In Too Deep (Doing Bad Things Book 2)

by Jordan Marie

  “Did we?”

  “You finally agreed to go to the emergency room. You were getting a migraine from all the crying.”

  “The crying?”

  “Your dick was really swollen and you cry easily. You once cried for three days over a movie.”

  “A movie?” I ask leaning against the door, my head down.

  “Steel Magnolias. There was this part where Julia Roberts was dying and she was on the floor and her little son was crying…”

  “Don’t. Just don’t, Hope.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Just don’t tell me anymore. I really can’t take hearing anymore.”

  “You don’t want to hear about how the doctor came in and stabbed your dick with a—”

  “No!” I growl, drowning her out before she can give me another mental image I’ll never get away from.

  “Okay…well…I need to get back to Jack,” she says. “Sweet dreams, Aden,” she adds and then she reaches up on her tiptoes, places a brief kiss on my cheek and walks away without once looking back.

  And leaving me to wonder what in the hell just happened.

  26

  Hope

  “Hope, you are going to Hell,” I whisper to myself all the way back to my home. I thought I was a horrible liar, but apparently I’m a nervous liar. Because, you insert my panic and I open my mouth and the lies just pile up on each other. On the bright side, I may not have to worry about what Aden’s going to do to me if he gets his memory back. No, I’ll die of a nervous breakdown and a subsequent heart attack way before that happens.

  Once I make it inside I lock the doors and check on Jack. My heart hurts when I look at him. He’s somehow convinced himself that Aden is his dad.

  When I first got here, and before Daria was able to help out, I was forced to put Jack in daycare. I hated every minute of it, but I stayed so busy there was just no other way. All the kids there had both parents for the most part and quite a few had their Dad’s pick them up. Until that time, Jack had never wondered about a father, he had never had one in his life so it didn’t enter in. I mean, he’s just a little over two, I thought I would have longer to explain things to my son.

  Then this happened.

  I’m the worst mother in the history of motherhood. There’s no other explanation. I’m screwing up my son’s life; I’ve already fucked up everything to try and take care of him and I’m probably going to end up destitute and living on the street and have Jack taken away from me. He’ll be given to someone else. I’ve heard horror stories about foster homes. He’ll probably get a family that’s mean to him and still, that’s probably better than what I’ve done.

  At those thoughts, my closely knitted control snaps and tears just start falling. It’s the ugly cry tears too, as I sob out my misery. They’re huge raking sobs that hurt to release, but no matter what I do I can’t stop them. I can’t even control them when the phone rings. The best I can do is take a broken breath in between the sobs and eek out the word, “Hello?”

  “Hope, honey? Are you okay?” Daria’s voice comes over the phone and her deep concern is evident in her tone, and just makes me cry harder.

  “I’m not okay!” I blubber. “I’m a freak!”

  “Hope—”

  “He thinks he’s the father of my son, Dar! He…called him beautiful,” I whimper, in between tears. “Jack’s real father couldn’t even spare a moment to look at him and Aden helped put him to bed and just stayed in his room for an hour watching him sleep!”

  “Uh…well he thinks he’s Jack’s father, honey.”

  “I know, because I’m a horrible person,” I sob.

  “You’re not horrible, you’re just a little confused.”

  “I’m a lot confused,” I correct her, closing my eyes and leaning my head back.

  “Where is he now, honey?”

  “Back in his motel room, probably thinking I’m a freak…or he is.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Swear to God, Dar. I open my mouth and the craziest shit comes out of it. I thought I couldn’t lie, turns out I can and I do it in style!”

  “I’m afraid to ask. You’ll have to tell me sometime when I’m not at work.”

  “How is work?” I ask, only marginally crying now because hearing Daria’s voice helps me get control—at least a little.

  “I work at the money center at Walmart and I work the nightshift. How do you think it is?”

  “Fair enough,” I sigh, because I think it’s shit and I’d be right. She hates her job, but it pays the bills. There will probably be a day very soon when I wish I could get a job at Walmart, even the late shift and it will never happen—because I doubt even Walmart will hire women who have been in federal prison or locked up in an insane asylum. “Oh…”

  “What?”

  “Do you think pleading insanity would get me out of serving hard time?”

  “I don’t know, but I can definitely vouch for the insanity part. You’re going to have to tell him, Hope.”

  “I know. And soon, because I can’t have Jack getting really attached to him…”

  “Yeah, that’s why you need to own up to the lies.”

  “Sarcasm is not a good look for you.”

  “Aren’t you afraid he’s going to find out your lies tonight?”

  “How would he do that?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. He’s back in the motel and around his own clothes and belongings…his wallet?”

  “Oh. I already have that taken care of. I went through the motel room before I left to pick him up. All his personal items are locked in my desk in the reception area. There wasn’t much. Just his wallet and it only had a few pictures in it…I couldn’t even find his driver’s license. Who travels without those?”

  “Did you check his vehicle?”

  “No…but I got his keys and parked it at the McDonald’s parking lot the next county over. I’ll check it out later.”

  “McDonalds? Uh…why?”

  “Because he’d wonder why he had a fancy car and I drive…”

  “A junk heap?”

  “It’s well aged,” I sigh.

  “It’s a rolling wreck on wheels.”

  She’s not wrong, so I don’t correct her. In fact, it’s so bad I didn’t even go get Aden in it today. I took Dar’s car and she kept mine. She swapped back out when she dropped Jack off.

  “Okay, I’ve got a customer, but you need to prepare yourself woman. Come clean with your guest in the morning. Stop this madness before it gets worse.”

  “I will,” I tell her, but even as I hang up I know it’s not that simple.

  I’ve seen Aden angry. Even with no memory his first instinct was to sue. Can I really come clean and risk him destroying my life? Mine and my son’s? And besides that. Aden Smith is an asshole. He’s been an asshole since the moment he walked through my door. If you think about it, this is probably just karma biting him in the ass. I’m actually an agent for karma. Dishing it out and keeping the balance of the universe all good, really.

  It’s a good pep talk….

  I just wish I believed it.

  27

  Aden

  “Good morning,” I call out, my voice gruff as I walk into the small house quarters where Hope and Jack—my family—are staying. It feels weird. Fuck. Everything about all of this feels weird. I barely slept last night. I couldn’t get things out of my head. I couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that this is my life. I still can’t.

  I have a million questions and I’ll need to get some of those answered. I refuse to accept all of this. I can’t. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something inside of me that screams this is not me and that it is all wrong. I found myself praying that the clothes that were in the closet didn’t fit me. That something was off—anything—so I would have hope that the man that Hope described was not me.

  They fit perfectly.

  Jack is the first to look at me. He doesn’t run to me this morning. He looks a
lmost bashful. He grins and then he holds his head down as if he’s embarrassed. It’s adorable… but it makes me feel like a bastard. I have no attachment to this child at all. If he was mine, shouldn’t I? I mean isn’t that something that is programmed in when you create a child?

  “How did you sleep?” Hope asks, and she looks pale. Is it because she’s worrying about me? I don’t know why. From everything she tells me, you would think she’d want to scrape me off. Hell, in her place I would.

  “Okay, I guess. I didn’t notice any snoring,” I shrug.

  “Well, I mean, you wouldn’t. You were sleeping,” she says, and she’s right. Still, her answer annoys me.

  “I made some eggs and bacon for breakfast if you’re hungry? I’m afraid the fridge is pretty bare right now. The food stamps are refilled tomorrow and I’ll go shopping… though now that I… err we, have the motel that will probably end. I don’t like using them anyway, but you do what you have to do,” she says, her back turned to me. She’s nervous. I may not remember her, but just from yesterday I can tell that when she gets nervous she avoids looking at me and talks nonstop.

  “We’re on food stamps?”

  “Well, I… I mean we, had to after I lost my job. Then we moved here and there’s the motel now, but it won’t open until after the inspection and that had to be put off with your accident. I need to call the inspector to come back out, actually. It’s on my list of things to do today.”

  “You lost your job?”

  “Yeah… there’s nothing wrong with having to use food stamps, Aden. They’re made to help people get back on their feet,” she says defensively. And she’s right… unless she had a man who didn’t do shit to help her, or anything apparently, other than somehow navigate around his limp dick and knock her up. Jesus Christ.

  “Did I work?”

  “Well, no, but…Aden don’t—”

  “Christ did I ever work?”

  “Cwist!” Jack giggles.

  “Do we have to have this conversation now?” Hope asks with a pointed look at Jack.

  “You like bacon little man?” I ask the child, moving a piece of his bacon to him.

  “Bacon,” he answers, which I guess is answer enough.

  “He likes microwave bacon.”

  “Microwave bacon? Is that even real food?”

  “Of course it is, plus it’s extra crispy and I can make sure it doesn’t have the fat on it to strangle him.”

  “Oh. I guess that’s good,” I admit, realizing I have… “How old is Jack?”

  “We went over this. He’s a little over two,” she says bitchily. Which pisses me off.

  “Excuse me for not remembering. I’ve had a pretty fu—”

  “Aden! Jack!”

  “Aden’s Jack’s!” Jack giggles, handing me a piece of his bacon. I somehow divert getting the piece of microwave-probably-not-real-bacon in my mouth and in his. I’m not sure how I do this, but I do it with him laughing, so I figure it was good.

  “Excuse me for not remembering, because I’ve had a screwed up couple of days, darling.”

  “I thought you weren’t going to call me darling anymore?” she asks.

  If she knew the names I want to call her in my head, I doubt it would help our marriage at all. So, instead of answering I shrug.

  “Jack pway trucks!”

  “I can’t sweetheart. Mommy has to work. But, Aden will play with you.”

  “Shouldn’t you call me dad when you talk to our son? I may not remember him, but I’m sure I’d rather have my child call me daddy instead of Aden,” I mumble as Hope puts a plate of food in front of me.

  “Daddy pway with Jack?” Jack says, using a complete sentence and when I look up at him, he’s looking shy again. Definitely cute.

  “Don’t I have a list?”

  “Excuse me?” Hope asks, confused, and I really wish I’d quit noticing that frown that appears in the middle of her forehead. I find myself liking it and for some reason I don’t want to like Hope right now.

  “A list of things I need to do? I’m supposed to be the man of the house, right? Where’s my list?”

  “I… well Aden, you just got out of the hospital.”

  “I feel fine and having my memory all screwy shouldn’t affect how I work. So, what do I need to do to get us ready for inspection.”

  “I… well, honestly Aden you don’t really do any work here.”

  I hold my head down. If what Hope is saying about me—and not just now, but all of it—if it’s all true then, fuck, I am a waste of space.

  “Well Hope, honestly, that’s going to change. I don’t know what kind of sad fu—”

  “Aden!”

  “I don’t know who I was before, but I know without a doubt that I am not that person now. So tell me what needs to be done and I’ll do it.”

  “But Jack…”

  “You can spend the morning with Jack, while I do what’s on your list,” I insist. I don’t know who is responsible for the loss of manhood that I apparently had in the past, but I do know I’m getting it back.

  “Well, the railing where you fell needs to be repaired before the inspector comes out,” she replies, and you can see the doubt written all over her face.

  “Then I’ll fix it,” I tell her, and I start eating. It’s not much, but at least I feel like I’m doing what a man does. A man I clearly wasn’t before.

  If this is my life, then by God I’m going to take my loss of memory as a gift that I need to be grateful for and get my shit together.

  Apparently it’s way past time.

  28

  Aden

  “Aden, the railing is amazing.”

  “It would appear even if my memory is toast, I can still do a few things,” I shrug, mostly telling the truth. At first I had no idea what I was doing, but I managed to figure it out as I went along. I can’t say I enjoyed it, but at least it felt like I was doing what a man should do.

  “It looks awesome,” she says again. “I…uh… thought you might want a drink.” She hands me over a cold bottle of water and I hold it for a second, unable to take my eyes off of it. “Is something wrong?” she asks, and I force myself to look away from the bottle and to her.

  “No, not really. Just seems… I can remember working and someone handing me a water before. Probably you, I guess,” I shrug.

  “Yeah, probably. Have you done this before?”

  “How would I know if I’ve ever worked like this before, Hope? You’re the only one who remembers anything about my past and if you don’t mind, I’d just as soon not hear any more of your stories.”

  “I meant had memory flashes, and why? What’s wrong with my stories? You’ve asked about your past and I’ve just tried to—”

  “Nothing is wrong. It’s just every time you tell me something new about the past I feel like I get my balls handed to me in a jar.”

  “Come again?”

  “Emasculated, honey. Every story you give me definitely makes it sound like I don’t deserve a dick, even if it doesn’t work. I can’t handle any more of that right now.”

  “Oh…” she says, and that damn frown is back on her forehead. I have the strangest urge to reach up and smooth it out.

  “Where’s Jack?”

  “I just got him down for his nap. I wanted to check on you and make sure you stayed hydrated. This sun can be brutal.”

  “Thank you for worrying about me.”

  Hearing that she was concerned about me feels…strange. I can’t say why it does—it just does.

  “If you want to go in and rest, you can watch Jack and I can clean the rooms.”

  “We haven’t had any guests. Why would you need to clean?”

  “Well, you like for me to change your sheets every day.”

  “I make you change my sheets? Every day?”

  “Well… yeah?”

  “I don’t need my sheets changed, Hope. They’re fine.”

  “But—”

  “They’re fine,” I all b
ut growl.

  “Well, if you’re sure.”

  “I’m sure. But, I am wondering something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Why don’t I have a wedding ring?”

  “What?” she asks, blinking at the change of subject.

  “Babe, it’s a simple question.”

  She blinks once…and then twice.

  “I thought you were calling me Hope, or honey… Where did babe come from?”

  “Trying a few out to see which I like the best.”

  “Oh… Do I get a vote?”

  “Maybe.”

  “I prefer Hope.”

  “I’ll take that under advisement.”

  “Meaning you will probably ignore it?”

  “Probably.”

  “Figures,” she huffs.

  “Babe? Wedding band?”

  “Oh. We don’t have any.”

  “We don’t have wedding bands?”

  “No.”

  “Why don’t we have wedding bands?”

  “We just never got them. You said it was a useless expense and we didn’t need them.”

  “Jesus. Why in the Hell did you ever marry me, Hope?”

  “Aden, you will not believe the times I’ve been asking myself that lately.”

  I grunt in response, because really what can you say to that.

  “How did we get together?”

  She blinks again. Once. Twice. That has to be some kind of nervous habit of hers. I take note of it and wait for her to answer. It doesn’t take but a minute, and I find myself regretting I ever asked.

  “We were drunk and slept together.”

  “Come again?”

  “Well, more accurately, you were drunk. I was drugged.”

  “What the fuck?”

  “What?” she cries, startled.

  “Are you saying I drugged you?”

  “Oh no. Of course not. I took some asthma medication and it was new. Plus, I had been sick, so the doctor had me on medicine for that, too. They interacted somehow and…”

  “I took advantage of you?”

  “Well… I wouldn’t say that. I mean, if I had been more awake maybe you wouldn’t have gotten as far as you did, but…”