats.

  “That’s cool. Ready to be a big girl off at college?”

  She grins. “Yes and no,” she says shyly. “I don’t want to leave everyone. I know I’ll come back for the birth, which is good, but I still don’t want to leave. Then I remember I can’t date anyone with Nico around, wanting to kill them.”

  I snort when, as if on cue, Nico comes out of the back. He gives her a look as he wraps his arms around both his girls before he beams at me. “Hey, Jay.”

  “Hey, Nico,” I sing to him, and he kisses Aviva’s cheek before patting Callie on the head. He towers over both of them, and I guess it’s good he’s bigger than a tree since he’s the goalie for the IceCats. He’s a good dude; Nico is. A little weird and has absolutely no filter, but he’s a great guy for Aviva and Callie. I hear he’s going to adopt Callie once he and Aviva get married. Callie will be over eighteen, but I still think it’s sweet. He loves them both so damn muc
h. Callie moves out of his arms, grabbing her bag from the side of the counter.

  “Gotta run. I’ll see you guys later.”

  With that, Callie makes her exit as I lean forward on my hands. Aviva watches as her sister leaves, crossing the parking lot to where her gymnastics gym is. I know Aviva isn’t handling her sister going away to college well. Can’t blame her. It’s always only been Aviva and Callie, with me, of course, for a long time.

  “It’s going to be fine. We’ll go visit whenever you want.”

  She gives me a small smile before Nico kisses her cheek and then grabs his keys. “What she said.”

  I wink at him, and I know it makes me an asshole since I’m aware it makes him uncomfortable, but I do it anyway. He doesn’t like to look me, or anyone but Aviva and Callie, in the eye. It’s odd, but he could ignore me forever as long as he is good to my girls. With apprehension in her eyes, Aviva sighs heavily. She cups her growing belly and glances back at Nico. She doesn’t talk much about Callie leaving, but it’s all over her face that she doesn’t want her to go. “Where are you going?”

  “I gotta run to Kirby’s.”

  I choke on my spit at the sound of his name.

  The one that got away. Sigh. But really, is it getting away when we never actually started anything? Just a lot of good conversations and fun nights. Nothing sexual, nothing intimate. Just friendly and fun. Still, my heart skips a beat, trips, and falls face first on itself. His name, Kirby Litman… Ugh, it gets me. I wanted so bad for something to happen between us, but the universe had other plans.

  Le sigh.

  “Everything okay?”

  He grimaces. “Not really.”

  “What?” she asks, concern in her voice.

  His eyes cut to me and then back to her. “I’ll call you.”

  I give him a dry look. “I’m in the inner circle, Nico. Love me!” He laughs as he heads out. Quickly. Even Aviva is laughing, but when I glance back at her, I ask, “You’ll tell me later?”

  “Totally.”

  And that’s why Aviva is my best friend.

  Chapter Three

  Jaylin

  * * *

  “Ms. Raventorn? Your mother is on line one.”

  I hold my groan since, apparently, I’m a professional. It’s hard, but I also don’t want my assistant to know I don’t have the willpower or patience to speak to my mother right now. I know for a fact that Malcolm’s mom has already called my mom to complain that I blew him off. This means I have now embarrassed my mother and she will not be able to show her face at Sunday school. Doesn’t matter that Malcolm only wants me because I’m convenient. Or that he’s at his prime or whatever the hell he said. I’ve already forgotten.

  My mind is full of thoughts of Kirby. I don’t even know why. I haven’t spoken to him in over a year. When he got back with his girlfriend, who may or may not have been an ex—I’m not sure what that situation is—he cut off all contact with me out of respect for both his girlfriend and me. He didn’t want to lead me on, and with how gorgeous I am, I know his girlfriend would be jealous. I am curious to know what’s up with him, though. I hope all is well. But I know he is okay. He is one of those people who doesn’t ever back down from a fight. If he wants something or sees a way to make things better, he’ll make it happen.

  I haven’t heard from Aviva, and it’s killing me. I’m dying for the tea.

  “Ms. Raventorn?”

  Ugh. My mom. “Yes, sorry. Distracted. Please put her through, and then can you send me the Oleoff file? For the bookstore?”

  “Absolutely,” she says quickly, but before I can thank her, she’s bringing my mom on the line. “Mrs. Raventorn, you’re on with Ms. Raventorn.”

  Mom doesn’t hold back. “Jaylin Renee! He was a good man! Good money. He liked you a lot. How am I going to show my face around church? Now I’m going to have such a hard time getting my friends to get you dates.”

  Oh, poo. “Mom, I don’t need dates, FYI.”

  “Jaylin! You’re getting so old. I want grandchildren!”

  That’s the second time I’ve been called old… It doesn’t bode well. “Mom, I’m nowhere near old. I am in the prime of my life. I don’t understand this—you wanted me to have a career. I got that, and now, it’s like, bam! Get a husband and a baby. Give me some time, Mom. Husbands and babies don’t fall from trees.”

  I don’t have to see her to know she has her brows touching and she’s tapping the arm of her recliner. I give her the best headaches, which is unfair since it’s just me. Why couldn’t my parents have given me a sibling to take some of the pressure off? Nope. Just me to have the career, the husband, and the babies. Also, it’s on me to make sure they have the best care later when they can’t take care of themselves. She needs to relax before I put her in a home. Not that I would even do that or say it out loud.

  My mom is terrifying.

  “Malcolm is a good man.”

  “He only wanted me because I was available and can have his babies. He wore his lab coat—all the time. It was weird.”

  “He’s a doctor, child!”

  “And apparently everyone has to know that. It made me feel a certain kind of way.”

  “Honey, he is a good man.”

  “Sure, but not the man for me.”

  “Jaylin, child, you need a good, rich, black man—”

  “I need a good man. The rest doesn’t matter,” I say. I will never understand my mother’s need for me to marry a black man. I’m not saying I don’t love black men; I do. I’ve dated or slept with men of every single skin tone, and it’s been a blast. For me, it’s always been the soul that attracts me…and the dick. He’s gotta have a huge one, or he can’t hang.

  Literally.

  “And I will find him on my own time.”

  “You’re killing me, child.”

  I swear she says that to me about six times a week. When my phone sounds, I look down to see a text from Aviva.

  SistaFromAnotherMista: No, I haven’t forgotten about you. Things are a little spotty. Kirby got thrown a curve ball, so now they are moving things around. These two new players, who are twins, are coming in and they were supposed to stay with Kirby, but something happened. So now, everyone is trying to move them, but Nico doesn’t want them here because he thinks Callie will get gangbanged by them or some shit, so it’s a hot mess.

  My brow perks as my mother bitches about how I don’t have any need for a man and this is her fault. I don’t have to agree with her for her to know she’s right. She is. She has raised me to be so independent that I don’t understand why she thinks I can just settle for some random dude and be happy. While I do want that, as of now, I won’t settle for anyone but the best. I deserve it.

  I lift my phone up and text Aviva back.

  Me: What happened?

  SistaFromAnotherMista: Baby momma drama that I can’t talk about. It’s not good.

  My stomach drops. Maybe I should call? That would be weird, though, and would completely throw Aviva under the bus. But what could have happened?

  Me: Did they break up?

  SistaFromAnotherMista: Jay, they’ve been broken up. It’s about their daughter.

  Talk about being kicked in the stomach. I don’t even know the child, but the fact that she was made from Kirby’s genes, I feel she’s probably spectacular. Just like he’s spectacular… I really miss him. I’m a bit embarrassed by the spark of excitement at the thought of him being single and ready to mingle, but what if he is…

  First, though…

  Me: Is she okay!!!!!!

  SistaFromAnotherMista: Yes, she’s perfectly healthy. Give me some time. I’ll get back to you.

  Me: Oh, thank goodness. On a totally unrelated note, is he looking for some company?

  SistaFromAnotherMista: Jaylin Renee Raventorn. First, that is the same note, and second, NO! Get it together.

  Me: Geez, I was just asking.

  When she sends me the side-eyed emoji, I make a face before set
ting down my phone. I’m so consumed with thoughts and worries, I completely forget that I’m still on the phone with my mom. She’s so far into her rant, she hasn’t even noticed I’m not listening or even contributing to the conversation. It’s quite pathetic.

  “I have another friend. Her son is in the music industry. He has a music house or something. He helped with the last Taylor Swift album, and he’s got the most gorgeous skin. Y’all two’s babies would be such a gorgeous ebony.”

  I literally drop my face into my keyboard. Softly. I’m not trying to mess up my face. “Mom, I’m good.”

  “He makes over seven figures a year.”

  “Bye, Mom.”

  With my face still on my keyboard, I somehow hang up as I groan loudly. I don’t think she’s ever going to quit. Not that I’m surprised. My mom isn’t a quitter, which is where I get it. My dad, though, he’s perfect. He doesn’t push me at all. He is a firm believer in being in love with someone before you marry them. Mom wants money and babies. I don’t know how they got together, honestly. But they make it work, and they love me. Even if my mom is exhausting, my dad’s kindness and support balance it all out.

  And I ignore my mom a lot.

  I lift my face off the keyboard on an exhale before focusing on my computer. I have a million things to do and even to think about, but of course, Kirby is a one-man show in my head. The super-nosy part of me wants to know what is going on. The caring, fixing part of me wants to solve it all for him and make sure he is okay. It may be nothing, but I’m concerned. I just want him to be happy.

  Happy with me would be awesome, but I know that ship has sailed.

  I wanted to be his Stanley Cup. But nope, we couldn’t even make the play-offs.

  Man. Nico would be so proud of that analogy!

  However, it’s understood that no one, and I mean no one, speaks of the loss against that Nashville team. To say Nico and his friends are super in their feelings about losing the last series is putting it mildly. I’ve never seen a grown man cry the way some of the guys did. Super crazy-pants, but then, I don’t get hockey. I mean, the knocking into one another is really hot, but I don’t have the patience to chase around a puck. Plus, I can’t skate, so that’s a thing too.