"I'm following that formula. You know the one that says, 'You should know what you want, and then go out and get it.'"
Julie's heart lurched. What else did Tamara want besides the job at the air base? It was almost as though she had asked the question aloud, for Tamara was saying,
"I'll tell you, honey. There's this chemical reaction between a certain Major and myself—that's his car, by the way. We figure it will have more of a chance to ... er ... ferment," she tossed a dry smile, "if I'm on the spot."
"A Major? But I thought ..." Julie blurted, and then looked down at her hands in embarrassment.
"You thought what, honey?" Tamara's voice held no surprise, and Julie raised her head to see a tilted eyebrow and an enigmatic smile. The head was being turned slowly from side to side. "Uh-uh! I leave the tough oil men to you. By the way, have you seen Clay lately?"
"Clay? I saw him a couple of weeks back. I think." Tamara's smiling glance was penetrating.
"You're looking a bit peaky ... around the heart."
"I suppose it's the heat," Julie said quickly, determined to misunderstand her.
"Oh, sure! You're pining for the heat. "Tamara got to her feet and adjusted her sunglasses with a sigh. "So much for my efforts to play Cupid. Well, I'm on my way. If you want to get in touch with me, here's my address. I don't know when they'll let me out, so I can't male any promises about coming over this way."
"You talk as if you were going to prison 1" Julie laughed, taking the slip of paper.
"I rather think I'm in for something better than a stone cell and a five-barred window. That's something else I'll say for us Americans. We're a comfort-loving race, and spare no expenses to prove it." She slipped into the car and revved up flamboyantly, calling through the window,
"So long, honey. Don't forget to keep in touch!"
Later Julie pondered over Tamara's remarks. What had she meant by looking a bit peaky around the heart? Was it as obvious as all that—her love for Clay? If so she had better smother it now. It wouldn't do for Clay to come to the house and find her looking starry-eyed. She could just imagine his face! The granite features wearing an air of tolerant amusement for just another one of the many who must have succumbed to that rugged, arrogant charm. But what of the girl who was compelling him to give up the oil-fields? Was it Tamara? Didn't he know her interests lay elsewhere? With a sigh Julie decided to forget it. After all, it was Clay's business, not hers. If he was in for a shattering disappointment there was nothing she could do about it…
On the day that Steve and Lynn flew over to Malta, Julie took the children to see a puppet show. Organised by the oil men's wives, in aid of a local charity, it was a tremendous success. The puppets performing on a red- curtained stage were all lifelike characters of famous show business personalities, and though Janet and Mark couldn't appreciate this, they thoroughly enjoyed the music and animation. Later there were ice creams and rides on a baby camel in the courtyard.
That evening Julie contacted the hotel in Malta as planned to let Lynn and Steve know that all was going well. After that time simply flew by. Before she knew where she was the day had arrived when they were due back home.
The morning began like any other.
She awoke to the sound of Bella commencing her daily chores—the Italian woman had grudgingly consented to sleep at the house while the Rowlands were away—the next second the door had burst open and Janet and Mark hurled themselves at her.
"Julie! Julie! Can we go to the beach today?" Janet rolled on the pillow, bright-eyed and volatile. "I want to see the coloured fish in the pools and put my feet in too."
"I'ne going to catch some fish. I'ne got a net," Mark announced, dumping himself on Julie's feet.
"We'll have to go early," Julie explained. "Mummy and Daddy are coming home this afternoon. You wouldn't want to be out and miss them, would you?"
"Let's go wow! " Mark demanded, jumping up and down on the bed with Unusual energy. Julie laughed, catching him to her.
"When you've got yourself dressed and had some breakfast, darling. Janet, you go and lay out yours and Mark's beach clothes, and I'll pop along and ask Bella to make us a packed lunch, and then it's off to the bathroom with you two."
The morning spun by in a kaleidoscope of hot sunshine, shimmering pools and vivid wriggling fish.
One or two poor unfortunates found their way into Mark's net, and were promptly transferred to his temporary aquarium—a plastic bucket.
Just after lunch the three emerged from the car, hot, sandy and thirsty, but by mid-afternoon Janet and Mark were refreshed after a nap in a darkened room. With polished faces, and dressed in freshly laundered linen, they strutted round the garden, casting frequent expectant glances towards the drive.
Julie, tanned and relaxed in leaf-green cotton, reclined in a garden chair and tried to find some measure of interest in the magazines at her side. She was a little surprised at her own tremulous excitement, and found herself viewing the proposed return of Lynn and Steve with the same pent-up eagerness as their children. Before long she too was casting glances along the drive and listening for Lynn's rippling laughter.
She hadn't minded taking over for Steve and Lynn, but it was going to be good to have them back all the same.
Minute by minute the afternoon dragged by. As the shadows lengthened the children grew restless,
"Can we have tea now?" Mark stomped up for the twentieth time. "I'ne hungry."
"I thought we would wait for Mummy," Julie smiled. "Wouldn't you like to have it with her?"
"Well, where is she?" Janet performed a series of pirouettes and landed in a dizzy heap on the terrace. The pink dress was looking slightly the worse for wear.
"I expect she and Daddy are held up at the airport," Julie said easily. "Don't forget they have to find someone to drive them home. Next time, perhaps we'll go and meet them in the car." She looked at her watch. "If they aren't here in ten minutes we'll start tea."
Bella left at seven o'clock as was her custom on normal days, and Julie, unable to keep the children awake any longer, had been forced to put them to bed.
At twenty minutes to eight she experienced her first brush of uneasiness.
Surely Lynn would have let her know if they intended Staying on in Malta? Steve still had three days of his leave left, but Julie knew he was looking forward to spending it with the children. Perhaps they had missed the plane, or were being kept at the airport because of some triviality to do with passports, or the customs. But wouldn't Lynn have telephoned?
At eight o'clock she decided to abandon all further conjecture and ring the airport. No doubt Steve and Lynn were on their way by now, but at least it would be something to do. She dialled the number, already feeling easier in her mind. There was bound to be a perfectly logical explanation for the hold-up.
After several minutes she managed to contact the airport receptionist "Hello, I'm enquiring about the two o'clock flight out from Malta. Could you ..."
"What is your name, please?" A tense voice cut across her question.
"I'm Miss Lambert... Julie Lambert. Could you tell me if ..."
"One moment, please."
She was left several seconds and then the voice returned,
"I have here someone who wishes to speak with you."Thank heavens I Lynn probably. Julie waited expectantly, and after what seemed an eternity a voice came through.
It wasn't Lynn's or Steve's.
"Julie?" In just her name she recognised those harsh, authoritative tones.
"Clay! What are you doing at the airport? Have you been to Malta too?" She found it necessary to make light conversation to hide her confusion. She hadn't expected to find herself landed with him, but now he was on the phone she might as well see if he could help her. "I've been trying to get hold of Lynn. She and Steve were due in on the two o'clock flight, but I think they must have missed it. Could you find out if ..."
"Julie!" Clay's voice sounded taut. She could hear his breathing, hard and
irregular. "Where are the children? Are you ringing from the house?"
"Why, yes. I put Janet and Mark to bed some time ago."
She listened to the silence at the other end of the line. With every second the beats of her heart thumped louder, powered by a growing alarm.
"Clay, what is it?" she managed. "Something1* wrong ..."
"Listen, Julie, something's happened .,He inhaled deeply. She could almost see the breath coming through clenched teeth. "Hang on, I'm on my way over."
Long after Clay had rung off Julie still gripped the phone. The knuckles on the hand holding it were blue- white. She knew Clay was on his way over to tell her something. Her own intuition told her it was grave news.
CHAPTER VIII
THE morning papers were full of the air crash. Someone had reported seeing a ball of fire only minutes after the plane had taken off from Malta. Wreckage had been found floating around the coast There were no survivors.
There were no survivors!
Julie couldn't get that sentence out of her mind. It pounded regularly like the thumping of her heart last night when she had known that something was wrong. At first she had been pathetically optimistic. Steve and Lynn wouldn't be on that plane. Of course they wouldn't I They would be catching a later one. Why, she could pick up the phone and dial the hotel in Malta. Lynn would speak to her as she had done that first night.
"It's no use, Julie." Clay's hand came over hers on the phone. "The Rowlands were on that plane. I've seen the passenger fist. The oil company were notified because a lot of our personnel use the route."
"It's not true!" With a sob in her voice Julie released her hand and buried her face. "I won't believe it. I won't!"
"Go ahead and let go now." He turned her gendy towards him. "It will take all you've got to behave normally in front of Janet and Mark tomorrow."
Julie stared up at him white-faced. She had been selfishly wrapped up in her own grief, giving no thought to the two who would suffer most. Janet and Mark were now orphans.
How they got through the night she had no clear recollection. It seemed one minute she had a tear-stained face buried in Clay's shoulder, and the next she found herself lying on her bed with a coverlet draped over her. She heard the sound of cars coming and going, and Bella's voice in what seemed to be the middle of the night.
Much later she awoke to find the sun streaming in ~ through the windows. She stirred and heard the laughter of the children from the garden. Please, God, say it was some terrible nightmare, she prayed. Let this be just another of those sunny happy days, of which she had spent so many in this house. She rose, half hoping to see Steve and Lynn on the lawn, but the tall figure of Clay engaged in a ball game told her the truth.
Lynn and Steve Rowland had been killed yesterday. They were never coming home again.
Julie gulped back the terrible ache in her throat, wondering how she was going to get through the day. She stared around the room. The room that she and Lynn had decorated together, with its royal blue carpet and curtains and covers of polka-dot blue on white. How she had basked in its femininity! Now all she could see was cascading polka-dot being pushed through a sewing machine, and Lynn's dark head bent in happy concentration. A tear pushed at the corner of her eye, but resolutely she blinked it away.
Mark and Janet were waiting for her.
She showered and slipped into a navy dress with a small white collar at the neck. After a few strokes of the hairbrush and a dab at the violet-shadowed eyes she walked out into the brilliant sunshine, her lips pulled into a smile.
Janet was a writhing, giggling mass on the lawn, obviously amused at Mark's attempt to hit a golf ball with a spade. She saw Julie and jumped up accusingly.
"You know Mummy didn't come home last night, she didn't!" Mark dropped his spade and ran to her.
"Doolie! Have you seen my daddy? I'ne going to put my fishes in the swimming pool when he's mended it."
Dragging her by the hand, he led her to the plastic bucket. The sight of the three grey bodies floating sadly on top, and the half-finished pool, with the stack of tiles just where Steve had left them, was nearly too much for Julie. She bit hard on her lower lip and clenched the fist that Mark wasn't clutching.
"Good morning, Julie! We thought you were going to sleep all day."
The sound of Clay's voice, cheerfully casual, brought her back from the brink of tears. She didn't miss the glint of encouragement in his eyes.
"I ... must have been extra specially tired last night," she smiled, feigning a yawn.
"These fishes are dead," Janet stated bluntly, with a scornful poke at one corpse. "They're just dead fish." Without warning Mark's face contorted and he burst into a flood of tears. He was quite inconsolable until Clay suggested a run into town to buy a real aquarium, with green water and lights and dozens of fish.
As they ran inside to wash the dust off their hands, Julie turned to Clay.
"Have you told them?" she asked.
"No, but it's funny how kids sense these things." He looked at her. "If you prefer it I'll tell them on the way to town. Luckily they're too young for it to register much. I've an idea the aquarium will be a good distraction."
Clay was right, of course. The children were too young to realise the catastrophe that had befallen them, but Julie wasn't. As the days drifted by a gnawing guilt drained the colour from her cheeks, and sapped the energy from her limbs. She wandered slackly around the house, making constant excuses to avoid the outdoors and games with the children.
One evening when she was staring out into the darkness, Clay rose from the lamp lit desk a sheaf of papers in his hand.
"That just about winds it up. Everything will go in trust for Janet and Mark, including the proceeds from the house."
Julie was silent for some considerable time and then she asked without turning.
"Clay, what's going to happen to them?"
"The children? Lynn's sister becomes legal guardian. Apparently she is the only relative apart from Steve's father, who was approaching seventy-eight the last I heard."
"Will they live at the farm ... at..." Julie's voice shook a little.
"In Marubo? That's up to the Mayhews. They will have the task of deciding what's best for Janet and Mark."
"Are they coming to collect them?"
"Unfortunately they can't leave Bongola ... that's the name of the farm. A solicitor was due out from England to escort them, but ..." as Julie drew a quick breath, "to burden them with strangers at such a time could have unpleasant effects. I'd rather take them myself."
"I wish I could keep them." Julie swung round impulsively, the blue eyes overbright.
"No, Julie!" Clay's voice was sharp. "They need family. You of all people should appreciate that."
"But for me they would still be a family," she choked.
"What are you saying?"
"Don't you see? If I hadn't come here, Steve and Lynn . would be alive today."
"So that's it? I might have known something like that would be eating you." He dropped the papers and turned her gently towards him.
"I should have gone back to England," she wrung her hands. "Why did I have to take the job? You might as well say I killed them ... I..."
"Stop it, Julie!" Clay drew her roughly towards him. "You're in no way responsible. If you hadn't come here the Rowlands would have found someone else. You might as well say I'm responsible for suggesting you to them."
"But / accepted the job."
"And that's all you did." The brown eyes were dark with compassion. "Things like this happen, darling, and no one is to blame. Life goes on ... and we'll have to start thinking about ours."
Julie heard the words, but neither knew nor cared what they meant. She raised a stricken face,
"How can I think of my life now ? I couldn't,«, not until I knew Janet and Mark were safe."
She felt Clay's fingers gripping her shoulders. He didn't speak. After a while she asked,
"Will you write to me and
let me know how they get on at Bongola?"
"I won't need to. You're coming with me."
"Me?"
"The children will need someone to see to their needs on the journey. They're used to you."
Julie pondered, "I'd like to see them settled in. Do you know anything about Bongola?"
"Only that it's a high-level farm about six thousand feet up on the Daraber mountains. John Mayhew took it on some kind of scheme between our government and theirs. If it's anything like the other farms in that district, they grow anything from maize and bananas, to cotton and sunflowers. There's usually a fair amount of cattle ... Friesians, Jerseys and local breeds." He gave her a reassuring smile. "Could be a paradise for Janet and Mark, and the Mayhews do want the children, which is half the battle."
"I suppose so," Julie nodded with a wan smile, "When do we leave?"
"As soon as possible," Clay said firmly.
Janet and Mark took the plane trip to Khartoum in their stride. Whatever Clay had told them about their mother and father Julie had never had the courage to find out, but their eyes held the puzzled expression that children have when suddenly abandoned by loved ones. Mark cried a little more easily these days and Janet was inclined to be aggressive. Sometimes Julie would find her staring into apparent nothingness and then be completely unnerved by: "Do you think Mummy is happy where she is?" and "I wonder why Daddy didn't take Mark and me?"
Swallowing hard, Julie would try to give a reasonable answer to these questions and then skilfully guide the conversation into other channels. Only time, and perhaps a new life with their aunt and uncle at Bongola, could push the memory pictures of the two most important people in the life of a child to the back of their minds,
A car chauffeured by a tall Sudanese was waiting at the airport, and as they sped through the streets of Khartoum, Julie was aware of the roar of traffic, bright lights, and policemen. It might have been the heart of London but for the dark skins and occasional glimpses of the giant banyan trees. The hotel was surrounded by lawns and looked out on to the river, and from her room Clay pointed to a steamer in the distance.
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