Duchess

by Nikki Wilson

  Katie’s chin jutted out defiantly. “That’s just a couple of doctors’ opinions. We’re going to find more doctors and different therapies. We’re just looking for the right one for you—that’s all.”

  Chase looked at Shirley’s small form and wondered how he had missed the sickly look about her, though whenever she was around, her dazzling smile and big personality made it hard to see anything else. Sadness crept over him. Why did it seem that death always came to those who knew how to live life to the fullest? His mind immediately went to some of his buddies who didn’t make it home from the war. Shaking his head, he didn’t let the memories finish forming.

  “Katie has me on every ‘super’ food imaginable—even some foods from distant countries. And don’t get me started on the tai chi classes she has me taking.” Shirley rolled her eyes, and he couldn’t help but smile.

  “Tai chi centers your body and spirit, and many people have found healing in that process,” Katie defended.

  “Why didn’t you tell anyone at the center?” Chase asked.

  Shirley just shrugged. “Sometimes it’s nice to pretend I’m just a normal person doing normal things, like volunteering at a veterans’ center.” She looked down pointedly at his right leg before adding, “You know what I mean?”

  He just nodded, but he knew exactly what she meant. He also knew the last thing she wanted was to be pitied.

  “Does your bucket list mention being escorted by a handsome young man?”

  “Yeah. Do you know any?” Shirley giggled.

  “I just happen to be a youngish, sort-of handsome man, and I’m also available tonight.” Something was going on, and he wanted to be a part of it.

  “What? No, Mom. He can’t come!” For some reason, Katie’s face went pale, and her hands began to tremble.

  “Relax, honey. I’m sure he’ll enjoy the show.” There was something about the way she said it that made Chase a little nervous.

  “Exactly whose concert are we going to?” He crossed his fingers that it wasn’t Duchess.

  “It’s Katie, of course. She’ll always be my favorite musician.”

  “Mom!” Red tinged her face. He couldn’t tell if she was angry or embarrassed.

  “You’re giving a concert tonight?” He turned toward her, and suddenly wanted to hear her sing.

  “No.” She started fidgeting with her billowing blouse. “It’s a small performance at a bar. My friend agreed to let me play tonight for my mom.”

  “To me, it will be a concert because she’s already a star.”

  “Yes, I can see that.”

  “Look, you don’t need to come. Really, it’s fine.” Katie’s nervousness intrigued him more.

  Like he was going to pass up a chance to watch her sing in those jeans. He wondered what kind of songs she sang. Were they sad? Passionate? Fun?

  “And deprive Shirley of crossing off another item on her bucket list by refusing to escort her myself? I think not. When do we leave?”

  Chapter Seven

  This can’t be happening, Katie thought as she threw open the door to the bar. It was just her luck—her first performance as herself, and Chase was going to witness it. How could her mother do this to her? Shirley knew how nervous Katie got in front of people. Well, not when she was Duchess, of course, because nobody knew it was her. Tonight was different. Not only would everyone know who she was, but she would be playing her own songs. The ones the agents and record labels had said weren’t good enough. Even scarier than that, she would be singing David’s song. She’d promised her mom.

  Beads of sweat formed on her brow, and she felt a stomachache coming on. Why did she agree to this? This was a very bad idea.

  “Katie!”

  Roderick, the owner of the bar, welcomed her with a hug. “Shirley. It’s a pleasure to see you again. And who is this you brought with you? Have you turned into a cougar without telling me first? How unfair of you!”

  Katie turned as her mother and Chase came in behind her.

  “Oh, Roderick, you know flattery will get you everywhere.” Shirley batted his shoulder with her hand.

  Katie couldn’t believe what a flirt her mother had turned into lately.

  “This is Carter Chase.” Shirley hooked her arm through Chase’s as she introduced him. “He’s with Veterans’ Aid, and Katie is helping them put on a benefit concert.”

  Katie was grateful her mother made the introductions. Personally, she was trying to forget his existence.

  “Just call me Chase.”

  “Nice to meet you, Chase.” Roderick shook his hand while they sized each other up. Katie wasn’t sure why men did that. If they were mountain goats, they would just clash horns and get it over with.

  “I’m going to help set up the stage.” Katie left the group to find Duchess’s band setting up. They’d been very willing to play with her tonight. They learned the music to her songs, which made it difficult to look them in the eye now. What if they didn’t like what she’d written? She supposed she was about to find out.

  “Hey, Jason. What do I need to do?” Katie looked at the stage.

  “Nothing except run a sound check with us.”

  “Of course.” He hadn’t said anything about the songs. She knew she shouldn’t ask, but she couldn’t help herself. “So, how was the music? I mean, I know we didn’t have time to rehearse. I’m sure it was rough.”

  “Rough? No way! Hey, Dan!” Jason waved the drummer over, and Katie felt her heart in her throat. “Tell Katie what you think of the music she gave us.”

  “Oh, yeah, it’s sick! I especially like the one about the soldier. Very heavy stuff.”

  Katie wasn’t sure she could accept what they said at face value. After all, she was paying them to play tonight. Well, actually, Duchess was. As far as they knew, Duchess was really passionate about Shirley’s bucket list. She’d called it a “novel” idea.

  “Um, thanks. Well, let’s do this.” She let out a breath, and Jason laughed.

  “Come on, Katie. You look like you’re going to your own hanging instead of your first gig.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she said, then snapped her mouth shut. On second thought, maybe she wouldn’t be. She turned and ran to the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet before she lost her lunch. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was a famous pop star, for heaven’s sake. She’d been on stages much bigger than this. Why couldn’t she just sing a couple of little songs for the small crowd that would be here? The other voice in her head told her exactly why it wasn’t the same. For one, she never sang her songs. Well, technically, she wrote Duchess’s songs too, but they were simple repetitive riffs she could write in her sleep. These songs? They were her heart and soul in loud musical notes. Soon, her heart and soul would be sounding in the ears of every person in the audience. Unless they were deaf. She couldn’t believe she was actually hoping for a deaf audience. She really should have thought of that for her first gig.

  Taking a shaky breath, she stood up and flushed the toilet. She could do this. It was one night, it was only a few of her own songs, and then she would sing some covers like Roderick had asked her to. Maybe she would start with some covers to loosen her up. The thought helped steady her breathing.

  She was at the sink to rinse out her mouth and check her makeup when her mother walked in.

  “Oh, Katie Bug. I thought you would be over the nerves by now.”

  Katie shook her head as she leaned over the sink and swished and spit. “I’ll be fine.” She couldn’t let her mother down. This was one of her dying wishes, and Katie would fulfill it.

  “You don’t have to do this.”

  “Yes, I do. But I think I’m going to start with some cover songs first to get me relaxed. I think that may work.” She put a brave smile on her face. “Now, get out there and be sure to cheer loud so I can hear you.”

  Shirley looked doubtful for a moment before smiling. “Of course. I’ll be the one with the air horn.”

  Katie had a
feeling she wasn’t kidding. She watched her mother leave and took a deep breath to steady herself.

  I can do this, she thought one more time before opening the door.

  It was still early, but the bar had already begun to fill up. She tried not to focus on the number of people. She went to the stage and started the sound check.

  An hour later, it was time for the show, and once again, Katie wished for a deaf audience. She couldn’t wish for a non-existent one because it was a full house tonight. She wasn’t sure why. No one knew who she was, did they?

  “Welcome to Shooters!” Roderick was at the mic giving the intro. Katie took a few more deep breaths and imagined she was on a beach, but Roderick’s booming voice brought her back to the bar with a thud. “Tonight, we have a real treat for you. The music business knows her as Duchess’s manager, but soon, all will know her as Katie Murphy! Remember that name, folks, because one day you’ll be able to say you saw her first at Shooter’s!”

  The crowd erupted in applause and whistles. Katie’s heart beat in her throat, and she wondered how she was going to sing if it remained there. She stepped up to the mic, and an idea took over that made her smile.

  “Thank you, Roderick. It’s great to be here. I thought I’d start us off with a fun little song. Shhh! Don’t tell my boss.” She winked at the audience and told the band what to play. She couldn’t help but look over at Chase as she began to sing.

  “You wrote a note to King George back in 1776,

  Claimed you needed to be free from us Brits.

  But you’ve been worshipping us ever since.

  If it weren’t for a war and dumping tea from a ship,

  You’d all be enjoying wonderful fish ’n chips!”

  It sounded so much different to her without the voice synthesizer in the mic. She was careful to overdramatize any of Duchess’s dance moves, making fun of the artist, but she wasn’t going to sue herself, so she might as well have some fun.

  “Fish ’n Chips, fish ’n chips,

  Read my lips, you want fish ’n chips!”

  The annoyed look on Chase’s face added to the giddy feeling taking over. The next couple of songs were covers from other artists. Katie felt the adrenaline that normally came at one of Duchess’s concerts, only it was different this time. People were screaming for her. As the current song came to an end, Katie took a deep gulp and told the band what to play next before she spoke into the mic.

  "This is an original song I wrote for someone very special. I hope he’s smiling over me right now." Her hands began to shake as she picked up her acoustic guitar and slid a bar stool up to the mic. This song exposed her emotions at a vulnerable time in her life. There was no makeup to put on, no wig or big dress to hide behind. It was time to show the audience who she really was.

  Wiping her hands on her jeans, she took a steadying breath and began to sing David’s song.

  “Red, white, and blue

  I can’t see those colors without thinking of you.

  Red is the blood you freely spilt,

  White is your innocence I felt.

  Blue is the sky where birds fly free

  Like your spirit that I can’t see.”

  Each chord she played hummed deep inside her. Every nerve came alive, and she let out the heartache and pain that had been living inside. Tears pricked her eyes, but she couldn't stop singing now. The song was a part of her. It lived and breathed, and the words overcame her. She could remember her older brother playing soldier as a kid. She also remembered the flag draped over his casket when he'd come home from the war.

  “Red, white, and blue

  Oh, how I wish I could see you.”

  As she played the last note, she looked up at the blurry room. Suddenly, everyone stood up and clapped. She looked for her mother's face and smiled weakly. They had borne the loss of her brother together. She couldn't lose her mother too. She wouldn't!

  ***

  Chase sat back down as Katie began the next song. He swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. He was grateful for the bad lighting. He was reeling from the words of that song.

  He leaned over to Shirley. "I didn't know you had a son who served."

  Her watery eyes looked back at him with a loss he understood.

  "The war?" he asked simply.

  "Yes." And with that, they dropped the subject.

  He allowed himself to look back at the stage. Katie’s next song was another original she’d written. He watched the curves of her body as she swayed to the music. Her wavy hair bounced and moved with each step she took. She closed her eyes like the music took her to another place and another time, where nothing could ever hurt her. He wanted to be in her world, they could hide together, the world could fade away, and he wouldn’t notice. She was like a mythical siren mesmerizing him with each note.

  The audience loved her. She had an eerie control over them, too. They danced when she danced, they laughed when she laughed, and they cried when she cried. Why didn't she have a recording contract?

  An idea hit him, and suddenly, he could think of no one else he wanted to sign up for the benefit concert more than her. Hadn't she said benefit concerts often featured new artists who wanted to get their names out there? The thought consumed him, and he turned to Shirley to tell her his brilliant idea. But he noticed her breathing was labored.

  “Shirley, are you okay?”

  She tried to nod, but she started to cough. Her face turned to the shade of a raspberry, and she slid to the side. He caught her, but didn’t know how he was going to get her to the floor. His leg was still awkward. He scooted back in his chair and slowly lowered her head, then got the rest of her body from the chair to the floor.

  “What’s wrong?” Roderick was at his side.

  “She’s not breathing very well. Call 911.” Chase didn’t know when the music had stopped, but he noticed when Katie knelt down next to her mother.

  “Mom!” Katie looked so helpless. Much like he felt.

  “Is she breathing?” Roderick asked with his cell phone up to his ear.

  “Not very well.” The terror in Katie’s voice cut him to the heart. It reminded him of the terror of war.

  He couldn’t even get down there to help her or hold her hand. He was stuck bending over the scene like a decrepit old man. As he slowly backed away, a painful lump developed in his throat.

  “Elevate her head.” Roderick continued to shout out instructions from the 911 operator. Katie did everything he said, though she was having a hard time keeping it together. Chase should have stepped in and taken over for her, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure the last time he felt so useless and incapable. He’d worked very hard the past few years to make sure he never felt that way again, yet here he was. No matter how much he worked out, there were just some things he would never do again. Kneeling was one of them. Time went slowly, and it felt like an eternity before the bar doors flew open and paramedics came through.

  “Make way. Move over.”

  Chase turned around at the voice of a paramedic who was pulling a gurney behind him. Katie stood up as the paramedics took over. Though she kept trying to get close to the gurney, Chase reached out a hand and pulled her back. The paramedics wheeled her mother out, and Katie turned into his arms and put her head on his shoulder. He felt her body tremble as sobs racked her body.

  “Come on.” He put his arm around her and guided her out the door. “Let’s get to that ambulance. Our ride is going to leave without us.”

  Katie stood up straight and swiped at her tears. “Do you want to drive my car to the hospital and meet me there?”

  She held up the keys, and he couldn’t help but stare at them. Did he want to drive her 1965 cherry red mustang convertible? Um, yeah! But could he? Of course not.

  “I’m not sure you should be left alone right now. We’ll take a cab back later.” He turned her toward the ambulance and gave a little push. She didn’t bother to argue. He could thank shock for keeping her from asking a
ny more questions. He helped her into the back of the ambulance and followed her in. He didn’t want Shirley to die. But if there was one thing he knew, it was that you couldn’t cheat death without a price. He was lucky—he’d only had to pay with a leg and a broken heart.

  Chapter Eight

  The doors of the hospital flew open, and the smells of disinfectant and sickness in the sterile white hallway assaulted Katie’s senses. This can’t be happening again, she thought as she watched her mother being wheeled into the emergency room. She followed right behind and vaguely felt Chase’s presence next to her. The paramedics were still squeezing air into her mother’s mouth, and nurses and doctors swarmed around the gurney to take over. Katie tried to get closer, but a friendly nurse stopped in front of her.

  “Are you family?”

  “Yes, I’m her daughter.” Katie looked over the nurse’s shoulder as the gurney bearing her mother went down the hallway. “Where are they taking her? I want to be with her.”

  “We’ll take you back to see her as soon as we get her stable.”

  The nurse was very careful not to say “if” they could get her stable, but she didn’t have to say it. Katie knew it was a possibility. She bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood.

  “Why don’t you take your wife to the family waiting room over there?” The nurse spoke to Chase. He reached around her shoulders and guided her to the room the nurse indicated.

  “You didn’t correct her.” Her voice sounded small, even to her. “I’m not your wife.”

  “Well, I decided not to take it as an insult.” He gave her a quick smile and lowered her into a chair before sitting next to her.

  She looked around at the overstuffed chairs and plastic-looking couches dominating the small room. End tables and coffee tables held worn, months’-old magazines, and a few fake potted plants dotted the area like cacti languishing in the desert. Despite the obvious effort made to decorate the waiting room, she couldn’t feel comfortable. How could anyone feel comfortable in a hospital? How was she supposed to feel peace when her mother was fighting for her life—again? How many times would her mother suffer and be stuck by needles? How many times would Katie curse this godforsaken disease known as cancer? How many times would she wonder what if? What if her mother had gotten regular checkups? What if her brother had never died? What if her father had never left? What would her life be like?