Duchess

by Nikki Wilson

  “Let’s get lunch.” Chase didn’t know how she could go so long without eating. “At this rate, I’ll starve if we wait till we find the perfect venue before we take a break.”

  Katie looked at him for a moment, then got a gleam in her eye that made him nervous. “I have an idea. Come on.”

  He followed her to the car and kept quiet as she drove through Kentucky Fried Chicken and got a bucket, then headed toward the freeway.

  “Will you tell me where we’re going?”

  “Nope.” She smiled mysteriously.

  Chase liked it when she smiled, but he groaned when she turned into the Hollywood Bowl parking lot. “Really? I thought we were going to take a break.”

  “Trust me,” she said as she parked the car and picked up the bucket of chicken. “Let’s go.”

  It took Chase a little longer to get out of the car. She headed toward the stadium and he tried to hurry, but going uphill with a prosthetic leg could be a little tricky. He took it slow, and Katie had to wait for him to catch up.

  “What’s wrong, old man? Can’t keep up?” she teased him.

  “Sure I can. I just wanted you to lead the way.”

  Chase looked around. There was a museum at the front part of the parking area, and a concrete structure containing stairs and bathrooms ran parallel to the stadium. He also noticed there weren’t any gates to keep people out.

  “Why isn’t this place locked up?” Chase asked.

  “Because it’s more than a stadium. It’s a historical landmark.” Katie pointed to a group of people wandering around the stage. “They even have tour guides who will tell you all about the history of the bowl.”

  “Do we need a tour guide?”

  “Nope. That’s why you have me.” She gave him a crooked smile that made it difficult to focus on the stadium. He pulled his attention away from her to look at the magnificent venue before him.

  The place was amazing. Hills and trees surrounded an arch-like shell that covered the stage. The stadium seating was built right into the side of a mountain, using the landscape to make the ultimate stadium.

  “Come on. The best view is from up there.” Katie pointed to the very top.

  He looked at the stairs that went up and up, and felt his heart drop. He worked out every day, but he’d never tried a hike like that before.

  After the first few flights of stairs, he could only concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. The nerves at the bottom of his stump were on fire. He tried not to wince with every step. Clenching his jaw at the pain, he finally reached the top, where Katie had taken one of the seats and set out the food. He was definitely ready to eat. He reached out for a piece of chicken, and she smacked his hand.

  “What?” he asked innocently.

  “First, look at the view.”

  “I am,” he said as he looked at her.

  Her face flushed red. “Over there.” She pointed toward the stage, and he turned to look in that direction.

  “Wow!” He didn’t know what else to say. He’d seen pictures of the Hollywood Bowl before, but for some reason, he’d never actually been there. The white shell over the stage looked just like that, a shell, though the ridges ran horizontally and not vertically. But the stage wasn’t what took his breath away. The rolling green hills surrounding the stage were majestic. In the distance, he could see the city, and even the Hollywood sign. Somehow there was blue sky that day, with white fluffy clouds. Such a change from the smoggy, overcast weather normally experienced in southern California.

  He let himself drop onto the stadium seat behind him as he released a deep sigh.

  “Beautiful, right?” Katie asked as she handed him a paper plate with the piece of chicken she’d knocked out of his hand earlier.

  “It’s perfect.”

  Chase was quiet as he took a bite of his chicken. The juices dribbled down his chin, and for a moment he forgot all about the concert and just enjoyed the fact that he was eating food in a place that could only be described as peaceful.

  “Do you know what history is right here in this little canyon? In 1918, a group of art enthusiasts from Hollywood formed an association, and they began to look for the perfect place to have concerts that everyone could enjoy. When they found this canyon—it was called Daisy Canyon at the time—they were taken by the natural acoustics and bowl shape. By 1920, a makeshift stage was built, and ever since, magnificent music and shows have been played here.”

  Chase watched as her face lit up, and her eyes had a dreamy, faraway look. He was struck by how beautiful she was, even with her hair pulled back and in place. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she continued to speak.

  “Frank Sinatra sang here with the L.A. Philharmonic Symphony. He was the first pop singer to perform with them. Lily Pons, a French soprano, broke the attendance record in 1936 with over twenty-six thousand people. It was a time when real music and talent were regarded with enthusiasm. Oh, to be on that stage back then.” She shook her head and sighed.

  “What about now?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “Why aren’t you singing your songs on that stage now, Katie? I heard you the other night, and I see no reason why you shouldn’t be the star.”

  Katie looked away before she answered. “It’s not quite that easy. All anyone cares about are the gimmicks and the fireworks and production. People don’t even care about the music anymore. So why bother?”

  “I care.”

  “Well, I don’t. I’d rather just be Duchess’s manager. That’s enough for me.”

  She began eating and wouldn’t look at him. He knew the topic was closed. He looked around again and still couldn’t get over it.

  “This is the place,” he said. “We don’t have to go anywhere else. This is the place for the concert.”

  She nodded before speaking. “It’s not going to be easy,” she cautioned. “It’s owned by the County of Los Angeles. Do you know how long it takes to get a phone call into the county? With our time constraints, I’m just not sure if we can schedule it.”

  “Don’t you see? This is perfect. This is why people like your brother fought for our country—the beauty of the land and the talents of the people. It’s what makes all our sacrifices worth it.” He grabbed her hand. “Even yours, Katie. Your brother would die a dozen times over to see you performing in this place. I know, because I would too.”

  Katie looked at him with watery eyes. He wanted to reach out to her, but she turned her head away.

  “Why do you do that?” he asked.

  “Do what?” Katie picked at the food on her plate.

  “You always turn away when you start to feel something.”

  She just shrugged, and Chase slowly shook his head. He thought about the girl sitting next to him, and her determination to be strong and in control. In his experience, women were none of those things, and they left the moment things got difficult. But Katie wasn’t doing that with her mother, was she? Could she really be that different? They finished their lunch in awkward silence.

  Katie began cleaning up the garbage, and Chase helped her in silence. He was trying to think of something to say, but she spoke first.

  “I want to show you something else.” Her face lit up again, and suddenly, just seeing her happy was his only desire.

  “Sure.”

  They found a trash can for the remains of their lunch and began the hike back down the stairs. He tried to keep up, but going down was difficult too. She led him to the front of the stage.

  “There used to be a reflection pool right here in front of the stage. There was even a fountain in it, and during intermissions, the fountain would turn on.”

  “Why did they get rid of it?” he asked, caught up in her enthusiasm for this place.

  “The water messed up the natural acoustics.” She climbed the stairs to the stage and motioned for him to follow. “Come on. I’ll show you.”

  He climbed up on the stage, careful with his right leg, but lucki
ly, she didn’t seem to notice.

  “Listen,” she said before shouting out toward the benches in front of them. “HELLO!”

  The sound carried out of the stage and echoed back. He couldn’t resist trying too. “HELLO!”

  His voice bounced back with rich tones he didn’t think were possible for an echo.

  “Wow.” He turned toward Katie.

  “You should hear the music that’s played here. It really was an inspired spot to build this place.”

  As he nodded in agreement, a thought came to him. “Sing for me.” He looked at her imploringly.

  “What?” Her eyes opened wide.

  “Come on—just sing a couple verses of something.” She looked like she was about to argue, so he added, “How else am I going to know if this is the right stage for our concert? It’s for research.” He flashed her an innocent smile, but the truth was, he just wanted to hear her sing again.

  “Fine,” she said, then closed her eyes and stood silent for so long that he wondered if she was going to back out. Just when he was about say something, she opened her mouth and began to sing, only it wasn’t like the other night at the bar, when she sang pop songs.

  “Oh, say can you see by the dawn’s early light.” This time a high, rich voice came out that he wasn’t expecting. It was the type of voice you would hear on the best opera stages in the world.

  He closed his eyes as he listened to her voice float out over the hills like early morning fog encompassing everything around. His tight muscles relaxed with each soothing note. When she stopped, he tried to blink away the moisture in the corners of his eyes. Her eyes mirrored his as they also shimmered with tears.

  “How did you know that I love that song?” His voice sounded quiet to him.

  “It was David’s favorite.” She started to turn her head away like she did whenever she began to show emotion.

  He caught her chin with his finger. “It was beautiful.” She looked up into his eyes with a gaze of longing that started his heart hammering in his chest. His gaze drifted down to her mouth. She was chewing lightly on her bottom lip. It would be so easy to lean down and place his lips over hers. Somehow, he knew they would fit together. His heart sped up, and his nerves reminded him that he hadn’t kissed anyone since his ex-wife.

  The thought of the woman who left him after his injury caused him to pause and stand up straight. He couldn’t get involved with Katie. As soon as she found out about his leg, she would leave like his wife did. Or worse, she would pity him. He couldn’t take that.

  Dropping his hand from her face and taking a step back, he thought of something to say. “You belong on this stage.”

  Katie shook her head before answering. “No. People like Duchess belong up here. My voice would have been more at home on this stage about forty years ago. No one wants music like mine anymore.”

  “I do.”

  “Too bad there aren’t more in the world like you.” Her tone was sardonic.

  “I think there are. You just won’t give people a chance.” She didn’t reply. “You should be one of our acts for the benefit concert.”

  “What? We already discussed this. I can’t.” Katie’s face paled a bit.

  “Why not? You’re the one who said new artists often play at benefit concerts to get exposure. You’re a new artist. You should get exposure.”

  “No way! I don’t want to expose myself on stage!”

  “I didn’t mean expose yourself. I meant … I just thought …You could get noticed. You know, by a record label or something.” He wished he didn’t always say the wrong thing.

  “Trust me, I’ve been to all the record labels, and they don’t want my voice. It’s too old-fashioned, too classically trained, and I’m not edgy enough. No, I’m where I’m supposed to be. Backstage.”

  She had a stubborn look on her face, and he knew there was nothing he could say to convince her. Instead, he changed the subject. “How do we book this place?”

  “Leave it to me. I have connections.” She gave him a mysterious smile, and his mind instantly went to Kyle. He was probably her connection. His stomach hardened as he clenched his fists.

  “Fine.” He didn’t trust himself to say anything else. An awkward silence took over until Katie spoke.

  “Shall we leave?”

  “Sure,” Chase agreed.

  “Okay. I’ll drive you home.”

  He nodded and followed her off the stage. Thoughts of her lips ran through his mind, but were soon overshadowed by the image of Kyle holding her in his arms on the dance floor. Grimacing, he reminded himself that Kyle would be a better match for her. She would never pity Kyle. Chase continued to tell himself it was for the best until he thought the words would haunt his dreams.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The hospital was an exercise in frustration. Katie watched her mother doze on and off while she waited for a doctor to come give the okay to take her mother home. The steady beeping of the machines sounded in the background as her mind wandered to five days before when she’d taken Chase to the Hollywood Bowl. The place had always been her happy spot, but having Chase there made it magical. For one brief moment, she’d thought he would kiss her, but he hadn’t. She leaned back in the hospital chair and swallowed hard at the memory. She should have known better. Guys like him didn’t fall for girls like her.

  The hospital room door opened, and a doctor stepped inside. Katie nudged her mom awake as he spoke. “Well, everything is set up for hospice to come into your home. They’ll arrange for oxygen to be delivered.” He glanced down at his clipboard.

  “Wait—hospice?” Katie tilted her head to the side. “What for? She’s fine now. We’ll be getting another consultation next week. There’s another clinical trial going on soon. I mean, there’s always hope, right?”

  The doctor finally looked up from his clipboard with a frown and turned his gaze to her mom. “Shirley, I thought this is what you wanted.”

  “It is.”

  Katie stared down at her mother with wide eyes. “What does he mean, this is what you want? You want to get better, not wait around to die. That’s what hospice means. We discussed this—you wanted to fight till there was no more hope. That’s why I’m doing all this. To help you fight.”

  Her mother didn’t answer her. “Thank you, Doctor. Please continue making the arrangements for me to leave this place. I’ll talk to my daughter.”

  The doctor gave quick directives as he left.

  Katie waited impatiently for him to leave. As soon as he shut the door, she turned to her mother. “What are you doing? Are you giving up, because I won’t let you!”

  “Katie, sit down.”

  Katie shook her head. She knew she was being stubborn, but she didn’t care.

  Her mother sighed. “I’m not giving up. I told you I would fight until there was no more that could be done.”

  “We can try something else. There’s so much more that can be done,” Katie protested.

  “Not without losing my dignity. Do you want me to spend my last days or weeks being stabbed with needles and infused with more toxic medicine that leaves me too weak to hold up my head? I don’t want to be too weak to talk, or to laugh, or to cry. I want the rest of my life to be lived the way I choose.” A tear escaped down her mother’s cheek, and Katie found that her own face was wet as well. “Don’t take away this choice from me. It may be the last choice I’m ever allowed to make.”

  “But I can’t lose you, Mom. I’m not ready yet.” Katie took her mother’s hand in both of hers. “There’s got to be more we can do. I don’t have anyone else. You’re all I have left.”

  “No, I’m not, Katie Bug.” Shirley’s face grew firm. “You have a father.”

  Katie straightened her spine as soon her mother mentioned him.

  “No, I don’t. A father doesn’t leave when things get hard.” She couldn’t believe her mother was going to push for this again. Didn’t she still feel the pain his disappearance brought them both? How
could she suddenly forget it?

  “It wasn’t all his fault, Katie. I contributed to his leaving. I’m to blame too. You don’t have a father because I let my pride get in the way.”

  “Whatever you did, you didn’t make him leave. He made that choice all on his own.”

  “But I didn’t make it easy for him to stay, either. Katie, you have to forgive him. You can’t live the rest of your life with that anger building up inside. Please, for me?”

  Katie saw the desperation in her mother’s eyes, but she couldn’t bring herself to make that promise. Her mother didn’t know what she was asking.

  “Maybe someday, but not now. I just can’t, Mom.”

  “You’re stronger than you think you are, Katie Bug.”

  “You have to say that because you’re my mother.”

  “No, I don’t. I have to say it because it’s true.” Shirley squeezed her hand, but it was weak, and Katie had to face the fact that her mother was not getting better.

  Katie pushed the pain and anger down deep inside. She had to live up to her mother’s illusions that she was strong. “When can we blow this Popsicle stand?” She tried to smile, but it was a feeble attempt.

  “Right now.” The nurse walked in with paperwork in her hands, and Katie let the discharge process consume her thoughts.

  Soon, they were home, and Katie got her mom set up in the upstairs room.

  “Are you going to be all right, Katie Bug?” Shirley asked.

  Katie wanted to shout and scream, “No, I won’t be all right.” But what would that accomplish? Besides, her mother thought she was strong. Why would she disappoint her now?

  “I’m fine, Mom. I’m just going for a walk. I have my cell. Call me if you need anything.”

  Katie couldn’t leave the house fast enough. She went out the backdoor and down the path to their private backyard that overlooked the beach. She loved this feature of the house. There was a pool to one side, and to the other, a sandy area with chairs and a round brick fire pit. She’d grabbed her jacket on the way out, but the cold breeze made her shiver. She walked to a pile of firewood and placed a few logs in the fire pit. That’s what she needed to do right now—burn something. She couldn’t hit anyone, she couldn’t scream, and she definitely couldn’t cry anymore. But she could start a fire.