by M. Ullrich
“Because I hated that I made you sad.”
Casey sat up and faced Eva. She grabbed Eva’s hand and waited for Eva to look at her. “You never made me sad,” she said, bringing Eva’s hand up to her face and pressing her cheek into her palm. “What he did to you upset me and made me very angry.”
Eva pulled Casey back down and cuddled her.
“What happened the night you ran away?” Casey heard Eva swallow.
“He was in my room when I got home. We started fighting and he pushed me down,” Eva said, her voice growing weaker with each word.
“Did he…” Casey couldn’t say it, but Eva nodded to answer the incomplete question.
“I’m happy I’m able to have a fresh start now.”
“You didn’t find one in New York?”
“No. I made somewhat of a life for myself, but I still didn’t have freedom. I was hiding.” Eva kissed the crown of Casey’s head. “And I was always missing a part of home.”
“I hope you’re talking about me.”
Eva kissed her forehead, and Casey basked in the wordless answer. She burrowed deeper into Eva’s warmth. “Are you excited for the show on Saturday?”
Eva shrugged. “The designer, Marc, is nice, and I get to keep all the lingerie, but after having a week off, I almost forgot how repetitive the whole thing is. The check will be a nice start to my savings for online classes, though.”
“Lingerie?”
“That’s all you heard?” Eva’s deep chuckle rumbled in Casey’s ear.
“I heard the rest, and it’s all wonderful, but I’m mostly interested in the lingerie everyone will be seeing you in.”
“This wouldn’t be the first time.”
“But now you’re—” Casey stopped herself. She clamped her lips together and hoped Eva would let it go. But she had learned from years of friendship with Eva that she’d never miss an opportunity to tease.
“Now I’m what? Unattractive? Not lingerie model material?” Casey heard the smirk in her voice.
“You’re the perfect woman to model lingerie, and you already know it.”
“But what makes this time any different than before?” Eva said in a near singsong tone.
Casey sighed in defeat. “Now you’re hopefully, maybe, trying to look delectable to only one other person, not a room full of people.”
“You think I’d look delectable?”
“You looked delectable when you were covered in dust.”
“Would you like to come to the show?”
Casey raised her eyes at the invitation.
“You’re more than welcome to, and you can tell everyone who looks at me with anything more than professional criticism that I’m your delectable treat.”
“I’d love to come to your show,” Casey said. She pecked Eva’s lips quickly. “And I will do no such thing. At least not in those words.” Casey yelped as Eva pinched at her sides and began tickling her. The torture continued until they were both breathless and lying in a pile of limbs on the bed.
Casey had slept more soundly than she could recall, and she awoke before the sun rose the following morning. After a slow, sleepy good-bye, she was almost late to her first class. But sharing time with Eva was worth it. Casey could fight off exhaustion with caffeine, but she couldn’t bring back a missed moment.
Chapter Sixteen
Casey and Eva spoke at every opportunity through the rest of the week. By the time Friday rolled around, Casey had devised a plan to surprise Eva after her final rehearsal, a surprise she hadn’t hinted at until Friday morning when she talked to Eva on the phone.
“You’ll be home the same time tonight as you were on Wednesday?” Casey pulled her light jacket tight as the wind whipped around her. She stood beside a dumpster behind the café, talking to Eva on a short break from work.
“Should be,” Eva said. “Give or take a few minutes if Marc has any last-minute changes. You wouldn’t believe how something as simple as changing the order of who walks out and when can derail an entire show.”
Casey smiled at the amusement she heard in Eva’s voice. She was still struggling to wrap her head around Eva being part of the modeling world. Casey had always imagined Eva behind the scenes directing or writing, not being a puppet dangling from someone else’s strings.
“Let me know when you’re on your way home. I’ll be with my parents until then.” Casey was glad Eva couldn’t see her salacious smirk. Surely she’d know Casey was up to something wicked. “You should definitely hurry home, just saying.”
“I’d be crazy not to. I am curious, though, did you come home every weekend before I came back?”
“No, so if you were worried my mom didn’t love you before, I can assure you she does now.”
Eva chuckled. “Good. I’ll do anything to keep her on my good side. We’re about to head into the tunnel, and I’m going to lose you. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Can’t wait.”
“Me either.”
Casey said good-bye and stared at her phone screen for a minute before tucking it back into the pocket of her barista apron. She had taken a picture of Eva sleeping on Thursday morning and set it as her wallpaper. The pleasant peacefulness of Eva’s shifting eyelids and delicately parted lips enraptured Casey. She needed a picture of the moment, a physical reminder of the awe she experienced at such simplicity and beauty. Casey ran her thumb along the smooth glass before putting her phone away and heading back into work.
She finished the busy shift without a hiccup, a rare occurrence during the café’s busiest time of day. While Casey gathered her belongings and clocked out, her boss struck up casual conversation.
“Thanks again for picking up this extra shift. I always forget how busy we get on Fridays. I expect it on the weekends, but Fridays always slip my mind.” Sal was an older guy who had bit off a little more than he could chew when he and his siblings opened a chain of cafés that spanned across southern New Jersey, but he was making the most of an overwhelming situation. “My sister says the Cherry Hill location has tumbleweeds rolling through on Fridays.”
“Cherry Hill isn’t a college town,” Casey said as she shrugged on her jacket. “Students like me depend on coffee to make good grades.” She patted Sal’s shoulder. “Put me on the schedule for Friday mornings from now on. I borrowed a little money from my parents and want to pay them back as quickly as possible.”
Sal eyed her suspiciously. “Are you sure you’re a college student? You don’t sound like any of the ones I know.”
“Have a good weekend, Sal. I’ll see you next week.”
Casey felt great as she got into her car and started her drive home. On days with light traffic, she could pull into her driveway in fifty minutes. But if the highways were congested and aggression took over the parkway, Casey could be looking at an hour and fifteen minutes at the very least. Thankfully, her commute fell somewhere in the middle, and she was home by five o’clock. By her estimate, Casey had another two hours before Eva would get home from rehearsals. Perfect amount of time.
“Dad?” She called out the moment she opened the door. “Mom? Is it here?”
“You didn’t see it?” Jim poked his head around the corner of the kitchen. “It’s taking up her whole front porch.”
Casey did an about-face and expected her father to follow her next door. “Come on, let’s move some furniture.” When she stepped onto Eva’s property and eyed the wrapped sofa on the porch, she was shocked at how cumbersome it looked. “Wow.”
“I hope you’ve been working out,” Jim said, pinching Casey’s bicep. “Scrawny.” Together they pushed and pulled, shifted and pivoted, until the new couch sat in the middle of Eva’s living room and the old one was at the curb. Casey was breathing heavily while her father looked fresh enough for another challenge. “Anything else?” he said, looking around. “I could help her take down this old wallpaper.” Jim picked at a lifted corner.
“No. Thanks for your help, Dad.” Casey hugged her father
and walked him home. On her way back to Eva’s, she grabbed a shopping bag from her car, then began setting the scene she had been planning since Wednesday morning.
Casey cooked dinner, roasted chicken with a side of mashed potatoes and seasonal vegetables. And while she waited for everything to cook, Casey arranged candles all across the newly spruced-up living space. She was proud of her furniture choice. Casey didn’t want to overstep and act as if Eva’s home was hers to decorate, but the old sofa was an eyesore, with or without a sheet covering it. So she didn’t see a problem with buying a new one as a housewarming gift, even if it was partially funded by her parents for the time being. She changed into a black teddy and panty set she knew Eva would love. After they had talked about the countless times Eva had worn lingerie for work, Casey couldn’t help but wonder if anyone had worn it just for her pleasure.
She left the candles unlit while she waited for a text from Eva. She checked the grandfather clock and frowned. It was after seven. Casey sent Eva a brief message to check in. Eva responded immediately, letting her know she should be leaving the studio in no more than fifteen minutes. Figuring in the commute time, Eva wouldn’t make it home until close to nine o’clock. Casey felt deflated, but she put the food in the oven.
Casey sat on the sofa with her phone in one hand and a lighter in the other. She sat, self-conscious and scantily clad in lace and ribbon, waiting for Eva. Her next message went unanswered, as did the following two. Hours passed, and Casey finally ate. She packaged the rest, fixed a plate for Eva, and put it in the fridge. The final time Casey looked at the clock, it chimed midnight. She wasn’t sure if she was more worried or angry. The sinking in her gut was all too familiar, and the foreboding was unshakeable.
Wild thoughts and what-ifs monopolized Casey’s mind. The only way she knew how to shut them up was to put them to sleep. She crawled beneath Eva’s covers and curled up in the center of the bed. She controlled her breathing and focused on her individual muscles as she flexed them. Lying fetal made Casey feel safer, more tightly wound and less likely to spin out of control. Her fear of abandonment grew quiet as she hugged herself to sleep.
* * *
Eva sipped at the fresh drink Razor had handed her, and she continued to engage Marc in conversation. He’d been thoroughly interested in her rocky start in the industry. Though she was far from a success story, Eva had worked her way from the bottom without having a friend or family member in the business to hold her hand, a remarkable feat for a young woman in New York City.
“You should’ve seen her during her first shoot,” Max said with a proud, if not cocky smile. “The moment I took out my camera, she blossomed into this extraordinarily sexy woman.” He kissed the side of her neck, and Eva politely stepped away. The constant flow of vodka martinis had her living on the other side of drunk for a while now, and the after-rehearsal mingling kept her busy.
Eva had lost track of time after they had arrived back at the studio with Marc, who wanted to go over a few final details for the show. Talking about the show turned into personal conversations soon after someone broke out the alcohol. She had messaged Casey not too long ago telling her she’d be leaving soon. Now she wasn’t even sure what time it was.
“Where’s my purse?” she said, interrupting Max and Marc’s conversation rudely. Both men stared at her.
“You’re wearing it,” Marc said.
She’d clearly had too much to drink. She apologized and excused herself to check her phone. Her stomach dropped when she noticed it was nearing midnight and she had several missed calls and messages from Casey. She left the studio without a good-bye and rushed to make the next train home. She didn’t bother to call Casey until she was on a train and on her way, but Casey didn’t pick up. Eva tried one more time and left a message explaining she’d be home soon.
Eva sat back and closed her eyes. She tried to quell the anxious nausea rolling through her stomach. Not eating dinner, drinking too much, and being a complete fuckup wreaked havoc on Eva’s body. The train swayed, adding to Eva’s unease. As each stop passed, Eva repeated words of apology over and over in her head, along with a prayer that Casey would forgive her. Their relationship was too fresh for Eva to make mistakes like this, their coupling too much like a second chance for her to risk it. The last thing Eva wanted was to beg Casey for a third.
The Uber driver Eva called for was waiting at the train station and got her home in record time.
The first thing Eva noticed when the driver pulled up in front of her house was her couch sitting at the curb. The delicious smells that greeted her once she stepped inside came second, and third was the eerie silence that enveloped her. Stillness filled the house; not even a creak of a settling foundation could be heard. She explored the first floor, peeking into the kitchen to find it spotless, not a remnant of the food she smelled. When she got to her bedroom, her heart sank at the sight of Casey curled in the center of her bed.
Eva stripped down to her bra and underwear before crawling beneath the covers to join Casey. She felt the silky material and touched Casey tentatively to inspect what she was wearing, but the motion woke Casey up.
“I’m sorry,” Eva whispered. She wanted the first words Casey heard to be an apology, and to be sure that was the case, she repeated herself. “I’m sorry I’m so late.” Eva watched as Casey sleepily batted her eyes.
“What time is it?”
“Almost two,” Eva said reluctantly.
Casey pulled away from Eva’s touch. “I waited for you and I called you.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting everyone to hang around for so long after rehearsals.”
“You couldn’t call or message me?”
“I lost track of time.” Her meek excuse only enraged Casey more. She got out of bed and started to change. Eva stood alongside her and tried to stop her from picking up her shirt. She hugged Casey, holding her tightly as Casey tried to push her away. “I’m really sorry,” Eva said. “I feel like a complete asshole.”
“Sounds about right,” Casey said, her voice sounding muffled against Eva’s chest. “You smell like you had a good time.” Casey stepped out of Eva’s arms and placed her hands on her hips.
Eva could still taste the alcohol on her tongue, which stopped her from playing down the amount she’d had to drink that evening. “Drinks and entertaining go hand in hand.”
“They sure do.” Casey’s tone was so sarcastic, Eva started getting defensive. But she reined it in, not wanting the situation to get out of hand. “I should go.”
“Please don’t.”
“If I don’t leave, we’re going to fight, and I can’t deal with that right now.” Casey pulled on her shirt.
“Then why did you bother staying here?” Eva said, more harshly than she intended.
“Because I needed to make sure you actually came back.”
Eva was unable to look Casey in the eye without shame twisting her insides. “I told you I wouldn’t leave like that again.”
“Those words meant very little to me while I sat and waited,” Casey said as she pulled on her pants. “Every unanswered phone call brought me back to that morning. Tonight was one long flashback for me.” Casey touched Eva’s cheek and forced her to look at her. Eva shivered when she saw the pain swimming in the depths of Casey’s sad eyes. “Did you even think of that, of me, tonight?” Eva hesitated a second too long, and Casey stormed past her to the door.
Eva felt like a piece of shit, but she refused to let this be another prom night. She grabbed Casey’s wrist. “I fucked up, big-time, and I’m really sorry.” Eva took a deep breath before her next admission. “I’m trying to adjust to all of this, and it’s not easy.”
“You think it’s easy for me?”
“I know it’s hard for you in a way I’ll never understand, and I think that goes both ways. But I’m willing to try if you are. I want to be able to balance all of this, but it’s going to take work.” Eva felt the tension in Casey’s body start to
slip away.
“I was so afraid,” Casey said quietly, her words wavering.
“Our past will never go away, Casey, and that could destroy our future if we let it.” Eva’s heart started to break as she imagined the possibility, but a swell of bravery overtook her. She pulled Casey into her arms and whispered into her ear. “You’re all I want for my future. Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.” Casey’s sigh warmed Eva’s neck.
“Communicate with me, that’s all I need. If you tell me what’s going on, my dangerous imagination won’t be able to run away on me. I don’t need to know what you’re doing at all times, but if you’re going to be unavailable for a night or if you’re running late, please give me a heads-up.”
“I can do that,” Eva said, kissing the side of Casey’s neck. “I love you, and I’m sorry.” Casey pulled back, her head cocked slightly, as if she were reading Eva’s face. Eva’s gaze never wavered.
“I love you too,” she said.
“Were you really going to leave tonight?”
“Yes. I’m glad you didn’t let me.”
“I couldn’t.” Eva breathed a sigh of relief. She held Casey’s face gently and pressed their lips together. The gesture barely qualified as a kiss, but it was meant more for an intimacy check. Eva needed to feed off the undeniable connection she felt to Casey. When she pulled back, Casey’s radiant smile was back in place.
“I bought you a new couch, and dinner is in the fridge. I fixed you a plate. All you have to do is heat it up.”
“Thank you for the couch, and food does sound wonderful,” Eva said while toying with the hem of Casey’s shirt. “But I’m much more interested in what you’re wearing under this.” Casey smacked her hands away when Eva tried to undress Casey. “I caught a glimpse, and I’m dying to get a better look.”
Casey stepped out of Eva’s reach and started to unbutton her jeans. “You need to eat and then we’ll see what we can do about seeing more of this.” Casey let her pants pool around her ankles and Eva’s jaw dropped right along with them. Her lace panties peeked out from just under the hem of her long sweatshirt. Eva could swear she saw ruffles along Casey’s tantalizing backside, and it was all the motivation she needed.