Syndrome of Mortality

by Eden R. Souther

  Ravin leaned back in his seat and looked at his phone. 11:00 pm, not bad. “Well, I guess that means we’re pretty much done here.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. His fingers grazed the obsidian horns on his head. That was fine with him. After midnight, the more dangerous crowd came out. Plus, it was a full-moon, not generally a time he liked to be out and about.

  Since the main source of teasing was gone, he checked his messages. Nothing new. Strange. Michelle was being quiet. The last thing they had sent was a smiley face war which ended with Ravin sending three poops and and okay hand.

  Marius put his money down and rose to his feet. “I guess so,” he shrugged. “It’s probably for the best. Those two wouldn’t have lasted much longer. Nothing can keep them apart.” He shook his head, not allowing his imagination to stray that far.

  “It’s fine.” Ravin hopped up and put his money down too. “We had fun.”

  The elf paused and gripped the back of his seat. His voice lowered. “Hey, look, I don’t know if you heard, because you haven’t said anything, but,” Marius took a deep breath. “Michelle is moving back home, and soon. Like, in a few days.”

  Ravin’s mouth went dry. Despite the bar chatter, everything went quiet. Blank minded, confusion rippled, causing his brow to cock upwards. His tail flicked like an aggravated cat’s. “What?” He could feel his heart in his throat, and his stomach bottom out at once. “How do you know?”

  “Michelle told Jo, and Jo told me.” Marius shrugged, “I thought for sure she would have told you, but…”

  “She didn’t.” Ravin ground his teeth. His reply had been sharp. They’d been better about communicating, or so he’d thought. This had proven to him just how wrong he was. The feeling that welled in his chest confused him. The expected emotions showed their ugly heads: anger, hurt, frustration, confusion. But the ones that hurt the worst were the ones he hadn’t expected: betrayal and sadness. A soul-crippling pain he couldn’t describe.

  They sunk their fangs into his heart. She was planning on leaving… and hadn’t told him at all. Where did that leave him?

  Marius reached out and touched Ravin’s shoulder, “Look, I’m sorry, I just—”

  Ravin held up a hand to cut him off. “It’s fine. Thanks, Marius.” He shrugged away from the elf’s touch. “I’m happy for you and Jo. I wish you luck.” He kept his teeth gritted to keep from saying anything out of frustration. It wasn’t Marius’s fault. As much as he wanted to go off on someone, Marius wasn’t an appropriate target. At every breath, his muscles tightened more and more like a spring coiling.

  “Thanks.” Marius let the conversation drop, he was no idiot. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow, alright?”

  “Yeah, alright.” Ravin nodded. “See you then.”

  Marius waved at the two of them, then left the bar.

  Alone with his roommate, Kazun watched him with careful eyes. In just a few moments, he could tell he had missed a lot. The carefree air had vanished. In its stead was a thick haze of tension. Or maybe that was dragon smoke. He couldn’t tell.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Running his hands through his hair, he could tell the dark brown tresses were cowlicked and tussled. “Sorry, I was fighting off the brain freeze.” He rubbed his temples.

  “Nothing,” Ravin grunted. “Let’s get home. It’s late.” He yanked Kaz’s arm. With just a thought, and bit of energy, he brought them both into their living room. Falling down onto the couch, he rubbed his face glaring at nothing in particular while ignoring his roommate.

  “It’s not nothing,” Kaz insisted, stepping near. “You look seriously upset. I’m not buying it.” He knew Ravin well enough. Generally the demon was good at hiding the bulk of emotions. If it was a great enough torrent that it was seeping through like this, something terrible must have happened. There was no attempt to hide his disdain. No façade. That made Kaz nervous.

  “I said it’s nothing, Kaz,” Ravin snapped.

  Kazun shook his head, and shoved his hands into his pockets. “You know, lying isn’t going to help.”

  “Fine.” Ravin sat up and slammed his hands into the pillows, causing one’s seams to split. “I’m pissed because Michelle is leaving. She’s leaving in days and she didn’t think that I would want to know. She was just perfectly alright with skipping town and not telling me. It’s not like we’re dating, or anything.” He balled a hand in his hair and tugged.

  He and Michelle had been through hell and back together. During the terrors of the prior year, they had formed a bond of trust. With each lie Michelle told, he could feel that chain being broken, link by link.

  If she wouldn’t tell him about her still being sick or moving across the country, what else could she hide from him? What else was she keeping behind closed doors? It took a lot for him to trust anyone and this blatant disregard for his feelings made him feel something he hadn’t felt before.

  Heartache.

  It wasn’t as if Ravin had done anything to deserve this. No, he deserved to know what was going on in his girlfriend’s life. He deserved to be kept in the loop.

  Why was she keeping things from him? What had happened to the nights where they stayed up underneath the stars talking about everything and anything? Ravin relished those moments with her, playing games, making memories, laughing. Did she even care at all? He hated despite the fact he could read her mind, he had no idea what she was thinking.

  It made him want to scream.

  Everything was just too much. Some primal part of him couldn’t just let it go. She hadn’t told him she was dying until a few days ago, and only now did he know she was leaving. Leaving him and everything they’d shared behind, like it didn’t matter.

  “You should say something to her,” Kazun suggested, setting his hand on Ravin’s shoulder. “If you want communication, then initiate it. You haven’t been dating for a long time, after all.”

  Ravin slumped back down and looked away. “It’s a two-way street. Whatever.” He wanted to come back with something snappy, something that would show Kazun he wasn’t affected by all of this, that somehow he continued to be above it all. But his mind was blank. He couldn’t breach past the wall of numb that had descended upon his thoughts.

  “Yes it is.” Kazun gave a curt nod. “That Communication class wasn’t completely useless, after all.”

  The smug look of victory made Ravin want to punch the young human in the face. He had to flaunt his fancy education all the time. In his own way, Kazun was above it all. It was just as simple as a conversation. Like that would erase all the feelings he had, fix everything between them.

  “Fine, I’ll talk to her.” Ravin cast his gaze down to his phone. He sent a rapidfire message to Loviel, ‘Is Michelle home?’ If she was, then he’d face the music and actually talk to her. But if not…

  “She is,” was the angel’s simple straightforward response.

  Some self-deprecating part of him had hoped that the answer would be ‘no’. He didn’t want to confront her, he just wanted things to work themselves out, but that never happened for him. “She’s home. I’m going,” he grunted at his roommate. “Happy?”

  “A little bit,” Kazun admitted. “Just talk to her. It’s not that hard.”

  Ravin felt the cold, bitter blade of betrayal cut at his heart. “Clearly is, for one party involved.” Before Kazun could say another word, Ravin closed his eyes. In his mind, he envisioned himself outside of Michelle’s door. Then, when he opened them once again, he found himself face to face with the familiar wooden panel.

  Chapter 10

  Michelle sat on the couch with a bottle of black nail polish. It hadn’t been the greatest day in the world, but she wouldn’t complain. She could complain, but she wouldn't. Talk of any sort of ailment only served to make others worried. One mention of, ‘oh my ribs are sore’, and she would be getting the ‘Poor Michelle’ look all night.

  Ravin was out with the boys and Lian was at her night classes. Who took night classes during summe
r? Someone who worked too hard, Michelle decided. So, it was her and the angel tonight. Luckily for her, Loviel was a good housewife.

  He had made some grilled cheese, which was the extent of his culinary knowledge, and kept her coffee well stocked. Her clothes had already been ironed, folded, and put away in their proper spots.

  When she had finished with the polish, she wiggled her toes. It was a messy job, but it wasn’t like she was going for anything fancy. The action was mostly to pass the time until she got tired enough to sleep. She looked down at her phone. No messages still. At least he was having a good time, right? Ravin deserved that much.

  “I think Ravin is here,” Loviel said from the kitchen, busy cleaning, like a good boy.

  Michelle’s brow furrowed. He was here? A smile fell into place. What a surprise! Hopefully he hadn’t abandoned his friends for her sake. They would give him some “bros before hoes” crap. She hobbled to the door, careful to not smudge her toe paint, and opened it.

  “Hey there, what's up?” Her grin faded as she saw his expression. “Woah, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  Ravin ran a hand through his hair and looked away from her. “Am I really so terrible that you have to constantly keep me out of the loop?” he asked as he clenched his hand into a fist. “I thought I meant more than that.”

  Michelle put her hands up in surrender. “Woah, woah. Slow down. What’s going on? You have to remember, I’m not a mind reader.” Had something bad happened while he was out with his friends? She tried to think through his words. Out of the loop? What did that even mean?

  Then it dawned on her and her eyes widened.

  “Wait, you don’t understand.” Great. Just great. Someone had told him. Now he was upset, which was the exact opposite of what she was trying to do.

  Ravin’s eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t understand?” he demanded. “What is there that I don’t understand? How long have you been planning this? Were you even going to tell me? I appreciate having to hear it from a friend who heard it from his girlfriend.” His tail swished back and forth rapidly, like an agitated cat’s.

  “Let me explain, Ravin.” Michelle did her best to keep her tone even and calm. Luckily she had so many years practicing with Lian. “Please?”

  He took a breath and looked into her eyes, “Fine,” he grunted, He wouldn’t hear the end of it if Kaz found out he hadn’t bothered to actually try communicating. “Just… explain.”

  Michelle opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. Her step was off kilter, since her hip was doing some complaining, and her toes freshly painted, but she tried to cover it up. The couch sagged below her, but it was comfortable. She patted the seat next to her.

  “My mom is demanding I come home after seeing that my condition has gotten worse. ’Cause…” She rubbed her neck. “’Cause I haven’t been very good about making it to my appointments and stuff like that.” Yeah, that was not going to go over well. She could already feel the frustration the second it left her mouth.

  “Are you serious?” Ravin rested his face in his hand as he sank into the cushion beside her. “Why haven’t you been going to them?” The irritation grew in his chest. “Aren’t they kind of a little bit important?”

  She bit her lip. “The injections feel like pure lava. It hurts, more than anything else I have ever felt.” She sighed. “But yeah, they are important. Hence the being forced to go back to my parents.”

  “So then why didn’t you tell me that you were leaving?” he quietly demanded. “None of this really addresses that.”

  “I’m getting there.” Michelle mulled the words in her head. Her reasons weren’t that good. She knew that, but it wasn’t something she could get past. More than anything, she hated this kind of spotlight on her. The ‘Michelle has problems, pay attention to them’, spotlight.

  After a few seconds, she sighed. “I told Jo this afternoon, but not because I wanted her to know more than you.” Her words were failing her. “That’s not it at all. It’s just. For her, it was like saying goodbye.”

  “So clearly I am still missing something.” Ravin grabbed his horn and tapped the point. Then he pressed his thumb into the tip until it ached. “Unless you just didn’t want to say goodbye.”

  “Well, we just started dating, and I didn’t want it to be awkward.” She looked away and felt the warmth on her face. Michelle was trying her best not to ruin things more than she already had. Their first date had been, by many standards, a disaster.

  How many more times was she going to mess things up? Hopefully, this would be the last.

  Michelle got up and waddled into the kitchen without explanation.

  Ravin followed after her and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He glanced over at Loviel who was still busily cleaning dishes.

  Loviel lifted his hand out of the soapy water to greet Ravin. “Good evening, Ravin.” He felt bad for his demonic friend. His energy was shifted. Though red was the color Loviel associated with Ravin, the feeling came off more as blue. Hopefully Michelle would be able to calm him. Loviel had a feeling he would get the teeth end of Ravin later anyway. His friend was going to need to vent.

  Meanwhile, Michelle was digging through her backpack. She didn’t go to classes or anything, but it was nice to have the sack to stuff her papers in. She pulled out a green piece of paper and walked over to Ravin, handing it to him.

  The construction paper was crinkled on the corners, but overall it was still in decent condition. The contents looked like a five year old’s attempt to make a house out of other pieces of paper. In bubble letters it said: “Come home with me?”

  “I know it’s bad.” She rubbed her arm. “I’m terrible at art, and even worse with words. It took me forever to think up something. I know I should have told you the moment it happened, but you’re supposed to make some sort of a grand gesture about this sort of stuff, right?”

  Ravin blinked a few times, then looked between the paper and Michelle a few times. She wanted him to come, too? Guilt washed over him in a huge wave. Why was he always such a damn idiot? Was he really so insecure? Well, yes. Maybe if he spent less time jumping to conclusions, he wouldn’t spend as much time angry.

  He let out a soft breath, wrapped his arms around Michelle, and held her. He held her close to his chest and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I do like your gesture. It’s grand, and amazing. I would love to go with you… if that’s still alright with you.” The guilt had built up in his chest and was ready to burst.

  “You sure you don't mind?” She hugged him back. “I know you and Kaz just got that new place.”

  “I’m sure,” Ravin answered quickly. “I don’t want you to have to go through this alone.”

  Michelle embraced him tighter. “It’s going to be hard, but I’m going to try to be more open about what's going on.” For her whole life, she had been determined to shrug off the inevitable. Everything that was wrong in her life was hidden behind a wall of sass and humor.

  Now, it was coming to a point where she couldn’t hide or put off the things that were happening. Now, she had someone who deserved to know what was going on the moment it happened.

  “I’m in a lot of pain right now.” She took a stab at the whole honesty thing. “Please don’t give me that look everyone does.” There was nothing that could force her to glance to his face. Her back was sore and her hip was not a happy camper, which caused her knees to complain.

  Being honest didn’t feel good, but it wasn’t just about what she felt.

  “I’ll do my best.” Ravin nodded. “You should take something and then lay down. It’ll make you feel better,” he urged. It was already somewhat late, especially for someone who was as ill as Michelle. “Then I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  “Fine,” she huffed dramatically and rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Mom.” She offered him a wink, then let him go. She fetched her pain meds and downed a couple. Almost immediately, the effects kicked in. Jelly legs almost m
ade her fall over, but she had a strapping not-so-young demon to keep her on her feet.

  Ravin lifted her into his arms. He carried her over to her bed, then eased her down to her pillow. “You’re welcome, Child, now get some rest. I can read you a story if you want me to, but I don’t think it would help you get to sleep.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead once again

  “Mmm… Story,” she yawned, nuzzling her face into the pillow. The bed was comfortable and the pain meds made all the unhappy feelings vanish. Even better, the last thing she saw as she drifted off to sleep, were a pair of warm coal-colored eyes.

  Once she had drifted off, Ravin stood up and rubbed his face. He glanced over to Loviel and gave him a meaningful look. ‘How have you been handling this?’ Ravin sent the question mentally to allow Michelle to rest.

  Loviel drifted into the room and looked at the sleeping figure. He battled every day to keep his emotions in check. The guilt he felt for not being able to spare her this pain was immeasurable. As an angel, he was supposed to be able to bring about miracles. Yet all he could do was stay by her side and try to lessen the difficulty and pain.

  In the last few weeks, she had taken a turn for the worst. All that had happened in the Autumn prior had taken a toll on her body. The winter hadn’t been kind, either. The cold temperatures had bothered her bones, yet she had been able to hide behind her self-made bunker.

  The more she put off getting her medication, the worse it got. Now, everything was coming to light. She couldn’t conceal the disease anymore. In a way, that spoke volumes to the extent of the issue.

  ‘As well as I can.’ Loviel glanced back, his honey gaze tired. ‘How are you holding up?’

  ‘Same.’ Ravin shook his head. ‘My one solution was a huge damn bust. I’m trying, but it’s been dead end after dead end. How is it possible that it’s so hard to save a single human’s life?’ He tugged at the ends of his hair.

  ‘It’s harder when we aren’t the ones who can do it,’ Loviel agreed, sinking into the couch.